April, Qingming season.

Every year at this time, my dad and I would go to my mother's grave, and Chen Qian would go back to her parents' house to avoid embarrassment. Recently, the family's business seems to be very busy, and my dad has been on a business trip, but he still rushed back the night before the Qingming Festival.

I thought I woke up very early that day, because it was very dark, and then I found out that it was just black clouds outside the city, but the time was not too early, standing in front of the window and looking at the cloudy sky outside, I recalled, every year no matter which day we are scheduled to go to my mother's grave, it will definitely rain on that day, it is a very cold light rain, just like the day of her funeral more than ten years ago.

After driving for more than an hour to the cemetery on the outskirts of the city, the driver parked the car at the bottom of the mountain, which was still some way away from the cemetery on the mountain.

There are about 200 steps from the foot of the mountain to the top, but fortunately the road is slippery and slow in rainy days.

The cemetery is usually maintained, and my dad pulled the weeds from the grave and asked me to put the flowers in front of the tombstone. It was a self-grown magnolia in our garden, and my mother loved it when she was alive.

After putting incense on my mother, standing under the umbrella, I heard my father beside me and sighed at the photo of my mother: "Your mother left when you were twelve years old, and you will be twenty-four years old this year, and another twelve years have passed all of a sudden, and time is really fast." ”

I turned my head, my dad was silent with his eyes down, silent for a few seconds, I asked him, "Dad, I wasn't there for my mother when she passed away, and I haven't asked you, did she leave anything about me, do you remember?" ”

My dad lowered his head and muttered for a long time, saying, "Your mother left so suddenly that she didn't have time to say anything. After a pause, he said, "But in the end, she had severe heart failure, and her condition could not be operated on, and she knew herself."

I smiled and took his arm: "Of course my mother has to be eccentric, I was only so young at that time, but you are a big man, you can take care of yourself, you don't need her to worry about it." ”

My dad rolled his eyes and glanced at me, and after a few seconds of silence, I whispered again: "Dad, I always wanted to ask you, after your mother left, until you met Chen Qian, in those seven or eight years, will you feel very lonely and lonely?" ”

My dad seemed to think about it again, and said in a low voice: "Of course it will, even now, when the family gets together for dinner during the New Year's holidays, I still think of your mother, and I feel sorry why she can't sit with us......" He shook his head, lowered his head and was quiet for a few seconds, and then stroked his hand on the back of my hand: "But fortunately, your mother left you for me, the more you grow up and look more like her, and Dad will feel a lot more relieved when he looks at you later." ”

I was silent for a while, nodded, and comforted him: "Well, don't be sad, I will always be with you for my mother." ”

My dad laughed again: "How to accompany me, you have to get married sooner or later." ”

I was a little stunned, and after a moment of silence, I let go of the hand that was holding his arm and said, "Dad, I want to confess something to you, although you may have guessed it...... I won't marry Qin Yan anymore, I'm sorry I haven't told you all the time, I know you won't beat me in front of your mother, but you can scold me. ”

I lowered my head and waited for him to get angry, but after waiting for a long time there was no movement, and when I raised my eyes, my dad had no expression on his face, and after a while of silence, he asked me, "Is he not like you?" ”

I hesitated for a few seconds and lowered my head a little sadly. My dad was quiet again and said, "Then forget it, I don't like my daughter because he has no vision." ”

My nose was a little sour, I gritted my teeth, and I couldn't help but want to cry, my dad raised his hand to help me wipe my eyes, and comforted me in a low voice: "Okay, it's okay, there are many good men in the world, what's the big deal, my daughter is chased by so many people, it's not uncommon for him to be chased." ”

I nodded desperately, raised my face and smiled, and my dad sighed and said, "Let's go, it's going to rain later." ”

I hesitated for a moment and said, "You go down first, I want to stay here with my mother for a while." ”

My dad gave me a strange look: "Still whispering to your mom?" After a pause, he told me, "Then be careful when you come down by yourself." ”

I watched my dad's back until I couldn't see it, and then I turned my face. The incense and paper money on the ground had been burned out, and all turned to black ashes. The floor was a little wet, so I grabbed some paper from my bag and sat down on the floor.

I looked at the picture of my mother, which was frozen in her thirty-seven years old, with a haggard face, which was taken from a family photo, and I remember that when we were young, we would take a set of family photos every year. I said quietly, "Mom, I have something I want to tell you alone, and I don't want Dad to hear it, so I let him go first." ”

I lowered my head and was quiet for a while, I brushed the dust that had fallen on the flowers in the wind, licked my mouth, and said, "I have a secret that I want to tell you...... I was sick, it was the same disease as you, I went to the hospital for a check-up two weeks ago, and the doctor said it was heart failure, which was already moderate...... I came back and checked, and the five-year survival rate is about the same as cancer. ”

Saying that, I was a little sad, I closed my eyes, I didn't want to cry in front of my mother, so I endured it and said: "I haven't sued my dad yet, I don't dare to sue him, I'm afraid that if he knows that I will leave him like you in the future, he will not be able to stand it." But I think you must have known it when you watched me from heaven, so I dared to tell you...... I still remember when you were seriously ill when I cried when you were a child, you comforted me, saying that it doesn't matter how long a person can live in his life, as long as he is happy and happy when he is alive. So don't feel sorry for me now, you have been lonely in heaven alone for so many years, and I don't have to despair when I think that I am going there to accompany you...... Mom, I feel very lucky in my life, you and my father have been so good to me since I was a child, our family has no worries about food and clothing, I have everything I want, my friends are also very good to me, even Chen Qian cares about me very much, and I have the best family and friends......"

After a pause, I took a deep breath and continued to say calmly, "Well, but it's not completely without regrets, I still have a wish that hasn't come true...... I have someone I like very much, I almost married him last year, at that time I thought, when I get married, I will bring him to show you, but unfortunately I didn't marry him in the end......" stopped and wiped my eyes, I said again: "But it's good that I didn't marry him, Mom, do you know, Qin Yan is really good...... During this time, I always wondered if I married him and I had to leave him five years later, how would he face such a lonely world when he was alone...... He is so good, he should have a good girl with him, he should have children, and he deserves such a perfect and perfect family...... Mom, do you think I think so? I think I'm right, but you know, I'm still sad. Because I thought before, although Qin Yan doesn't like me, it doesn't matter, I can keep watching him from the side and know that he is happy, but I didn't expect that now I can't even realize this wish...... Mom, in fact, I'm really reluctant to him, you said that after I die, will he gradually forget me, I don't want him to forget me, I don't want him to forget me......"

Speaking of which, I finally couldn't help it, even if I threw my head up and covered my eyes with my hands, it still didn't help. Since I was a child, I feel that I seem to see life and death less than others, and I originally thought that I had wanted to open it in the past half a month, or cried happily when I should have cried, but I still couldn't help it. I remember a quote that seemed to go something like this: I like the world because I have you in it. I think it's probably because of why I'm so reluctant to come to this world. It's just a matter of birth, old age, sickness and death, but it's not that I have a way to control it.

He sat in front of the tomb for a quarter of an hour, and the rain became heavier and heavier, and all around him was wet. The phone rang, it was a text message from my dad, I replied to him and I went down immediately, then I got up and cleaned up and walked slowly down the mountain.

Back in the car, my dad seemed to have just hung up a phone, he looked back at me, took a tissue from the back of the car and gave it to me, while saying to me: "Okay, don't cry and don't be wronged, I have already told Qin Yan and his father just now, the marriage contract is canceled, and we won't play with them anymore." ”

I paused, leaned back in my chair for a while, looked at the rain curtain outside the window, and thought to myself, why be sad, this is good, it's finally over.

After a long silence, I put my hand on my forehead, closed my eyes, nodded and said, "Well, I see." ”