"-What's going on?"

"It's a phone from the police station, and Iliya Emiya was attacked and went to the hospital. Pen ~ Fun ~ Pavilion www.biquge.info"

Shirou had already told the people at the police station to pay more attention to the movements of the participants in the Holy Grail War, especially against Illya.

"Are you going to go over?"

Kalian's gaze seemed to see through everything, and Shirou met her in silence. It should be said that the irreversible aftermath of her words just now is still lingering in his heart.

As the steward of the Holy Grail, Shirou felt that he really should go over and observe the other party's situation. But no matter what, I always feel that if I go now, I will lose something. The dot-like sense of incongruity is coherent into a line, separating the realm of dream and reality, as if something has been pulled out of the mind.

But at the same time, I also had a strong feeling that I could only reach heaven by losing these things.

It may be that he has been manipulated by Caster, or that he has not been normal since he came to Fuyuki - but Shirou can't confirm that most people who are mentally disturbed have no way of knowing that they are insane.

"Why hesitate? Don't think about those frivolous things, stupid. ”

“……”

"After a long tour, when you finally arrive at your destination, are you hesitating? Do you want to spend a life of inactivity like grass and trees? ”

A life of inaction? Or is it true, at least, an extremely dull life.

People often say to me, "When you were a child, you encountered such a thing, and your adoptive father died young, so it's normal to be emotionally poor." However, I quickly understood that this was not the case.

For example, Rin's father also died when she was young, and her mother also went insane at that time. And the children at the Fuyuki Orphanage, who have had a similar experience to me, but they are not interested in anyone or anything like me.

There was nothing, nothingness, and a big hole in my heart seemed to be opened, showing an empty state.

I became a priest because I thought that if I would do the same work as my father and pray to God, maybe I would be able to find some meaning in this meaningless world - this idea is naïve enough. Regrettably, there has been no God who is willing to accept my life as a sacrifice and tell me the meaning of my existence in the world.

"I did hesitate."

Shirou hesitated for a moment whether he should say it, but in the end, he chose to confess.

"I feel like I've seen everything that happened before...... And everything that was going to happen, like a distorted pattern unfolding before my eyes, I don't know if it was a hallucination, or if it was something that had happened. I suddenly began to realize that there were all of us, me, you, Illya, Rin, Sakura...... We are all part of this game...... There is no way to break free, there is no way to leave, we are all trapped in it. ”

I really didn't expect that I would have to worry about life choices.

“…… Can you see these? ”

"It's just a feeling. But I feel like if I go, things are going to get scary and scary. ”

Shirou looked down at his outstretched hands, then covered his face as if he was about to sigh.

"If that's the case, then you're going to go, aren't you?"

"Oh?"

Listening to Kalian's words, Shirou couldn't help but be stunned for a moment.

This is by no means the fear of imminent battle. What I sensed was the anxiety that was coming when it was over.

Ahh It's just a matter of getting back to the old self.

Shirou was anxious. Even he himself didn't know whether this was a premonition brought about by the [Apocalypse] or his own desires. The premonition that "it's better to do this" and the desire to "want to do it" are so cleverly matched that it's hard to separate.

"First of all...... You're a garbage ghost harem man, but let's not talk about that for now. ”

Shirou smiled bitterly when he heard this: "That's right, this kind of malicious and unnecessary explanation is avoided." ”

"You don't need to pay attention to the warnings, you just have to go straight ahead. You shouldn't change your approach at this time...... No, you can't change it, and you won't be bothered to change your way of life so easily. ”

Karen began to smile self-deprecatingly. In her tone, a kind of withering and withering view began to emerge, somehow reminding Shirou of flowers that were beginning to wither.

Isn't that a phrase in the Jewish Gospel? There is no such thing as an egg that refuses to hatch, and there is no seed that refuses to sprout, and it is not a matter of will. There is always a magic in her voice that is impossible to refuse, "People change, and there is no point in dwelling on the past." At such times, it is enough to follow the heart, and the gods are very considerate of those who recognize themselves, and they will not get tired of nagging and reverently listen to them. If you really make a mistake and regret it, you can come back here and confess in the confessional room. ”

"There's not such a sentence in ......'s Gospel of Judaism, you haven't read the whole Bible, have you?"

Even the Bible can be used as a joke, and that's probably all there is to Karen's faith. However, after being teased by her in such a joking tone, Shirou's originally tense nerves relaxed a lot.

"Well, I still have this level of piety."

Without further hesitation, Shirou walked to the threshold of the chapel, and as he turned to close the door, he and Karen's eyes met. I remember the first time I met Karen, it was also in this dimly lit chapel at night, and the eyes that looked at him were full of deep golden gaze that completely seduced Shirou, and I still can't forget it.

Now, almost exactly the same as then.

"So, I'm leaving."

"Hmm—take care."

The words of farewell were very brief.

Shirou turned around and walked out.

*************************************

As soon as her spirit relaxed, Karen spat out the blood along with the necrotic alveolar tissue, splattering the church floor with dazzling blood splashes. The slender body was abnormally hot, and the body lost control and collapsed like a doll with a broken thread.

She endured coughing up blood all the time, choking on her own blood, and even having trouble breathing. I don't know how long it took, but when I was finally able to breathe in a little air again, I was half-lying down in my seat, and I had no strength to move. The hands and feet are so heavy, and the consciousness is so far.

The life as a friar and as a substitute for the Church is an excessive workload, and if you are an ordinary human being, you can't stand it for even a month. Personally give yourself more pain than you can imagine. Even if it's not intentional, it's a more absurd masochistic act than hurting yourself.

Slitting your wrists from the inside, destroying your feet, tearing open your abdomen - you have felt this kind of pain, and even if you regain your inner function, you can't get it back. The pain caused by the stigmata tearing through the body and the loss of function of the internal organs has become a natural part of the flesh for Karen, like breathing and the beating of the heart.

The body is already full of holes, and this is not an injury that can be cured by healing magic. Consciousness often becomes blurry, and when you wake up, you become very indifferent to the passage of events.

How many more days will you live? Shirou slowly approached the chalice step by step, step by step. But her pain eroded her body several times faster.

Prayer is the only salvation, and the only thing she was allowed to do before she became Shirou's assistant in the past was "prayer". "You just have to keep giving yourself to the Lord" - she was educated.

Kneeling in a church like a tomb with condensed air, clasping your hands together, feeling your body temperature getting colder, and being alone for a brief moment to pass is the truth - beyond that, one can only despair and force laughter.

"Lord, you are our strength. Your hands touch heaven and earth, please bless us here-"

She whispered in a sweet, soft voice. Of course it's not enlightenment, it's a fearless tone that is unique to people with a certain kind of self-confidence.

"—You are with us, day and night, wherever you are. Lord, when we are lost in the path of darkness, when we call to you, you listen and give us guidance......"

The prayer ended with an ethereal voice.

She looked up at the stained glass and the cross with bright golden eyes that had almost lost her sight, feeling the cold seat, losing consciousness.