Goodbye My First Love (short story) Zhang Baotong

My husband has been working in the United States for many years, and a few years ago, he completed some formalities for me and my children and asked us to settle in the United States. For many years, www.biquge.info I have been looking forward to going to the United States, being with my husband, and living a happy family life for many years.

However, when this dream suddenly became a reality, I was not happy at all, but felt a heavy loss: because I was afraid that while I had hoped, I would also lose a cherished one.

That evening, I was cooking in the kitchen when I suddenly heard the Hunan folk song called "Farewell". I quickly put down what I was doing and ran to the TV, where I saw a young singer singing this song affectionately. Listening to this, I couldn't help but have tears in my eyes. For many years, this song has been echoing in my heart, and the melody full of nostalgia and sadness makes me feel sad and tearful every time.

In the middle of the night, I suddenly woke up, could no longer sleep, and my mind was unusually clear. Somehow, I remembered some things that I used to think about: If it wasn't for the second uncle who brought me from the countryside in northern Hunan to Xi'an, if it wasn't for the New Year's rescue of me from the river, what would I be now?

When I think about the New Year, I can't help but cry.

He was a boy from a neighboring village, and he was in the same class as I was. He is clear and handsome, extremely intelligent, and is the class leader of the fifth grade. Because our 4th and 5th grades are duplex classes, and the two classes are taken together, we are equivalent to classmates. At that time, we were young, and male and female classmates never played together, so I barely spoke to him.

We had to walk five miles to go to school and cross a small river. The creek is just down the slope of the school. There is a small bridge made of stones on the river, about 50 meters long and less than half a meter wide, which can only be walked by one person. In the spring of that year, the river swelled, and I was very scared when I walked on it. The school rules that students in grades 1 to 3 must be escorted across the bridge, but I am in the fourth grade and no longer need to be picked up by my family.

After school that day, after cleaning the classroom, it was a little late to get home. I went to the river alone and saw that the river was so high that it almost reached the bridge, and the wind was so strong that it was difficult to stand still. I was terrified, but I had no choice but to move on the bridge little by little. But when I got to the middle of the bridge, the wind was stronger, and I was blown back and forth by the wind. I panicked, stopped in the middle of the bridge, and looked at the rolling waves on the surface of the river, which were blown hard by the strong wind, and I felt dizzy, my legs and feet were weak, and I somehow fell into the river all at once.

I floated calmly in the water, but fortunately there was a bridge pier that blocked me from being swept away by the surging water. I hugged the pier with both arms, but the pier was too thick for me to hold on, so I had to hold it with my arm, so I floated in the water, thinking that I was going to die. However, at this moment, I saw Huang Xinnian coming from the side of the bridge, so I stretched out my arm and asked him for help.

When he saw me struggling in the river, he ran quickly, lay on the bridge, and stretched out his hand to me. I grabbed his hand and was pulled by him onto the bridge. I was soaking wet and shivering, and I sat on the bridge and cried. Huang Xinnian coaxed me for a while, then took me by the hand and sent me home.

Since then, as soon as I came to the bridge, I was scared and did not dare to cross the bridge. Huang Xinnian is like an elder brother, waiting for me every time he crosses the bridge, holding my hand and taking me across the river. In fifth grade, I was no longer afraid to cross the bridge, but I still asked him to take me by the hand and lead me across the river. At that time, my classmates said that we were a young couple and that we would become a family in the future. We also felt like we would definitely become a family. Because I made up my mind that when I grow up, I will not marry him.

Later, we went to secondary school together, which was further away from home. Every day when I went to school, he came to my house before dawn to pick me up; After school, he also sent me home first, and then went home by himself, and often gave me the good food and good dishes that his parents brought him at noon. I know he loves me and I love him. This kind of love makes us feel especially innocent and sweet.

However, at the age of fourteen, I was still in my second year of junior high school. When the second uncle went to Changsha on a business trip, he came back to visit his family. I have never met the second uncle, but I have heard from my parents that the second uncle studied well that year, was admitted to the university, and worked in a city called Xi'an. As soon as the second uncle saw me, he said that I was handsome and smart, so he liked me very much. He kept telling me how good Xi'an was, and it made me feel like it was a colorful dream.

The second uncle only stayed in his hometown for two days, and was about to leave, and when he left, he offered to take me away. He said to his parents, "This child is smart and delicate, and it's a pity to be in the country." I want to bring her to the city, so that she can go to school well, and in the future, she will be able to succeed in college, and she will no longer have to suffer and be poor with you. ”

My parents couldn't ask for it, so they immediately agreed, and without asking for my opinion, they asked the second uncle to take me away. I disagreed, crying and shouting that I would not go because I did not want to leave the New Year. However, I still let my mother persuade me, let my father pull me, and stuffed me into the car. When I arrived at the train station, because I didn't say goodbye to the New Year, I was worried that he would be very miserable and resolutely refused to get on the train, but I still couldn't resist my parents and second uncle. They pushed them onto the train.

That's how my fate changed.

When I came to Xi'an, I was sent to a very spacious and beautiful school by my second uncle, because I studied well, my teachers and classmates liked me, and my second uncle and aunt regarded me as their treasure, no matter what mistakes I made, they would not criticize me. However, I still miss my father, my mother, and the New Year, and I can't help but cry when I think about it.

That day, I heard a song called "Farewell", "Send you to the side of the road, Jun's kindness will never be forgotten, the hearts of the farmers and villagers will be bright, and the mountains and rivers will always look at each other...... The lyrics and tunes full of nostalgia and sadness suddenly brought me back to the familiar hot land in northern Hunan and brought me back to my childhood and girlhood. It reminds me of the New Year, holding my hand and walking across the small stone bridge over the river and walking past the mountain reservoir full of red flowers.

During those days, I hummed the song non-stop, and sometimes, I could hum the song dozens of times in a row. I thought I was a mountain orchid, but someone forcibly transplanted it indoors. I'm a little bird in the woods, but I'm locked in a birdcage. I want to go back to where I was born and raised, to where I belong. However, the second uncle refused to let me go, he said that I had to be admitted to the university, otherwise there would be no way out, no future, and I could only return to the countryside and suffer all my life. I know that the second uncle is good for me, so I have to hide my thoughts deep in my heart and study hard, because only when I am admitted to the university can I go home and have the power to control myself. Due to the intense study and not distracting me, I did not go home for five years in a row. It wasn't until after the college entrance examination that the second uncle let me go home.

When I got home, I was anxious to visit the New Year, but my mother wouldn't let me go, saying that the New Year was gone. It was half a year after I left my hometown, I don't know what strange illness I had, and I suddenly fainted on the way out of school, and before I could reach the county seat, I died. When I heard the news, I was so sad that I hid at home and cried for three days.

I saw two cranes on TV, flying leisurely in the swamp. One day, however, one of them was gone, and the other searched everywhere, but could not find it, and then died quickly in melancholy. I think New Year's and I are those two cranes. If I don't leave him, how can he die in melancholy? Thinking about it, I burst into tears. I thought that if I could resurrect him, I would give up everything for him, return to the peaceful and peaceful countryside, and live lovingly with him for the rest of my life.

In order not to make me sad, my mother let me go back to my second uncle's house early. Soon after, I was accepted into a prestigious university. After graduating with a master's degree, I was placed on campus and married a young teacher at the school who studied in the United States. After that, we had children. A few years later, my husband went to the United States again. I also teach while taking the children. Although it was busy, I went home a few times. Every time I went home, I wanted to go to the New Year's grave and talk to him, but my mother was afraid that it would irritate Huang's mother, so she never let me go.

Now I'm going to the United States to find a new life, and I don't know where he is buried. If you don't visit him again, I'm afraid that there will be no time and opportunity in the future. The strong impulse made me decide at once: I should go home at once, visit his grave, burn a handful of paper, light a few sticks of incense, talk to him, say goodbye, so as to send my sorrow and fulfill my wish.

In order not to affect the child, I put my ten-year-old child at my mother-in-law's house and returned to my hometown by high-speed train. After getting off the high-speed train, I drove for another hour on a minibus, and a motorcycle sent me to the river. This is where I was once rescued by the New Year. However, the small stone bridge is gone, replaced by a reinforced concrete bridge that can cross cars. The old school is gone, and it has been turned into a small processing plant.

I got off the bus by the bridge and walked on the country road I had walked countless times. The path is deserted and there are no pedestrians in sight. It's close to the end of the year, and it's the coldest season of the year in my hometown. Although it was early afternoon, the sky was gray and gloomy, as if it was going to rain. The cold wind blowing from the river swept through the vast and damp fields, and it was very cold. In the boundless emptiness, bursts of firecrackers are heard from a distance from time to time, which makes people seem to smell a strong nostalgia for their hometown.

When I came back, my mother was so happy that she hugged me tightly and kissed me on the cheek. But when I said that we were going to settle in the United States, my mother's face sank, her brow furrowed for a moment, and she asked, "Can you not go?" I said, "No, Wei Hua has been there for a long time, and he has been begging us to go there sooner." Besides, Wei Hua has worked a lot hard for this. ”

Mother stopped talking, just buried her head in the cooking. I sat down in front of the pot and kept adding wood to the hearth to make a fire. The light of the fire was reflected in my mother's face, and when I saw her crying, I got up to wipe her tears. However, the more the mother's tears were wiped.

I know that all mothers in the world are like that. They want their children to fly high and far, but they don't want them to fly out of their sight. And I had to fly not only out of my mother's field of vision, but also to the edge of the sky where even my mother didn't know where she was.

This is the ambivalence of the old people in the countryside. They hope that you can grow up quickly, be able to make a living, leave this poor country, and find a better life. But they don't want you to get too far away, but if you don't stay far from here, how can you get out?

The next morning, I wanted to go to the middle school of the past. My mother said that the township middle school had been converted into a central primary school, and that the students had to take a bus to Linxiang Middle School, 20 miles away, to enter junior high school. Actually, I didn't really want to see the school, but I wanted to relive the old love of my first love. Because the road leading to the countryside has recorded the feelings and love of many of my girls.

The path was still so crooked and straight, showing no signs of age or change. At that time, we were already deeply in love, and no one could do without anyone, and when we didn't see each other for a day, we were anxious and anxious. However, we were able to be together almost every day. We walked together to school and came home from school. However, we are both shy, always seem dignified and reserved, and want to make a good impression on each other. Therefore, when we walked together, we just casually talked about things at home and in the class, and we didn't dare to look at each other with straight eyes. Sometimes, when you are bold enough to look at each other, your heart will be sweet for days. The most frustrating and annoying thing is Sunday, when school has a day off. On this day, when I didn't go to school, I could only look at the books blankly, but I missed him all the time.

However, walking on this path again, time has passed, things are wrong, and I will never see that handsome and intelligent boy again, and I will never hear the innocent and happy laughter. Revisiting the old relationship can only make me sad and grief, and my heart is ready to cry.

When I walked to the lake next to the road, I stopped, sat on the grass, and looked at the lake with affection. Actually, it is not a lake, but a larger reservoir. But we locals call it the Blue Lagoon. There is a section of the lake that we have to go to school and go home. We often walked along and enjoyed the scenery of the Lake District. Especially in March, when the spring flowers bloom, the shallow shore of the lake will be full of large patches of Yingshan red. At the beginning of the sunny day after the rain, the flowers were bright red and gorgeous, like red silk flames, burning in the new green full of spring. That day, I was so fascinated by the view that I had to go down to the lake to pick flowers. In the New Year, he was afraid that the downhill road would be slippery, so he took me by the hand and led me to the lake. There are a lot of flowers in our mountains, there are chrysanthemum spring flowers, white jasmine flowers, and many unknown yellow, purple and white flowers, but I like this kind of passionate and unrestrained Yingshan red. We picked a handful, took it home, filled a bottle with water, and raised the flowers, but within a few days, the flowers withered. So, I picked some more for me in the New Year. However, it didn't take long for the saffron to disappear. I knew it was past its flowering season and I wanted to pick it until the next year.

Since then, I haven't seen the saffron in full swing. But I've been thinking about it for a long time, and I really want to see that beautiful red color again, because it is the feeling and feelings of my first girl's first love. For many years, its color and brightness have been impregnating my sad and nostalgic soul. I think as long as I'm not dead and alive, I'll definitely come back to visit it.

Without flowers and boys, the lake seems silent and deserted, the afternoon sun is very bleak, the microwave rippling lake, blurry, dreamlike, only a wild duck in the shaking waves swim at will. Leaving the lakeshore, the cold sun shone on the path, the sky was bright, the air was fresh, and the mountain path was silent, but the thoughts were still heavy.

When I was young, I didn't know how to remember when I was old, and the most beautiful thing in life was my youth.

My girlhood seemed to be very short, as short as my first love. In fact, my girlhood was gone with the abrupt end of my girly love. Because in the future, I no longer have the innocence and carefree of a girl. Leaving my hometown, I was plagued and depressed by extreme longing and longing all day long, and I often cried secretly, boundless sadness, lonely and unrelated. Since then, I have suddenly grown up, learned how to struggle, learned to be angry, and looked forward to growing up quickly, because only in this way can I not be dominated by others.

This experience changed not only my destiny, but also my personality. I became sad, sensitive, introverted, and self-reliant. From high school to college, I don't know how many boys have offered me love, but my heart is like water, and I am unmoved, because my heart has too many tragic colors and sad moods. I will never forget the boy who rescued me from the surging river and gave me so much joy and love. I have always believed that his tragedy was caused by mine, and that the fate of the two of us is inseparable and inseparable. Although he has been lying in the cold graveyard. But I can't forget him, I pity him. I don't want to abandon someone because I love him, forget him, and make him even more lonely and pitiful.

I stayed in school until after I graduated with my master's degree. At this time, I was old, and I felt that I was about to finish junior high school and go to high school, so I started to fall in love and get married. However, my love and marriage with my lover are very plain and natural, and there is no romance and passion like ordinary people. I know it's the result of my fate and the pathos in my personality. Sometimes I think that I can change my life environment through hard work and struggle, but I can't change my destiny and personality. It has left a deep imprint on my soul.

Because of this departure, I don't know when I will be able to come back. Therefore, my mother regarded the time she spent with me very precious, guarding me during the day and holding me at night, for fear that once she left me, she would never find me again. My mother and I had endless things to talk about all day long, as if we didn't say it now, and we wouldn't have a chance again. I was the same with her, and I said everything I could to my mother.

That night, I said to my mother, "Mom, I want to go to the grave for the New Year." My mother nodded unexpectedly, and silently prepared incense, firecrackers, burning paper, and coins for me, and put them in a plastic bag, and put the apples, pomegranates, cakes, and dates I had brought from Xi'an in another bag, and then said to me, "You go early tomorrow morning, there is no one on the mountain." ”

The morning in the south was very early, it was only six o'clock, and the sky was already bright. I didn't eat breakfast, so I followed my father to Beishan. Kitayama is a mountain range overgrown with masson pines. On the slope of the mountain stand several mounds. My father took me to the innermost grave.

The grave was overgrown with weeds, and it was desolate. The stone plaques were also dusty and dilapidated. But inside is buried my first love, my benefactor. For many years, I have always wanted to be close to him, comfort him, burn paper and incense for him, but I can't, because I am not his relative, and I don't have a valid reason. I can only bury him silently in my heart and not let anyone know. Now that I'm finally with him, I can talk to him to my heart's content. However, after 20 years, I don't know if he can still hear my voice and hear my heart.

I wiped the words on the stele with a tissue, and the words "Tomb of the Yellow New Year" were clearly revealed. I couldn't help but feel sad for a while, thinking how long has it been since no one looked at you, you are so lonely, so pitiful!

My father used a kitchen knife to cut down all the weeds on and around the grave, and added some new soil to the top of the grave with a shovel, so that the head and side of the grave were no longer so desolate and messy. Then my father tore the firecrackers apart, lined them up in a long line, and lit them with a lighter. After the firecrackers began to crackle, he left with a shovel and kitchen knife.

I am very grateful to my father for doing this. In the past, I have repeatedly asked to visit the New Year's grave. My father stopped me very seriously, fearing that it would be bad for others to see me. Today, however, he brought me over and helped me.

After my father left, I lit the incense I had brought, put food and fruits on a small plate, and placed them in front of the monument. I spread a plastic sheet on the damp ground, and while crying, I knelt on the ground and bowed three times in succession. Then, he began to burn burning paper and coins, and said to the grave, "New Year, I'm sorry that I hurt you." If I hadn't gone to Xi'an, you wouldn't have died like that. However, I can't resist my parents' wishes, so please forgive me. I hope that in the next life, I will definitely accompany you tightly and never be separated for a moment. New Year, I love you, New Year, you rest in peace. ”

Watching the paper burn in the wind, and remembering my short and tragic first love, I burst into tears. When the ashes of the burning paper were gone, I wiped away my tears, got up from the stele, looked at the rising sun in the east, left the bottom of the slope, and walked towards the frost-paved path. As soon as I got out of the woods, I saw my father squatting on the side of the road smoking a cigarette and waiting for me. Seeing that my eyes were full of tears, my father lowered his head and led me back without saying a word.

At midnight, I was awakened by the sound of sobbing. At this moment, I saw my mother's eyes wide open, staring motionless towards the dark roof. I touched and comforted my mother with my hands, only to find that her face was covered with tears. I thought that my mother was sad because I was flying away, so I wiped my tears for my mother and said distressedly, "Mom, are you crying? ”

My mother hugged me tightly and cried out loud, "Yuying, mom is sorry for you." I hugged my mother tightly and said, "Mom, what do you mean by that?" The mother choked on crying and said, "Mom shouldn't have let the second uncle take you away." Otherwise, the New Year will not die. ”

For this, I used to hate my father and mother, but as I grew older, I became sensible and knew the good intentions of my parents. They didn't want me to suffer and be poor in the countryside, but they had no choice but to let the second uncle take me away. I said, "Mom, I really thank you from the bottom of my heart. If you hadn't asked my second uncle to bring me to Xi'an, how could I have been admitted to university? How can you live a good life like this? ”

But the mother said stubbornly, "Although you have a good life, you are not happy in your heart, and you always think about the past." My mother had a lot of tears, so I had to take out the pillow towel to wipe my mother's tears, and said to my mother, "Mom, you are wrong, we get old day by day, and we often think about the past." However, this does not affect our current lives. ”

My mother was persuaded by me, and her emotions slowly calmed down. Then he said to me, "You go to Lianhuatang tomorrow to see Huang Ma, because the New Year saved your life and was so good to you, we owe people's affection." ”

I actually wanted to visit Huang's mother for a long time, but my mother refused to agree, for fear that I would sting Huang's mother like this. Now my mother asked me to go, and of course I couldn't help but go, so she said, "Mom, I know, I'll go tomorrow." The mother said, "Bring more things." I said, "Yes." ”

After that, we stopped talking, and I was so sleepy that I was about to spare my eyes, when my mother said, "Your mother Huang Dad has been to our house to propose marriage, and asked us to marry you to the New Year when you grow up." Your dad and I thought that the New Year's guy was good, and he saved your life, and he has always been so good to you, so I felt that the two of you were a natural pair, so we agreed. However, who knew that your second uncle would come and would have to take you away. Speaking of this, the mother sighed and said, "If you don't go to Xi'an, you won't die in the New Year, how good it would be that you and the New Year became a family!" ”

I didn't agree with my mother's statement, so I said, "Isn't Weihua good?" Mother blinked and said, "It's okay with Wei Hua, but he's going to bring you to the United States." In the future, your father and I will never see you again. As he spoke, tears flowed out again.

I put my face in my mother's arms and enlightened her with affection, "Actually, Weihua is doing this for me and my children." The wages over there are high, the conditions are good, the air is fresh and the sun is shining. But the mother said, "What is good?" It's so far, it's a trip back, and it takes more than ten hours just to take a plane. ”

In the past, they asked the second uncle to take me to Xi'an, and I hated them; Now Wei Hua is going to bring me and my children to the United States, and they are hating Wei Hua again. So, I asked my mother, "But why did you and my father ask my second uncle to bring me to Xi'an?" Mother said, "It's not that I want you to have a good future in the future." I asked rhetorically, "Didn't we go to the United States to be more productive?" ”

But my mother didn't understand, and said brutally, "Aren't you very good in Xi'an?" Why do you have to go that far? Can you earn all the money under the sky? Besides, your dad and I only have one baby daughter, and he took you away, didn't your dad and I raise you so much for nothing? When your dad and I get old, we'll be empty-handed, and there's nothing left. I said, "Don't you still have Ning Yanzi?" "Ning Lingzi is my younger brother, who works as a chef in a Hunan restaurant in Guangzhou.

The mother said, "Ning Yanzi just listens to his daughter-in-law." The daughter-in-law asked him to do whatever he wanted, and he didn't listen to our words at all, how could you be so filial, well-behaved, and obedient? I said, "But isn't he your precious son too?" Mother stubbornly said, "But your father and I still like you." You're the meat of my heart and my dad! ”

As he spoke, before he knew it, it was dawn. Mom couldn't sleep, but she didn't want to get out of bed either, she just wanted to talk to me. My mother and I got up very late and had a casual meal, and my mother urged me to go to Huang's mother's house. Huang Xinnian's home is in Lianhuatang, only two miles away from my house. Because there is a pond in front of the door, which is planted with lotus roots, it is called Lotus Pond.

This is the first time I have been to Huang's mother's house for many years, and in addition to packing a large plastic bag of apples, pomegranates, cakes and jujubes that I brought from Xi'an, my father also went to the town early in the morning to buy two large boxes of cakes and eight-treasure porridge. Bringing so many things to people's homes is rare in the countryside. But I know what my parents mean, they want to eliminate the debt in their hearts in this way. Because over the years, I have been back many times, but they have not let me go to Huang's house once.

When I came to Huang's house, Huang's mother was sitting at the small table in the hall, peeling a small bowl of peanuts, and when she saw me coming in with so many things, she was stunned at first, and then asked, "Who are you looking for?" I said, "Mama Huang, I'm Yuying." ”

Don't say that Huang Ma can't recognize me, I can barely recognize Huang Ma anymore. Her hair was white, she was so thin that only a handful of bones remained, and her little face was full of deep wrinkles, like grooves carved out by a chisel. A person in her fifties looks like a seventy-year-old mother-in-law. Seeing her like this, I wanted to cry.

Huang's mother hurriedly got up, pounced over, and shouted in surprise, "Isn't this my sister Yuying?" As he spoke, he took the things in my hand and took my hand, looked me up and down, and said, "My Yuying sister is so beautiful and distressing." ”

I held Huang's mother's hand, sat on a small stool with her, and explained, "Huang's mother, I have come back several times in the past, and every time I want to come to see you, but every time I walk to your door, I just don't dare to come in, I am afraid that when you see me, you will think of the New Year and feel sad." ”

Huang's mother said, "I heard your mother say it. I don't blame you. Then, he asked me, "How long will you stay when you come back for the Chinese New Year?" I said, "As soon as the New Year is over, I will go back on the second day of junior high school." Huang's mother said, "Why are you in such a hurry? It's not easy to come back once, stay longer. I said, "No, I'm going back to do something." On the eighth day of the first lunar month, I am going to the United States. ”

Huang's mother asked me, "Why did you go to the United States?" I said, "We're going to settle in the United States." I went to the United States, and it was not easy to come back in the future. So, when I came back this time, I wanted to do everything that needed to be done and see all the people who needed to be seen. Huang Ma nodded and said, "That's right." ”

Huang's mother made me a cup of bean tea, and I drank it while saying, "Huang's mother, I went to the New Year's cemetery yesterday, burned paper money for him, and gave him some food. Huang's mother was so moved, tears immediately welled up, and said, "I didn't expect that my son has been dead for so many years, and there are still people who are thinking about him and worrying about him." ”

I said, "The New Year saved my life and was so kind to me, I will never forget it, so all these years, when I think of him, my heart is so bad." As I spoke, I felt that tears began to roll in my eyes, but I resisted and didn't let the tears flow, I was afraid that this would cause Huang's mother to feel sad.

Huang Ma sighed and said, "How good would it be if my New Year's boy didn't die?" How happy he must have been to see you so beautiful and so promising. As he spoke, he began to wipe away tears from his sleeve. I didn't know what to say to comfort her. Actually, I know that nothing I can say can comfort her. I can understand the sorrow and sorrow of a mother who has lost her beloved son.

I know that this kind of occasion is not suitable for a long time, and my parents have also explained it to me. So, I drank a cup of beans at once, took out 2,000 yuan from my pocket, stuffed it into Huang Ma's hand, and said, "Huang Ma, this is a little bit of filial piety and expression to you, please don't be surprised." ”

Huang's mother hurriedly pushed my hand away, but I just shoved the money into her hand. Huang's mother said, "I'll only accept 200 yuan, and you can take the rest." But I pressed Huang's mother's hand tightly and told her not to be so polite. Seeing that I was so persistent, Huang's mother had to put the money away and must keep me for dinner.

I said, "Mother Huang, don't be polite, I want to go back immediately, and I have to go to Matang to see my aunt at noon, so don't bother." With that, I got up from the stool and took Huang's mother's hand to say goodbye to her. I said, "Mom Huang, I'm going to the United States, and it's going to be difficult for me to come back in the future." When it's the New Year, please help me burn some paper and send some money for the New Year. Let him know I'm still remembering him. ”

Mother Huang was surprised when she heard this, and then she hugged me as if I was a relative, crying and saying, "My Yuying sister, my cub!" I also hugged Huang's mother tightly and comforted me, "Huang's mother, you will only treat me as your daughter in the future, and if you have difficulties and important matters, call me." Huang's mother couldn't speak because of her sadness, so she nodded vigorously.

I couldn't bear this sadness and wanted to leave quickly. So, I pushed Huang Ma away and said, "Huang Ma, I'm leaving." But Huang's mother still held my hand tightly, refused to let go, and asked me, "When will you go back?" I'll send you. I said, "Huang Ma, you don't need to send it." With that, I broke away from Huang Ma's hand and said, "Huang Ma, I'm leaving, take care." "When I went out and walked far away, I breathed a long sigh of relief in my heart. When I walked to the bend of the path, I saw Huang's mother waving to me.

The New Year is just a few days away, and the New Year's atmosphere is starting to get stronger. However, his younger brother Ning Lingzi has not returned. Mom asked me to call him. But the younger brother said that the boss would not let him go, and he had to wait until the Chinese New Year's Eve to give him a holiday. I said that by the thirtieth day of the Chinese New Year's Eve, it would be difficult to buy tickets. But the younger brother said that they had already bought the tickets, took the high-speed rail, and could arrive home at noon on the Chinese New Year's Eve. I heard that my brother has already bought the ticket. My parents and I were relieved.

The sound of firecrackers began to ring out so intensely that from village to village was so continuous that the whole sky was filled with smoke. The sound of firecrackers is not only to add joy to the New Year, but also to welcome people who have left their hometowns and worked hard to return home for the New Year. In our country, no matter how busy you are, you have to return home at this time to reunite with your family. This is not only a custom, but also a responsibility and mission.

The New Year in my hometown is not only a happy gathering, but also contains a kind of vitality and hope. Hopefully, the new year will have better income and more happy events. Because the countryside is too poor, there is no hope, so you can only pin your hopes on the distance. Therefore, every New Year is a short respite and an accumulation of strength, just as the farmland has to start to exert its strength in the spring after a break in winter. However, after the New Year, people have to leave their homes and travel from place to place in search of hope, and then bring hope back home. Hope and struggle are the never-ending themes of hometown life.

What we are children is the hope of our parents. They need me to send money home often, which is insignificant to me, but it is vital to them. My hometown is poor and backward, far from the towns, and few people are admitted to universities, and there are even fewer people like me who have a successful career. Therefore, almost all young and middle-aged people in their hometowns have to go out to work. Many people of my father's age are also away from home all year round. Because I can send money to my family often, I don't have to let my father go out to work. So, my parents have always been grateful to me. In fact, this is also my gratitude to my parents.

I'm going to go to the other side of the ocean, and my parents will always be worried that my children are going to such a distant place. That afternoon, I went to the town's post office and installed a landline at home. That way, my parents can call me when they think about me.

Coming back from town, it was getting late. When I entered the house, it was pitch black and there was no movement. I was very surprised, so I turned on the light. At this time, I saw my father sitting at the small table in the hall, like a clay statue. I asked, "Dad, what's wrong with you?" ”

Dad shook his head, but still didn't say a word. I walked up to him, and then I noticed that my father's eyes were full of tears, and there was a large cigarette butt scattered on the ground in front of me. I was even more upset, so I asked, "Dad, what's wrong with you?" "Because I know that my father has always been silent and unrelenting, and if it hadn't been for something terrible, he wouldn't have been like this.

I sat down in front of my father and grabbed his hand. His hands were cold, so cold that I felt the heart of my lungs. Seeing me talking to him so cordially, he actually cried, and the more he cried, the more painful it became, and after a long time, he held back his crying and said to me, "Ying'er, Dad is sorry for you!" ”

I sat next to him and cried with him, and I said, "Dad, do you regret it?" Dad nodded vigorously and said, "But there is no way, there is no medicine in the world to regret." I said with tears in my eyes, "Dad, you haven't always hoped that I can be productive and capable." Now that I have the talent and ability, why do you regret it? ”

Dad said, "I hope you have the ability to do something, but I want you to live happily." I said, "Dad, how do you know I'm not happy?" Dad shook his head again and again and said, "Dad can see it, because you can't forget the New Year." ”

I was shocked, could it be that I had misunderstood him by visiting the New Year? I hurriedly explained, "Dad, you're wrong, I'm missing the New Year, I'm grateful for the New Year, he saved my life, and he died because of my departure." Over the years, the thought of this has made me very uneasy. Besides, I haven't been to see him for many years, and I always feel indebted to him, and now I'm going to the United States, and I don't know when I'll be back, so I want to go and see him. ”

I wiped my father's tears with a tissue and said, "If you want to be grateful, you and my mother, and my second uncle should be most grateful, if you hadn't sent me to Xi'an to go to school, I don't know where I would work." ”

The father stopped his tears, his eyes lit up, and he said, "You really don't hold a grudge against us? I said, "I'm just grateful to you, and I don't want to hate you." Which parent in the world doesn't want their children to live well? ”

The father sighed deeply and said, "Just now your mother was angry with me, blaming me for being a tyrant who wanted to send you to Xi'an, so that you died at a young age in the new year, and made your heart unhappy for many years." Now that you're going to the United States again, she can't sleep every day, I'm afraid she's going crazy. ”

Listening to my father's words, I was really worried, afraid that my mother would be depressed and nervous because of this. I would like to tell my mother that if you don't want your children to fly away, you have to watch them more closely and don't let them develop wings. If you want them to develop wings, you can't stop them from flying high. If my mother understood this, she would no longer be unable to figure it out.

I wanted to persuade my mother, so I went to the kitchen, only to see that the kitchen was pitch black, the cold pot was cold, not to mention that dinner was not cooked, and even the pots and pans at noon were still piled up there and not washed. I wondered if my mother would be in my room. Because parents generally don't go out when they're angry, they're afraid of being laughed at.

I turned on the lights. Mother was in my house. She sat on the edge of the bed, wiping away tears. I sat next to my mother, held her hand, and said, "Mom, if you really regret it, I won't go to the United States." ”

My mother seemed taken aback, and immediately glared at me and exclaimed, "What then?" If you don't go, what should Weihua do? I said, "He can stay alone in the United States." The mother waved her hand again and again, and said, "No, no, what is the matter?" Then, in a teaching tone, he said to me seriously, "My child, you have to remember that you are now a member of Wei Hua, and you must live well with Wei Hua." ”

I said, "But don't you think I'm flying too far and you're afraid you won't see me?" Mother shook her head and said, "I think so, but that's because I feel sorry for you and can't bear you, but Mom can figure it out, as long as you can live well and feel happy, Mom will rest assured, Mom will be happy." ”

I wondered how my mother's mind could have changed so quickly. I said to my mother, "You really figured it out? My mother wiped her tears and smiled, stroked my cheek, and said, "You are my mother's baby, and my mother is reluctant to let you go, but there is no way." You don't know, Mom often thinks that you can't sleep. ”

Mom's words made me burst into tears. Once again, I felt the great motherly affection. I think people, like many animals, will think of their mothers in the most dangerous and helpless moments, calling for their mothers, because they have such powerful power and such selfless maternal love. I hugged my mom tightly and kept shouting, "Mommy, Mommy! Then, nothing could be said.

I know that mothers all over the world want their children to be well, they want their children to fly high and far, and they want to be able to watch them and touch them at any time. No wonder my mother is aging so fast, she is only in her fifties, her hair is already a lot grayer, and she is getting thinner and thinner, and she is becoming more and more miserable.

My mother wiped my tears, and I wiped my mother's tears. I said to my mother, "Mom, I've installed a phone for you and my dad, and the telecommunications department will come and install it in the next year." In the future, if you miss me, call me. The number is 54722828. "Originally, I wanted to tell my mother that I carefully chose this number, which means: I am a daughter who loves her father and mother. However, because of my heavy heart, I did not say such joking things to her.

Mom immediately put on a straight face and said, "We can secure the phone by ourselves, how can we let you come to Ann?" You sent us so much money, how can you spend it again? I said, "Mom, it's not a big deal, I'm afraid you can't sleep if you think about it." Look, you have so many gray hairs now. Mom sighed and said, "Mom is getting old, getting older day by day." The older people get, the more they think about their children, and there is no way. ”

At noon on the thirtieth day of the Chinese New Year's Eve, the younger brother returned home with his daughter-in-law and children. The family is finally reunited. In the past, because I didn't go home often, there weren't many opportunities for family reunions. This time I'm going to the U.S. again, and there will be even fewer chances of reunion in the future. Therefore, everyone cherishes this opportunity. At lunchtime, my brother kept taking pictures of me with my father, mother and family on his mobile phone. After taking photos, everyone toasted each other, talked and laughed, and it was so lively.

While eating, I said to my younger brother, "Ning Yanzi, I'm going to the United States, and my parents will trouble you to take care of it." The younger brother drank and said, "Yes, sister, just rest assured." I said to my brother, "With your words, I'm relieved." ”

But the younger brother said, "You went to the United States, but you have to give me a little snack, and when he grows up, I will give him to you." I said, "Aren't you afraid that the little man will fly away and fly high, so that you can't see it or touch it?" The younger brother said, "What then?" As long as he lives well, I'll be happy. I deliberately joked and said, "You don't make it so easy." My parents sent me to Xi'an back then, and now they regret gritting their teeth. ”

When my mother heard this, her face changed dramatically, and she said to me, "When did I regret it?" Don't say that I won't let you go away and fly high, even if Ning Yanzi has the ability and ability, and if you go away and fly away, I won't stop you. ”

When the younger brother heard his mother say this, he complained to his parents, saying, "You think I don't have the ability, but why don't you say that you are so biased?" Why did you only let the second uncle take my sister to Xi'an and not take me? I'm afraid that I'm not as handsome as my sister, and I'm not as smart as my sister? ”

The father immediately said unceremoniously, "You are not the material for learning, and your second uncle didn't fancy you at all." The younger brother laughed at himself and said, "Don't say it, don't say it, it's just that I didn't get my sister's life." But the mother said, "Don't blame your life for being bad, who told you not to study hard when you were a child?" I didn't see that your sister has been so literate, so delicate, so smart, and good at first glance. ”

I was afraid that my younger brother would not be able to stand the blame of his parents, so he said, "The family does not dare to have the ability, if everyone is far away, who will take care of the parents?" The younger brother said, "Of course, whoever is not capable will take care of it." One sentence made everyone laugh.

After lunch, the younger brother took the children to the town to buy things, and the parents and daughter-in-law began to work on the Chinese New Year's Eve. I wanted to help, but my mother wouldn't let me touch it. So, I wanted to go to the New Year's grave again, and when tomorrow was the first day of the new year, I would be leaving, and if I didn't say goodbye to him now, I was afraid that I would not have time again.

The path leading to Kitayama is winding and calm. Along the way, there are green hills and pine forests. It's just that the afternoon sun is confused and the mood is bleak. Everything in front of me is so familiar and so unfamiliar. It's like I'm walking in a dream and returning to my girlhood several times. This kind of real and emotional scenery really makes me afraid to leave, afraid to lose.

I couldn't help but ask myself: Do I really want to leave here, leave the land where I was born and raised, and go to a distant and strange country? And the reason to leave is because there is a rich life, clean air and good income? I think so. In today's world where people are chasing glory and wealth, I am not exempt from vulgarity.

However, I also pondered repeatedly: why do I have to go to the United States? Isn't it true that we live in the same way in the United States as we do in China? Do people have to live in glory and wealth, not in light and calm? But my husband said: People can't just live for life, but also work hard to reflect life. And the value of life is the pursuit of career. For the sake of my husband's career and pursuits, I must support him and obey him.

People have good and bad luck, and the moon has yin and eyes. This is the helplessness of life. Everything has its good side and its bad side. We can only choose one side of the other, and discard the other. But why is there no best of both worlds?

I came to the grave of the New Year again, and stood silently, and a mood of sadness and sorrow rose in my heart, and I could not help but mourn. As the cold wind blew from the pine forest, I was thinking about the meaning of life. Life is like a candle that burns itself and illuminates others. And this boy lying in the grave once used his young life to shine for me, making me feel warm and feel the beauty of life.

I want to say to him that for many years, the reason why I have often had such impulses and sorrows is because I can't let go of you, because you are the relationship that I can't let go of in my heart, the complex and feelings of my girl's love, and the soul that will never die in my life. Even if I go to the United States and live in a mansion, I will never forget that you are still lying in this cold grave. But I want to keep my heart here and stay with you forever.

I couldn't help but cry bitterly, and there was no one to comfort me or dissuade me. It was the first time I could cry out loud for someone I loved. After crying for a while, I felt much more relaxed, as if the gloom that had sunk in my heart had dissipated.

At this time, I heard the sound of firecrackers in the distance exploding one after another in the sky, and the dense and rapid sound seemed to urge the wanderers to hurry home, because the Chinese New Year's Eve dinner of the year was about to begin.

Dusk is approaching, but the sun won't set. The land of northern Hunan in the cold winter is full of joy and excitement due to the arrival of the New Year. Listening to the increasingly rapid sound of firecrackers, I thought it was time for me to go home, maybe my family had prepared a Chinese New Year's Eve dinner and was waiting for me. So, I'm getting out of here.

Goodbye, New Year! Goodbye, my first love! I'm leaving, and it's hard to come back to see you in the future. But I will burn paper for you at this time of year and send you some food, so that you can have a good year too.

Heaven and earth are reincarnated, and the sun and moon are replaced. Life and death are fate, and life is short. Whether we are pursuing wealth or fame, we will grow old day by day, and our hearts will be ruthlessly eroded day after day. But no matter what time we arrive, the girly complex will be resurrected again and again in the depths of our hearts, bringing us back to that innocent and beautiful time.

When I walked to the edge of the forest and looked back at the lonely grave again, I burst into tears. I walked briskly through the pine forest and walked on the path that had touched my dreams countless times, and then I suddenly walked out of a dream. The mood is bright, and the world is open. After the sudden and noisy sound of firecrackers, the countryside was surprisingly peaceful.

At this time, I heard the gentle blowing wind, echoing the sad and poignant song: send you to the side of the road, Jun's kindness will never be forgotten, the hearts of farmers and villagers will be bright, and they will always look at each other across the mountains and rivers......

2015.11.22 in Xi'an