The sun was shining, and I staggered out of an Internet café, my face pale and my hair disheveled. The smell of choking smoke exudes from the inside out.

The outside world was full of people and traffic, which made me a little stunned for a while. The winter wind hit my face with a chill, and I kind of liked the cold feeling, standing on the side of the road for a long time.

"Let's Jean! Let's Jean! "A small vendor passed me with a cart and pushed me unceremoniously.

I fell to the ground, and the vendor cursed, pushed the cart and left quickly.

Pedestrians passed by me, looking at me in surprise, but no one helped me up.

The sun made me dizzy, and I tried a few times, but I couldn't get up.

I, who have been hollowed out by the wine, can be blown away by a gust of wind. The strength of the whole body combined, even a weak woman can't compare.

I sat on the ground for a few moments, and a figure stopped above me.

Chen ...... Marsh? ”

A woman's voice, I looked up, squinted my eyes, and saw a beautiful woman with elaborate makeup and a fashionable Korean style.

Hello beauty. I said in my heart.

I was too lazy to say a word, just looked at her quietly, silent.

"I'm Zhang Yuxin." The beautiful woman seemed to be familiar with me, squatted down and looked at me very closely, and she didn't like the unpleasant smell of smoke and sweat mixed with me, "You...... Don't remember me......"

I was stunned for a moment.

I remembered who she was, her name was Zhang Yuxin, and she was in the class next door to me in high school. But now, it's been two years since I graduated from college, and it's really rare that I haven't seen her for five or six years, and she still remembers me.

"How do you ...... Sit on the ground. Zhang Yuxin looked at my migrant worker-like appearance hesitantly, hesitated, but still stretched out his hand and tried to help me up.

"You...... Rich? I looked at Zhang Yuxin's beautiful face, and after I said this, her expression, which was originally quite close to me, suddenly became distant.

"Ten dollars is fine, I haven't eaten for three days." I spoke.

"Give." Zhang Yuxin was quite straightforward, took out ten yuan from his bag, and handed it to me. Chen Ze...... When will you come? In the first two high school reunions, no one could contact you, and many people missed you. ”

I grinned, there was no embarrassment, no bitterness, only a 100% powerlessness in my smile.

"Thank you." I waved the ten dollars in my hand and turned to leave, "I probably ...... I won't pay you back the ten dollars. ”

Zhang Yuxin seemed to say something behind her back, but the crowd was bustling, and I didn't listen, just staggered away.

I found a ramen restaurant, ordered a bowl of ramen for ten yuan, and sat at the table in the corner with a disgusted look from the waiter, burying my head in the hot ramen.

My bloodless face was reflected in the noodle soup, and I smiled silently at myself in the bowl.

Chen Ze...... How are you ...... This is what it looks like......

The mobile phone beeped for a long time, and the customers around me looked at me, and I took out my mobile phone, which was my mother's phone.

"Son, are you back? If you can't do the work in the field, don't do it, don't have any psychological burden, just come back. You can live by doing anything here at our house, it's okay......"

My mother said a lot of things on the phone, and I only listened to a few words, and my eyes were blurred.

Tears fell like beads with broken threads, clattering and clattering into the noodle soup.

I hung up the phone, turned off my phone, leaned against the wall, and cried stupidly.

From beginning to end, I didn't say a word. I don't know how to tell my mother, say, your son is going to die, you didn't start from the beginning, it's too late.

Hehe.

I staggered out of the ramen shop and walked away to everyone's strange gazes.

Chen Ze, Chen Ze...... How did you get to this point......

I raised my head, unafraid of the glare of the sun, staring at the sun, laughing and crying.

When night fell, I shrunk into the corner of an Internet café as I had done the other day, but tonight, the Internet café was doing surprisingly well. The customer turned on the machine and drove me away, and even this corner no longer belonged to me.

I was homeless, homeless in the little town where I was born and raised.

Where else can I go? I laughed silently at the moon in the sky, the moon is so bright and round tonight.

The cold winter night gradually froze me, and before I knew it, I was on the roof of a building.

The lights below were as bright as a galaxy, and my mind went blank as I climbed over the railing and looked at the tiny pedestrians as small as ants below.

I took out my phone, flipped out my father's phone, hesitated for a long time, and finally didn't call.

Already...... It's been a long time since I've spoken to my dad. I'd love to talk to him.

I cracked my mouth and laughed silently. Tears flowed into his mouth, salty and astringent.

Chen Ze...... How the hell did you get to this point?

The moment I jumped down, all the images flashed before my eyes.

…………

My name is Chen Ze, I was born in a small town, and my parents are working-class.

From elementary school to high school, I have always been very obedient, I studied hard and got good grades.

I was admitted to a major university and became an otaku. Skipping class, playing games, watching movies, and masturbating with roommates every now and then. The days passed in the dark.

In my sophomore year, I fell in love for the first time in my life, and I made up my mind to start working hard.

In my junior year, my girlfriend split her legs and dumped me.

I became addicted to games, soaking in Internet cafes all day long, playing games with netizens all night, and abandoning my studies.

After graduating from a difficult senior year, I found a foreign state-owned enterprise, 108,000 miles away from home.

I worked in a state of confusion for a year, and I drank heavily with my colleagues all day long.

In the second year of work, I was tired of the boring life of state-owned enterprises day after day. Regardless of his father's strong opposition, he resolutely resigned and drifted north, holding a bachelor's degree and crappy professional knowledge, and couldn't find a suitable job for half a year.

Every day, I get drunk in the snail house, numb myself, and in the emptiness, I begin to get used to wandering in the red light district and massage parlors.

Every day, I spend my family's money on alcohol and drink, and I can't find a future and hope.

In the tireless persuasion of his mother over and over again, he repented and rekindled his confidence in life. I decided to go home and find a job where I could make ends meet, and it didn't matter if I was tired or tired. It is important to live a calm and happy life with your parents.

Passed out several times on the train on the way home, and was checked in the hospital for advanced bleeding cancer.

When you set foot on your homeland, you can't go back to home. Hiding in an Internet café, surviving for a long time. So far, I finally stepped on the rooftop.

That's my whole life.

Short, pathetic, ridiculous.

I also had the dream of being the top elite of the country, and I wanted to earn a lot of money so that my parents could live the best life.

There have been several times when I wanted to work hard, but I was depressed again and again.

Those dreams, whether innocent and ridiculous, or delusional, or beautiful and charming, are finally gone.

…………

The moment I hit the ground, I just felt numb all over my body.

The heavens and the earth grew dark, and everything returned to chaos.

At the last moment, I asked myself.

Chen Ze, what do you want in this life?