What would it be like if someone found out that they were born again?

Lance couldn't help but start thinking about this question, to be precise, what it was like to be discovered his biggest secret, or a scar that he would not want to reveal for the rest of his life?

Even in the face of Theo, Ian and Gawain, Lance couldn't speak, the fear of being seen through by others, the worry of being seen as a monster, the pain of being trusted and disappointed, so he didn't even have the courage to try. Pen & Fun & Pavilion www.biquge.info Not long ago in Napa Valley, Ian's eyes seemed to see something, and if he had gone with the flow and opened his mouth, it would have been the best time, but he couldn't take any chances, and he couldn't take any chances. The kind of frightening on the desperate tightrope, and the sweat oozing from the soles of his feet made his body like autumn dead leaves in the storm, as if it would be broken at any moment, but even so, he still couldn't open his mouth.

Not to mention facing strangers?

Lance once thought that if it was other secrets, if it was someone else, he might say, it's not a serious matter, they're the people closest to you, they're the biggest support behind you, they're the source of strength within you, and they're all the trust you have, and it's totally out there. Secrets are heavy, like hatred, and can crush the whole world, so you need someone to share the secrets, not only to share the weight, but also to make you understand that you are not alone.

However, the bystander is always just a bystander, and the same secret, which may be insignificant to some people, is tantamount to the collapse of the sky for the person concerned. This is the biggest shackle.

For example, Jeff's fetish/childish/fetish, maybe for those serial killers with bloody hands, maybe for those war criminals who kill like hemp, maybe for the bishop who wants to maintain the Catholic faith and harmony, maybe for Vincent in "Killing with a Knife", it is not worth mentioning at all, even if he says it, no one cares. But for Jeff, it was the equivalent of being reborn for Lance, a secret he didn't want to or dare to tell for the rest of his life.

So, what does it feel like to be found out your secret? And more importantly, what does it feel like to be found by your own prey? What does it feel like when a hunter finds himself a prey? Moreover, it is not a crisp knife in his hand, but a torture like Ling Chi's execution, the prey gives himself time to resist, he is desperately struggling, denying, resisting, looking for all kinds of arguments to prove his innocence, but he finds that every defense will become a tool to humiliate himself, what is it like?

Lance felt like throwing up, but he had to force himself to quiet down and really enter Jeff's world.

"Knock knock", the knock on the door came, Lance raised his hand and picked up an object on the table, smashed it directly, and roared mercilessly, "Get out!" The door was clear again, and the darkness slowly crept in, swallowing all the hope in his heart.

It wasn't Hayley, not Allen, but Ian.

Ian looked at him with that playful look and said lightly, "You're not Lance. The desperate fear came over him in an instant, almost breaking all his armor, and he tried to chuckle twice, but found that he couldn't laugh at all, and the dry sound just grunted twice in his throat and then disappeared.

He's Li Jin, but he's also Lance.

He tried to convince himself, then raised his eyes to meet Ian's questioning, "What are you kidding?" But this answer had already revealed the panic in his heart, if it was usual, if it was other questions, he would not answer like this. One wrong step, one wrong step. He began to plead, and he began to dig through all the trivial things in his memory, trying to prove his true identity.

But Ian was unmoved, he was like a cruel executioner, tearing off his mask one by one, peeling off his armor layer by layer, and when Lancelot's body was completely gone, he still didn't stop, and continued to tear his soul, tearing the protective color that belonged to Lance to pieces.

"I'm Lance, Ian, you look at me, I'm really Lance......" He was already drenched in blood and bruises, the pain of his soul tearing made him tremble, the shame and bitterness were not comparable to the despair of the secret about to be revealed, he looked at Ian intently, his eyes were blinded by a layer of mist, he couldn't tell whether it was tears or sweat, he just gasped for breath, like a drowning man who had grabbed the last piece of driftwood, begging for mercy in embarrassment.

Ian seemed a little hesitant and realized his mistake, and the last bit of hope was rekindled, and Lance held on to it, gushing to prove his innocence. But at this moment, Ian raised his hand and tore it, and in a hurry, the last fragment of his soul belonging to Lance was detached, and then he stood in front of Ian naked.

He is Li Jin.

He could see the contempt and contempt in Ian's eyes, like salt water, dripping on him drop by drop, and the dense wounds began to spasm, but it was just a conditioned reflex of the body muscles, and he was completely numb to the extreme pain, just looking at Ian in despair, the light of hope was lightly pinched, and then it was completely extinguished.

Ian turned to leave, and Gawain turned to leave. Theo was left standing still, his cold eyes filled with pain and disappointment. "I didn't mean to, and I don't want to ...... like this" He knew, Theo was blaming him, blaming him for making Lance disappear, blaming him for strangling the simple and kind Lance, blaming him for deceiving their trust, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry......" But he couldn't say anything, not even the words of apology in his mind, "Don't go, please, don't leave me alone, please." ”

He was wrong, he knew he was wrong, but they were all he had. He can't go back to the past, he can't go back to the world that belongs to Li Jin, he was left alone in this time and space, dazed; He couldn't find his way back, he had woken up from nightmares countless times, his hands were covered in blood, and he couldn't tell if it was Frank's or his own; He had no one else to rely on, Frank and Fiona died, Ryan, Tucker and Jason betrayed him, and even Gwyneth chose to turn away, he had no lovers, no friends, no relatives, he had nothing.

He didn't know what he should do, as if he was standing in the middle of the endless desert, screaming hoarsely, only to find that there was no life around him, and the darkness was tearing at his body and his soul little by little, and he began to resist, but found that it was all in vain.

"Don't go!" If even they leave, he will really have nothing. He knew, he hurt them, but he didn't mean it, really didn't mean it. He just doesn't want a person, he's just afraid of a person. Don't leave him alone.

Isn't it true that if you don't trust anyone, you won't be betrayed? Isn't it true that if you don't get close to anyone, you won't face separation? Isn't it true that if you don't rely on anyone, you won't be abandoned? Is it true that if you don't sympathize with anyone, don't fall in love with anyone, you won't be hurt? Is it that if you refuse warmth, you will not be afraid of the cold?

He doesn't want a person.

He looked at Theo like this, earnestly and deeply. Then he saw tears slipping down Theo's cheeks, as if all the color on his body was slowly fading, and finally turning into a mass of gray. He would rather Theo punish him as hard as Ian did, and he would not want to see Theo like this. Slowly closing his eyes, the remaining light saw Theo turn around and drift away.

Lance only felt that all his muscles were curled up together, as if he couldn't even move his little finger, and opened his mouth wide to call for help, but there was darkness in front of him, he couldn't see anything, and even his eyes were so dry that there was no moisture at all, he just held his breath, staring hollowly at the slowly wriggling black mist in front of him, trying to find Theo's figure, or Ian, or Gawain. Saliva slowly trickled down his chin, but he couldn't do anything about it, exhaling more and inhaling less, like a living dead who was still breathing.

Quiet, biting silence gnawed at his soul, the itching and pain of thousands of ants gnawing on the wound spread little by little, but he didn't feel anything, and only his clumsy and heavy wheezing could be heard in his ears. Is he going to give up? Is he really going to give up like this? He has already given up once and failed once, so will he still have to accept the fate of the third time?

No! He never! His fate, this time will be firmly in his hands, he will not be alone, he will not be hurt again, let alone be held back by timidity.

The fingers slowly began to move, and then slowly clenched into fists, as if little by little they were regaining their strength. A point of light appeared again in the darkness in front of him, gradually brightened, and with a "whew", his whole person suddenly returned to reality from the unreal.

Panting heavily, Lance only felt that his chest was like a bellows, hula and hula agitation, and his whole body was soaked with sweat, and the big pieces of sweat dripped directly onto the ground, making a muffled ticking sound. The brain was like a mess of white and blank, and there was no way to think effectively, blank, a large blank, and after a long time, it slowly came to my senses.

It turns out that this is the so-called method acting, which truly substitutes oneself into the role, and then reconstructs the whole world of the character according to one's own personal experience, personal understanding and personal experience. But the pain and torture of empathy almost made Lance unable to distinguish the difference between fantasy and reality, which is a problem that expressionist acting never had to face.

The heart pounded quickly against his chest, and the scattered focus regathered, even so, he would not flinch, this wild dance of high-altitude wire ropes, he wanted to continue walking, even if he was crushed. (To be continued.) )