Chapter 306: It's Time to Die (14)

Some fragments are fragmented, some pictures can't bear to leave in front of me as if they just happened yesterday, a lilac oil paper umbrella, like a lonely lilac, moving lonely in the depths of the rain alley, the flowers are crying, decorated with red all over the ground, the sky is also crying, the raindrops are its tears, the rain is like an unstoppable heart spring, dripping, and also falling in the heart. Pen | fun | pavilion www. ｂｉｑｕｇｅ。 ｉｎｆｏ

It turns out that turning around is so painful......

Pain is a hopeless spread of longing emotions, I want to tell you more, but, I turned around, I miss you, but I can't tell you, I can only look out the window in silence, let the red dust come and go, love is like fireworks, gorgeous and short, I can only tearfully watch them open, fall, beautiful, and then, lonely.

Pain is a kind of indescribable longing, turning around, in order to no longer miss, but after turning around, it is a more heart-rending and more painful feeling, spreading, spreading......

Love: Is it that it will not come back after it has passed;

Love: If you let go, everything will go back to the way it was;

Love: If you care too much, you can't hold each other's hands;

Love: Is it not as perfect as we think;

Love: Is it impossible to do it all over again;

Love: After love turns around, will the thoughts remain the same?

It seems to be a bright, simple and sunny day, and when I was raising the corners of my mouth and smiling at someone with a sunny face, A suddenly ruffled my hair and said to me, you are such a crazy child, why do you always laugh endlessly? Yes, yes, because if you smile more, you won't age too quickly. I said to him with a smile on my face. Then as soon as he turned around, the smile on his face collapsed. It's like a very tired and loose wall, and one day it suddenly falls down without hesitation and no attachment.

Why can't you stop laughing? Why can't you stop laughing!

If I don't laugh, I'm afraid I won't know what kind of expression I want to use to face the world. Because if I don't laugh, I'm afraid I'll be so sad that I want to cry. Because if I don't laugh, I will remember that I am tired and tired every day! This kind of thinking logic is strange no matter how you think about it. But I can say out loud, I'm a Pisces, I have a dual personality, I have very strange ideas, why do you care so much... It's just that in the face of the terrible two-digit numbers of math or physics grades, it is not a sentence "I am a Pisces" to prevaricate.

That's why I say I'm tired and tired every day!

Actually, I didn't do anything all day and didn't study much. As soon as I picked up the textbook of mathematics, physics and chemistry, my brain would strike first to show it to me. I would feel like my mind was blank and I would stare at the textbook for hours on end and not read anything. I still don't understand what is an increase function and what a subtraction function is, and what is the difference between the volume of a gas and the volume of a gas Humele! I will refuse to think about this kind of problem, waste my time, and read Guo Jingming's novels one by one to read Han Han's falls. And then afterwards, a person regretted it to death and secretly blamed himself and said, how can I be like this... Then I made up my mind that I must study hard and make progress every day. It's just that the next weekend I still read the novel and see death.

It's sad!

Sometimes I feel that I am really a hypocritical person, obviously I hate someone and so-and-so, but when I meet him, I smile and say hello and say that I am so happy to see you. I'm really sad. Even when I told everyone that there was a girl in our class who was so arrogant in class, the teacher said a sentence above, and she replied below, I really hate and hate her, it's not all true. In fact, I only envy her flamboyant personality and her courage, and envy her for daring to bring up something she doesn't understand in class. Actually, I really wasn't disturbed by her in class, because most of the time I wasn't listening carefully, either I was in the fugue, or reading a novel, or I was discussing with my table mates who had a new book, and Teacher So-and-so looked ugly with these pants today, etc... Just a student doing my level is really only two words.

Hopeless! I feel sad when I think about it. Why can't I just pick up my textbook and read until I'm old? I'd rather be a nerd, and I don't want to make my mom and dad sad. But why am I like this?

I screamed and sighed, but when I picked up the textbook, I felt lonely and tired. Then I thought I was really hopeless.

Sometimes I think of a little girl who is so well-behaved, who smiled innocently a few years ago, not tired at all, not hypocritical at all, and I can't believe that in the end it was who I used to be. Why is it that when the torrent of time swept me forward, what was left behind was the most precious thing? Why is it that when I laugh fakely, someone still says that she thinks I'm so happy every day?

She didn't know that I kept smiling because I was really tired and tired, I was so tired that I didn't even bother to explain, but she thought I was happy, like a carefree child.

B once said that she thinks I laugh all day long, and the appearance of not caring about anything makes her feel so envious, so I will not be lonely or lonely!

In fact, she was wrong, because I was the one who was most afraid of loneliness, so I pretended not to care about anything. I often ride alone because I'm afraid that if I am accompanied by someone every day, I will be too happy, will God be blushing and make me feel as lonely as he is? For a while, I was left out in the cold, I was left out all the time, I pretended that nothing had happened, but a few people talked and laughed together, and I was the only one who laughed silently, so helpless, that I now have a lot of friends, C, Ah T, Huahua, Piao, Popo...... But I don't dare to be too happy, I'm so afraid that one day I will really be forgotten, no one will know how lonely it is......

I just kept smiling.

But one day B left suddenly, and I squinted and smiled at her while I was at a loss, and she didn't know that when I looked up at the sky and looked at the white and shiny clouds, her tears would suddenly want to fall, and I said to her in such a resolute tone, don't worry, I won't miss you.

However, one day, when we stand face to face and all we have left to say hello to each other, I am really sad. I'm going to be really sad.

I'm a coward. I'm afraid of forgetting, I'm afraid of loneliness, I'm afraid of learning, I'm afraid of life, so I'm going to smile all the time, keep smiling, and keep smiling until I'm old.

Until one day, even loneliness opened its mouth to say that it was tired.

And then I'll say, dear, me too...... (To be continued.) )