Recalling this, the ashes of the cigarette in his hand suddenly fell on his fingertips, a little hot. Qin Yan came back to his senses, lowered his head and lowered his eyes, and flicked the cigarette ash on his hand.

He went on to recall the first time they met, as she had described in the letter, when ...... What was it like then?

Qin Yan remembered that it should have happened after he came back from studying abroad, and what he remembered most about that time was that his parents kept arranging blind dates for him. In fact, his family arranged it for him as early as when he was in college before, and he watched his mother take a bunch of materials to him like a draft girl, and his eyes were dazzled, so he picked one at random and said, "This one, this one looks pretty good." In fact, he didn't know what was good about that girl, but because it was a mixed race, he was more impressed, but he barely dated for more than half a month, and when he broke up, he didn't figure out whether the other party was a mixed race between China and which country.

After coming back this time, Qin Yan, the object of the family's introduction, had some impressions, it was the younger sister when she was in college, and Zhao Yi liked the pillar of the dance troupe very much. He'd met him a few times before at school, and objectively speaking, he looked pretty good in his memory. I heard that her grandfather and her grandfather were comrades-in-arms, although her parents' generation was not particularly familiar, but the two families were also world friends. The girl was a girl from a scholarly family, gentle and knowledgeable, and their whole family was very satisfied. After seeing him twice according to the family's wishes, the other party didn't seem to him to be too troublesome, at least he wouldn't have to go to a movie after dinner, and he wouldn't keep calling and texting him endlessly, so he accepted the arrangement.

Soon after his return, another incident happened, one day he heard that the wife of a good friend of his father had died unexpectedly, and the family was invited to the funeral.

However, on the day of the funeral, he was surprised to find that the girl who was holding a large bouquet of white chrysanthemums at the funeral and was a little emaciated jumped out of his mind.

He watched her silently in the crowd for a long time, she was a little taller than she had grown four years ago, her hair was still shawl, her face was not so pale, but her eyes were a little hollow. He remembered how happy and dependent she had been with her mother in the hospital playground that year, and he couldn't understand why her mother had passed away, but she seemed to be unresponsive, her expression was indifferent, like a beautiful puppet doll, bowing, nodding, and thanking. That look was clearly cultivated in a wealthy family, and he had an impeccable posture in front of outsiders, but he felt bored in his heart, and he could even be said to be disappointed.

Later, the pastor said goodbye in the auditorium, and he went out for a while. When I walked back from the outside, I saw her pushing the door out of the auditorium alone. He was only an arm's length away from her, but she didn't notice him, and walked on her own in a daze, until she walked into the sparse and hazy rain. He looked at her back a little strangely, not understanding what she was trying to do, and suddenly, he saw her running forward as if desperately.

He is a very nosy person, and people around him always say that he is a cold-blooded animal. But he couldn't tell what was going on, and he followed without much thought, but before long he saw her fall on the lawn, and then become a wooden figure, and sit there motionless for five minutes.

Finally, it was the sound of the rain at his feet that reminded him, and when he came back to his senses and approached her, he found that her whole body was shaking uncontrollably. He tilted his umbrella in her direction, and the slanting wind and drizzle fell on him, and he knew how cold it was. He saw her raise the beautiful eyes in his memory, but for some reason, there was a hint of wariness in her eyes. He spoke to her, but saw her gritting her teeth, clutching the grass with her fingernails and sinking into the mud, but the tear on her lower eyelid never fell.

At that time, he thought to himself, how could there be such a tolerant girl.

He put his coat on her, and he remembered that when he carried her on his back, she was frozen like an ice cube. She was also smart, and the hand without the umbrella was tightly wrapped around his neck. He was so cold that he wanted her to put her hand down, but just as he wanted to speak, he heard her cry. He listened to her babbling and said to him, "Brother, my mother is dead, and I won't have a mother anymore...... My dad won't let me cry, in fact, I don't want to cry either, my mom is most afraid of me crying, every time I cry she will think I'm sick, she will be very scared and sad. I knew she could see me in heaven, and I didn't want her to worry about me in heaven, but I really couldn't help ......it."

He choked in his throat and felt a little strange, he could argue with the teacher about a question in class, but he couldn't even say a word of comfort at the moment. The road in the rain wasn't too long, he could only slow down so that she could vent as much as possible, and he even had a twitch in his heart, but he didn't know what it was.

The cigarette in his hand had burned out, Qin Yan threw away the cigarette butt and lit it again. He thought of what was written in her letter, and she said that was the first time she liked him? He really never thought about this, and he was a little surprised. He knew that she liked him, but he thought that it was after his recent return, and he thought that she was like the other people he had met, and they seemed to think that he was in good condition, so they offered him courtesy, and confessed to him. Every time he listened to those words, he looked at them indifferently and thought, could he really be different from others, could it be that he was born with a lack of some kind of cell or gene? Why didn't he feel the same feelings as them at all?

Eventually, he grew tired of the never-ending arrangements at home. That day, the secretary suddenly took a contract and said that it had finally been signed smoothly, and he reacted for a few seconds before he remembered that it was due to the famous painting she gave him a few days ago.

After he signed the contract, he stood on the top of the seventy-story building and saw the crowd outside. He thought to himself that this was a girl who didn't mess with him but helped him, and besides, it was a very well-behaved child in his memory. If he had to live with someone in the future, he felt that she seemed to be a good choice, at least better than everyone else.

Later, as he expected, he just casually made such a marriage offer, and she was already busy agreeing to him. He watched her smile under the white pear blossom tree, and thought it was as beautiful as when she was a child laughing in her mother's arms. He thought at the time that he should at least promise her something, such as he could promise to take good care of her in the future, such as whatever she liked, he would satisfy her. He had never made such promises to anyone, to bind himself with some frivolous promises, which were not something he would have done.

Admittedly, after the marriage contract, he didn't have much special feelings. Perhaps because he had been away for too long, he felt that she was a little different from what he remembered, he had seen her paintings, and was a little surprised that she was much more advanced in this area than he had imagined, and she was also brighter and more cheerful than before, and sometimes she would play a little clever, much more vivid than the haggard and obedient appearance he remembered.

No...... Suddenly, he seemed to remember a scene, maybe she was so lively and naughty in the first place. It was many years ago when she was invited to her cousin's wedding with her parents, and she was a pair of flower girls with another boy. He was sitting in the guest seat, and what impressed him the most was that the boy liked to tease her, and always dipped his fingers in the cream of the cake and put it on her face, and after a while there was no clean place on her face. He looked at her and glared at the boy with angry eyes, he thought she would cry out like she had been wronged, but in the next second, he actually saw her chasing after her and pasting a plate of cake on the boy's face, and then ran away, so angry that her father yelled at the wedding banquet regardless of his image: "Buckwheat, why are you bullying Zhao Chao?!" He vaguely wanted to laugh, and at that time he thought that it was really interesting for these two children to be together.

However, that time, he heard her drunken voice on the phone, as well as the other party's incoherent but sincere confession of her childhood sweetheart, he held the phone and wanted to hear how she would respond, but before he could hear her response, he hung up the phone a little impatiently, took the car keys and went downstairs. He didn't know what he was anxious about, but fortunately when he got over there, nothing happened, she just fell asleep. On the way home, she kept talking nonsense in a daze, and finally unbuckled her seat belt and climbed into his driver's seat.

He really hated that others were drunk and crazy, but when he heard her hugging his neck, he said a little vaguely: "Mom, do you like Qin Yan, I like him very much...... You see, he's coming to pick me up, he's just as good as you are to me......" He thought to himself, she was so easily satisfied, and he couldn't bear to push her away at once. The traffic police came and knocked on the window of the car to tell him to hurry up, he paused and said, "Leave again in a while, you can issue a ticket." "I remember that the traffic police looked at him like a psychopath.

What else...... By the way, there was also that time when he came back from a business trip, he got off the plane and turned on his mobile phone, and just about to call her, he received a message from his father first. He hung up the phone, didn't pick up his luggage, and got into the car and rushed to the hospital. In the car, he thought of her being full of instruments when she was a child, and he couldn't think about the way his mother described to him that she had been repeatedly shocked by a 200 joule defibrillator. Fortunately, she was out of danger when she arrived at the hospital, and he walked alone to the safe passage of the hospital and stood for a while, only to realize that his palms were covered with cold sweat.

He answered the secretary's call, went to Yunting and saw the group of people who were smoky, and he didn't have to think about it to know that she was in their way. But when he went to the police station to take a closer look, he heard something that he couldn't believe even more. He felt so angry that he wanted to laugh, and called one of the leaders above him directly in the director's office. He was different from his parents, he felt that the Qin family was now in business, and he was not very willing to deal with too many political figures, but he thought happily at the time that it was really a good thing to have a background.

After dealing with this qiē, on the way back to the hospital, he vaguely remembered some things that had passed for a long time, and his mood was a little depressed. But when he returned to the hospital, he saw that she was awake, without a trace of sadness, fear, even a little bit of anger, just a little complaining about him. He thought that of course she had the right to complain to him, because it was because of him that she had suffered such a flying disaster, but she was not dissatisfied with him because of this. He had never seen her like that, and he thought it was so fresh that he couldn't help but tease her, and then when she was tired of sleeping, he sat silently by her bed for a long time. Although they didn't seem to say anything special, and he didn't even eat dinner, he felt as if the mood of the whole night had disappeared, and was replaced by a calm happiness.

Later, the appearance of the deceased brought some variables. Originally, he thought, that's nothing, he has been completely numb all these years, no matter what, he has to break off with the past. He didn't even feel that this trouble was there, and a question that Li Qiao suddenly asked him made him feel tricky. He wasn't used to telling lies, and he wasn't used to deliberately hiding anything, so he said it very bluntly, and he really never knew what it took to be in love with someone. But when he raised his head, he was a little stunned, and she didn't even cry when she was sick and in so much pain, but her eyes were all red at that time. He thought about what to say, but before he could speak, he saw her laughing as if she were not caring, and he became more and more unsure of what to say, as if for the first time he felt a little helpless.

Later, he accidentally learned the news of Cen Jia. He felt that it was such a coincidence that things in this world were so coincidental that God really gave him such a chance when he wanted to say goodbye to the past completely.

When I met Cen Jia, she was in class, and he was outside the dance studio, and he almost walked by without recognizing him. He looked outside quietly alone for a while, and felt very strange, obviously in the past so many years, he always warned himself not to forget the appearance of Cen Jia, he didn't have a photo of Cen Jia, so he always repeated the portrayal of her appearance in his mind, but now he felt that face was a little unfamiliar.

On the way here, he recalled the events of seven years ago, and even now he thinks about it, his heart is still heavy. Because of his negligence, he let a girl have such a fate, he really couldn't forgive himself for a while, not to mention that he had a marriage contract with her at that time, so he was even more responsible. He also thought about what to say to Cen Jia now, and he thought that the only thing he could do now was to see if she needed his help, such as his friend's good nursing home, and that he could properly accommodate her and her parents. Other than that, he couldn't promise her anything else, the past so many years were too depressing, too dark, and he really didn't want to live like that in the future.

But when he saw Cen Jia, all his thoughts changed again, he looked at her peaceful and peaceful appearance when teaching, and felt that maybe it would be the best choice for him not to appear. Once he appears, it will remind them of those painful memories of the past, and it is better to live separately like now.

After making this decision, he suddenly wanted to go home quickly, he hadn't spoken to Li Qiao on the phone for nearly a week, and he felt vaguely uneasy. Just like back then, if he could have called Cen Jia and told her that he didn't have to wait for him, that he had something to break the appointment, maybe that tragedy wouldn't have happened. But he vaguely thought that if those things hadn't happened back then, wouldn't he have been with Cen Jia, getting married and having children step by step, would that be better than now?

It was a bit too cruel for the girl who paid the price, and he closed his eyes, unwilling to think too much about it. Anyway, he just wanted to go back as much as he could.

When I got home, I was a little surprised and surprised, but of course it quickly turned into panic. After a period of chaos, he felt really tired and fell asleep in a trance. When his consciousness was a little hazy before falling asleep, he was still thinking that he was not omnipotent, and that he should learn more about how to take care of people, so that he would not be overwhelmed the next time she really got sick. But he never expected that it was just a short sleep, and after waking up, he saw her decision to regret marriage.