Title

From March 21, 2019 to the present

"Top of the Fairy Dome" has gone through a whole year and more than one month

There are ups and downs in the glory, and there are also ambitions in the trough

At the beginning

It's with a childhood dream

I want to make my dream come true

Weave a bizarre world with your own hands

Use your own brushstrokes to paint a beautiful picture

But with the step-by-step follow-up and development of the plot of the book

Don't ask, I gradually feel a little overwhelmed

On the one hand, it is because since university, I no longer pay attention to the accumulation of literary heritage

Therefore, most of the texts written imitate and borrow the styles of many well-known online writers

They don't have their own independent style and writing techniques

Perhaps in the eyes of my parents, this approach was also a kind of maverick

But in my opinion, who has been reading online articles all year round

"The Top of the Fairy Dome" has always been a book piled up with redundant words

Except for the main line and outline that I carefully designed, the rest is lackluster

Once upon a time, writing was actually my dream

I have tried and tried many times to do this

But in the end, it was still a stone in the sea

In fact, I chose the wrong time for the creation of "Top of the Fairy Dome".

As early as 07-09, when online writing began to rise, online literature began to develop rapidly

It can be said that a hundred flowers are blooming, and countless types and genres have sprung up

That period was actually my happiest period

Because I see a lot of things every day that I can't help but be addicted to

Accompanied me through a dark and confused childhood and adolescence

I remember that the first online book I read was "Breaking the Sky"

At that time, I was in junior high school, and I had no resistance to the sentence "Thirty years in Hedong, thirty years in Hexi, don't bully the poor youth"?

It was as if the silent blood was burning, and I rekindled my desire to live

At that time, I had the idea of writing my own book

I've tried on and off in between, but I've been unable to do so because of my half-way attempt

The reason for this is because I have had this idea all along, but I have never seriously put it into practice

Watching the flowers and getting by, throughout my youth

All sorts of things like online games caught my attention, and my willpower, which had no perseverance or perseverance, kept wavering

Therefore, during the period from junior high school to before university, most of the words I wrote were full of mistakes and omissions, and it can even be said that the preface did not match the afterword

However, thanks to the influence of my parents, two literary writers, I also have some writing skills

So I continued to accumulate a lot of reading and writing skills, and gradually plumped my wings

In fact, "The Top of the Fairy Dome" can be regarded as an explanation of my dreams when I was a teenager, and it is also a relief

I spent year after month writing nearly 230W words one after another

I've never been able to stay on the creative side for so long

But I understand that my own level of writing is limited, and I have been in the bottleneck period for an unknown number of years, and I have not been able to break through

And now I am facing another problem

In a full month, I will be 26 years old

At the age of 26, I am still an unemployed young man who has nothing and does nothing

My dad once said that as long as I can keep writing about it, he will give me 1,500 yuan a month for the manuscript, which is not included in the share given to me by the website

But in fact, my dad never knew that my dream was never to stay in front of the computer day and night, typing on the keyboard, and piling up meaningless words for the sake of this mere 1,500 yuan

When I graduated from university, I returned to my hometown, to this place where the pace of life was very slow and indefinitely draining, and I started my life

Day after day, I do a job I don't like, and I repeat the links that make me sleepy

I gradually began to feel uneasy and frightened, because I suddenly found myself adapted to this life of living comfortably and comfortably

I get a fixed salary of two or three thousand yuan a month, and in this small mountain town where the salary level is low but the consumption level is close to the first-tier cities, I can't leave a penny of savings, and I can't even take care of my daily expenses

In fact, I really don't want to settle for the status quo, because I've never been a person who is really willing to bow to fate

I broke free from the shadows and darkness of my childhood, and I never thought of returning to the place that disgusted me

Life is so short, time flies

From 2016 to 2019, 4 years have passed in the blink of an eye

I went from a teenager who had just come out of society to a person I once spurned

Still indulging in consumable things, greedy for pleasure and comfort, unmotivated, always thinking that I can live carefree with the support of my father

But every time I lie under the covers in the dead of night, I think about what will I do if my parents are gone.

And in the future, if my parents have any injuries, what can I, as a son, do for them?

I couldn't do anything, I wasted so many years of playing and playing games, just to paralyze my emotions in the virtual world, and to seek solace in strings of code and pixels

My desire to go out into the world was originally just a spark

But since I went to Shanghai, this spark has lit the torch in my heart and began to illuminate the direction of my progress

At the beginning of 19, I started to try to create, in the name of fulfilling a childhood dream of mine

But only I know that I was paralyzed at home for a suitable reason, and it was logical that I reached out to my father for money, and he would not refuse to give it

But in the face of increasing pressure on life, and the increasing sense of urgency that suffocates me, I understand more and more that if this status quo continues to be maintained and developed, I will definitely become a wasted person, unable to do anything, and unable to gain anything!

By the time I fully understood this, time had rushed to the twenty-sixth year ring of my time in this world

26 years old

My mom said at the time that I was allowed to go until I was 25 years old

But after the age of 25, I have to find my way, and they won't care about me anymore

In fact, this time limit was still extended to 26 years old due to my father's interference

......

I've never wanted to settle for the status quo and want to see the outside world

But because of the fear and confusion of the outside world, coupled with my father's interference and indulgence, I still couldn't get out of that step

After 18 years of going to Shanghai, my horizons have gradually improved and expanded as I stepped out of the house

I gradually realized that the sluggish and decadent environment in my hometown was really not suitable for me to continue to stay

I'm afraid that if I stay for a few more years, I will be completely wiped out of even the desire to go out into the outside world

So even though I came back home in '19, I've been preparing to go out

Even though I didn't save any savings and didn't make any money during the year

But I've adjusted my body and mind and state to the best, and I just need to leave my hometown and go to the big city outside to stop and go

I aspire to become stronger, I aspire to grow my knowledge and broaden my horizons

What's more

In the eyes of outsiders, my family background is actually quite good, my father is a staff member of a government agency, his income is stable, he has a house, and his income is not low, which is already a very good level in our small county

But in fact, only I know that in this county, the inflated consumption level and low income level together constitute the environment here, so that all the people living here can not save any money at all, nor can they make any fortune, and they will live in this cycle of death for the rest of their lives

It's true

I really want to know, how can a wealthy family be called a wealthy family for a few thousand dollars?

None of our entire family members really have a lot of money and wealth

A serious illness can destroy the order we have built up over many years

Decades have been like a chronic disease, deeply rooted in the hearts of family members

80% of the members of a family are teachers

As we all know, the only advantage of the teaching profession is that it is well paid and has many benefits, and there are many holidays every year

Other than that, really, to put it bluntly, is good for nothing

The funny thing is that my father and aunt all want me to take the teacher exam, find a job as a teacher in peace, and live this life in peace

I'm sorry, but that's all there is to it

I am a man, and one day in the future I need to take responsibility and shoulder the burden of this family

Spend this life mediocre, find a "suitable" person to marry, pass on the lineage, and then end this life?

I'm sorry, I can't

I just want the people in my family to know

Being content with the status quo and coveting comfort can only destroy one living generation after another, leaving our family in a cycle that can never be unraveled

I'm poor all my life? I'm scared of poverty.

A few thousand dollars can suck our blood dry, hahaha...... How sad is it?

What's even more ridiculous is that they take all this for granted, and wish that all the younger generations could follow their old path, let alone the eldest child in my family

I feel powerless about this

The only thing I have to do now is to change this deep-seated and rotten mindset, to change this ugly status quo that I scoff at

Why is everybody asking me to settle for the status quo, why can't I choose a path that you haven't taken?

Just because you can't give me advice and guidance, you demand that I have to follow the path you have given?

What a ridiculous and pathetic logic!

Now, I have only one thought in my mind

That is to do everything possible to see the outside world and break through

No matter what path I can take in the future, I will bear the consequences

I didn't leave any way back

I would never choose to be a teacher in my life, because my ambition is not here

Some people say that you have high ambitions, but you may not be able to break into your own career, why not retreat to the next best?

A good "second best", please disappear from my vision before I say a dirty word

The reason why there are so many moths and social residues in this world is because there are countless "retreats" that are driving them downhill

A mountain, when you climb halfway up the mountain, you think the mountain is too high and the road is too steep, so you give up climbing and go to climb another mountain that is shorter than this mountain

This is the consequence of "retreating to the second".

I'm sorry, I don't need to be comfortable, and I don't need to be quiet

Until I need to provide a stable environment for my loved ones, I will not stop chasing the light

Life is beautiful because it moves

If it is not magnificent, wouldn't it be in vain to come to this world to go through this experience?

......

Having said so many digressions that have nothing to do with this book

Actually, I just want to tell my readers

Perhaps I will live up to your expectations and support

After writing 2.3 million words, I felt a deep sense of powerlessness and a desire to go out, and I couldn't settle down to write anymore

Writing is a grinding craft, but it's not for me

Maybe in the future, I will take time to fill in the vacancies and regrets I left in my spare time

But from now on, writing is no longer my main job

This road is not passable for me, nor can it keep me warm and fed

I had to break the mold and find my own way

......

Thank you to my book friends who have always supported me, especially my dad

It was he who gave me positive affirmation and support

But I'm not really interested in the path you've set for me

I have my own dreams, my own goals, and my own pursuits

I'm not a walking corpse

I am a living person with an independent personality

"Top of the Fairy Dome" will be officially suspended indefinitely from today

Whether this story will be written in the future, I don't know

But if I have the chance, I will continue to write it down to fulfill my childhood dream!

Thank you for your company, I'm leaving.

Don't ask about this life, leave a pen

2020.5.9