"And yet where are you? Where is the vast sea of people looking for your lost soul? Where is the huge river city where you can hide! You are like a bamboo shoot, buried in the frozen soil of society for a long time; You are like a hiking camel, carrying the weight of public opinion for a long time. Don't look at you on the surface you are very easy-going, optimistic, and kind to others, but in fact, you are very restrained, arrogant, and self-righteous in your bones. Your tragedy lies in how you should not be stupid in the morning and twilight to get out of the frozen soil, and your foolishness lies in the fact that you should not dream about when you will be able to enter the upper class in the light of day! If I had taken the liberty of making a little of your sorrows and joys public, and had published a search notice in the newspaper, I might have sprinkled salt on the wound that had scabbed over you; If I Meng Menglang announced your experience to the world and went to the TV station to advertise the missing person, I might have drawn an incurable scar on your dilapidated personal dignity! I can only be like a meek and virtuous wife, admonishing her stubborn and stubborn husband, and can only use endless smiling faces and endless tears to trap him; I can only be like a girl who is just beginning to fall in love, admonishing her lazy and stubborn lovers, I can only use careful coquettishness and painstaking anger to remind him of self-love! The next day, when the morning mist was curling and the morning sun was rising, I took a photo of you enlarged and drove to the riverbank. I first searched in the city square, street parks, and asked if I had seen the young people in the photo, and then I went to the streets and alleys, streets and alleys to look around, hoping to try my luck and find you a little hidden figure, after I did not hold out any hope, I came to the river embankment tired, and saw that the red decay and green were declining, and there were only a few old people fishing on the long river bank who were still alone under the embankment of the willow shade. Such a day passed in the middle of running around, and when I dragged my tired body into the dark door of my house with the wind and dust on my face, I couldn't help but cry bitterly with tears streaming down my face. The next day, when the morning light was faint and the breeze was clear, I stood at the entrance of the vegetable market and the free market with a sad sigh like a resentful woman with a collapsed pillar of the house. I was like an idiot with no grudges and no worries, leaning against the door of the shopping mall and labor market, and the man with a few hot faces smiled slightly and asked about the situation and shook his head helplessly and left. Later, we asked all the men, women and children you may associate with in Jiangcheng, and found all the people in Jiangcheng where you may stop and rest, and then I suddenly had a heart, and I couldn't help but laugh out loud for my own smart life, I was like a fool looking for a needle in a haystack, I was almost a fool waiting for the rabbit, why didn't I think you were a famous nerd is a sour show talent who swept the floor, I thought that when I was in the mountains, every Sunday holiday, you lived like a fly with a pinched head, If you have nothing to do, you always have to go to the Xinhua bookstores in the city, and now that people are in the city, they are not constantly like hornets that have burned their nests, and they are not running around to visit the library and the reading room, which is called surprise! With a sense of urgency and happiness, I ran through all the Xinhua bookstores, libraries and workers' cultural palaces in Jiangcheng for several days, but my knowledge of people is also far-fetched, you are so silent that you can't hear a sound when you fall into the night pot, and you can't see a trace like a pine caterpillar in the snow! ”

Du Ruoru sat on the chair on pins and needles, Xiao Ruoxu played noisily for a while, and fell asleep in his arms with his head tilted. Du Ruo patted the child gently, listening to Ren Yan like a resentful couple who wanted to reunite in the mirror, and the little gratitude in her heart for her help was gone, and the gratitude for her rescue came to naught, and the regret of one wrong step and a hundred wrong steps sprouted in her mind, as if she had made a beautiful trap, just waiting for herself to drill into it; It's as if she's dug a bright trap and just waits for herself to jump in. He stood up as if he were fleeing, and forced himself to calm down, and slowly laid the child on the bed.

"I was anxious, worried, and restless, and when I dragged my tired body listlessly into the Hanxi Railway Workers' Cultural Center, I didn't expect that the miracle that I had hoped for for a long time would happen right in front of me. When the service lady took the photo with a smile, nodded and said that she knew, she was surprised to open her good-looking eyebrows, oops, this person is very strange, don't look at him dressed in tatters, but he is taking our work permit on the railway, don't look at him living sloppy, his knowledge is quite profound, all the books he borrows are antique children's books, he works as a temporary worker in the railway freight yard every day, and several times I have seen him shine shoes in the area of Sanyang Road! Immediately I felt a kind of sadness that wanted to cry freely in my eyes, but there was an endless happiness in my heart that was rapidly spreading, so that I was so excited that I could not speak, and I saw that the handwriting on the library card was indeed a handwriting that I was no longer familiar with, and I was still in half-believing thoughts, so I firmly believed it. Later, I walked out of the cultural center with a thousand thanks, and returned home all the way, and when I saw the photo on the bedside table, the pain and misfortune were like an iron plow, and I couldn't help but cry with mixed joy and deep humiliation. It turns out that you are so ruthless and ruthless, you have stayed in Jiangcheng for half a year, and you don't even want to meet me, you would rather live in a duck shed, pull a cart, and shine shoes for people, rather than ask me to help you. Could it be that I am a lucky woman who has no virtue and no deeds, ruthless and unrighteous, I am worthless in your eyes, I am really a frivolous ** who likes the new and hates the old magpie and picks up the prosperous place to fly**! I wept for a while, and the unbearable resentment and shame of shamelessness scorched my soul in turn, and made my whole body cramp and tremble. Later, I found the clothes I liked the most comfortably and put them on my body, and pulled out the cosmetics that I had discarded for many years, and I couldn't help but put on makeup with joy and taste. Look at the green silk in the mirror mixed with a few gray hairs, and look at the faint yellow that appears on his face that is no longer young. Old, I don't apply fat powder to the years, past, I like a dreamlike flower! A little cute and pleasing Ran Ran Yan has irretrievably passed, and a little eye-catching grace is gone, no wonder people want to abandon it, when you are like stinky shit, lest you avoid it; No wonder people vow to sink into the predicament, the dog sits in a sedan chair and does not accept people to carry, it turns out that you have already been old in the spring, it turns out that people have long been strangers to you, and they are already incompatible......"

"Okay, you Rory said so much, aren't you tired! Don't you just say that you have endured hardships for me and contributed to it, without you Ren Yan, I would probably still be working as a temporary worker in the Hanxi Railway Freight Yard, so that I can be grateful to Dade and accept your love and understanding for the rest of my life? Don't worry, I'm not the kind of incorruptible and shameless person who doesn't repay his kindness, Shiyun: People have no honor, what is it to not die? I will repay you with my heart for your kindness, and I will tie your mother and son to my heart for the rest of my life! But I am an ominous person, I have been ruined and discredited to nothing, I have lost my soul and my will to do nothing, my wife is still suffering in the mountains, and my son is still under the fence in the mountains. You say, do I still have the heart to live with you, and have the face to tie my body to your trouser belt? If anything, I will not be a clay god with an empty human face; The plague god is in the lower realm, and it is not the heart of a human being! Don't you have to open your face to make people spit and pout your ass to make people chew your tongue? Your love for me can only be repaid in the next life, and I will be a loving husband and wife with you in the next life! Du Ruo pushed away the wine glass in front of him in a daze, and stood up with emotion, as if the distress and resentment that had been suffocating in his heart for a long time rushed out to the sky, making him unable to stand against his will, and his fingers could not be suppressed.

"You...... You're drunk! Ren Yan also stood up suddenly, her face was full of shame and indignation, and a few tears appeared in her eyes.

"I ...... I'm drunk! Du Ruosuo pretended to be crazy and stupidly snorted, pretending to be drunk and leaning on the back of the chair, raising his voice while breaking the jar, "You don't know, I'm a notorious drunkard!" Three hundred and sixty-five days a year, soaking in the wine vat every day, drunk in the land of nothing! I will be so drunk that I don't know who is going to sing a long song of hatred at someone else's wedding banquet, and I will be so drunk that I don't know it, lying in the shade of the ancient vines, watching the girls in the mountains take a bath! I, such a scoundrel, a scoundrel, and a bloodless two-pole who kills without seeing a knife, how dare I take care of Teacher Ren, who is holding the shelves of people in the city and talking at the throat? How dare you alarm the luck of Miss Yan, who is squinting at people with a cultural person's head! You can also say with a smile like in the mountains in the past, please don't come to me if you have nothing to do in the future, and you can also walk by as if you were transferred back to the city in the same year, occasionally bumped into on the street, and immediately deflected the donkey's braincase and pretended not to know it! Why do you have to put so much effort into paving the way for a person you look down on, why do you have to dwell on past grievances and grievances, and continue a pathetic relationship that lacks consensus, foundation, and virtue! Didn't you say it quite well in the past: Don't worry about the road ahead without knowing yourself, no one in the world knows you! Didn't you do quite well in the past: you would rather eat a bite of fresh peaches than half a basket of rotten apricots! As the saying goes: it is difficult to return a horse out of the cage, and it is difficult to collect it when it is exported! You are such a smart person, do you want me to guide you, you are so educated, can you not even understand this minimum truth! I have been so flat that my head is smooth and my heart is oily, and I have been discouraged to the point of slackness and numbness! I am by no means the young talent you think of as a blockbuster, and I am by no means the soaring young painter you imagined! We are all almost thirty or forty years old, we have never eaten pork, and we should have seen pigs run, why are you still like a seventeen or eighteen-year-old girl with a spring girl, to cling to an unrealistic dream, and then stick a knife into each other's hearts, so that they can be together and dispersed, and they will be gathered and separated, I will remember your kindness, and I will not forget your great kindness that guided me back from the wrong path twice! ”

"I ...... I knew you hated me! Ren Yan's eyes opened with tears, and his angry face was filled with an awe-inspiring and inviolable solemn look, "I can't forget that I have embarrassed you and humiliated you, and I have made you unable to raise your head in the surrounding environment." But why don't you think about it, when was I a female college student in the city, you are a mountain road maintenance worker who has not graduated from junior high school, no matter how good my eyesight is, no matter how good my mentality, I will not think about falling in love with you. Men are towering trees, and women are vines that climb trees. What is wrong with me refusing you, and what can I blame when I am looking for someone in the city! You don't say that you are brainless, stupid, and dog meat, but blindly blame me and hate me! You're so good, how many women in the city are there in Xiaozhan besides me, why haven't you seen any of them want to marry you? You are knowledgeable, talented, there are so many people in the small station, so many people are going to study, not all of them are gold-plated gangsters, and they almost all patted their butts and left the ravine, why are you still a road maintenance worker in the mountains? You don't have to turn your face ruthlessly, you can't listen to the words in the garden, and you forget that you eat a few bowls of dry rice! Without me, you wouldn't be able to get along in the city for a day, and you really think that you rely on your ability, ability, and a few fart paintings of your ghost to draw peach charms, it's really a hell of a life, and it doesn't make people laugh out of their big teeth! You know how much effort I put in behind my back, how many good things I said, and I don't know how much money I gave to people! I still don't want to be good for you, I think we have a lot of life in the first half of our lives, you have broken a lot of hearts for me, suffered a lot of sins, in the second half of my life I want to make up for you, so that your wish can be transferred to the city, there is a home, there is a woman who knows the pain and knows the heat and knows the truth can snuggle! You're good, clenched into fists, dogs look down on people, and before the river has crossed, they want to tear down the bridge. You don't want to think about it, no matter how cheap I am Ren Yan, I won't be cheap to the point where the jade is broken and changed to white, and the bamboo is burned to the point that the festival is burned, and you are a road maintenance worker in the mountains who has passed in the chicken coop and is full of holes, so I twisted my eyebrows to make my face deliberately find some embarrassment and uninteresting to show you, look at you, you are fortunate to have the time, the shell Lang has changed, one step to the sky, and I want to beg for a bargain crying and shouting that I have to marry you! Is this how I Ren Yan is, isn't this a shameful stretch out your left hand to hit your right cheek! If you keep violating me, you will soon become an old woman with goosebumps. I'm almost thirty years old this year, most of my youth has passed, and most of my beauty has passed, but no matter how bad I am buried, I am a hundred times stronger than that stubborn wife in your mountains! Besides, is she your wife? She is the woman she is marrying, her marriage is protected by the national marriage law, and has she ever loved you? She's not just flying by herself when you come in a big disaster! Why don't you hold a grudge against her? Why don't you linger? I didn't know that there was a shame in the world, and I sent her money every month! You don't belong to a dog, you only remember to eat and not to fight, only smell the smell but not the fragrance! All you know is to rebuke me, to be harsh on me, to put bricks into my heart. Compared with her, I am really worthy of you, I can be regarded as your confidante, at least I dare to tell people, you once pursued me in search of death and life, and people shamelessly said that I am your wife, if I am willing to put my face down, now the children are half a table high! Am I sorry for all this I have done? Can't erase the hatred in your heart! Tell me for yourself, what's so good about her, and how much better is she than me! You are so caring and considerate, you want to go back to the mountains and stay with her for the rest of your life! It's amazing that she gave your daughter body, and she is still there stubbornly guarding, I am a broken shoe, and I am a discarded mouthpiece, if you stick to this, I can't help it, once you stumble into a thousand years of hatred, please hurry up and go out, never step into my house, from now on, as if no one knows anyone, no one will be sad for anyone! ”

"Good...... I'm leaving! I'm leaving! I didn't expect to touch your light and trust your blessings! It's a big deal that I can't get along in the city, so I will go back to the mountains again, and then I will be like a despised toad, a frog and a toad, and I will jump in the mountains for a lifetime. What's so great about this, I've wiped people's shoes, I've pulled carts, and what else can make my face can't be wiped off! I have to beg for food in the city for food in the city against your dead face, and I have to hide it under your eaves, and beg for a cup of water from the spring in the city to drink! Speaking of slapping a swollen face and being fat, I'm really not afraid of suffering twice, suffering two sins, and most afraid of suffering from beauties! Put away your two lines of fake crocodile tears, and don't cry and pretend to be pitiful in front of me! I can't stand it and I can't hold it! I still want to be a white lady crying and breaking the bridge in a demonic manner, and I don't forget the appearance of the old love to confuse me, and I also want to pretend to be a fairy Cui Yingying to send Lang, a sad and indescribable pretty image to deceive me, that kind of thing is long gone, not to mention that you are still a wilted and defeated half-old who can't be defeated anymore! Du Ruo scolded pretending to be angry, and then kicked away the chair with a pretended resentment, took the bag on the bedside table, and pretended to be top-heavy and walked straight out of the door.

"You...... You give me back! Ren Yan raised her eyes and saw that she had the courage to fight all her body in a hurry to block the door, and for a moment of bitterness, desolation, and despair penetrated her atrium like a piece of red-hot iron, making her cry unbearably anymore. Her whole body trembled violently in humiliation, her eyes condensed with extreme panic and stared at Du Ruo's face steadily, so that she burst into tears in a hurry, "You...... You scold me, I shouldn't have made you angry, why didn't I remember my surname for a long time, and I counted you down for one night like a long-tongued woman, I originally wanted to persuade you to turn back, stand firm in the city, and be a cultural person with a head and face, and it is not in vain that you have suffered so much on this day, nor in vain what many sins have been suffered by Sister Lian for you, nor in vain my infatuation with you! You...... Just scold me, really, I'll never make you angry again! ”

Du Ruo was stunned for a moment, and couldn't help but be stunned, but there seemed to be hundreds of jade dragons flying in his heart, making him dizzy and cold. He wanted to pull her away, but he didn't give up for a while, he wanted to reach out to help her, but his mind was blank. At this time, he suddenly felt a dizziness in his brain, and a breath of wine in his stomach suddenly surged, and it was unstoppably approaching his throat in a short time, Du Ruo hurriedly turned sideways, and in an instant, a large piece of wine with a pungent smell rushed out of his mouth like a tide, and the disgusting filthy juice was extremely foul and smelly all over the ground, splashing Ren Yan's face, "Yes...... Sorry! ”

Ren Yan sighed sadly, walked quickly to the kitchen to bring hot water, twisted a towel, and handed it to Du Ruo hesitantly, "Or, you lie down for a while, and I'll wipe it for you?" ”

Du Ruo shook his head, one hand trembling and trembling on the wall, and the other hand swayed a few times weakly, "You help me to the bathroom first, and if I vomit for a while, I will be fine." Alas, what's the matter, I didn't drink much today, why am I still drunk like this, and let you see the joke again, when I came, I repeatedly warned myself, don't be greedy for a cup, don't be greedy for a cup, or uncontrollably drunk. I always can't raise my head in front of you, and I always have an incorrigible lack of self-confidence, this is not psychological inferiority and what is it, this is once bitten by a snake, ten years afraid of the well rope! Hey, funny, funny, funny. Li Baidou has a hundred poems about wine, drunk and sleeping in Chang'an City, the Son of Heaven can't get on the boat, Ziyunchen is a fairy in wine. Ha, ha, ha......"

"Don't be crazy like this, it's okay, people feel as uncomfortable as a cat scratching, you're good, and you're dancing and starting a drunken madness!" Ren Yan sighed sadly, helped Du Ruo to sit down by the kitchen pool, and kept taking hot water bottles, mixing warm water, and looking for slippers, and was so busy for a while that he didn't even bother to wipe the large foul-smelling dirt juice on his body.

Du Ruo was stunned, and suddenly felt a long-lost warmth from the bottom of his heart, so he couldn't help but take Ren Yan's hand, and said in a kind tone that he couldn't believe, "You also wash, look at the dirty body, how can you bear it with such a clean person!" ”

Ren Yan's heart jumped wildly, she pulled out her hand very unnaturally, walked to the edge of the pool like a cover, stretched out her hand to test the water temperature of the basin, and squinted at Du Ruo who was clumsily taking off her clothes, looking out of breath, and unbuttoning it with great difficulty. Ren Yan couldn't help but feel pity again, and hurriedly calmed down his mind, and bent down to unbutton Du Ruo's clothes.

Du Ruo's whole body was hot, and a stream of gratitude and extreme joy quickly poured into his heart, making him suddenly stunned by obsession. Look at Ren Yan's thoughtful and intimate feelings, her delicate and white face is still rare and ruddy, and her flower-like eyebrows and eyes still have the appearance of the past. Time passes like water, the years are like the wind and frost sword, Ren Yan is still so young, so beautiful, and so beautiful. The ** that once stimulated Du Ruo's enthusiasm is still as strong as a peak, and the buttocks that have made Du Ruo toss and turn sleepless for countless nights are still like the moon. Du Ruo sighed deeply melancholy, as if he wanted to hold on to a broken dream, he subconsciously reached out and stroked Ren Yan, "Alas, it's really a creation and a trick, two bitter gourds that are about to grow old, but they can't bear a vine!" ”

Ren Yan was shocked when she heard this, opened her eyes that became very delicate in an instant, staring at Du Ruo's face in a strange way, and there was a little docile smile on the corner of her charming mouth, "You are still not satisfied like this, do you really think that I am old, dragging a broken flower and willow body and still uninterestingly like sticking cow!" ”

Du Ruo wanted to speak and stopped, a smile froze on his face, and he yawned unconsciously, and lowered his head even more distractedly.

Ren Yan was secretly startled, a cool breath suddenly rose from the bottom of her heart, cold and resentful with jealousy and hatred of her own turmoil, which made her shudder, she was stunned and unmoved, and the lamentation of the cold and warm human feelings and the cold feeling of the world came to her mind, like a machine that was about to be scrapped, and the deafening noise stirred up the faint pain. She was very frustrated and lazy for a while, and a strong desire to grasp something in her heart was very tenacious, accompanied by two crystal tears in her eyes quietly overflowing, making her suddenly become extremely firm as if she had changed someone, she resolutely stood up, with a pair of infatuated and infatuated tears, with a face of hope and anxiety soaked in the light of the melting room, looking at Du Ruo affectionately, "You...... Take a good look and see if I'm old, if I'm the kind of tofu scum woman you imagined! ”

Du Ruo was taken aback, his blood suddenly boiled as if it was boiling, and even the faint capillaries in his chest opened up all of a sudden, so that he didn't know where to go for a while, he was blinded by her in order to see her more, and her hated eyes were now charming with a fiery **, in the past, he was swept away by her cold in order to stay with her for a while, and now his cheeks were even more enthusiastic with a wisp of wake-up flush. The humiliating sense of cultural superiority that had made him climb to the top of his guns in the past was gone, and the provocative pride of the female surname that had made him desperately want to possess it regardless of his face in the past was gone. She is now naked like a shell that has lost her soul, and what she wants to dedicate to him now is just a lustful thought that has not disappeared and the heart of the flower is still there**, she is like a flower when she is beautiful and has been ruined by others like crazy bees and honey, she is like a very spring sultry when the quality has long been conceived by others The mountain alliance and wild oath have changed to the morning clouds and twilight rain, and now the empty branches have long been fragrant and green to the point that only a few branches and leaves are left, and now the empty valley of spring has long been lost to the point that only a few lonely flowers remain. However, she was not ashamed but proud, and even whimsically wanted to give this kind of decadent branches and leaves to him as a golden jade, and she was even brazen to dedicate this lonely bonus to him as a blessed land. To put it bluntly, it's not the subconscious high-minded civic complex that is worshipping, she is a city person, educated, and loved by everyone; Du Ruo is a countryman, cheap, it's not too light to give a chicken feather, it's not too heavy to give a grinding plate, maybe he will be a pile of shit and a pile of glutinous dumplings!

Du Ruo suddenly felt angry, and a resentment that was dormant in his bones also surged quickly around his body at this time, making his face red, his hands trembling, and his eyes were red as if spewing fire, he quickly jumped up from the edge of the pool, and fanned Ren Yan's tear-stained left face with a wave of his palm, "I call you cheap, I call you cheap, you are such a shameless person who spoils his most sacred things and uses his best youth as a tablecloth!" ”

Ren Yan was stunned for a while, tears suddenly rolled down the corners of her eyes like trickling raindrops, half of her red cheeks burst into a smile unexpectedly, and a circle of sweet laugh lines appeared on her lips even more coquettishly......

Du Ruo was shocked for a moment, his raised palm hung down again, he swallowed his saliva hard, rubbed his bloodshot eyes, and a thicker and heavier feeling of contempt and hatred in his abdomen rushed to his head like a tide at this time, making his face gloomy again, staring at his eyes without pity, and slapping his palm towards Ren Yan's right cheek, "I make you laugh, I make you laugh, you are such a ruthless and unrighteous person who grows his eyes on the back of his head, and has no virtue in his armpits!" ”

Ren Yan exclaimed, and Ren Yan's tears flowed over her lips that kept twitching, but when she was young, her whole body shook violently, and her red and swollen face was filled with a sad and heartbreaking resentment, and she struggled to pounce on Du Ruo's body, "You fight, you fight, I'm shameless, I'm cheap, I'm the most shameless, this should always be your will, as you wish!" ”

Du Ruo opened his mouth to speak, but his lips were firmly blocked by Ren Yan's breathlessness; Du Ruo withdrew and wanted to leave, but Ren Yan clung to her body like a puddle of mud; Du Ruo struggled in vain for a while, his brain began to be confused, the blood around his body began to flow, and there was a feeling of itchiness and numbness that began to wander away gradually, making him suddenly feel that his whole body was extremely comfortable, extremely Tongtai, and he was like a fairy. Look at Ren Yanxing's eyes slightly open, the eye shadow is as bright as May flowers, look at Ren Yan's face is flushed, her cheeks are as bright as the fire in July, look at Ren Yan's skin is white, and her whole body is as fragrant as a plum in the winter moon. Du Ruo's nerves, which were on the verge of collapse, slowly eased down again. At this time, he only felt that the worries that had been in his mind began to be dispelled, the doubts that had been stuck in his state of mind began to be removed, and all the suspicions and doubts that had tormented his emotions and sickened his heart for a long time were also swept away. He bent down and picked up Ren Yan, who was clinging to his body, gently put her on the bed, pulled up the quilt and covered her, and then knelt on one knee at the head of the bed, holding Ren Yan's palms tightly with both hands, and looked at Ren Yan's eyes that were looking at the ceiling silently as if he was stupid:

"Teacher Ren, I will never forget your love for me in this life; Your love for me will never be forgotten in this life. You are the goddess in my heart, and the guiding light that I can make a difference. But, Mr. Ren, you put yourself in my shoes, I went to work in the city peacefully, got some wages on the spot, and then my wife and children lived a peaceful and stable life, is this my ideal! Is it the Chinese dream that I have been chasing for most of my life? Am I really so vulgar, I have spent most of my life struggling just to get a city hukou? Am I really so shameless, putting most of my life's emotions in exchange for a stepping stone to the city? We are not all in our thirties, and there is nothing we can't see, we have to stick to the private affairs of our children, and we have to love to death in the same bed! In fact, in my heart, I have long regarded you as my intimate lover, a life partner who can cry at you, scold your mother at you, and slap you. No matter how faint I am, I can't forget my first love; No matter how stupid I am, I can't forget what you have done to me. I have dreamed back at midnight, I think of you, and I have many successes and failures, and all I think of is sharing sorrow and happiness with you. I know that you have worked hard in the city to bring your son alone, and I am the one who is waiting; I know that you are plain-faced, rejecting all temptations, and you can't forget our love in the mountains. But in the world, people have to do something, they have to be a little ashamed, they have to have a sense of honor and disgrace. I read the books of the sages, and what I have achieved is the cause of fools, and I have to have lofty ambitions and lofty goals in my life, and I can't lose my ideals because of the difficult road in the world, and I can't lose my spiritual support because of perseverance. If I stop writing here, first of all, I can't stand you, and I can't stand your kindness in guiding me on the journey of art; Secondly, I can't live with Red Lotus, and I can't live with her grace of abandoning worldly prejudices to help me climb the peak of art. Zi said: 'Be faithful in words and respectful in deeds', 'What is the courtesy if people are not benevolent?' People are not kind, how can they be happy? 'I will only crawl under your pomegranate skirt in this life, and do my best to make you live the most healthy and prosperous life, never double-hearted, never-ending!' But now I can't be with you, I can't be in love with you in the same bed, I can't go against my conscience! We have been living in such a state of resentment for more than ten years, and we still care about this day and two days! ”