The bright red banknote slipped from the top of Qi Jingyao's head, I don't know why, she looked stubborn when I grabbed her neck just now, but when I spilled the money on top of her head, she left tears.

Looking at the banknotes scattered on the sofa, Qi Jingyao's red eyes suddenly filled my heart. Qi Jingyao seems to be asking for money for my livelihood, and I remember that she mentioned at the beginning that I had no money in my pocket. But I was stimulated by the word money, and I thought of Li Ruyao at that time, so I made such an impulsive move.

Qi Jingyao's tears dripped on top of the banknotes I had spilled on her, and from my position, she looked so helpless and aggrieved. I regret a little, I shouldn't have treated this stubborn woman in front of me who was already disguising herself.

I really want to give myself a big mouth, why do I do this, is it because I have been drinking, and I haven't drunk yet, and I'm playing drunk?

The explanation no longer has any meaning, I looked at Qi Jingyao on the sofa with some confidence, and said softly: "The money is given to you, it's enough for the rent!" ”

Qi Jingyao didn't even raise her head, she directly stretched out her finger and shouted at the door: "You self-righteous scumbag, you get out, you get out of me!" I don't want to see you in my life! ”

This time I didn't resist, I didn't lie here again, maybe I also felt that I had just gone too far. I looked at Qi Jingyao who was crying, I couldn't tell what it was like in my heart, looking at her sad and angry appearance, I said after a while: "I'm leaving, you are fine at home by yourself, don't get drunk in the future, rest early, it's good for your body!" "Thank you!

Qi Jingyao didn't respond to me, her finger still pointing at the door.

……

I smiled miserably, and finally left this small house that I had lived in for a week, leaving here my heart was a little empty, but also a little helpless. I went downstairs and walked in the community looking at the lights on in the room I shared with Qi Jingyao, I don't know if Qi Jingyao is still crying, but I think that everything I just did really touched her bottom line, and she shouldn't be comfortable all night.

Maybe I'm really like Qi Jingyao said, self-righteous. No matter what you do, you don't think about it, and you do whatever you do.

Walked out of the community and touched my pocket, there was really only a dozen yuan left in my pocket, Qi Jingyao actually told me in the room that it was good, if she didn't help me ask me for my appearance fee, I might really have to drink the northwest wind.

Looking at the few coins scattered in his hand, he couldn't even make up enough money to buy a pack of cigarettes after deducting the room fee for tonight. The cold autumn wind blew me shivering, and it hurt my bleak heart as a homeless person. Today's successive events make my heart a little tired, Li Ruyao is my first love, Qi Jingyao I like her, but I don't know if she also has feelings for me, even if it is unrequited love.

These two women who appeared in my life have all left me today, and I really feel helpless desolation.

I suddenly thought of the lyrics in the song "The King of Comedy" by Li Ronghao: "Why do I lose all the love in the world again, as a special actor for all tragedies, I am broken and I cry exaggeratedly, like a set of Hong Kong films!" Why do I shed the tears of the whole world first, the tissues in the world are endorsed by me, standing next to me, you are not pitiful, this is also a contribution! ”

Thinking about it, I actually hummed it, and this song was sung by me in a desolate and lonely way, which made people feel sad to listen to.

It was another windy night, and I came to the place where Qi Jingyao and I first met, and it was the broken hotel on the corner of the street, and I stayed in it again.

I pulled a crumpled box of cigarettes out of my pocket and lit one out of it. Opening the window, feeling the whistling autumn breeze outside the window, and looking at the unclear starry sky outside the window, I lost my mind for a moment.

A few years ago, when I lived in the countryside, I would squat in the courtyard at night and look at the stars outside the window. At that time, Li Ruyao told me that there were almost no stars in the city, so I went out every night to shoot her, in spring, summer, autumn and winter, rain or shine. All I wanted to do was to fulfill her wishes as much as possible so that she could have a happy smile.

Once when I was with Li Ruyao, I used to fantasize about our future and what it would be like for me to live together. I used to want to design a home for the two of us, and every day I would search the map for what buildings were in her place, and I fantasized about going through every street she walked in the future, and I would fill in all the gaps between me and her. Every time I sleep and close my eyes, a bright star will appear in my mind, the star is shining, it seems to be within reach, but I can't get it, I always thought that this star was Li Ruyao, it is all my longing for love.

Now I look out the window, at the stars outside the window, and close my eyes again, and the stars reappear in my mind, still so bright, still seemingly within reach, but not available. I once wanted to live a plain life with Li Ruyao, but today, Li Ruyao's appearance of her boyfriend in a Porsche let me know that my thoughts are so stupid and ridiculous, that kind of pure love just stays in the student days, when you really set foot in the society, you will understand that all the pure beauty in your heart will be broken by this world, and the edges and corners in your heart will also be smoothed by this world, and everyone will change because of this world, and may become what they don't like, or what they didn't even think about.

Ten or twenty years later, you will look back and you will realize how naïve your ideas were.

But the star in my heart has always been there, it was there three years ago, and it is still there. It didn't disappear because of Li Ruyao's matter, I always thought that this star was Li Ruyao, but now it seems that it is not! But I believe that it must represent the fulfillment of my love. Even if the world is unbearable, this world really changes me, makes me lost, and makes me **. But I believe that as long as I always have this star in my mind, then I will not be lost, and I will rely on this star to find my lost self.

When I opened my eyes, I found that the cigarette in my hand had been extinguished, and the wind was still howling outside, so I took another heavy look at the stars in the sky, and with a smile on my lips, I closed the window.

Straight down on the **, closed my eyes, looked at the shining star in my mind, I squirmed the corners of my mouth, said goodnight to it, and fell asleep.