I drove to a few places to arrange some miscellaneous things, and I finally went to Qin Yan's residence.

The clouds in the sky were low, and it was already dusk. There are about twelve hours left before I leave the city.

Although I already plan to leave, I can't say goodbye without saying goodbye, after all, I don't have any hardships like Cen Jia, and I don't want to cause any misunderstanding so that Qin Yan will go all over the world to find me like looking for her.

After pressing the fingerprint lock and entering the door, the room was naturally empty. After standing empty in the living room for a while, I walked to Qin Yan's study, took out the letter that Cen Jia had written for him before from my bag and put it on his desk, the seal of the envelope had been re-glued by me, and it looked like it had never been opened.

Then I found a stack of horizontal manuscript paper from his desk, and took a pen from the pen holder, and I wanted to sit down there, but I felt really uncomfortable when I looked at the letter, so I took the pen and paper and went to his bedroom.

I sat down at the table in my bedroom, spread out the paper, picked up the pen, and was stunned for a few minutes, still not knowing where to start.

Actually, think about it, the topic to talk about is very simple, but it's just one sentence, I decided not to marry you.

But I was very unwilling, after all, not long ago I was still thinking that although he knew that I liked him, I had never confessed to Qin Yan seriously. I want to tell him one day, and tell him that I've been liking him since I was twelve. At that time, I was really a bad child, my health was not good, my grades were average no matter what I did, and my personality was still a little withdrawn. But I looked at him and thought, he's so good at everything, how can he see me if I don't get better. So I worked hard for many years, even though he wasn't there for me for a long time. Until some time ago, I occasionally woke up in the middle of the night, thinking that he actually proposed to me, and I would wonder if I had been dreaming all along.

I have been thinking about how to use the best words to tell him in the future, although now I understand that these feelings have never been just my own business, and have nothing to do with him, but I still want him to know, and the right to be an explanation for myself in the past ten years.

I picked up the pen and began to write: "Qin Yan, I think you may not remember what it was like when we first met. ”

"But I always remember it, because that was the first time I liked you."

"You are in my mother's cemetery, wearing black and white clothes, and you have carried me for a while."

After writing seven or eight lines, the love suddenly got a little out of control, I think I've been used to patience since I was a child, but after all, there is no one around now, and it shouldn't matter if I cry. But when I accidentally let the tears hit the paper and seep a piece of the ink that had not yet dried, I suddenly became a little crazy, and I had to tear the page off and crumple it aside, and start writing again, but when I wrote the sentence "I want you to be happier than anyone else, so I think I should take the initiative to leave you", the whole person broke down a little.

Throwing the pen aside and putting my hands on my eyes, I felt a little unproductive, but I couldn't control it. Originally, I felt that I had done everything I could, and I never wanted to give up, so I gave the choice to Qin Yan, and he finally chose to go to Cen Jia, which was also a helpless thing. But the thought that I would never have any contact with him for so long in the future made me feel a little more pain in my chest than when I was sick. I grabbed the clothes on my chest and lay down on the table, trying to stabilize my feelings.

At this time, I suddenly heard something coming from the gate, sat up in disbelief, and actually heard the sound of the fingerprint lock unlocking at the door, and then the footsteps at the door stopped, and Qin Yan's uncertain voice sounded outside: "Buckwheat? ”

This sudden change made me suddenly a little confused, I was completely at a loss to think, didn't his secretary say that he would come back tomorrow morning, why did he suddenly come back tonight, could it be that he was so eager to come back and break off the marriage contract with me after meeting Cen Jia?

The sound of footsteps from the living room all the way to the bedroom, getting closer and closer, I looked back at the half-written letter on the table, quickly tore it off and crumpled it into a ball and threw it under the bed, then sat down on the edge of the bed, wiped my face a few times, blinked vigorously, and took a few deep breaths.

The voice was already ringing in the bedroom door behind me: "Buckwheat." ”

I slowly turned my head a little, Qin Yan had already walked in, I raised my eyes, and heard him say: "Why shouldn't you call it, I thought the house was in ......" The voice suddenly stopped, and he looked at me stunned for two seconds: "What's wrong?" ”

I was still gasping for breath and choked up: "Oh, I ......"

He probably thought I was sick and interrupted me: "Don't talk, lie down, I'll call an ambulance!" ”

He was about to go out to get the phone, I quickly grabbed him, he frowned and turned his head, his expression was a little puzzled, I said incoherently, "No, I didn't...... relationship, I felt a little pain just now, but I've taken medicine, and now, it's much better......"

"It's so much better that you're crying like this?" He still looked at me hesitantly, I thought it should be that the expression on my face was too terrible, but I couldn't adjust it for a while, so I had to wipe my eyes and say, "Well, it's still a little uncomfortable, but didn't you sue me, you said that when a girl is in pain, she should cry." I'm just crying, I'm just crying...... You—Can you lie down with me for a while? ”

Qin Yan looked at me, and after two seconds, he stood up and put the pillow at the head of the bed, helped me to lie down, and then turned around and went out again. I grabbed him again and said in a panic: "Don't go, I don't dare to lie here alone!" ”

He reassured me and said, "I'm just going to get my phone and make a call, or it's safer to go to the hospital." ”

I was so anxious that I shook my head desperately: "I don't go to the hospital, I don't go!" Qin Yan, I beg you, you can lie down with me for a while, really, I'll be fine in a while! ”

He paused for another two seconds, finally calmed down and breathed a sigh of relief: "Okay, don't talk." ”

I don't think there's anything he can do even if he sits here all the time, and I hold him by the arm and ask him to lie down. His stiff movements seemed to be a little helpless, but at this time, I didn't care whether he was willing or not, and the whole person pressed him with his hands and feet. I can't let Qin Yan see the waste paper I put on the table just now, and I can't let him go to the study to see Cen Jia's letter, otherwise I really don't know how to control that scene.

Fortunately, he didn't want to get up again, just put his hand on my back and patted it a few times comfortingly. The qiē around me slowly quieted down, and I lay on Qin Yan's shoulder, and I could even feel his every breath. After being silent for I don't know how long, I asked him, "Where did you go on this business trip?" ”

He was silent for two seconds and said briefly, "City C." ”

I was quiet for a while: "Then is your work still smooth?" ”

He snorted and laughed: "It's a bit much, I stayed up for two all-nighters, and I couldn't open my eyes on the way back." ”

I didn't know what to say, so I took my eyes off his shoulders a little, for fear that he would find out if I wet his clothes. Qin Yan pulled the quilt from the side and said, "You sleep, what do you say tomorrow, I'll call your home later." ”

I closed my eyes and didn't move again. I thought to myself, fortunately, I have already been so mentally prepared, fortunately, I have decided that I am going to leave tonight, if not, maybe tomorrow I will hear him say that we will break up, then I should be even more desperate than I am now.

After crying a lot, my eyebrows hurt a little, I closed my eyes and rested for a long time, and gradually, I felt that the breathing in his chest under me became regular and long. I opened my eyes and slowly raised my head, and saw Qin Yan with his eyes closed, and his sleeping appearance was peaceful.

I got up from him carefully and gently, and looked at him silently for a long time, and I thought that tonight should be the closest distance I have ever had with him. But I was still a little greedy, hesitated for a few seconds, I lowered my head, touched his lower lip very lightly, heard a very slight "click", and quickly raised his head, he frowned slightly, fortunately did not wake up. I lifted my hand, but I didn't dare to wipe the tears from his face.

I rolled over and got out of bed, walked over to my desk, and hurriedly wrote a line on the stack of letterheads.

"I'm sorry, I've thought about it, I still don't want to marry you."

After writing it, I was stunned for a moment, and I looked at these dozen words and felt that it was really a bit of a trick. Originally, I had so many things to say to him, but in the end, I could only say goodbye.

I took the scrap of paper on the table and held it in my hand, and I quietly left.

Coming out of Qin Yan's house, I took the highway to the airport, tomorrow morning is the flight to Copenhagen at 6:50, and I booked a hotel next to the airport tonight.

All the points that should be done have been done, but I don't know what to say to my family, but I just left a note saying that I would go out for a few days. But I think Qin Yan should be able to solve this problem, even if I don't leave first, one day, he will also mention it.

After more than half an hour's drive, less than five kilometers to the airport, my mobile phone suddenly rang, I glanced at it and ignored it.

It rang for half a minute, and the other party finally hung up, but within a few seconds, it called again.

I didn't know how long he would keep calling if he didn't, so I plugged in the headphones, took a deep breath, and pressed the answer button.

There was silence for a while, and Qin Yan said, "Buckwheat, I saw what you wrote on the table." ”

I didn't know what to say, so I was silent for two seconds and answered, "Oh." ”

He paused for a moment and said in a soft voice: "Why?" ”

I didn't know how to answer, I even thought, why did he ask me, isn't this exactly what he wanted, did he still want me to say that it was because of my own problems, that he could seek complete liberation in his heart?

Listening to my silence, he asked me again: "Actually, you didn't feel uncomfortable just now, you just didn't want me to see this in front of you?" ”

The dark wilderness on both sides of the highway kept shaking in front of me, and it was quiet for a long time, and I sighed and said, "Yes, I lied to you, I'm sorry." "Why did you say sorry to him, I don't know.

He was silent, and I felt that my eyes were a little hot, and I opened the car window halfway, maybe the wind was a little loud, and after half a minute, I heard Qin Yan's voice not so clearly say, "Is it because of what I said to you before?" He paused for a moment, becoming more and more inaudible: "I said it, you don't like to hear it, you can forget about it." ”

I wiped a handful of tears and tried to speak, but I only took a deep breath. After being dumbfounded for a long time, I heard him say unsympathetically: "Buckwheat, do you need to think about it again?" ”

I really don't understand the point of him acting like this, but he still has to continue to say lightly: "Buckwheat, you think about it again, if you change your mind, call me." ”

I gritted my teeth and said, "Okay, I got it." ”

I hung up the phone and took off the headphones, I took the phone and threw it out of the window.

After driving slowly for another half kilometer, my hands and feet were a little trembling, I stepped on the brakes and pulled over and lay on the steering wheel, this time it was really uncomfortable. I reached for the co-pilot to get the medicine in my bag, swallowed it, leaned back in the seat, and when I could breathe smoothly again, I finally couldn't help but cry out loud.

When Qin Yan proposed to me two months ago, I never thought that we would end up like this. I suddenly remembered the cemetery that year, and I didn't know what I had done wrong, and I didn't understand why God had to bring him to me, and finally I had to leave him. I grabbed the edge of the chair and tilted my head and opened my mouth wide to breathe, and after a long time, the violent expansion and contraction in my chest finally stopped, but like a sponge that was constantly squeezing and dehydrating, I leaned back on the back of the chair with all my strength, and I couldn't feel the heartbeat in my chest, as if the whole world was empty.

I don't think I'll ever have such a sad time again in my life.