"Why?" Although I know that there must be a conflict between two people, I can't understand what kind of contradiction can make an expectant mother insist on leaving even if she faces the hardships of raising her child alone in the future. I can't understand Grandma Mizhen's decision. Pen @ fun @ pavilion wWw. ｂｉｑUｇE。 ｉｎｆｏ

"Actually, when my grandmother left my grandfather, she didn't know she was pregnant." Mi Zhen paused, "She originally wanted to go back to her hometown and start her life again, although her grandmother also knew that it was embarrassing, but she was so tired at that time, and her helpless grandmother just wanted to return to the quiet mountain village of Ange in the past, the place that could tolerate her, even if she lost face, she didn't care, she needed to go home, she believed that her brother would not drive her away." But on the way back to her hometown, she realized that something was wrong with her body. She began to drowsy, vomit, and lose her appetite, which at first she only thought was a normal reaction to being too tired, but she found that her condition was getting worse and worse. My grandmother suddenly remembered that she had sold herbs with her father when she was a child, and it was then that my grandmother realized that she might be pregnant. Although she actually had such a certainty in her heart, her grandmother still held the illusion that it was just a symptom that she was too tired. Frightened, she arrives at a small rural clinic, hoping that her guess is wrong. But her suspicions were fully confirmed - her grandmother was pregnant, and after she made the decision to leave her grandfather, she found out that she was pregnant. My grandmother didn't know how she got out of the clinic at the time. At that time, the first thought that jumped into my grandmother's mind was to kill the child in her belly, but she was still reluctant, in addition to not being able to strangle this little life that was about to come to the world, and this was her and her grandfather's flesh and blood, she was really reluctant to start, she thought about it for a long time and decided to give birth to a baby. But she gave up the idea of going back to her hometown, she couldn't go back with her children, she could endure the white eyes and scolding, but she hoped that her children could live in this world with integrity. Because of this, her grandmother decided to live incognito and live in another identity, and she begged that Lang Zhong to find a way to help her give birth to a child, and then get another identity. Lang Zhong sympathized with his grandmother's experience, and he was kind enough to find a way to let his grandmother enter his household registration, you know that the household registration management system at that time was not particularly strict. ”

Mi Zhen said this, and her face also showed a look of gratitude, "He made his grandmother his sister, and he explained to the outside world that his sister was a mute who couldn't speak, and she was bullied by bad people on the way to him, but she couldn't speak, so it wasn't until his belly was big that he found out that his sister was pregnant." It was because of this explanation that she never said a word until her grandmother died. For the sake of her mother, my grandmother was willing to be a dumb person for the rest of her life. I read about these things later in my grandmother's diary. My grandmother never remarried in her life, so she raised her mother alone as a mute, and she held everything in her heart, and she didn't even tell her mother. Grandma felt that these were too heavy, as long as she carried the load alone. So when my mother was young, she resented her grandmother. But this can't blame the mother, after all, the mother also suffered a lot when she was young, there is no father, the mother is mute, the family is poor, such a mother is the center of all children's bullying and mockery, when the mother was young, under the prejudice of the people around her, there were no friends, so the mother was a little resentful of the grandmother when she was a child. You can't say that your mother is not sensible, it's just that in that case, your mother doesn't understand why she has become the target of bullying by everyone, so she has spread all her grievances to her grandmother, she feels that her grandmother is the source of her misfortune, and she doesn't even understand why her grandmother gave birth to this her, who brought infinite humiliation to her grandmother herself. Grandma is very sad, but grandma never shows her sadness, so that at least she can save the last trace of dignity of the child and as a mother. She loved her mother very much, but her way of loving was very strict, she even stingy to give her mother a comforting hug, and could only cry secretly when her mother was asleep looking at her daughter's little face wrinkled by nightmares. The grandmother wants her mother to know that it is not okay to cry in the face of setbacks and disadvantages, she wants her daughter to become stronger and not to escape the predicament in front of her, she wants her mother to learn the ability to straighten her waist and be a person no matter what kind of predicament she is in, and live an upright life. My grandmother has experienced too many hardships, and she knows that life will never be smooth sailing, and only with enough courage can she go on step by step. To my grandmother's relief, my mother eventually grew up well. But she had a deep misunderstanding of her mother, that is, my grandmother, and later my mother was admitted to a university far away from her hometown, so she chose to leave her hometown and go outside alone. Although my grandmother was worried, she allowed her mother to leave her. Until I was born, my mother and father were too busy with work to take care of me, so they entrusted me to my grandmother, who stayed in my hometown. It was the first time my grandmother saw her mother after she left her hometown. My grandmother was always afraid that people outside would see through her pretending to be dumb, so he refused to leave the small village and go to live in the big city with his mother. It was my happiest time. In my impression, my grandmother is not as unkind as my mother described, my grandmother is very gentle and can cook a lot of delicious things, and now I think about it, most of them are my grandmother's hometown dishes. No matter what I did, my grandmother was never angry with me, not even with me, her eyes were always full of encouragement. Although she never speaks, you can tell that she cares about you just by looking into her eyes. Maybe this is what everyone often talks about, right? ”

Speaking of this, Mi Zhen laughed again, just smiled and smiled, Mi Zhen's eye circles began to slowly redden, and the water droplets that slowly condensed in her eye sockets flowed down her eye sockets, I helped her wipe her tears like she did before, but she just smiled at me and shook her head: "I don't care." It's just that I suddenly remembered my grandmother, she is really a gentle beauty. ”

"Ugh." I didn't want to interrupt Mizhen's emotions, but I didn't know how to ask some questions.

Mi Zhen wiped her tears, returned to her usual calm and breezy appearance, and asked me with a smile, "Do you want to ask me how I know about my grandfather?" ”

Mi Zhen guessed my thoughts, and I could only nod approvingly.

When I read the diary, my mother didn't have the idea of finding her biological father except for guilt and emotion. For me, it is impossible to think like that. After all, it was he who made my grandmother suffer so many grievances for the rest of her life, and we really don't want to see this irresponsible man. But my mother's husband, who was also my father, was determined to help us find this man. This is a man who is only related to us by blood, but has never cared about us. Dad knew that Mom had suffered a lot of grievances when he was a child because he didn't have a father, and he wanted Mom to see his father, who he had never met, so that Mom could at least feel that he was not an abandoned child, or that Mom had thought that he was a wrong result. Grandma's harshness towards his mother was not out of disgust for her background, he hoped that her mother would not look down on him. Especially when Dad told the sentence that he would rather believe the lie he had been a child than have such an irresponsible father after his mother read his grandmother's diary, Dad clearly saw the surprise application of Mom when he knew that he was not a wild child, and also knew that Mom just thought that she was guilty in her heart to say something against her will. So Dad was nosy and helped us find this relative we had never met. In order to take the opportunity of a business trip to the United States on this matter, Dad went to the American museum to find the information of the soldiers who participated in the Sino-Indian front war, and found several Asian soldiers in it, and finally noticed the three people who stayed in the station at that time and did not come back. Later, through his friends in Yunnan, my father found the mountain village where my grandmother and brother lived, found the old man who still had an impression of the events at that time, and found a seriously damaged piece of clothing left by the army in that mountain village at that time, and found the number of that unit in the clothes. Through the number, the identity of my grandfather was finally confirmed. After that, through some fragments describing my grandfather in my grandmother's diary, I found the clue that my grandfather was in France, and followed this clue, and finally found that my grandfather moved to Thailand after returning to France. Dad once found my grandfather alone, at first my grandfather didn't believe my father's words, until Dad took out the photos I took with my grandmother when I was a child, as well as my mother's photos, my grandfather saw the photo, the old tears were in his eyes, and Dad said that he may not be able to forget it for the rest of his life. After that, you can probably guess that your father's hometown is the place where my grandmother gave birth to my mother and spent the rest of her life. After that meeting, Dad wanted to take my grandfather to my grandmother's tombstone to pay respects to my grandmother. My grandfather knelt in front of my grandmother's grave all morning, unable to say anything but cry. After that, my father couldn't see it, and after helping him up, my grandfather fainted directly in front of my father because of his advanced age and physical exhaustion. Dad informed Mom that he had come to the hospital, and he wanted Mom to come to see his father, but when Mom knew that the man lying on the hospital bed was his father, she turned around and walked out of the hospital. She complained very much about her father's meddling, and put aside the words that she would never forgive her grandfather. That meeting was a rather failure. But at that time, and even now, it would be absolutely a lie to say in my heart that I had truly forgiven my grandfather. ”

"And then?" I looked at Mizhen curiously, "Why did your grandfather ask my dad to do this?" Instead of continuing to ask your dad? ”

Mi Zhen looked at me for a long time and didn't speak: "Do you know why my father wants my mother and his father to recognize each other so much?" ”

I subconsciously shook my head, but when I saw Mizhen's sad eyes, and remembered the truth she told me about her suitability to tell the patient about her condition, I finally realized why Mizhen looked so sad now: "Your father, won't it be?" "I really don't dare to speculate.

Mi Zhen nodded with tears in her eyes: "Well, I encountered the same situation as you, my father was so anxious to let my mother and grandfather recognize each other, just hoping that the two of us would have a relative to rely on after he left." He wanted his mother to cross the knot in his heart. ”