(098) Inferiority complex in the bones

"But you don't believe me." Yan Shaocheng looked into my eyes, his gaze with a clear scrutiny. He knew very well that I had never believed him.

"We should probably change the subject." Since he knows that I don't trust him, then there is no need for me to disguise it in front of him, so there is no need for us to continue the topic of such trust.

"What else can we talk about besides this topic. Or do you want to talk to me about the past or the future, if that's the case, I'd be happy to do that. Yan Shaocheng was looking at me when he said this, and he didn't seem to be very satisfied with my answer.

"Past and future?" I looked at Yan Shaocheng very seriously at the moment, but my heart was full of ups and downs.

I'm sorry, but my past and future are full of darkness.

In the past, I lived under everyone's discrimination, and I had low self-esteem in my bones.

Now, the strength I pretend to be is all a lie, and I still have low self-esteem in my bones.

It seems like I'm courageous, as if I'm confident in myself, but I've always had low self-esteem.

Sometimes what I want to do is to hide in a place where no one is around, and hide quietly under the covers.

No harm, no pain.

The feeling is incomparable.

There will always be people who are destined in this world, and I happen to be a person who has been abandoned by fate from beginning to end. It's not that it's bearable, it's that it hurts so much that it can't hurt anymore.

There are mostly two kinds of people in this world who are able to bear it. The first one has been hit so hard that it has become deaf and painful because it is full of holes, so the pain has become a habit. The other is also too bad, but it still hurts, and they hide the pain in a place that no one can see, and they bear the pain silently, but everyone doesn't know, because they don't know, so they continue to laugh.

So I don't have a future, because in my heart, no one will understand, and I don't want anyone to understand.

Even if fate seems to me to be a cage with blood, you will sacrifice your tragic fate with blood.

So I, who am in the depths of the dark hell, am not afraid to betray this world. Because death is a qiē liberation, it's just that I'm not qualified, I'm afraid of death.

I am an ambitious and incapable person, but I am afraid of death. If one day I choose to die, it means that I am really desperate.

I smiled and said to Yan Shaocheng.

"Why do you always smile with despair?" Yan Shaocheng looked at me as if he was a doctor who was researching ** and wanted to dissect me with a cold scalpel.

But I saw another thing in Yan Shaocheng's eyes, like a kind of sadness, and this kind of affection made me feel twilight.

"Yan Shaocheng, have you ever despaired?" I am the same kind as Yan Shaocheng, and Yan Shaocheng has also endured such great changes and pain. I asked Yan Shaocheng in a deep voice, just because Yan Shaocheng wanted me to recall the past and look forward to the so-called future.

It's just that I can't see it.

"I can promise you a lifetime." Yan Shaocheng didn't answer my words, and he chose to skip my question. And he promised me a lifetime.

A lifetime is really too long.

It's scary to think about.

"I can't afford to promise my whole life, what do you promise me for my life?"

Yan Shaocheng's promise for the rest of his life is just to treat me as a canary.

There are no real feelings in this world.

"Fang Jingxian, you don't want a stable life, what do you want?" Yan Shaocheng was very dissatisfied with my refusal, and this was the first time he asked me a question. Very serious question.

What do I want?

For the first time in my life, someone asked me what I wanted.

This is a question that has never been asked to me. No one ever sued me.

What I want.

What exactly do I want, it seems that I have never made any plans for my life except hatred. At this moment he asked me, and I was speechless.

"Yan Shaocheng, this is not a topic we should talk about." I had to bluntly change the topic, and I have always been in a passive state for Yan Shaocheng, and even with my thoughts, I was tortured like this.

Since I met Yan Shaocheng, it seems that everything has changed.

I used to have nothing to do, just to act as a witch every day. I never do good things, but I often do bad things.

Because I've been hurt in the past, I don't want to show mercy to other people.

Now I am bound by Yan Shaocheng, as if my destiny is controlled by him. What I want to do and what I don't want to do can easily pull me.

I had a bad premonition, this feeling was like a food chain, and I was the prey of Yan Shaocheng. And he was going to bite and not let go.

"There's no need to change the subject, avoiding it is not the way we get along with each other. But you have to be clear, since you have stepped into this circle, you should not want to leave it all. "The meaning of Yan Shaocheng's words is very clear, he means to make me understand that I have no way to escape, I am already in his hunting area. And in this hunting area, he is not the only one waiting for his prey.

I know very well that if Shen Muyang is not used properly, it will not be beneficial to me.

If it's between Yan Shaocheng and Shen Muyang, it doesn't matter who I choose. None of this is a good thing for me.

Since the Fang family has not yet fallen, then I still have time, some is time and strict Shao into consumption, and some is strength to fight. The fish died and the net was broken, and it had not yet reached that Cheng dù.

I still have a chance until it's a foregone conclusion.

"How is Yan Xiangwei?" I turned to other questions, and since he made the situation clear to me, there was no need for me to keep refusing it, and it wouldn't do me any good.

"I thought you were going to continue to spend like this with me." The corners of Yan Shaocheng's mouth rose, as if he was very satisfied with my change of topic at the moment. "Xiang Wei needs to recuperate here today."

Yan Shaocheng meant to put Yan Xiangwei next to me and spy on me.

"How long are you going to be watching?" I asked him very clearly, and since the meaning was clear enough, there was no need for me to pretend that I didn't know.

"Monday's board ends." Yan Shaocheng was also direct, did not go around the bend with me, and answered me directly.

“OK。 That's up to you, but you really don't feel sorry for your brother. "Some Cheng dù said that if I treated my brother like this, he should have wanted to fix me, but he didn't even say a word of anger, and he didn't say anything.

It's hard for me to imagine what it would be like to be with such a man.