This book was the one that affected me the most after reading it in junior high school.

At that time, he was confined at home by his parents because he went to perm and dye his hair with his classmates without permission. The only place I was allowed to go out was the school, so I didn't even want to go home so soon after school, but went to the library to kill the time.

It turned out that it was there that I stumbled upon "Bayberry". The cover is a silhouette portrait of a girl with her head folded on her knees, and the style of painting is slightly Monet's impressionist style, which I like. For some reason, I was fascinated by the appearance of this little girl, so I opened the book in a daze-you must know that I hate this kind of book full of words the most, and every time I come to the library, I look for comic books.

It turns out to be a very tragic but thought-provoking novel. And after reading it, I really felt the shock of my soul for the first time since I was born, and I felt like I had been re-washed, and many things that I thought were reasonable at that age were shattered at once, and I often thought about it all night long. I thought a lot about my own life in society, I thought about a lot of fragmentary but transparent things, I came to a lot of conclusions, and I also denied many things, and many of the most basic things that established my current outlook on life, values, morality, and worldview were also thought out at that time.

The protagonist of this book is called Yang Mei, her life is a little different from ordinary people, she can't choose to experience congenital deficiency, autism, domestic violence, frame-up, and was sent to a mental hospital halfway through the story.

Luckily, there was a friendly aunt in the psychiatric hospital who shared her room. The aunt was very enthusiastic, she was a very rare college student at that time, and she also claimed that she was not mentally ill, and when she stayed in the ward together, she would secretly teach Yangmei some things, such as painting, such as writing, such as how to avoid supervision in the hospital to avoid taking medicine. "These drugs change our brains, and as long as we don't take them, we'll be fine." That's what Auntie says to Yangmei most often.

The aunt was betrayed by her husband. After her husband cheated, in order not to be divided in the divorce, she deliberately sent her aunt to a mental hospital through perjury and all kinds of dirty little means.

But in the process of Yang Mei's contact with her aunt, she found that her aunt was also a little chattering - perhaps because of the environment, she seemed to have been a little assimilated by this mental hospital.

But just after establishing a friendship with this aunt, a huge turning point happened - one ordinary day, after the doctor who dispensed the medicine left, the aunt immediately rushed to the toilet as usual and spit out the psychiatric medicine pressed under the base of the tongue into the toilet bowl. As a result, as soon as I opened the toilet door, I saw the angry face of the supervisor who had already left and the bayberry who was pressed hard by the nurses.

That day, the aunt was suppressed by the nurses in front of Yangmei, poured a lot of psychiatric drugs, and then was transferred to the incarceration room and separated from Yangmei.

The desperate eyes of the aunt that day carved a deep mark in Yangmei's young memory.

Later, after the death of Yangmei's biological mother, Yangmei was led out of the neurological hospital by her perverted stepfather again, and since then she has been imprisoned at home and subjected to endless rape and beatings. By the time she was finally found and rescued, the poor girl had completely lost her ability to think as a human being, and had become sluggish and silent.

Just when the world was extremely sorry for what happened to Yangmei, and condemned the ugly stepfather with all their might. After examination, a psychologist found that this change in bayberry was not due to her evil stepfather, but because of bayberry itself. It seems that one day in such a depressed and desperate life, she finally chose to kill herself spiritually, so as to be liberated and free.

At the same time, the stepfather is mitigating his own crimes by collecting various information about Yangmei's presence in a psychiatric hospital. And tried to justify that all this was actually caused by the recurrence of Yangmei's condition.

And at this time, someone actually came out to testify to his stepfather. It was that aunt who came forward and claimed that she was Yangmei's roommate, and that she had now recovered, and during her time in the hospital, she did find that Yangmei was obviously not completely cured and was taken away, and that she often avoided taking medicine before, and was in a bad condition.

-- It was his stepfather who bought the way and told the aunt that he could help her with the discharge of the hospital as soon as she was willing to help him commit perjury.

And the aunt also accepted it immediately, and it is said that she didn't even blink her eyes.

However, the stepfather's lawsuit has not been dropped, because too many people are paying attention to the case, and too many people are calling for the stepfather to be given a due punishment. There are even many lawyers who have aimed at this and come forward to express their willingness to fight for Yangmei for free. Under the pressure of all parties and the representation of excellent lawyers, the case once fell into a stalemate.

At the end of the novel, Yangmei's lawsuit is still won, and Yangmei's stepfather is sentenced to death, which is the only place in the whole novel where people feel positive energy. And Yangmei returned to the mental hospital, the only place where she felt the warmth of this world, friendship, although it was also the place where she suffered the greatest betrayal. But now she has no choice.

Then finally, at the time of Yang Mei's death, people found that she had left a note, which was written in crooked handwriting: "I reported Aunt Yang to the superintendent, and I want to be discharged from the hospital early." ”

It is the character of bayberry, and Aunt Yang taught bayberry to write.

The whole novel is broken here. Like a fish bone in the throat.

Later, when the confinement period ended, I told my parents about the book, and then expressed to them that I wanted to study abroad, and calculated and explained to them step by step the amount of study abroad I had investigated and the solution to some of the amounts.

For some reason, maybe it was because I suddenly learned how to think. I'm starting to think a lot and always want to be able to think about all the possibilities of the future sooner.

They were silent at first, and I knew that this was not a small amount of money for the family. So I also said that I would give up studying abroad once the amount exceeded my quota, but at the same time I would go for a scholarship.

But one day, they suddenly called me over and talked to me solemnly, saying that they agreed with my decision and said that even if I couldn't get a scholarship, they would offer me to study in the United States. They have always been very supportive of my studies and have always wanted my brother and me to continue their studies.

When I heard that, I cried. I felt like what I felt at the time, I won't be able to use up in my life.