"This should be our fourth meeting in a year." Cesare said as he walked with Jenny to her office, "Really? Or is something wrong with my memory? ”

"From the time I set off to make Iron Man?" Jenny recalled, "Almost, maybe one or two meetings were forgotten in between. ”

She shrugged her shoulders and picked up the conversation, "But the last time we actually talked was a year ago - I mean, chatting, not talking, you know the difference." ”

"Of course." Cesare said absentmindedly, "Tea, of course? ”

"Just give me a glass of water." Jenny hesitated, but chose to sit on the small sofa in the reception area: Cesare did not have any position in Big Dream on the surface, of course, he would not have an office, before Big Dream got Disney's investment, it was simply a grass team, and it was not difficult to keep an office without a famous brand, but now, Big Dream's operation is becoming more and more formal, which also makes them have to pay more and more attention to procedural details, Cesare used to share an office with Jim, but now, Big Dream's network marketing department is also on the right track, Jim was getting busier, and Jenny's office was vacant all year round, so he took over her office to give orders. Of course, there was nothing wrong with that, but now, Jeanne felt that she didn't have the confidence to sit in the main seat, but she didn't want to take the initiative to sit in front of the desk and give up control to Cesare.

Cesare seemed to know a little bit about her mental activity, and the corners of his mouth turned up slightly—but certainly not the amiable smile he wore to his clients. He placed a glass of water in front of Jenny, "To be exact, the last time we really talked about something unrelated to work was a year and a half ago, and I was sick and you took care of me—was that really a year and a half?" Time flies—but, Jenny, if I had to define it, I'd say 'chatting' almost never happened between the two of us. ”

Jenny knew that Cesare hadn't meant it that way, that it was just a trick on his part, and she couldn't help but smile a little, feeling a little bit of energy start to flow back: it's the damn jet lag.

"Really?" "But I thought I was just matching your personality and preferences, I mean, if you'll allow me to ask, I've got a lot of questions for you -- I heard you had a young girlfriend, didn't you?" Cesare, did you learn your capitalization skills and animated emoticons with her? When can I see her? ”

Seeing Cesare's expression change, she said proudly, "You know, you're not the only one who will ambush your eyeliner." ”

Since she left Los Angeles to shoot "Iron Man", the busy schedule and jet lag have indeed made her and Cesare not sit down and chat for a long time, although they still keep in touch from time to time, not to be strange, but the feeling of fighting wits with him still makes Jenny feel very close and reminds her of the time when she was a young actor. Of course, she knew that whatever Cesare said was for her own good, but she was still willing to put on this slightly provocative banter, and Jeanne was a little reluctant to admit it to herself, but she did think that she could mix it up - it would be nice if she could end the conversation with a few jokes.

"Jim." Cesare said that there was not much anger in his tone, "He does talk a little too much sometimes." But that's not what we're going to talk about today - you might think I'm joking with you, but I'll say it's my truth, Jenny, we've known and worked together for seven years, and that's pretty much forever in Hollywood, and of course, I admit that I know you well, and I know you all about your habits, your personality, your preferences, some of which you share with me, some of which I guess - I believe I'm one of the few people in the world who know you well. ”

Thinking of how innocently he had uttered those words at that dinner seven years ago, and how Cesare had recorded her words even more innocently, as if he had a moment of genuine belief that what she had said at that time would be all true, how binding it would be, and how much those agreements had changed so far, and how much the two of them had changed so far—Jeanne couldn't help but laugh, "Yes, of course you are, Only you can understand how much we've been through in the last seven years – we've been through so much! Almost better than me...... More ups and downs than an ordinary person has experienced in a lifetime. ”

Cesare's eyes softened, and he admitted, "Yes, we both changed the trajectory of each other's careers, and therefore each other's lives to a greater or lesser extent. ”

But his willpower was not shaken, and Cesare continued to push forward, as if he had seen through Jeanne's reluctance, but did not want to give in to it. "However, I would like to point out this, Jenny, there is no real conversation between us, of course, we have had meaningful conversations, we exert influence on each other, we trust each other. But in those conversations, we're never talking about yourself, we're talking about my life -- I don't mean to accuse you or complain about unfairness, that's what I'm willing to share with you. ”

"We talked about our feelings, but we never really talked about you, Jenny, and most of our communication was when I said you listen, and you were very secretive about your own business, and if conversation was when two friends talked about their lives with an open and unguarded attitude, then I can say unequivocally that we never talked to each other, despite our frequent and occasional communication." ”

Jeanne opened her mouth to defend herself—she was not only hurt, but also angry, and how could Cesare say they hadn't talked? How can it be said that she is very secretive about her own affairs, isn't this implying that she is selfish and closed-minded? Could it be that he's been in those cigar hours for the past seven years?

However, in the face of his piercing blue eyes and unmoved cold expression, she swallowed the words into her stomach again: after the quarrel with Chris, Jenny had realized that she was wrong, and as soon as she felt that her weakness had been hit, she would unusually burn into anger, without thinking, even forcefully posing as hurt, and invariably put herself on the side of Zhanli. The reason why Chris's relationship with her ended so awkwardly was definitely due to what she said in the hotel, and she didn't lie to Meryl, which made her feel guilty many times in retrospect. It was a problem she was determined to get rid of, and she felt that Cesare wasn't Chris, and that Chris would be, and that trick might not work for Cesare at all.

"I ......," she said, reluctantly admitting Cesare's words, of course he had no real evidence, but there was no need for such a thing, denial was in vain, and as long as she was honest with herself, Jeanne had to admit that Cesare was not wrong, that she had never 'talked about her life with openness and defenselessness', and of course it was not bizarre at all, because she couldn't Talking about her life with an open and unguarded attitude', if she did, I'm afraid she would really be sent to a psychiatric hospital.

"I'm not saying it's a problem," Cesare said, speaking in a relaxed manner today, his shoulders flabby, and his eyes leaning forward to look for Jenny, as if he were afraid that it would scare her away. "First of all, our relationship is based on partners, and it is good to keep a certain distance from each other, which is conducive to a professional working attitude. Secondly, I soon found out that you were not deliberately targeting me, it was just your habit, you never seemed to open yourself to anyone, and the closer you got to you, the more I felt that you were a fog. I've known you for a few years now, but there are times when I still don't know what you're thinking, and that's not uncommon for me - at your request, I talked to Chris, and I found that he felt the same way, and much more strongly than I did, and it was this feeling that made him feel very uneasy, he felt that you knew him very well, but for some reason, he felt that he didn't know you at all, he felt very unbalanced in the emotional connection, and kept giving, but it was difficult to feel your response. ”

Even after talking to Chris, Jenny still couldn't help but feel gloomy: Cesare was right, of course, she was a good girlfriend to outsiders, and everything she did was blameless, but people are not fools after all, and for those close to her, her closure may not be a secret for a long time, maybe for friends, this closure does not hinder their friendship, but in a romantic relationship, this sense of closure is undoubtedly the biggest shadow, and this feeling of hurting a good person makes her very uncomfortable. Even to a friend, to a friend like Lillian, who had opened her whole life to her, she would have a feeling of regret that she could not reciprocate with equal honesty - this was the first time that this had been pointed out to her and talked to her, but it was not the first time that she had been affected by this question, only before, this loss may have been only faintly melancholy, but under Cesare's objective and sharp words, it turned into a deep sense of guilt, which made her feel unbearable.

"I'm so sorry—" she said, her eyes red and her throat choked, "really, if this hurts you—"

"It didn't hurt me." Cesare said, his blue eyes narrowing, "If you're talking about Mary and Lillian, your few friends, you didn't hurt them, but I do hope you don't cry, and that's the core of what I'm going to talk to you about." ”

He pulled out a tissue and handed it to Jenny, waiting patiently for her to collect her emotions - the neon lights outside the window cast a flowing light on his face, but the light was fading, the office lights were going out one by one, and even in Hollywood, a city that never sleeps, people began to go home from work.

"I'm listening." Jenny said that the mood swing was only for a moment, and she quickly returned to normal, even embarrassed by the performance just now: it was not very obvious, but just now it seemed that Monroe's state was back, and this feeling of collapsing as soon as she encountered a problem was really too Monroe. - Maybe it was because Cesare's gentle attitude was different from what she used to be, maybe it was because she had really found someone she could trust to talk to, and now that the feeling of resistance had faded away, she was really listening.

"I've been aware of this trait of yours for a while, of course, but I don't think it's a shortcoming that needs to be changed, everyone has their own personality, maybe you're just particularly introverted." Cesare was also thinking, his tone slow and cautious, "But now, I think it's become an obstacle for you." In the past, your mental condition has always been healthy, of course there will be lows, but with a little encouragement, you can easily get rid of it, but now I believe you also feel that something is wrong with you, and you are not the only one who realizes this, Mary told me something, I will observe and test it myself, your mental state is terrible, I want you to tell me what happened to you, is it because you broke up with Chris? ”

“…… There was a part," Jenny tried to sort out her feelings, but she—she didn't know what to say, and though she needed to talk like an explosion, and she needed a pillar like a drowning, she really didn't like to be open about her weaknesses to another person," but not all. ”

"I don't think that's the main reason," Cesare said, "you're in a good mood at Wellington - is it like you said to Meryl, it's about getting into the play?" ”

"Hmm......" Jenny fell into the dilemma of expression again, "I don't know how to describe it specifically, but I tried a new technique in this shoot, and the effect was good, but the sequelae was that I couldn't get out of it, I don't know, I guess Chris's incident was also a trigger." ”

“ok。” Cesare's tone was steady, as if it were nothing more than a slice of cake, a small problem that could be fixed at a moment's notice. "So can you give up this new technique? Would you like to? ”

Jenny didn't speak, just looked at Cesare, of course she didn't think about giving up the new technique and using the old way to play Monroe, she thought about it thousands of times in those sleepless nights, if "Monroe" wasn't a project she single-handedly promoted and started from scratch, it wasn't her hard work, maybe this idea would really have a certain temptation, but, now? At this point in her life?

"You don't want to." "May I ask why? ”

"Because the new techniques make me better." Without thinking, Jenny said, "Because it brings me closer to the peak." ”

Cesare's eyes showed laugh lines, his lips curled, and for the first time tonight he showed a real smile, a relaxed one-

"Then you're still you, Jenny. Jefferson," he said, "you're still the girl who strives for excellence, and you're just having a little problem. ”

His smile was sincere, relaxed, even gentle, but it was still a wolf's smile, and it still carried the shadow of Cesare's countless toothy smiles: when he first revealed his ambitions to her, when he secured a show for her in Pirates of the Caribbean, when he bundled prices and increased her value more than tenfold - over time, she became Cesare's VIP client, and became the VIP of all of Hollywood, He had rarely had the chance to smile so proudly and condescendingly at her again, but it never left him, perhaps he hid it better, perhaps he used it without scruples on the right occasions—and Jeanne suddenly realized that the years had not made Cesare old and tired, but on the contrary, it had made him more radiant, more mature and charming, and it had made him more perfect.

Of course, she knew him very well, Cesare was as busy as she was, or busier than her, he carried the same burden as her, and yet in this point Cesare always had an advantage over her, perhaps at first, the difference was not obvious, but over time it finally became apparent: Cesare truly loved what he was doing, he loved his job, he loved what he achieved, of course, his life had all kinds of problems, maybe he was also at risk of getting lost, but his career was his anchor, As he had told her, he drew endless nourishment and joy from his career, and in this respect, she was not the same as he was.

But she couldn't explain to him why she was different, she couldn't explain why she could only say that she was chasing ducks to the shelves at the beginning, which was not in line with her rhetoric back then, this secret made their communication always deviate, there were misunderstandings, for Cesare, they were still like-minded, but there was a small problem to solve, the pursuit of excellence was her driving force, the source of her sense of security, as long as this small problem was solved, she could return to her original state of health, Continuing to sprint towards their common goal, she deceived him as well-

"yes......" Jenny whispered, almost muttering to herself, "it's just that there's a big problem in the pursuit of excellence." ”

"But you still won't give up." Cesare said at once, as if he sensed something—he leaned down, elbows on his knees, and stared at Jeanne, "That's the most important thing." ”

"I really don't want to give up," said Jenny, and she felt a wave of irritation: 'But you don't understand at all!' But ...... But I just don't know how to solve the current problem-"

"Well, it's time to bring in the help of professionals." Cesare leaned back on the couch and declared unquestioningly, "—Psychiatrist." ”

Jenny wanted to speak, but was stopped by him, "I know you won't like this idea, but listen to me - first, many method actors need long-term intervention by psychologists, Daniel and Meryl have their own doctors, since you have the common psychological disorders of method actors, seeking professional help is the most effective way, and many psychologists in Hollywood are very experienced in this." ”

Jeanne couldn't help but admit that Cesare had a point.

"Second, the United States and the United Kingdom are different, based on the doctor-patient agreement, it is impossible for your psychiatrist to disclose your status, otherwise he will face sky-high lawsuits and prison sentences, once the doctor-patient * is damaged, this will cause an uproar, and the domestic media cannot be stupid enough to do this, you don't need to worry about your * being stolen and used, this treatment is absolutely safe." Cesare said, shrugging his shoulders, "Before that, you didn't have a similar need, so I didn't propose." After all, you usually regulate yourself well, and the occasional low tide can be alleviated with the help of friends, but I'm afraid you have limited friends right now, and I'm too busy to take care of your mental health in detail - I also lack the professional ability to be reassuring to know that a brilliant professional is looking after you, and of course I don't want to play the emotional card, but if you treat me as a friend—"

"Alright, alright." Jenny hurriedly said, "Don't play the emotional card, I promised to see a psychiatrist." ”

She did not deny that Cesare had guessed correctly, that the idea had made her uncomfortable, and that she was skeptical of the usefulness of going to the doctor. But now she seemed to have run out of room to refuse—it would have been easier if Cesare had come up and pressed him, but unfortunately he was clearly not such a fool, and instead carefully weaved an air of tenderness and tenderness to influence her, so that she had to agree to an offer she had never considered accepting. Like Chris, Cesare was an expert at manipulating people, but his methods seemed to be more sophisticated than Chris's, as now, she could see the twinkle of pride and pleasure in his blue eyes, but she couldn't afford to feel the anger of being manipulated, and could only say with a slight irony, "I guess, of course, you put me in touch with a good and impeccable doctor." ”

"Of course," Cesare said, "I've already made an appointment for you, and this good doctor is available the next morning, and you can go to see a psychiatrist and come back to the company, and we'll have to talk about the marketing strategy for Monroe, and of course there's the post-production problem, you're going to be a little bit slow, and if we have to go to the Cannes Film Festival, I'm afraid we'll have to do post-production while shooting." ”

"I'll just tell you why Mary gave her a morning of free time!" Jenny said that she thought back to her schedule and could only shake her head with a wry smile, "Okay, it's going on until I get on the plane, no problem, I'm used to it." ”

"I'm going to have people delete your corporate meetings, except for 'Monroe' — you're the only producer after all." Cesare said - in fact, the main reason why Jenny is so busy is that she still has to rush to finish the post-dubbing and some publicity work for Iron Man, she doesn't have many big dream projects on her itinerary, and, now that Cesare has said so, Jenny suddenly notices that he hasn't talked to her about the Oscars for a long time, at least not about the Oscar prospects for "Michael" - "I can cancel the Oscar eve party for you if you want." ”

"Forget it." Jenny weighed it and reluctantly gave up on the tempting idea, "If we cancel this, I guess the media have something to say again, and you know how much they like to speculate lately that I've actually been secretly crazy for a long time." We can't afford to make the media - and the people who manipulate the media to make these stories complacent, can we? ”

Cesare smiled, "Then I guess going to the party on the eve and showing off your feathers in front of your enemies would be a good way to decompress." ”

“itis。” Jenny finished her water, and she stood up, "I guess there's no cigar to entertain tonight, right?" ”

"It looks so." Cesare sent her to the door of the office, "—I'll stay a little longer." ”

Mary and her team of bodyguards were waiting for her downstairs, and Jenny nodded and walked to the elevator.

"Hey," Cesare called out to her across the office floor as she reached the doorway.

Jenny looked back and saw him leaning against the door, the cuffs of his shirt half-rolled up: it was clear that he had something to do after she was gone.

"Strive for excellence, remember?" Cesare shook his fist at her, almost lazily.

Although this sentence meant so many problems to her, and although it made her feel guilty, - Jenny found that after so many years, so many tired nights to the point of exhaustion, so many nights of exhaustion, countless nights of being on the verge of giving up but never giving up, and even no longer accepting to give up -

This sentence did not make her more depressed like just now, on the contrary, this sentence with a complicated meaning for her injected her with a warm and confident, firm and solid energy at this moment, she is not Monroe, and she doesn't need to know whether she is Chen Zhen or Jenny. Jefferson, she is who she is, her connection to reality is made up of so many endless late nights, forged by a little bit of sweat, and in this moment she is who she is, a woman who is bruised and exhausted but still strives for excellence, no matter what she pursues for excellence, the process is still real and heavy, and there is no doubt about it.

"Strive for excellence." She said, grinning at Cesare, "Always pursue." ”

At least she slept well that night.