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Dizziness in the sky.

It was like walking in the chaos, with a headache, and even a little worried that his life would pass like this in a flash, the window was closed, and because it was night, the faint light at this time began to disperse in the line of sight, scattering into a trace of light. The hands and feet are cold, the numbness has spread all over the body, and in this room of less than 15 square meters, the only remaining temperature is the exhaled white air, right? Still weakly close your eyes and let yourself sink for a little longer.

Drifting in this vast earthly world, like a lonely boat, never finding an end, sometimes tired, and no one to talk to, the wind outside the window blows over the treetops that have long been almost withered, swaying, becoming each other's looming mood. The hands have stayed at the time when midnight and early morning alternate with each other, and lonely people will always look at the night sky that they want to see the most, because in the starlight, there is the one I miss the most.

I curled up silently, the quilt curled up just enough to wrap around me, and my small figure became unreachable in the infinite darkness.

The desk lamp on the desk is still on and it's too late to turn off, the point where the pen is on the paper has already begun to ripple blue, the heating seems to have stopped, maybe there is not enough coal, but now I can't move, even the usual proud eyes, have begun to slowly sluggish.

"No, you can't see the gas, all you exhale is a small droplet of water vapor that liquefies when it is cold." The body stiffened for a moment, this sentence, it seems that he said it, right? But what's the use of it now, I know but I can barely save myself, I have written so many articles, not a single word is not nostalgic, and none of them are for the person I have always wanted the most but can't see.

1

The figures on the playground are staggered, the scorching sun shines on everyone in this vibrant land, the players in football uniforms move their feet, and there are countless shouts, just like these countless lights, they seem to have become the protagonists of this world, the dominant, the eyes of countless people. Although I knew I wasn't very fat, my back was already a little soaked, so I said to the who were also watching the game and silently left the fierce game.

On the radio, my dear sisters read aloud one by one on my behalf with that bewitching voice, and when I reviewed the manuscript, I found that there were only a few people who could read it, and if I concentrated on it, the articles marked "Ye Qingming" seemed to be the most. I'm not really a lover, but there won't be too many articles like my eyes, let alone I'm interested, but every time I submit, there will always be a girl, she handed out the manuscript with a pale face, retracted her eyes mechanically, and walked back with trembling steps, I don't know how many times I asked her if she was the "Ye Qingming" I wanted to know, but compared to the delicate font, I would not hesitate to imagine how likely it was that girl to be me. Every time I look at her crumbling figure, my heart is full of pity.

Summer is the season when the branches and leaves of the trees are the most luxuriant, I just found a tree to sit down, I breathed a sigh of relief, took out a mirror and tissues, as the saying goes, campus life is colorful, no matter what they think, anyway, I think so, therefore, I am a girl who loves life very much, and I also have a name that matches it - Yang Yang. Lift the bangs, wipe off the fine beads of sweat on the head one by one, and the heat wave hits, the more restless I become. After hastily cutting my hair, I continued to look in the mirror, looking at myself in it, those eyes were like colored crystals, which could flash with charming brilliance at any time, covered with long eyelashes, shoulder-length hair, and a face flushed due to the heat, I figured out to myself, such a face, even if it is not a school flower, can be regarded as a joint top existence, and smiled secretly. Looking back at the big tree I was leaning on, it was several times thick, and the trunk was not particularly rough, and there was a feeling of natural massage on the surface.

"Rustle..."There seemed to be a voice behind it, I thought I had heard it wrong, and continued to narcissist in the mirror, "Rustle...", it didn't take long for this weirdness to start ringing, and I couldn't sit still, and walked around the grass around me, annoyed to see what was going on.

In front of me was a half-lying teenager, my mouth became an "O"-shaped: I didn't expect the whole school to have a face that could match mine, not only that, the breeze brushed the silky hair on his forehead, he held the book in both hands, and looked at it with his eyes, and there was some relish in the quiet environment. "Why are you behind me?" I still couldn't help but continue to look at him, under the thick eyebrows were a pair of bright eyes, I always felt very similar to the previous Ye Qingming, with an indifferent look, but he still ignored it and didn't answer. The long wait made my head sweat more and more, and with it, my whole face, and my proud face, had begun to turn red.

I don't know how long it took, "Have you seen enough?" ”

The young man's voice was still somewhat magnetic in the voice change period, "Uh..." He closed the book in his hand, changed from sitting to standing, the whole person was taller than me, unlike those men who pointed at the girls all day long, he turned around and left as if he was flowing water, "Hey, you're just leaving!" "Huh?" He turned his head, "Oh, warn you, your shoulder strap is pink..." I straightened my white silk shirt in shame, "You rascal! But when I said that, he was long gone.

"Don't go!" I stepped forward and grabbed his hand, and suddenly, I found that he was more and more similar to that "Ye Qingming", the moment I touched his white hands, he stiffened for a while, and then his body began to soften, the same white white, the same fragile, if you pay close attention, cold sweat began to break out on his otherwise smooth face.

"What are you going to do?" He turned his head and looked at me quietly, his overlapping eyes so that I didn't dare to look at him for more than a second, and I cursed myself for when I was so cowardly. Suddenly I realized that I could no longer answer anything, pursed my lips, stared closely at his steps, and slowly moved towards the school building. Until outside the door marked with a class sign, the lunch break bell rings, "When do you want to follow?" He was calm, or so I thought, and I didn't dare to take a breath, so I hurriedly wrote down the number of the end of the day, hurried back to the classroom, and hurriedly stole to write.

2

It felt a little better, and at least I started to chase the memories, but it was more like an atonement, for everything I had missed.

When I pressed the remote control of the air conditioner that I didn't dare to use, I began to feel a little relieved, the computer screen was still on, I didn't set it up for screen protection, and I staggered to the seat, and the desktop was still a photo with my current boyfriend, he treated me very well, and began to wait for me downstairs every morning when I didn't wake up, but since then I have no feeling for these tedious things, because a lot of them are like contrived, maybe it's my prejudice, but I'm still a little uncomfortable to see them.

One winter morning, with heavy snow, thinking that he was not coming, simply began to decorate slowly, when I took care of my face, full of interest, just opened the door, the whole ice sculpture like standing in front of my door, the soy milk in my hand is no longer hot, my grievances "wow" came up, "Why do you want to be so good to me?" I really don't deserve you like this..."I just scolded myself in my heart, took him home, leaned on my shoulder and shed tears for a long time, snot or something soaked most of his white suit, his face was still cold, I didn't dare to touch it. Just smiled softly, as if seeing me was the most satisfying thing in this life, always like the time I can't forget the most, silently accompanying me, silently giving something I didn't know.

He was like me at that time, who did not hesitate to give everything for the people he loved.

I kind of understand the affection he gave me.

So, I didn't call him even though he was so sick. Look at me, I'm so strong, keep my sad words to myself.

"Because I know, I'm going to let go and say goodbye, or say goodbye." Qingming, is this what you want to express when you leave?

Why should I think so much.

3

After hearing about him, I realized that Ye Qingming was a boy. And it was what I called a scoundrel at the time.

The next time I saw him, I was under the same tree, and after some careful attention I realized that it was a plane tree, with an oval crown, a straight trunk, a thick green in front of me, and emerald green branches and leaves intertwined. "Hey, why are you still here?" He just glanced at me lightly and focused his gaze on the book again.

"I said you're a rascal—" I didn't dare to say it, but I was terrified by his pupils, the same pair of black and blue eyes that locked on to me, "uh... You're sick, why do you keep staring at me! By the time he answered, it was almost half-time, "Then why do you keep staring at me?" "That's right, it seems that I've always been looking for trouble, and I'm inexplicably embarrassed, "Ahem, why don't you give me a step down?" Who is it to show such a cold look? "I don't know where the courage came from that made me say this without hesitation.

"And-" I paused, "you often... Writing? Because he wasn't sure, he seemed to have heard it, and suddenly a wave of annoyance rushed to his head, "Hey! Are you deaf! The most ridiculous thing to me was that he nodded, "Looks like you're the one who wrote the manuscript, right?" "If you've been coping with it, you should be able to tell what's true and what's false," I still have a question.,The girl who often helps you deliver manuscripts... What does it have to do with you? I could tell he was quietly looking at me again, tightening his clothes in response, "She... It's my half-sister. His tone was so meaningful. I tried to find another topic and continued to ask him, "That's... You are Ye Qingming. My words finally fell silent. He nodded, "Have you been alone under the tree all the time?" The summer heat has not subsided, and I have begun to be a little anxious again, "You are quite willful, is there no one to teach you how to behave?" I saw him slowly close the book, "If I say that I am willful, I still hope to return the original words to you." "Why are you so unkind..."I walked away, with a thick anger, what kind of dead is this, not pulling out a hair.

"Hey, has that cold always been like this?" I asked my best friend next to me, "Well, you see, the group of people on the playground should be his classmates, I heard that people seem to have some kind of illness so they can't do strenuous exercise..." So—

As a hint of compensation, no, it was charity, but this girl decided to continue exploring and get to the bottom of it.

For half a semester, since there were only 2 PE classes a week with their class, I jumped at the chance and kept asking next to him, under the plane trees, almost only green grass, with the occasional few petals, and then us, "Have you always been alone?" "Why don't you play with them?" "How did that sister of yours become half-brother to you?" … Then, as expected, he was forced away. "You're not bothered." He finally spat out a sentence that made me finally understand how angry he looked.

A few boys who had just returned from the court walked by, sweating profusely, "Hey, where did my 100 yuan go?" Another tall, thin eye glanced at the man lying under the tree, "Did you do it?" His tone was full of contempt and questioning, as if it was about to be decided that it was this boy who looked surprisingly clean, "What are you talking about, I don't know..." My eyes widened at the loud slap, "What are you doing!" "Shut up!" He smacked me hard, "It's none of your business here, go ahead!" ”

"I said," he slowly stood up with his already crumbling body, "I didn't steal..." This is another punch, "Don't think that Lao Tzu won't dare to beat you to death, you trash!" "It's as if they've locked on to a delicious prey, but is this fragile boy really that delicious?" Stop me! I shouted with all my might, "If he really stole it, would he provoke you by touching an egg against a stone like this?" "Fart!" He also gave me a slap in the face, "What the fuck are you hitting her!" This one named Ye Qingming finally got a little angry, fighting with them, I was like a piece of wood, anxious but helpless, I don't know how long it took, one of the three finally fell, "Phew! Dead garbage, stealing is stealing, and quibbling, fuck you! As he spoke, he kicked again, "Stop! "I stepped forward to pull away... But he was pushed away again, and it lasted for a long time, and when they strode away, I stepped forward and his face was blue and purple, and he couldn't speak for a long time.

Raindrops began to fall in the sky unconsciously, but fortunately it was just like cow hair, and it did not affect the figures on the playground, but the shouts over there became more intense, as if they were expecting something exciting to happen. "Why do you want to help me?" He patted the dust off his body and spat blood in his mouth, "You're bleeding...", I handed him a handkerchief, "Okay." I sighed, "Shall I not say it?" "We were silent for a long time, of course, during which I still glanced at the white and flawless face from time to time, although it was hurt, the of a woman is really terrible, and thanks to my concentration... Comparatively stronger. I don't know what went wrong, the other girls only pay attention to the figures running crazy on the field, only me, at this time I always pay attention to the stories they can't see, are ignored, lack a kind of sympathy, "ahem...", he cleared his throat, "I'll tell you a story." "This is the first time he has taken the initiative to speak to me, but this time it has become me, and I didn't even respond.

4

In fact, he is a very stubborn boy.

That's the only thing I thought after listening to his story.

"I have had a strange disease since I was born, I can't run, I can't jump, I can only want to be enshrined like a porcelain doll, my parents almost spent most of the family property for me, but there is still no turnaround, everyone thinks I am a waste, I was fragile when I was a child, in the face of their cynicism, crying and crying all day long, and gradually getting out of this hustle and bustle... Every time I see other children playing, I can only hide in the corner and read, because I am not reconciled, I am so depraved, I still have many things, many things to achieve. ”

"I also have a younger sister, the one who helps me deliver my manuscript at every sports meeting, and she actually has the same strange disease as me, but she has gotten better, she can be better than me, but..." he sighed,

"You know, I don't know if there will be a permanent day like this, how I wish there would be someone who would accompany me and comfort me when I was helpless, but that was just a luxury, who would be willing to touch someone who is almost disabled?" He laughed at himself, and my eyes turned red.

"My sister is also a naïve child, but, you know?" He paused for a moment, "Because of me, all because of me..."

"That afternoon she dragged me home, and somehow a bus flashed out of the way, and it was about to come at us, and because of her physical inconvenience, we couldn't run away in a short time, and she was like that... I used all her strength at that time - how old she was, only 1 year younger than me, I couldn't even imagine the strength at that time, I fell to the side without hindrance, and she, who was hit to a blur of flesh and blood, kept gushing bright red blood from her mouth, I was stunned, she kept muttering 'brother' in front of her eyes, and the saddest thing for me was only that time. My dear sister left so miserably, and because of his brother, you see how incompetent my damned brother is! What an idiot...", he said, tears streaming down his face.

I silently watched his red eyes beside me, and my trembling hands kept clenching, and then loosening, clenching, and loosening.

"When my parents found out, they started scolding me like crazy, calling me a selfish guy, calling me useless trash, can you relate to that feeling? It's like I was born an abandoned waste, a transparent object that no one cares about, I smile bitterly, but I am really helpless, and there is that heartache..."

"That's why I started to close my inner world."

He finished speaking, and I listened to it, and I was able to endure the loneliness and listen to all the untold stories, which is incredible.

"Since then, I've been like a different person, a world of people, how free, uninhibited, in front of others, I'm still the transparent person who is nothing, and yet, because you-"

I froze and stared at her.

"Why do you care so much about me, why do you have to elicit everything I want to say? Tell me, why is that? ”

"I don't know—" I don't even know what I'm doing, "I really don't know..."

"Maybe I've been injured too much, and I've almost forgotten about it." He was silent, and I watched from the sidelines, the so-called calm, but so fragile boy at heart.

The rain was getting heavier and heavier, drenching our hair, "Does it hurt?" I carefully lifted him up, and for some reason he looked at me with no more hostile silence.

5

If one day.

I can go back to my thoughts without any scruples.

Oh, my dear one

You've endured too much, too much—

There are too many stories that make each other's hearts ache but are difficult to tell.

6

Since then, he and I have grown closer and better, often talking under the plane tree, he likes the same books as I do, and we have a lot of common language, and we are no longer like the idiot girl and a cold we used to be. For example, during the sports day, there was a girl who kept running errands and delivering manuscripts for her, and then personally recited the reader's bytes on the campus radio with affection.

I sometimes ask him, "Rooster, who have you done this to?" He replied to me indifferently, "Idiot, except for my sister at the time..."He sighed, I knew what I said wrong, so I immediately changed the subject, "Look at our school cafeteria, it hasn't been renovated for many years, and the food is almost like feeding pigs..." He glanced at me and smiled slightly out of the corner of his eye, "Nasty guy! I wanted to hammer him, but I remembered his body again, and his fists and feet turned into strokes in front of his eyes, of course, he was used to it, "Hey, I don't cherish animals, as for being so protective?" He looked at me quietly, his eyes were finally full of softness, I didn't expect this cold to be more approachable.

"Since then—" he said.

"Since my sister, no one has been able to treat me like you are today...", my expression became surprised as I supported him, "You can actually be like them..."

"What?" I'm a little puzzled.

"It's the same... And... Normal... instead of taking care of me, a near-crippled person. He also emphasized the word "normal" very thoroughly, silently looking up at the sky, cloudless.

"What do you say?" I pressed his shoulder and said solemnly, word by word, "You are my friend, a good friend, a close friend who no one can laugh at." He smiled heartily, revealing his white tiger teeth, "You look so stupid." He said, "You don't have a bad smile." I replied to him, no way, I just like to talk back, "Why do I praise you as if you are interrogating?" "That's how naïve you are!" "you!"

"Can you help me revise my new novel?" He turned his head and asked softly, his eyelashes fluttering regularly, the cool autumn breeze blowing my long soft hair, and I smiled slightly, "But I can't write articles..." He covered my bright and delicate lips, "Just a little comment, and I haven't finished writing yet..."

Sorry, I still didn't read that article.

Or maybe I won't have a chance.

…

When I had a premonition of a sense of foreboding, I immediately dialed the phone number of Qingming's house, but as expected, no one answered.

I braved the heavy rain and ran to the house, and my neighbor replied that the terminally ill boy in the house was going to have a seizure in the middle of the night.

Impossible, I said.

He's still talking and laughing in front of my eyes today, it's impossible to just leave, and he still wants to finish that novel!

Maybe I'm praying too much, or maybe it's because of me.

I laughed. Laughing poignantly.

I never thought of the result, the rain was very heavy, washing my whole body, I ran wildly in the scooping bay, but the taxi was jammed with traffic, I opened the car door and rushed straight to the hospital.

"You're here...", he was wearing a respirator, lying there quietly, like a high-end object, fragile but important, etched deep marks in my heart.

"Tell me it's not true." I watched him silently let his parents out of the hospital room, and something suddenly came to mind.

"You still haven't read my novel," he chuckled, but I could see how reluctant it was. Don't laugh, I'm not responsible for laughing again. I struggled to make my face look angry, and he lifted his arm with difficulty and touched my cheek slowly and lightly, "Promise me... Help me get it done,... Okay? ”

"It's not life and death, don't you want to be lazy!"

"Nope." He looked at me quietly, the light in those pupils was about to collapse, "I probably won't last that day, in fact, I already knew that it was a terminal illness, and isn't there nothing, a person like me, one more and one less is nothing, right?" ”

"you! I want you to live for me, I must live! I kept repeating, the corners of his mouth curled, his smile still the same, so innocent, so delicate, like a budding flower, my God, at this time I was still using metaphors, and I was hysterically trying to bring him into my world, "Actually, you have succeeded, and I know-" He looked at me calmly, at my bewilderment. "But we don't say it, do we?" I really wanted to find something, his ECG was almost calm, "Hey, don't scare me, count me begging you, please let me be willful for a while." His gaze became more and more blurred, "I'm sorry, I... It may not last that day, but I still answered your heart, rest assured, I will always watch you quietly there, watching you successfully go to school and get a new boyfriend, hehe, thank you for helping me so much..."His breath became weaker and weaker, and I seemed to watch a fragile chick come fragile and leave fragilely.

"Rooster... Qingming, don't sleep! Listen to me more... Listen more, even if it's just a word—" "Listen," he smiled at me, as he had done before, "to live well... Well... After the next journey..."He finally closed his overlapping eyes at that time, and I didn't know how to lose it, but I still cried, from whimpering to crying, as if it was his own family who had died.

His funeral was peaceful, and few people came, but it was me, and the rain still didn't stop that day, and I was holding a black umbrella with my eyes wandering. There was silence for a long time.

7

His diary was full of novels, "There was a girl," I began to look down earnestly, "she was like a spirit from heaven when I was most lost, and gave me the courage to live." "Why do you look more and more like writing about me?" … One day, I remember that it was the rainy season, and I poured out all the things I wanted to say, and she still comforted her with peaceful words, and at that time, I thought she was my sister, very like, but not exactly, because she was always silly, but I knew that she cared about me, and I just silently watched her by my side, accompanying her for the last half semester of my life...""When I asked her what she was doing this for...... She was still innocent, and I never dared to say a more sinister word to her, because I was afraid—" I burst into tears.

"I'm afraid, I don't have enough ability to give her what she wants, these days she uses all the care to help me through the difficulties, sometimes, I always want to say 'thank you', but I don't dare to confide, I am actually very afraid of losing, such as my sister, such as the love of my parents, and a lot of examples, it will always make my heart hurt more, when I am tormented by illness, her face will appear in front of me, at that time, I silently said to myself, to live well..."

Then, when he handed over the diary to me, there was a half-finished novel in it, the novel that I had never dared to read, and the heroine in it was very much like me, silently paying for someone who didn't want to do it, but it was still not finished.

"Yang Yang..."There is a message on the last page, "To live well, if you can, please forget about me, you don't have to continue to write the novel, because, I don't want you to help me... Help me so much. ”

"Fool!" I cried, "Dead, you total fool!" "Crying was heard in the empty bedroom all night.

Because, I want you to live-

So, don't want me to waste so much of my efforts, dream! Never think!

8

I began to accept the boy's goodness, because, he, like me at that time, I didn't want to let an irrelevant hope be dashed again, and I vaguely remembered the warmth when I was lying next to him, like at that time, I and Qingming, alive, it was so good.

The winter wind was blowing outside the window, and I opened the document again, tapping on the keyboard non-stop.

That's right, I'm continuing to write about our past.

clear and bright

Mine, Qingming.

You okay?