Yu Aoki continued, "Because he can't feel his body like a ghost, he ...... He can't recognize what kind of person he really is, he's not sure if he's worthy, he's not sure if he's having friends, he's not sure if he's loved, and he's even wondering if his very existence is real or not. Pen × fun × Pavilion www. ｂｉｑｕｇｅ。 ｉｎｆｏ”

"It sounds ridiculous, but he has no sense of touch, but he has been plagued by these problems, and his perception of himself oscillates between the poles of absolute good and absolute bad, unable to merge, thus forming an extremely unstable personality with great emotional fluctuations."

Lan Ruo frowned slightly: two extremes...... Closeness and abandonment, reverence and contempt, love and hate, right and wrong...... How painful it is to be caught in the cracks.

Aoki Yu said very seriously: "Shi Li believes that this world is distorted and broken, it is malicious, it is hypocritical and mean, he has always felt that his illness is a curse given to him by the world, so he hates this world, is hostile to this world, and he has a deep desire for destruction, plus he has never experienced pain, his understanding of pain is only superficial, so he will hurt himself and others as if nothing happened, Jingliu was once seriously injured by him who lost emotional control, That's why I won't let you get near him. ”

Lan Ruo listened to Aoki Yu's words, and suddenly felt that Shi Li was very similar to Tilfeng, and Tilfeng heard the thoughts in Lan Ruo's heart and snorted heavily.

Aoki sighed faintly: "He is a poor child, he is obviously very fragile and wants to rely on others, but he can't feel others, and he can't trust others, because he has no sense of security, and this is not to blame him, he can't even feel himself, how can he feel others?" He doesn't even believe in himself, so how can he trust others? But ah, humans are social animals, so, he feels very lonely, very lonely. ”

"What's even more terrible is that his sense of the world is still being lost, a year ago, he lost his sense of taste again, originally he ate although he didn't feel anything but some taste, but now he doesn't feel anything, it can be said that he can't even chew wax, he still retains now, only sight, hearing, and smell, since then, I realized that his disease is not touchless, the final form of this disease, is the deprivation of all senses - insensitivity." Yu Aoki was a little stunned.

Lan Ruo then understood why Shi Li sat there only smelling the tea but not drinking it, perhaps, only the fragrance of tea could calm him down.

"What is the proof of man's life? Can breathe? Have a heartbeat? Can you blink? No, it's neither, I think that people can only be considered alive if they can feel and respond, and slowly losing the time of feeling is like experiencing a long death sentence, and the pain and pressure in it are impossible for ordinary people to understand. ”

"Insensitivity not only flaws Shi Li's personality, but also changes the world he sees, and everything in his eyes is distorted, broken, ugly, terrifying, sharp, disgusting, dark...... It was an unimaginable mental torture that was so painful that he was going crazy, and this mental pain continued to rise with age, and if it continued, he would have a nervous breakdown before he could lose all his feelings. ”

"His father was also insensitive, and when he was ten years old, his father went mad in front of his eyes, brutally dismembered his mother and then committed suicide, which caused him a lot of irritation, made him more closed inside, and developed a great fear of his illness."

So he read a lot of books in the Great Spiral Cloister to find a cure for his own ailment, and he never forgot it, and in less than ten years he read millions of books, and accumulated a huge amount of knowledge, which can be called a mobile library, and it was only then that I noticed this strange young man, but ...... It was at that time that he finally realized that his illness could not be cured. Aoki sighed.

"Why can't it be cured?" Lan Ruo asked suspiciously.

Yu Aoki shook his head and said: "This is not an acquired disease, but a congenital acquisition, just like a basic element that constitutes him as a person, it is inseparable from himself, it is too radical to say, it is because he has this disease, he is him, if you want to get rid of this disease, the only way is to be born again." ”

Lan Ruo listened a little incomprehensibly: "How can a person be born again?" ”

Aoki Yu said lightly: "It's to die, and to have a good birth in the next life." ”

Lan Ruo was dumbfounded and said, "That...... He...... How? ”

Yu Aoki said: "At that time, he was already in his twenties, and the whole person was tossed by the loneliness, pain and fear of death brought by insensitia, and the mental torture brought by insensitivity finally overwhelmed his fear of death, and he decided to end his own life and end it in one hundred." ”

"So, what about later?" Although Lan Ruo knew that Shi Li was not dead, he was still a little nervous.

"Later, he committed suicide and I saved him, but I still don't know if I did it right." Yudo Aoki.

"Of course it's good to save him." Lan Ruo said for granted.

Yu Aoki said: "No, I can't cure his illness, I can't even relieve his pain, but I forcibly deprived him of the right to die, so I don't know if I was harming him by saving him at that time, he once angrily told me that he didn't expect such a life, if he had known that this was the case, it would be better not to be born." At that time, I just listened silently, speechless. ”

Lan Ruo suddenly thought of something, looked up at Aoki Yu in a daze, hesitated for a moment, didn't speak, Aoki Yu raised his eyebrows and asked, "What's the matter, if you have something to say, don't hide it." ”

Lan Ruo seemed to be organizing some more euphemistic words, and said a little intermittently: "Why are the apprentices you accept a little ...... That one...... That ......"

Yu Aoki continued: "Why are the apprentices I accept all people with birth defects, right?" ”

Lan Ruo heard Aoki Yu say it so bluntly, this kind of indifferent freedom and hesitation compared to his own realm, the realm is really much higher, so Lan Ruo smiled wryly and said, "Yes......"

Lan Ruo looked at Yu Aoki's flawless face and body, and guessed in his heart: the still flow of invisible objects, the lemon that can't walk, and the gradual loss of feeling, these people are all people with great congenital defects, and ordinary people want to choose successors, and they must choose those who are healthy first, and why did Aoki Yu choose someone with a physical disability to be the heir? Is it because he himself has been given a body that is too perfect, so he has a ...... for the defective Guilty?

Aoki Yu thought about it, but said, "Probably because I'm sick with them!" ”

Lan Ruo was stunned for a moment, and immediately retorted: "Where are you flawed, you are obviously perfect to the extreme!" ”

Yu Aoki raised his cold gaze and glanced at Lan Ruo and said, "I have flaws everywhere, I ...... Burdened with unpayable sins, enduring the pain of not having a human heart, this body looks perfect, but I can't even shed tears! ”

Lan Ruo was stunned, not only because of Aoki Yu's serious tone, but also because of Aoki Yu's cold eyes, Lan Ruo had never seen him look like this, whether it was when he met Lan Ruo for the first time, when he was flirting with the Black Swordsman, or when chatting in the Bleak Grass Pavilion, he had never shown such a look. “