I began to secretly plan in my heart how to do it, which can bring immediate changes to the family, maybe study hard, have a good job in the future, and let my mother grow old without worry, but it is too long, like watching a chicken grow up hungry, and I am afraid that I will starve to death and will not be able to wait for that big meal. There must be another way.

In addition, my mother went to work, a little confused, that is, the situation at home has not changed, although it is a temporary worker, but my mother immediately went to my father's unit to explain the situation, and took the initiative to give up the living expenses of seven yuan per month, with my understanding of my mother, there are not many accidents, but the standard of living at home is still the same as before, the staple food is still steamed bread and pickles, the edges of the clothes are let go or small, my mother's dark blue coat is washed and dried, showing a strange gray, which makes me puzzled, Supposedly, no matter how much my mother earns, she will earn more than these seven yuan, and she has not added anything to the family, where is the money? Did my mom save it?

My mother spoke very little, as if she was full of preoccupations, and after dinner in the evening, it was not yet dark, and I was doing my homework in the house, and my mother sat in the yard with a maza, and sat in a daze. At first, I thought I was thinking about my father again, but after a long time, looking at my mother's solemn expression, it didn't look like it, and I couldn't ask about this kind of thing, so I had to guess secretly.

Since my father died, my mother and I have been talking less and less, my mother and I are like the two sides of the river, and my father is the bridge that connects us, and now the bridge is broken, and the two sides have lost contact. Sometimes I look at the back of my mother sitting on the horse, lonely and lonely, and I really want to talk to her, but I don't know where to start.

Finally in April of the following year, there was an opportunity, the provincial technical school enrollment brochure was sent to the class, there are various types of work, fitters, electricians, lathes, after graduation package distribution, for me, the biggest temptation is to go to the technical school for three years, there are 18 yuan and five jiao of living expenses per month. I believe this is the opportunity I have been waiting for, not only to ease the burden on my family immediately, but also to have a stable job in the future, which can be described as killing two birds with one stone. But there are not many people in the class who sign up, this is a key middle school in the district, and most of them have to take the high school entrance examination and hold back to go to college!

On Sunday, according to the requirements of the enrollment brochure, when I went to the labor bureau to sign up for volunteers, before I arrived, the courtyard of the labor bureau was full of people, many of whom were accompanied by my parents, and rarely one like me. I didn't tell my mom and wanted to surprise her when it turned out.

I found the end of the line, which had been rounded several times, and I was patient and quietly lined up. The team moved very slowly, and by noon, there were more than a dozen people in front of me, and just when they were full of hope, the team stopped moving. It turned out that when it was time to get off work, several staff began to pack up their things, and one of the stewards gave a notice to the people waiting behind while collecting them: "Don't do it, don't do it, it's half past one in the afternoon!" ”

The crowd began to stir, and some adults began to complain that they had to rearrange in the morning and have to be rearranged in the afternoon. After a period of commotion, the staff of the labor bureau left, and people in the crowd began to go out to buy food one after another, and those who stayed lined up in the same place. I'm just alone, and I have to rearrange in the afternoon after leaving, not to mention that I don't have any money, so I can't run home and come back after dinner. Hold on, as soon as I go to work in the afternoon, it won't take more than a while, and I silently comfort myself in my heart. I sat down on the spot, the sun at the end of April was shining brightly, and suddenly I felt sweating all over my body, and my heart was flustered, I bent my legs, put my head on my knees, closed my eyes, and tried to slow down my strength. The smell of burning meat spread one after another, and the smell spread down the nasal cavity to the stomach, as if it had been transformed into a smell of rubber, and I felt so uncomfortable that I wanted to vomit.

The enrollment brochure said that the registration time is today, I don't know what will happen if I can't report today, whether it will be postponed or closed, I don't dare to think about the benefits, I have to report today.

In this way, little by little, I slowly got through the long hour and a half, and it seemed that I had slept for a while in the middle. When the crowd shook again, I stood up with the people next to me, it was okay to sit, as soon as I stood up, I felt bad, my body shook, and my heart was beating, but fortunately, the labor bureau saw that there were many people, and two more tables were added in the afternoon, there were a total of five tables for registration, and the second round was for me. Sitting on the edge of the registration table, so that the boss don't let his hand tremble with the pen, slowly, slowly fill in, too hard, write the home address when the registration form is scratched a little, volunteer I filled in one, is the fitter major of the medical school, when I read the brochure, I don't quite understand, why there is a fitter major in the school of medicine, I don't know what to do, but I think it is always good to touch the edge of medicine, the middle-aged woman who is responsible for the registration has not seen, said: "Just apply for a major?" What should I do if I can't pass the exam? ”

I didn't speak, I carefully folded a bypass that the clerk tore off and put it in my pocket, got up and walked back, just this time, as if the person was separated from the side by a membrane, the voice of the crowd was hazy all of a sudden, and the faces were shining one by one, as if they were trimmed with gold, and I didn't know why, I fell to the ground.

When I became conscious, I felt that someone was running with their hands supporting me, and I tried to open my eyes, but it seemed that only my brain was alive, and I couldn't do anything. There were many people around talking, and their voices were distant and indistinct. I don't know how long it took me to be put in a flat place, and someone took off my shoes. At this time, the back of my head was wooden, and I was confused again.

When I woke up, I found me lying in the hospital, and my mother was sitting on the edge of the bed, and as soon as she saw me open, my mother immediately got up and went outside to call the doctor: "Doctor, wake up." ”

A middle-aged female doctor in a white lab coat walked in from outside, stood on the edge of the bed, rolled my eyelids, and asked me, "Wake up, how do you feel now?" ”

I shook my head. My mother said on the side, "Tell the doctor if you have anything." ”

I thought about it for a moment: "The back of my head hurts." ”

The middle-aged female doctor smiled and pouted casually on the back of my head: "It's okay." ”

I sat up and felt not only the back of my head, but my whole head heavy.

My mother asked the doctor worriedly, "Doctor, what's the matter?" Why do you faint? ”

"It's fine. Low blood sugar, usually with a few pieces of sugar in my pocket, I feel dizzy and it's okay to eat a block. Usually eat something good, supplement nutrition, so tall, look thin. ”

My mother and I came out of the hospital, and my mother actually supported me, which made me very unaccustomed, and I pulled my arm out of her hand several times, and after a while she helped me again, and the surname Suo was like that. It was quite far from the hospital to home, we walked slowly, along the way my mother bought a lot of things in the roadside store, a pound of toffee, and also bought some peach crisp snacks or something, and met a bicycle selling melons at the intersection, my mother picked the two largest. Watching my mother buy these things, I couldn't help but drum in my heart, and quietly summed up these prices in my heart, and when I totaled them, I was even more worried.

"Why are you buying these? Didn't the doctor say it was okay? ”

"You have to eat if you have nothing to do, or you will be dizzy next time."

"Then buy it from Aunt Shangguan, it can be cheaper."

“……”

My mother didn't say a word, her face sank. After a while, he was not angry, "Don't mention her in the future, this kind of person ......"

I then remembered that Aunt Guan hadn't come to our house for a long time, and my mother was awkward, I secretly guessed, and my mother continued to walk home, and my mother also changed the topic, saying that those people who carried me to the hospital today found their home from my registration form to inform her: "I was in a panic, and I forgot to thank people." ”

I just remembered, and quickly took out the registration form in my pocket and showed it to her.

"Oh, why did you apply for a volunteer, what should I do if I can't pass the exam?"

"It's almost, none of the students who are good at studying have come, and they are all waiting to be admitted to high school and college."

"Oh." After a while, my mom remembered something again: "Where's the school?" Far away, right? ”

"More than a hundred kilometers." I'm not so sure.

"That's not far." My mom nodded.

Along the way, I talked to my mom about going to a technical school, and my mom thought it was good as I expected, and I felt that I had finally done something that my mom thought was right, and I was happy. When I got home, I ate a few bites of food and went to sleep, and when I woke up, it was already dark. The house was very quiet, I thought there was no one at home, I got up and came to the outside room, turned on the light and was startled, my mother sat in the dark shadow, the light was on, my mother instinctively raised her hand to block the light, I looked at my mother's face as if she had cried.

"Mom, what's wrong with you?"

“…… Hi, almost fell asleep, isn't this waiting for you to eat. ”

My mother's eyes adjusted to the light, and she lowered her hand, and I suspected that I had seen it wrong.

My mom asked me again, "Is your head better?" Still dizzy? ”

"Don't get dizzy, okay."

"Then, let's eat." My mom looked up at the wall clock and said, "Yo, it's almost eight o'clock." ”

The next day, I lived with my mother in a gentle drizzle, I made up my mind not to go to high school anymore, so the school's homework was so-so, I calmed down, seriously prepared for the technical school exam, at this time I regretted only one volunteer, in case it didn't work, I really don't know what to do. I can't accept this situation in my family if I continue to study in high school, so I have to be careful.

The food at home is also better than before, since I fainted with low blood sugar once, after a while, my mother will buy five cents of meat, because I am afraid of spoiling, once fried, soaked in soy sauce in a bowl, can fry two dishes. I obviously feel my mom relaxed, and I talk a little bit during meals.

On the day of the exam, my mother got up early, bought soy milk and fritters, and boiled two eggs, I gave one egg to my mother to eat, and my mother hurriedly waved her hand: "No, no, no, eat one fritters, two eggs, and do well in the exam." ”

I laughed at my mother's superstition: "[***] members still believe this!" ”

Before leaving, my mother specially put on her Inagkun watch, which she had worn for decades, "Look at the time." ”

I went out with my mom, she went to work, I had to go to the exam room. Walking on the road, my mood suddenly became sad, my classmates are sitting in the classroom at this moment, preparing for the high school promotion exam, the university entrance examination in the future, the choice of career, everything is new and unknown. And I, on the other hand, want to unravel the mystery now.

After the exam for a while, I suddenly wanted to fail the exam, but it backfired, and the notice came soon. The notice was sent to the labor bureau, and then distributed by the labor bureau to the various commune districts, and I was the best among the dozens of children in the commune who went to take the test.

Aunt Guan also heard the news, and sent her son Weimin over a few days before my departure. When I went home that day, I saw Wei Min standing at the door of my house with a burden, and when he saw me coming, he came up and stuffed the burden into my hand, and said, "My mother gave it to you." Then he turned around and walked away. When I went home and opened the baggage, it turned out to be a single bed mattress, with small dark purple flowers, very new. Wait for my mom to come back and show her. My mom sighed.

"What's wrong with you and Aunt Guan, what's the trouble?"

"It's okay."

"It's been a long time since I've been to our house......"

"Hmm."

"Why don't we go and see her, now we don't have to review at night, it's okay."

"Let's talk about it."

My mom turned around and walked away as soon as she said that, I guess she didn't want to go at all, there must be something wrong with the two of them, she just didn't want to talk to a child. We don't have any relatives here, we don't have any friends, I want to go to a technical school out of town, my mother is the only one at home, and I'm worried that she doesn't even have someone to talk to.

My mom got off work for a while, and she started working after a few bites. I took out some of my dad's clothes and dismantled them and changed them small, many of my clothes were too small to wear, I was a head taller than my mother, and I couldn't put her clothes, so I had to turn out the clothes left by my dad, and there were a few pairs of public security uniform pants issued by my dad, which were quite new. My mom asked me to use scissors to open all the seams of my trousers, and she cut some of them off from both sides, and then sewed them up with a needle and thread, and rolled the hem of the trousers into a big circle. We sat under the lamp, talking as we worked, and my mom was afraid that I would be ugly and encouraged me often. "Where to buy such a strong cloth now, you see, this thread, it is difficult to pull it down! If you don't say it's something that is sent by the public, you see what kind of pants the girls are wearing outside, jumping on their cheeks, petal by petal, ugly. ”

In fact, since my dad died, my clothes have long been ridiculed, teenage girls are when they love beauty, in the class of colorful people, I seem particularly conspicuous, low self-esteem for a long time, just hope that my mother can go out to do some work, earn more money, let me not be so dazzling, I can't change the situation at home, low self-esteem to the end of relief, now don't talk about wearing changed clothes, even if it's naked, I don't want my mother to do such tiring work in the factory. My mother carried her head to do the revolution back then, and now that she has mixed up in this field, I am not worth it for her.

"Do you think it's fair?" Sometimes I can't help but ask her.

My mother must have been wronged in her heart, but she didn't want to mention it more: "I've complained about your dad all my life, and that's it." ”

"If you could go back and do it all over again, would you still join the revolution?"

"What can you do without participating in the revolution?"

"For example, what happens if you farm well at home and become a rural daughter-in-law?"

"That way, there will still be you!"