The world as an adult is still not what she imagined. www.biquge.info She thought that when she was an adult and could freely decide her life choices with her own will, she found that the resistance was much greater than she imagined when she was a child.

Her parents' premature gray hair imprinted into her eyes, she had no way to refuse the cry of a pair of old people, the endless crying almost drove her crazy for a while, she even thought about killing and committing suicide, but in the end, she compromised, softened, not for anything else, this is for these two old people are really good for her, maybe the last two people in the world will always care about her so much, even if they have long been estranged from each other, I don't know how many generation gaps have been drawn, but they are still her biological parents, I'm afraid that for the rest of their lives, until the day they close their eyes, they still won't really feel at ease to leave her alone in this cold world. The saddest thing is that you understand all their thoughts, understand that everything they do is for your good, but you can't empathize, and even think that their love and protection are obstacles that bind you on the road to freedom.

If you don't raise children, you don't know your parents' kindness, whether this sentence is right or not, Hao He doesn't know, and she also thinks that she is unlikely to understand it in her life, she has never thought about having a marriage, she feels that she should be a man, how can she like a man, same-sex marriage is illegal in my country, and it is estimated that her parents would rather die than let their daughter bring them back a "daughter-in-law" in the future.

So a family of three lived a life of the same room and different dreams in an old house of more than 50 square meters, they didn't understand her, she didn't want to change herself, she lived every day, she hated seeing each other, but because of blood and family affection, she was painful day after day, like purgatory.

From eighteen to thirty years old, a full twelve years, even Hao He himself has grown a little gray hair, she feels that she has already lived enough, but her parents are her responsibility, and for their selfless dedication to a sincere heart, she can't do the cowardly behavior of running away from home and ignoring them or committing suicide to escape.

What is the real cowardice, Hao He doesn't know, the only thing she can be true to her heart now is probably only to learn something, in the past twelve years, the most thing she has done is to buy books, she reads books desperately, immersed in the ocean of knowledge, only in this way can she forget all the bad things around her. Parents seem to like this, anyway, as long as their daughter no longer dresses up like a boy and swaggers around the market every day, and no longer thinks about sex reassignment surgery day and night, they will definitely give their full support.

In fact, for them, their daughter's life is more important than anything else, and they have also thought about why they can't give their daughter what she has always wanted, admit the fact that she was born with the wrong sex, why must the family be unhappy, even the illusion on the surface can no longer be maintained, every time three people are facing each other, they are speechless, and they have become tortured when they get along with each other.

But they can't, a moment of soft-heartedness and indulgence may be exchanged for the humility of their daughter's life. They can understand, they can support, they can spoil unprincipled and unconditionally, but the rest of society will not. On the bright side, we live in a modern society, all kinds of different ideas impact the mainstream traditional concepts, the new generation of new human beings to how many or how many, maverick has long ceased to be a neutral word, with a strong positive color, everyone emphasizes individuality, fancy dress, grandstanding, think they are very special, but this is simply a manifestation of extreme emptiness and lack of self-confidence.

Man is an animal of society, communication is a basic need, a person must find his own position in society, must integrate into society, must accept the rules of the game in this world. Everyone who breaks the rules is either strong enough to become a rule-maker, or humble enough to be eliminated or assimilated one day. Regardless of the outcome, people who break the rules need to have a strong inner world and sufficient endurance for a long time in life, and both are indispensable.

In either case, unhappiness and stress are doomed. If Hao He insists on being transgender, the hardships in the future can be predicted, and the minimum that parents can ask for a child is probably to hope that she will be safe and secure for the rest of her life. Their own children know that maybe their behavior of sending her to the hospital was wrong, but that was a good intention, and the mistake that eventually turned into a bad thing has long been irreparable, and they can only prevent their daughter from making the same mistake again in the future.

X City is not big, and it will take about a day for the news to spread all over the streets and alleys, and the people who live in it are not allowed to have too out-of-the-ordinary personalities, such as gay bars, and other places, about the end of the history of X City, will not appear in a grand manner.

Her daughter's thinking is too simple, she feels that what kind of person she wants to be is her own business, but the problem is that she always has to live in this city, at least she has to go out to earn money to support herself, no money and no job, and even life is not guaranteed, let alone anything else. As long as she walks out, behind her back, I don't know how many people are pointing fingers, and it will definitely not be easier or happier than now.

The end result of the game between parents and children is that the three of them are stuck in their current position and barely survive. Hao He learned a lot in the silence day by day, she changed her current meager job, enrolled in night school to get a secondary school degree, got an accounting certificate, never mentioned that she wanted to have surgery, everything seems to be changing in a good direction.

But only Hao He knows that the * in her heart is expanding little by little with the accumulation of time, and she doesn't know which day it may break through her poor psychological defense, and she doesn't even know what she will become when she really gets to that point.

It really waited until that day for her to know that it felt good to kill herself with her own hands.

It was not a day's work to grow into what she is now, and the only thing that the treatment drugs in the hospital could help her with was the overstimulation of hormones, so that she could grow into a tall 175 person, strong and strong, and it would take no effort to subdue a small girl.

She also used to be fair-skinned and sweet-looking, in addition to dressing up neutrally and never having long hair, she still has a good foundation, the genes given by her parents are good, and her natural beauty is difficult to give up, so she looks at these victims under her hands, just like looking at herself more than ten years ago, and their current life is what she once dreamed of, rich and free, living arbitrarily and willfully, without dragging, she can be herself, of course, she has an indescribable love for this kind of girl in her heart, which she has never said to anyone, A secret that is suppressed in the deepest part of my heart that even my parents have not revealed.

Destroying them is like killing her childhood self again and again, and it is like repenting again and again, repenting that if she could grow up like a normal girl, would she have a good family now, would she have a harmonious relationship with her parents, would no one look at her with strange eyes every day.

The puffy skirt and mask, instead of her dying again and again, represents the past she can't go back, and also allows her to vent her dissatisfaction and despair again and again.

Intermittent killing, gave her peace, she always told herself after committing the crime that the former self was dead, and the dream of love that was hazy and beautiful in her heart that was never realized was also destroyed, and what was waiting for her was always the same life, she had no choice but to adapt to obedience, she didn't have the courage to die by herself, so let someone else die instead of her.

For a while, the parents seemed to notice something unusual about their daughter, because she would be excited, cheerful, laughing, and easy-going after the killing. Zhizi Mo Ruomu, how could they not see that something must have happened to their daughter, combined with the high overlap between the time of the murder in X City and the time when their daughter's mood suddenly improved, they were afraid that the most feared thing had happened.

Killing people pays for life, this is a natural thing! They didn't dare to ask their daughter, for fear that they would really get a positive answer from her mouth, so they couldn't sleep at night, and they couldn't sleep well, fearing that the next second maybe a police officer would break into the door and take away their hearts.

Human nature is always selfish, at critical moments, everyone who thinks of it will be just their own flesh and blood relatives, parents protect their children is instinctive, no matter what the child does wrong, in the eyes of parents, it will always be born so small, it is two or three years old naughty appearance, is a teenager will help them do housework, say a little padded jacket they have worked hard.

So the two old men suppressed the uneasiness in their hearts and kept silent, and could only desperately try their best to prevent their daughter from going out frequently for various reasons, thinking that as long as their daughter did not go out, it would be impossible to kill people again. So after the first year, the number of homicides in City X decreased dramatically. 、

But such a secret has dragged down their bodies, last year, only about 60 years old, they died one after another, with infinite reluctance and love for their daughter, they couldn't even close their eyes when they left, when the mother finally went, Hao He put his ear to her mouth and heard her last words: "Girl, stop killing, murder is illegal." "Dull as her, I didn't know until that time, it turned out that my parents had noticed it a long time ago, but because of love, they didn't say anything.

Hao He's feelings for her parents are very complicated, she loves them, nature dictates it, the power of blood is very magical, it will make people unconsciously get close to and cherish, but at the same time she has always hated them, maybe there will be no hate without love, she loves and hates her parents, hates because they make her tragic life.

But when they really left her forever, she realized how naïve she was before, even if there were thousands of generations between them, her parents' love for her had never changed.

So she began to learn to relax herself, accept reality, live a good life, she could dress up like a man, talk and act like a man, but she had to live on the skin of this woman until she died. No more killings was her mother's last request, and she would do it no matter what.

She began to live alone, unrestrained, but it made her feel uncomfortable, and the murder* still existed, but for the first time in her life, she had nightmares about the people she had killed.

The eyes, which had never been opened, appeared in her dreams, in which she was the victim, lying on the cold ground, and the lives that had ended in her hands stood around her one by one, looking at her coldly and condescendingly. Every night, she was afraid to close her eyes, afraid that the women who had died unjustly would come back to her.

But she still didn't have the courage to turn herself in. Now life is just beginning to get better, everything seems so vibrant, she doesn't want to die, and what she has done makes her have no choice but to die.

It was the person who made her see her heart clearly. She is incompatible with this society, but she insists on wanting to fit in, this is the source of her pain, and she has never had the opportunity to be herself in her life, does she want to wear a skin that does not belong to her to live the lonely years of unknown years?

The future seems to be dark, she still has nothing but a few cents more salary, she has no friends, no relatives, even if she stands on the most crowded street, she still can't stop the smell of loneliness from head to toe, when she suddenly looks back, no one will wait for her in the dim light, no parents' home, no longer looks like a home, but just a house where she can live.

She will always be alone. The thought frightened her. The man said that turning himself in is the best way to end all suffering, yes, sometimes, choosing to live is a kind of strength, but when life has no meaning, death may not be the worst option.

That person lives so really, Hao He has never experienced the truth in his life, and life should be like him. Her life, from the time that person appeared, no longer has meaning, but she still didn't have the courage to turn herself in, so she chose to turn herself in, for the first time in her life, to confess her suppressed inner world to others, for the first time in her life, she doesn't have to care if the police look down on her, she just needs to be herself, this time everything is about her, and it has nothing to do with anyone else.

Hao He did get the peace she had been begging for for a long time. Since she lived in the detention center, she got a full night of quiet sleep, calmly accepted the arraignment, accepted the trial, calmly heard the result of her unexpectedly being sentenced to death, gave up the appeal, calmly spent the last period of her life in the detention center, calmly listened to someone read the death penalty approval notice to her, calmly slept for the last night, calmly ate the last meal, calmly changed into a handsome suit, calmly got into the car to the execution ground, calmly closed her eyes, and waited for the last gunshot. Then return to true peace. (To be continued.) )