The moment I lay on the operating table, the moment when the dazzling operating lamp gave off a dazzling light, the moment when the smell of alcohol in the air wafted into my nostrils, my mind went blank, I couldn't think of anyone, I couldn't think of anything, my mind was like the white ceiling, without any decoration...

One by one, the doctors walked into the operating room, their faces covered by masks, and I didn't see anything except their sapphire pupils and their thick black eyebrows.

What is the expression under the mask? Is it snickering? Or sadness? Or maybe it's numbness...

I don't know how they're going to be in this procedure, but I know that I look like a mouse in their eyes, and they're going to cut my skin with the same knife they've dissected the rat.

The first half of my life was really no different from a white mouse. The same is to be slaughtered, the same is to be imprisoned, and even before death, he can't escape the fate of being dissected.

Looking at the cart next to the operating table, looking at the bright scalpels inside, I just felt terrifying. The reflected metallic glow gave off a chill that made me breathless.

My body suddenly disobeyed, my hands and feet were trembling, and even the pores that had been sleeping for a long time were tightened by the stimulation of the knife light. I wish they had given me a tranquilizer right now, so that I could fall asleep right away and avoid the horror of waiting before surgery.

"Relax"

The nurse who was standing next to me walked up to me and gently touched my shoulder. Her hands were small, and they felt like the small hands of a little girl half the size.

Although she was wearing rubber gloves, the temperature of her palms could still be transmitted to me through the white film, and her concern for me was not blocked by the light blue mask, and she could still pour out to me through the slightly raised corners of her eyes.

In that moment, I suddenly felt that the world was not as unforgiving and cold as I imagined.

Although the people around me have hurt me and irritated me, those I don't know are as kind to me as ever. Late that night, the passers-by who surrounded me to inquire about the situation, and now the nurse who comforted my nervousness.

Although they didn't know me, they didn't hesitate to give them care. This is the care of strangers, and it is really more real and warm than that of people close to them.

It would take another ten minutes for the operation to take place, and several doctors were all gathered around looking at my file and the X-rays that had been done a few days ago.

From time to time, they pointed to the contents of the paper, muttering as if they were discussing something, and although I didn't understand any of the technical terms they said, the subtle change in expression told me that they were not sure about the operation...

20%, although the odds are much greater than buying a lottery ticket, but for a person, the odds of survival are really small...

I haven't left anything left in this world, I haven't repaid my parents well, I can't die if I repay those who are good to me, I definitely can't die!

After a while, the doctors stopped talking and came to my bedside and surrounded me side by side. At this point, I just felt like I was really a guinea pig, and I really wanted to be disemboweled.

Then they pulled up a green curtain around my waist, that is, the small curtain blocked my view and cut off the distance between my eyes and my abdomen.

Maybe this will be the last time I'll see my belly. Once upon a time, my belly was my pride, many men have left their essence on it, and the people I love have hugged it tightly, but now, I can no longer see the proud belly, I can't see my skin...

One of the doctors took something like an oxygen device and put it on my mouth, and as he spoke, he gestured for the pregnant woman to relax as she gave birth. I don't quite understand what he said, but I guess it made me relax.

The gas in the mask smelled the same as oxygen, except that the smell of alcohol in the air was missing.

As he lifted and let go, my breathing gradually caught up with his. The whole person is not as nervous as just now, the body is not trembling like just now, and even the eyelids are a lot more relaxed.

When I wanted to raise my hand and rub my eyes, I found that I had no strength at all, and my body was soft everywhere. It was as if all the energy in me had drained me, and I couldn't move, talk, or even blink...

In this way, I fell asleep unconsciously, without the slightest pain. When my brain was about to fall asleep and my body was about to lose consciousness, all I remembered was the last words that Ouyang Ze said, and what I felt was the coldness of the doctor's hand on my stomach...

Sleeping is a very pleasant thing, it can make you forget all your worries, all your anxieties. In the world of dreams, you don't need to care about anything, you just need to relax your body and let your brain be your master so that you can experience the joy of sleep.

I thought that sleeping and being anesthetized should be the same feeling, and they should both be pleasant. But during the time I was anesthetized, I didn't feel any happiness, not even a dream, just darkness in front of me...

Later, I learned that the difference between the anesthetized person and the dead person was that they could breathe, but other than that, there was no difference. Because the anesthetized person is the same as the dead, he can't feel pain, he can't feel the itch, and even the brain is like the dead person, losing the ability to think.

At this time, even if the doctor uses a scalpel to carve on your body, even if he pulls your intestines out and puts a bow, you are unlikely to have any reaction.

That's what I'm like now. Lying on the operating table like a dead man, I didn't feel the slightest feeling as the doctor cut my stomach with knives of different sizes and lengths. I can only describe this state in one word - happy!

It's the only time I don't feel pain. I can't feel the heartache of dying and living, I can't feel the flesh pain of dying or living, and I can't feel the physical pain when I am beaten. I can't feel all the pain, isn't this exactly what I want?

However, I will not be nostalgic for such a comatose state. Because I want to wake up, I want to heal, I want to write a better story with my unfinished life, and I want to use my future time to find and experience the so-called "love"...