On Saturday afternoon, I sat by the window, looking out the window in a daze, Zhou Ying and Feng Xiaolu were chatting about something, Sun Hao interjected a sentence or two from time to time, but they were often ignored, Zhang Hui sat silently and watched them chat, as if thinking about something, Lu Xue sat in the distance with a book and flipped through it from time to time, and occasionally glanced at us.

Is she still angry?

I shook my head slightly, Sun Hao seemed to mean something, shrugged, took out a cigarette and handed it to me, I took it, and turned my head out of the window again.

"Brother, don't smoke in the house." Lu Xue glanced at him coldly.

I turned my head and saw that Lu Xue was glancing at me with an angry face, but her face was like a flower, but her face was full of frost, and I was in a trance for a while, is this still the same Lu Xue who always has an unchanging smile? She didn't seem to smile at me in a long time, she hadn't smiled at me since she came back that day, and though we still greeted each other as we used to, and though she still prepared my meals, she never smiled at me again.

"I don't live here." Sun Hao shrugged his shoulders and said disappreciably.

"So what?"

"I'm here for a party."

"So what?"

"I'm a guest, that's how you're hospitality?" Sun Hao asked rhetorically, looking at Lu Xue with a sly expression.

"You're my brother, not a guest." Luxue remained unrelenting.

"That hill is always a guest, he should be able to smoke."

"Nope." Lu Xue moved her gaze to the book again, and her tone was extremely light, as if she was not interested in talking to me at all.

I held my cigarette and shook it gently with two fingers, and looked out the window again, which was gloomy, as if I was brewing the last rain or the first snow of the year.

"You, did you quarrel?" Feng Xiaolu asked softly in confusion.

"Nope." I replied lightly, but I didn't want Lu Xue to do the same, but there seemed to be a hint of wistness in her tone.

"It looks like a quarrel." Zhou Ying muttered to Feng Xiaolu in a low voice.

"Yes, yes."

"I said something was wrong with them in the past two days, it turned out to be a quarrel."

"Oh, when did it start, do you know why?"

"Just a few days ago, they went shopping for clothes together and came back, and that's it."

Feng Xiaolu and Zhou Ying whispered their gossip, and Zhang Hui shrugged at me empathetically. Lu Xue didn't interject, still looking at the book unhurriedly, but her gaze rarely moved, and it was clear that her mind was not in the words.

"Xiao Luxue, what are you looking at?" Feng Xiaolu asked narrowly, the expression was obviously meaningful.

"College textbooks, philosophical ones." Lu Xue replied with a smile, the smile was so faint that it was hard to detect, as if it was just for politeness or perfunctory.

"Ahem, that little handsome seems to have gone to climb the snowy mountain." Xu saw Lu Xue's embarrassment, Zhang Hui coughed and diverted the topic of Feng Xiaolu and said to Sun Hao.

"Oh, this season to climb the snow mountain, after a while we will be snowing, and we still need to climb the snow mountain." Sun Hao commented lukewarmly, with his usual cynicism.

"Who knows." Zhang Hui also shrugged.

"Why?" Zhou Ying's tone was very light, her eyes were blank, more like she was talking to herself.

"Be lonely." Lu Xue didn't look up, still looking at the book, and her tone was very light, sounding like she didn't want to reply, more like she was answering herself.

I looked out the window and said thoughtfully, "One day loneliness will make you tired, one day your pride will curl up, and your courage will crumble." ”

"There will come a time when you will no longer see your nobility, but you will be very close to your lowliness; Your sublime itself will frighten you like a ghost. Yet, will you walk the path of your sorrow, the path that leads to your own? Lu Xue continued softly.

Feng Xiaolu and Zhou Ying looked at each other blankly, and then looked at Zhang Hui, "What are they talking about?" ”

"Nietzsche's quotes." Zhang Hui wasn't sure to look at them.

"Oh, what do you mean?" Feng Xiaolu turned to Lu Xue again and asked.

"Philosophy, a thousand people have a thousand interpretations, as long as you think it means, it is what it means." Lu Xue said lightly.

"What do you mean?" Feng Xiaolu asked me again.

"Agreed." I replied lightly.

"Agreed?"

"A lot of times, most of the time, we don't think, we don't make decisions, we just act in the way we used to identify, we grow up mechanically eating, sleeping, going to school according to the requirements of our parents and teachers, choosing the way we all agree to live or survive, like single-celled organisms."

"Because we're afraid, we're afraid of being called unsocial, we're afraid of being isolated, we're afraid of denying ourselves because we don't fit in with our previous experiences." Lu Xue looked at me with pity and regret in her eyes.

"So many times, most of the time, we don't think, we only follow the flow of people to make decisions, and act according to our previous thinking inertia, which is called the principle of social identity." I continued, speaking very slowly, and my mind slowly began to return to the scene of that day, and I was still looking out the window, and it was still gloomy outside.

"Please, say something we can understand." Sun Hao shrugged helplessly.

"What are they talking about?" Feng Xiaolu asked Zhang Hui suspiciously.

"I guess sometimes deviance isn't necessarily a bad thing." Zhang Hui tugged at the corners of his mouth, his expression was very dazed.

I nodded silently, one of the criteria by which we judge right and wrong is to see what others think, especially when we have to decide what is the right thing to do. If we see someone else doing something on a certain occasion, we conclude that it makes sense to do so. Generally speaking, when we lack confidence in ourselves, when the situation becomes unclear, when uncertainty prevails, we are most likely to use the actions of others as a reference for our own actions. Over time, this kind of thinking will subtly evolve into inherent thinking, and we will deal with problems by inertia according to this inherent thinking, and will not think about whether there will be other ways, and will not think about what we represent in it, so we will live or survive by inertia.

"We all live or survive in ways that we identify with or are forced to identify with." I said lightly.

Feng Xiaolu lowered her head and asked dejectedly, "What do you mean?" ”

"Sometimes, we, maybe, should, choose the path we should take ourselves."

"That's it?!" Feng Xiaolu looked at me indignantly.

"So" Lu Xue looked at me with a smile, and she, she smiled, still the same as always, the same layer of the same smile, the kind of warm orchid-like smile.

"So" I looked at Lu Xue, and for a moment I was in a trance, and I didn't know how to say it for a while.

Feng Xiaolu and the others suddenly quieted down, looking at us with interest, as if they were waiting for something.

"So, I decided that we were going out to eat today." Lu Xue winked at me playfully and said with a smile.

Well, I think I heard everyone sigh.

"Hey, hey, sister, it's going to rain outside," Sun Hao muttered dissatisfiedly.

"So what?" Lu Xue smiled at me, "I'll go change my clothes, Brother Xiaoshan, wait for you." ”

Wait for me

I shook my head slightly, and the sky outside the window seemed even darker.

"Looks like they're reconciled again?" Zhou Ying looked at Feng Xiaolu puzzled.

"Well, well, it seems so."

Sun Hao shrugged, "There are some people you never understand. ”

There are some people you will never understand, yes, those people who don't understand, those people who don't understand, those things, those seemingly absurd choices, isn't it a kind of helplessness, a kind of futile sadness.

I thought.