Cheng Jiayi doesn't know if all the fragrant flowers will bloom overnight as soon as they reach the season.

Just like every year in September, there will always be such a day, when going out, by a refreshing osmanthus fragrance filled the sense of smell, may not have found the roadside osmanthus tree, but the fragrance has already become a part of the breath with the wind.

So I couldn't help but want to post a sigh on Weibo, and before I knew it, even the osmanthus had already bloomed......

Cheng Jiayi and Ye Qingyun smoothly and harmoniously transitioned to May when the gardenia bloomed, because its fragrance was too strong and sweet, and it would not become the object of Cheng Jiayi's emotion like osmanthus in previous years.

However, this year, when she took his hand and stepped out of the elevator, she was pleasantly surprised by the fragrance of gardenias in the community, and couldn't help but raise her head and smile at him and say, "It's so fragrant." ”

It was a weekend, and after discussion, the two decided that Ye Qingyun would accompany Cheng Jiayi to visit her parents in Hangzhou.

Cheng Jiayi is a very, very tangled person when making decisions, looking forward and backward, hesitating, always unable to make up his mind, afraid that if he chooses this path, will he hurt others, but at the same time, he is worried that if he chooses another path, will it violate his own heart.

Therefore, often, when she encounters a choice, she is more inclined to escape, although she knows very well in her heart that avoiding will not solve any problems, but it often seems that she does not have enough courage to face the problem, so she needs infinite time and space to hide herself, as if the better she hides, the less she is found, the more she does not have to face it.

A bad habit. Very bad, very bad bad habits.

In the face of the problem of Shu Hang's derailment, it can be regarded as reaching the peak.

However, if we want to trace the cause and beginning, then the earliest germ of the psychology of escape may be recalled to the period when the relationship between parents broke down and divorced in high school.

It is the girl's Cheng Jiayi, the most difficult and difficult period of her mental journey.

At that time, my mother, who was nearly 40 years old, didn't know whether to say that she was too tight

With a man who has never met, through the way of chatting, they talk to each other to the state of talking about love and marriage.

The mother was very resolute in wanting a divorce, and was blinded by rhetoric, and saw all kinds of unpleasantness to her other half who got on a blind date, which may also be the common yearning for free love of semi-arranged marriages in that era.

Naturally, the father did not agree, or it can be said that his attitude was somewhere between agreeing and not agreeing.

The most controversial among each other is the right or wrong of the mother, and the second is the ownership of Cheng Jiayi after the divorce. At that time, his brother had already left home as an adult, so the impact on him was not as deep as the impact on the underage Cheng Jiayi.

The mother insisted that she gave more love to her child and should be raised by her, but the father said that the reason for the disintegration of the family was the betrayal of the mother, so she was not qualified to have custody.

Then, the problem fell on Cheng Jiayi. On one side is the temptation of the mother's love, and on the other side is the wounded mercy of the father. She is caught in the middle, asked to make decisions, difficult and confused, tangled and painful.

How so? People in love are probably poets, when the indecisive and sentimental Cheng Jiayi, when facing his mother alone, was deeply moved by her gorgeous rhetoric describing love, ignorant, a girl full of longing for love, deeply affected by the mother who bravely tried to pursue her love, and couldn't say a word of accusation for that behavior. And when she faced her father alone, she looked at the tall man who usually thought of superhuman omnipotence, and she shed painful tears for this, and she was overwhelmed with empathy.

She couldn't make a decision, she didn't want her father to cry, but she couldn't bear to block her mother's way.

So that time she chose to escape. Try to reduce the time you spend at home, interest classes, evening self-study, and stay out as late as you can. The underage girl is powerless in the adult world, so she can only do what she can to herself.

It's like an interest class, it's like a night self-study.

It's like when I was in a sketching class, I sharpened my pencil very sharply and pricked my wrist hard, just like when I was studying at night, I used a red pen to write my name in a notebook.

I don't know who said it, but the name was written in red pen, which has an unlucky meaning, like a death sentence.

She wants to be sentenced to death and completely disappear from this world, so that she doesn't have to face choices, she doesn't have to face pain.

She hated her powerlessness, and once thought that if she could do something, would she be able to make her father the romantic love that her mother wanted, and then her mother would not give up on the family...... But he can't do anything by himself, he can only give up on himself.

Self-abandonment is like a vicious circle, you can't do anything, you don't want to do anything, and then you give up on yourself even more.

Perhaps, when I look back at it, I will feel insignificant, and it is a big deal to sigh "Every family has a scripture that is difficult to read", but that time, because of his youth and love, was the unbearable youth of Cheng Jiayi's life, the darkness that could not be breathless.

It was too heavy to think about, so she couldn't remember how she survived. Just remember the beginning of an escape, and the process and the end are blank. When I came back to my senses, my mother had regained her senses, reconciled with my father, and occasionally counted those children who were trapped in online dating, ethereal and unreliable, like a person who had come over.

Yes, in that era, the Internet was simply the best barrier to hide the true self, anyway, the object of the narration did not really see it, but only knew guò language and writing, to create a perfect self.

And the person behind the screen, believe it or not? Maybe his or her distrust is more able to let him tell the truth buried deep in his heart.

In the end, Cheng Jiayi fell into the root of the escape, as if he did not face it, did not choose, hid, with the passage of time, with his habitual erasure of the process and the end in his memory, those problems and things will always come to the point where there is no longer a need to choose, so ...... Many years later, many, many years later, after it was not so intense, she just smoked half a cigarette, drank a few bottles of wine, slept a little, and the next day didn't come as usual?

And, unconsciously, following the crowd, forgetting their own nonsense, they reached the point where they are now holding Ye Qingyun's arm and sighing with a smile The fragrance of gardenias.