73 Godlessness in emptiness
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73 Godlessness in emptiness
There is no god in the fall, and it is also something that has disappeared in the sky and wind and clouds, and what there is has disappeared there. Pen | fun | pavilion www. biquge。 There is nothing in the empty nostalgia, something that cannot be missed, what kind of thoughts there are that rise and fall there like clouds, trembling in the heartbeat, as if it is a kind of fear, as if it is a kind of forgetting, what kind of fear and forgetting exists there, it exists there, and it seems that what there is has disappeared there, and it seems that it has completely disappeared there.
What kind of pain will there be, what kind of heavy pain will precipitate there, forget there, forget the general forgetting, begin to stiffen, begin to stiffen and pain, what there is, what belongs to life is there stiff and painful, and it seems to be there stiff and helpless, and it seems to be there stiff and empty. There is something that is impossible, there is something that is there and there is pain in the stiffness, and there is something in the stiffness that is numb there, and some of them seem to be numb as if they are numb.
What kind of cramps are in the pain, the pain of the cramps in the cramps, and what kind of pain of the pain is as if it will be forgotten there, and it will be forgotten and forgotten for a long time there. What kind of pain there is, what kind of embarrassment there is, what kind of helplessness there is, what kind of embarrassment there, and there are forgotten generalities. There is no distinction between right and wrong, right and wrong, because of what I am afraid of, I no longer want to approach anything, because when I get close to something, what will be there is something that is very difficult and difficult. Also in the midst of that difficulty and forgetfulness, displaced souls.
Displacement, and difficult to sustenance, difficult to get into a kind of wandering and worry, sadness and forgetting, will not be so easy to forget, not everything can be easily forgotten there, not just there can be easily avoided, not something that you want to ignore, you want to go without caring can be easily solved. I want to do something carelessly, because I will feel numb there, and then I will be a little tired, because I am weak, because I will be dizzy there, because I will feel a kind of exhaustion there, when my body is very weak and exhausted, I will inevitably retreat there, and I will inevitably want to retreat there, and I will be afraid, as if there is something there that is afraid of moving forward.
Long-term thoughts, what kind of concern there is that can't withstand the wind blowing Buddha, just there with the wind and floating, melodious and far away, what kind of figure there is, just like the figure in a dream where there will be smoke cage, cold water, moon and sand, as hazy as the lonely heart, will feel cold there, will feel lonely there, will also feel prostration and powerlessness there will be faint, will be there exhausted and dizzy, powerless, and it seems that there is no control of oneself.
There is something that is there and I can't control myself and trembles there, and it seems that I can't control myself and I am in pain there, what kind of pain is struggling there, what kind of pain is tormenting there, what kind of voice is there to mess with my ears, what kind of sadness and forgetting pain is there I will be dizzy, my head is fainting in that place, as if I am fainting there as if I am weak there, there is nothing, and there is something involved, There is something there that is sore, sore, and there is something that is disappearing, and I still want to reach out, and I want to reach out and touch something, as if I want to save something there, but there is still nothing to be saved there.
Walk, stay, walk again, stay again. It's like this, you won't walk forever, because you will be tired, and you won't have to stay forever, because of the surge of life, the dead silence generally has to stay in place, that kind of standing still is a horror, and it is also a very unacceptable reality, it is an unacceptable reality, because the water is dead in the closed world that is completely still, just like water, the water that originally felt clear in a closed world, such as a basin, after a long time, it will form scale, and then, it is stagnant water, it is sewage, And people, people's hearts, like water, would have flowed perceptions and feelings, but if they were closed in that small world, they would die there, and they would die without any warning, and they would have died completely there, and they would have died with horror and fear, and moreover, it would have died like a soul that was difficult to find by themselves.
Death is a kind of cooling, just like the cooling of the body after the death of the body, the coldness of the corpse. And next to the cold corpse is a living life, and what kind of sorrow is the cry of the living person to the cold corpse?
The sea was blue, the sky was blue, and he wept in the roar of the sea. When Yun Die saw a big man leaning down beside her dead beloved and crying, she felt that the crying blue sea sound was not pitiful, nor did it deserve sympathy, she only felt that he was disgusting, she just felt that she was disgusted there. That was her first reaction, and all her impressions and evaluations of him.
Although Yun Die's impression of Lan Haisheng was very deep, it was only that time, the day Princess Yun'er died, and before, Yun Die didn't know Lan Haisheng at all, but she heard this person here in Yun'er. Because this man is a person Yun'er likes. Yun Die doesn't care about it, as long as the princess likes it, it's fine. Not to mention that she is a cloud butterfly, what qualifications does she have to ask Princess Yun'er about her private affairs? Even Yun'er's father and queen mother rarely asked about it, and Yun Die naturally didn't say anything, she just kept her silence, and all the cooperation that should have been, all the things that belonged to the subordinates who should cooperate with the master, she did it all, and did it one by one. is also because she has completely failed to ask Princess Yun'er's love life, so Yun Die doesn't know anything except the name Lan Haisheng, even if Princess Yun'er tells her very enthusiastically, she also has one ear in and one ear out.
Yun Die has never been in love, she is a descendant for life, and she has also heard her parents say that ordinary servants are likely to marry into another family with their young lady, become a second room or still serve the original young lady's maid. And this is usually up to the lady to decide. Yun Die once heard her mother tell her a similar thing in detail, Yun Die's mother approached Yun Die and said very quietly and mysteriously softly and very quickly: "A good sister of mine, she is also a maid in a rich family, and she is the maid of the young lady, she has served from childhood to adulthood, and has served until the young lady grows up and gets married. Some powerful young ladies, because they still have some prestige in front of their husbands, the maid is still her own maid, but if she meets some very weak young ladies, or meets some very ** young masters, these maids will become a second room with them, even if they are young ladies on the surface, but in essence, they have already changed......"
Yun Die heard the back, she felt a little wrong, she felt that the pores of her whole body were shrinking there, she had a feeling that she couldn't help but shiver, and her whole body trembled, so she quickly interrupted her mother's nagging and said, "Mom, what's wrong with you, tell me what are you doing here?" ”
"Don't look at the age of you and Miss are still young, everyone is a fourteen or fifteen-year-old girl, but like this, it's not bad to know about it earlier, not to mention, you have also reached the age of the beginning of love, know something, you can help prevent something, at least, you have to learn to know some people." Yundie's mother said that this kind of thing is very good in nature, and she also said endlessly, "Don't look at those son-in-law buddies who are very rich and powerful, they look like they are very knowledgeable, in fact, they are all pretentious, and their stomachs are all reckless, not to mention, and because the family is rich, many sons' buddies, little masters, began to spend money indiscriminately very early, all kinds of chaotic fields, all kinds of games have been played, and all bad things have been done, it can also be said." There are actually very few people who really study honestly, who are human beings and officials. You said that if everyone was so upright to be good officials and clean officials, how could there be so many things to blackmail the people, all of them were deceitful, all of them were fools, and they were just tricks to fool people. Man, none of them are good, just like your father, who has no conscience, he has to abandon our mother and son, so he has to sell us, roll up the money, and run ......away."
"Alright, alright, don't talk about it." Yun Die interrupted her mother's broken thoughts a little impatiently, but she was tired of her mother, who would always talk and talk, so she picked up a bunch of adult past, and then mixed them together, and she sometimes cried while talking about the sad things in the past. And when Yundie saw her mother's crying, instead of sympathy, she felt disgusted. Even she herself didn't know whether this disgust was for those sad things in the past, or for her mother's crying appearance, or her mother's evaluation of Princess Yun'er. Because Yun Die's mother's attention to Princess Yun'er's lifelong events is actually her concern for Yun Die's lifelong events. Because according to Yun Die's mother's inference, Princesse Yun'er wants to marry the person who wants to marry the land, and he will eventually take Yun Die away. Because in that land of the sea, polygamy is normal, and even princesses can't escape it. Therefore, Yun Die's mother was anxious about this matter, and she began to be anxious from the day Yun Die first entered the palace and became a maid.
But Yun Die felt that her mother was completely unfounded, and she had too many worries, so there was no need at all. Yundie felt that it was already very good to live with the princess. She loved the time when the two little girls played like ordinary friends. Although Princess Yun'er has a lot of maids and servants, the maid who has been with Princess Yun'er since she was a child and plays with her may be the only one Yundie. Yun'er regards Yundie as a good friend, so she will tell Yundie all her thoughts. Yun Die also really wanted to cherish the friendship with the princess, so she completely put Lan Haisheng in her mind, except for this name, what Princess Yun'er said, she forgot something.
Yun Die didn't know what she was for, she just didn't want to mind, and she didn't want to intervene, she would worry about herself, because when she grew up like Princess Yun'er, when Princess Yun'er began to have that kind of heart, and devoted herself to a man named Lan Haisheng, Yun Die subconsciously deleted this person in her mind, except for the name, all the impressions were deleted, she only felt that this impression of Lan Haisheng only belonged to Princess Yun'er alone, and she Yundie didn't need to have it.
Only Yun Die herself knows that the reason why she is like this is only because she is afraid of herself, afraid that her heart will move, and afraid that she will involuntarily tremble with Yun'er. Because of the commonality of Xi Shi in the eyes of **, the blue sea sound that came out of Yun'er's mouth is like the world's first beautiful man, as if he is a good man who is both civil and military, talented and beautiful, and in Yun'er's mouth, Lan Haisheng is the best man in the world. Yun'er really opened her mouth and said: "Except for Lan Haisheng, I won't marry anyone!" ”
"My good princess, you are only sixteen years old, and it is too early to think about this." Yun Die still couldn't help but want to pour cold water on the little princess who was carried away by love, so that Princess Yun'er, whose head was a little hot, woke up.
"It's not too early, it's not too early to marry at the age of sixteen! There are also people who are married at the age of fourteen! Princess Yun'er was there at the time, muttering and arguing with Yundie like friends, teasing her. And Yun Die had to cover her head with her hands in that place, in front of the chattering Yun'er, there was no way at all, so she had to apologize to Yun'er, and then repeated Yun'er's words very flatteringly, saying that Lan Haisheng is a very good man, the best man in the world.
But no one would have expected that Yun'er would die at the hands of the best man in the world, and when Princess Yun'er died, she was not yet eighteen years old.
Yun Die would cry, when Princess Yun'er died, she would cry, but when she saw the man in black clothes and costumes crying there, he knelt next to Yun'er's body, he knelt on the beach and cried, that was the first time Yun Die saw Lan Haisheng, and it was also the last time she saw him. She never wanted to see him again. She didn't feel the need to see each other. Because, she doesn't know him at all, except for your name. And all of this is just because of Yun'er.
Because of Yun'er, because she once said how good Lan Haisheng is, Yun Die is very worried that she will be infected by Yun'er's fanatical love and fascination, and she will also be infected by her almost crazy mood, and she will become irrational to like Lan Haisheng, a man she has never met. Although Yun Die is not a few months older than Yun'er, Yun Die always feels that Yun'er is like a child, like a child much younger than her. Yun Die also thought that perhaps, because Yun'er is a princess, she has been a baby in the hands of her parents since she was a child, and she is the center of servants and maids, so she has a very beautiful and smooth life, so she has little to guard against anyone. And Yundie was raised by her single mother who was not easy to raise, and later because the family situation was really bad, she let her daughter enter the palace as a maid. She had a father who had abandoned their mother and daughter, so Yun Die would be defensive about something, and her heart would be a little cold, and she would be slightly cold compared to Yun'er's enthusiasm.
Perhaps, coldness will make people feel a little difficult to get along with, and it is not easy to get along with each other, but sometimes, because of coldness, and protect yourself, indifference, for a woman, in some aspects, indifference to certain things, will be a shell, indifference will become a shell to protect yourself. Yun Die unconsciously learned to be indifferent, but it was a long, long time before she really learned to be indifferent, and that was a long time after Princess Yun'er died.
Yun'er's death, he was also very sad, but she didn't want to ask anything anymore, she was not a person who broke the sand pot and asked to the end, but when the entire country of the sea collapsed there, all destroyed there, when Princess Yun'er's homeland, the original kingdom, and all the people in it, whether it was the king and queen, or the servants and servants, all died in that unexpected earthquake that was not an accident, all of them died, and the only one who survived was ...... Yun Die and the man named Lan Haisheng.
Yun Die didn't know if she wanted to ask him why he wanted to save herself, but when she heard the man kneeling in front of Princess Yun'er's corpse crying and apologizing: "I'm sorry, Yun'er, I'm sorry, I couldn't save you, I didn't save you, it's my fault, I'm late, I'm sorry, Yun'er, I'm sorry, I'm late......"
Since it's late, people are long gone, and now it's useless to say all this, Yun Die only feels disgusted, and also feels very annoying, but, after all, this man is the person Yun'er likes, perhaps, it's not good for her Yun Die to come forward to disturb, and Yun Die left quietly from behind him.
But when everything is no longer human, everything is no longer what it was, when all the oneness is already in that ruin, it is as if it were in total destruction. Yun Die didn't know what was quietly changing in it. Yun'er, a girl who looks heartless and laughs, seems to be a cute and innocent little princess with no heart, little girl, in fact, she has always hidden another thing in her heart, which Yun Die can't guess, and Yun Die has never heard from that little chirping mouth, about Yun'er's heart.
That Yun'er's heart is also a heart that involves the secrets of Suowei City.