Every time I am told by aliens to be withdrawn in the sub-gaps, I feel a strange sense of intimacy, as if I still live on an Earth crowded with ordinary people who think they have sound personalities. Pen | fun | pavilion www. ｂｉｑｕｇｅ。 ｉｎｆｏ

The first person to say I was withdrawn was my kindergarten teacher, who said the word to my grandmother who came to pick me up on the third day of my admission.

My grandmother hurriedly called my mother that night to report to me.

"Isn't that great?"

That's what my mom said at the time.

After I entered elementary school, my withdrawn personality became more and more obvious, and the head teacher even talked to my grandmother at the parent-teacher meeting.

Even back then, the withdrawn personality could be corrected by instruments. The operation only takes one hour, minimally invasive, and the postoperative character is guaranteed to become 100% pure and cheerful, and the validity period can last at least 10 to 15 years, and only 0.01% of patients will have the side effects of giggling 24 hours a day after the operation. Of course, you can also choose drug treatment, the course of treatment is three months, the side effect of drug treatment is that people are easy to become chattering. To promote this treatment, an average of 8 out of 10 new parents will hear comments such as "Your child is withdrawn, has autism or is prone to depression." In retrospect, the surgery did mitigate the impact of personality and emotional intelligence differences on interpersonal relationships to some extent, and it also contributed to the rapid development of the cosmetic surgery industry, as the advantage in personality became smaller and smaller for people with mediocre appearances.

However, the treatment suggestions made by the teacher to my grandmother were not alarmist, nor were they for the purpose of receiving a kickback of dozens of dollars, because I refused to answer the teacher's questions in class, rarely talked to people, and never wanted to play games with other children. At that time, I didn't have the magic power to foresee the future of human personality and even physiognomy in a dozen or even twenty years later, but I awakened my self-consciousness earlier than my peers, and advanced the time of pretending to be deep by ten years, and pretending to be too realistic. My personality is not withdrawn at all, my mom knows that. Of course, even if I'm really withdrawn, my mom won't care about it, maybe she'll think it's fashionable for everyone to be withdrawn, and it's rare to have a real guy, it's cool, and I am advised to keep it.

For the first ten years of my life, I lived in a sense of superiority that I considered to be the pride of the sky, and by the time I was three years old, I had begun to look down on elementary school students who were five or six years older than me. The reason why I ignored everyone in kindergarten was because I didn't think they were worthy to talk to me, including my kindergarten teacher. You can't remember what kind of woman she looks like when I was in middle school, "Your grandson has an intellectual disability" when I was in middle school, but this woman who only has weight loss, men and brand-name bags in her life is not as high IQ as the little fat man in the next class who always likes to bomb people with boogers.

In my childhood, the only playmate I could call was a boy who lived in a pompous villa next door to my house, I called him porcupine because his surname was Hao, and he called me Fugu because my surname was He. This bastard, who was five years older than me, was also keen to show that he was intellectually superior, and always felt that his peers were not as intelligent as his cousin's husky. He is the same as me, he is withdrawn, every day immersed in a lonely and defeating realm, the first time we met, we were eager to compare each other with the depth of their own ideological realm, so we discussed the issue of death, that was the first time he mentioned to me the idea of suicide, in order not to lose to him, I immediately answered and said that it was a coincidence, I too. He said it was painful to live in such a world, and he was 10 years old and told me that he had seen his future. He said that he could read, but it didn't matter if he read well or not, because his family would arrange for him to study abroad, and then return to China to inherit the family business, and after his career was stable, he would marry someone he didn't love for the benefit of the family, just like his parents, and have another child he didn't care about, just like him. He said he couldn't find any meaning in life, so he wanted to die.

I said, is it more meaningful to die than to live?

He said that the unknown is always more meaningful than the known.

I say, there is no such thing as a known, only what you think you know.

He argued with me for a long time about this that day, and in the end we didn't win or lose, but after that we got acquainted.

The porcupine didn't have many friends like me, and although we were always sarcastic about each other, we developed a delicate friendship. Spring went to autumn, we talked about death for seven or eight years, and he has not committed suicide until now. Of course, he didn't really want to die, and talking about death was a way he used to show a confrontational stance, as if I was pretending to be withdrawn to show the difference. The reason why I haven't died so far is because although I can't find the meaning of life, I can't find the meaning of death either.

I had many in-depth discussions with the porcupine about the way to die, and agreed that if one day we decided to die, we must inform the other party of the place and manner of our death, so that the latter could witness it. In a sense, we may be considered friends of life and death.

Although, since the porcupine went abroad for high school, we have been less and less connected, I always think of him when faced with death and everything related to it. Unfortunately, I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to keep my promise now, because I'm not only in a situation where I'm going to disappear at any moment, but I also don't have the means to tell the porcupines about what happened here.

For me, the present is not only unknowable in the future, but also unknown in the past.