This is not a distrust of Shao Zikang, if Wu Ling really didn't trust Shao Zikang, he would not have arranged for him to be by Wu Xueqing's side like this, so there would indeed be some threats to Wu Xueqing, so Wu Ling also had a certain trust in Shao Zikang.

At least at this time, he has a certain amount of confidence.

But this kind of confidence is also different, after all, people will change, who knows what the other party will become after a period of time, so Wu Ling must also make some other preparations, such as the current Zhang. Forest. After all, unlike Shao Zikang, Zhang. The bond between Lin and him is not because of his life-saving grace, but a real interpersonal relationship, although such an interpersonal relationship will also have a certain possibility of change, but after all, it is stronger than with Shao Zikang.

If something really happens in the future, Wu Ling will face Zhang. Lin's trust will definitely be a little more. And this is also quite an interesting Chinese interpersonal relationship.

Western sociologists generally believe that interpersonal communication begins with interpersonal attraction. The main meaning is that when a person chooses a relationship, he or she will tend to choose those who can meet his or her needs as the person to date, and the other person will also try to understand whether he or she can provide what he or she needs when deciding whether to associate with him/her. If the two parties have some suggestive expression before the interaction begins, it is easy to achieve what they need. If the implicit expression of both parties does not meet each other's needs or only one party can meet the needs of the other, it is difficult for interpersonal communication to happen, let alone develop deeply.

In a general sense, the theory is unquestionable about the motivation of interpersonal communication, especially instrumental interpersonal communication. But, as in the entire Western social science theory, in which man is seen as an absolute rational individual in the abstract sense, he is guilty of? An insurmountable mistake with the myth of individualism.

Because, in terms of its reality, man always exists in some kind of social relationship, it is impossible for him to act in accordance with the principles of rationalism. Especially in Chinese society, particularism has always been dominant in interpersonal communication, and when people choose a relationship or decide whether to interact with them, what they value is not necessarily what the other party can bring to them, but more to weigh what kind of relationship the other party has with themselves. So when that Ph.D. tried to use? When the theory of interpersonal attraction is used to explain the interpersonal communication of Chinese people, they often encounter some unexplained confusion. For example, in the interpersonal communication of Chinese people, sometimes there is a strong attraction between the two parties, but the interaction cannot be started; Sometimes, however, the attraction of both parties is not very strong, but for some reason it may be easy for the two parties to interact and make the relationship last. What do Chinese people often say? Having a chance to meet thousands of miles away, and not knowing each other is the best interpretation of this phenomenon. Obviously, for these belts of Chinese society? Phenomena of a special nature.

The thoughts of the Chinese people originated from the Fu Xi clan, and the gossip created by the Fu Xi clan has always had a profound impact on the Chinese people. Chinese culture was formed under the influence of the Book of Changes, the main idea of which is the principle of human beings. This is very different from the God-based position advocated by Westerners. Western-style management has always been inseparable from the idea of God-oriented, while Chinese-style management attaches importance to people-oriented. People-oriented.

Don't think that the words and deeds of the Chinese people are chaotic and ambiguous, if you use the principles expounded in the Book of Changes. You will find that what the Chinese people are doing is very reasonable. It's a pity that in recent hundreds of years, the doctors have often used the views and standards of Westerners to examine their own behavior, and only then did they think that everything about the Chinese people is a mess. What's more, some people like to compare the shortcomings of Chinese people with the advantages of Westerners, and feel that Chinese people are useless.

This could not be more wrong. If we really want to compare the advantages and disadvantages of various nations in the world, we must first have a fair standard, and we must not compare our own shortcomings with the advantages of others. This would be unfair. And it's easy to cause the doctors to lose their self-confidence.

Chinese people have a set of their own things, which others can't learn, and the doctors can't learn from others, otherwise they will only bring bad luck to themselves. Therefore, the doctor has always emphasized that the management of Chinese people depends on Chinese management, and the most important part of Chinese management is the management of interpersonal relationships.

It is precisely because of the great difference in interpersonal relations between China and the West that the management of China and the West is very different. Interpersonal relationships in the West are based on equality; Chinese people generally believe that people are not equal. If everyone talks about equality, it is no big or small, and Chinese people hate others very much.

Now there is a strange phenomenon, many people like to read books. But the more books they read, the more unlucky they become, because they read books written by Westerners: Westerners' techniques are worth learning, and Wei Yuan's view that "mastering the skills of the master to control the razor" is not wrong. Science knows no borders. But when it comes to culture, you have to be very careful. Otherwise, it is easy to fall into the "trap" of Western culture and get farther and farther away from the reality of China. If these people henceforth

Living in the environment of Westerners. That's not a big deal; If you continue to live in the environment of Chinese people, you will find that you are always at a loss and hit a wall everywhere. Just like at the end of the Qing Dynasty, many people wore long braids but wore suits, and they looked nondescript everywhere.

Interpersonal relationships between China and the West are very different

Relationships are a very important topic for anyone. Among all things in the universe, human relationships are the most complex, and the customs and customs of different places are different, and the performance of interpersonal relationships is also different.

Generally speaking, relationships in the West are predominantly personal. Westerners believe that society is made up of individuals, who are free and independent, but must be properly regulated, that is, the rule of law, in order to maintain overall order. Freedom, equality, and independence within the scope of the law are the interpersonal foundation of the West.

Interpersonal relations in China are dominated by ethics. The Chinese believe that society is made up of individuals, but it is difficult for individuals to survive without society, and individual freedom is actually quite limited. Nor can human interaction be completely controlled by law. Everyone is within the scope of the law, and they are reasonable. Ethics to make up for the lack of law is the interpersonal basis of the doctors.

It is precisely because the basis of interpersonal relations between China and the West is different. So there is a big difference between the two interpersonal relationships, understand the difference between the two. It helps to recognize the interpersonal relationship of the doctors. The differences between Chinese and Western relationships are as follows:

First, the interpersonal relationship in the West is God-oriented, while the interpersonal relationship in China is human-oriented. Westerners believe that God is high and that all people are God's people. The Chinese are different, and Fu Xi made the doctors realize from the beginning that the greatest thing in the universe is not God, but man. In that case, why did the wise men have to get a god to be their master?

The Chinese do not have their own sect. Teach all sects. Religion is foreign. Chinese people only worship their ancestors. Instead of worshipping any god -- Chinese people are not worshipping gods or Buddhas, but worshipping gods and Buddhas, that is, when they see gods and Buddhas, they walk over and say hello, and that's it.

Second, Westerners take the individual as the unit, while the Chinese take the family as the unit. When Westerners see a child, they usually ask him directly what his name is; When Chinese people see a child, they usually ask him whose child it is. Chinese people will judge the character of a child according to his father. And not according to himself. In the same way, if a child does something wrong, people usually blame his parents for not educating them.

Third. Westerners value equality, while Chinese people value reasonable inequality. Westerners can call Dad by his first name because everyone is equal. in China. To do so is to be unfilial and disobedient. Chinese people do not agree with the Western view that all men are created equal. And the belief that people are not equal at birth, and that it is a reasonable inequality. Reasonable inequality. Everybody can accept it. But if there is too much inequality, the doctors will rebel. Chinese people do not believe in absolute equality, resources are limited, opportunities are too few, how can absolute equality be?

The reasonable inequality between people is the embodiment of the ethics of the Chinese people. Father and son, boss and subordinate, teacher and student...... There is always a difference between high and low, and it is impossible to stand on the same level. No Chinese person dares to stand in front of his boss and say, "That doctor is equal to you, so you have to listen to that doctor." "The attitude of Chinese people towards superiors is different from that towards subordinates, and it is normal for you to dare to say to your subordinates not necessarily to your superiors. It is one statement to the superiors and another to the subordinates, and this is the embodiment of ethics.

Fourth, under the influence of God's standard, Westerners only talk about rights and obligations, while Chinese people talk about treating each other. Westerners, even between father and son, have a relationship of rights and obligations - before the son is 18 years old, he is supported by his parents; After the age of 18, you have to rely on yourself. Chinese people do not value rights and obligations, and if Chinese parents let their children fend for themselves when they reach the age of 18, they will be regarded as ruthless parents by others.

The Chinese people attach importance to treating each other, that is: you are good to that doctor, and that doctor has no reason to treat you badly; You treat that doctor badly, and that doctor won't be good to you. The Chinese people will compare their hearts with their hearts and return the favor, which has nothing to do with rights and obligations. In Western enterprises, there is only a relationship of rights and obligations between superiors and subordinates, and if you are the superior of the doctor, the doctor will report to you according to the regulations. Chinese people are not like this, although you are the boss of the doctor, but when the doctor does not agree with you, the doctor will not report to you, if you force the doctor to report, the doctor will be perfunctory.

Fifth, Westerners attach importance to law, while Chinese people attach importance to morality. The laws of the West are clear and strictly enforced, completely impersonal and inflexible. Theoretically, laws should not be flexible, but laws without a little flexibility are difficult to enforce in China. Since ancient times, the Chinese nation has not been a nation bound by law. In ancient times, the effect of the law was limited, although it was said that "the prince broke the law and committed the same crime as the common people", but this was only an ideal state, and in practice it was rarely carried out in this way, and most of them were "not punished by doctors". In folk tales, even a model of uprightness like Bao Gong is only "beating the dragon robe" instead of beating the emperor.

Chinese people generally do not follow any precepts, but they advocate exemplification and attach importance to morality. "A gentleman loves money and takes it in a good way", "the virtuous live in it"...... Hu Jin. The "Eight Honors and Eight Shames" proposed by Comrade Tao are also moral persuasion, and there is no legislation to compel the people to enforce them. Morality is an invisible binding, whereas law is a visible binding. A Chinese person, if you don't talk about conscience and morality. It is very difficult to survive and develop in China. Chinese people do not attach importance to tangible things, everything is tangible. For Chinese people, sooner or later, it will become a formality. The Doctors constrained each other only by something intangible. Restrain others as well as yourself.

Sixth, Westerners are full of curiosity and Chinese are full of care. Westerners have the same attitude towards people and animals, because Westerners think that people are animals and only curiosity about each other. In Western society, young men and women can cohabit when they are curious, and once they lose their curiosity, they are separated. The Chinese can't do that. Because people should not be curious about each other, but should care for each other. Westerners are very polite and greet you cordially as soon as they meet, but he doesn't care about you at all. Chinese people don't pay attention to polite forms, but they care about you. Seeing that your mouth is broken, Chinese people will ask bluntly: "Why is your mouth broken, is it on fire?" Come on, take some medicine. ”

Westerners won't see your mouth broken, and they will turn a blind eye when they see it. Or will they greet you: "How are you?" And you know that even a few complaints about your misfortune won't help, because he doesn't care about you. At this point, even if you are in unbearable pain. I can only say, "That doctor is good, thank you." ”

Westerners don't care about others, and they don't want others to care about themselves. Chinese people regard respecting the old and loving the young as their virtues. This is not the case with Westerners. You see that the old man in the West has a hard time walking, go and help him. He was not happy. His opinion was that the doctor was capable of handling his own business. You don't have to worry about it, you just look down on that doctor when you help that doctor.

Seventh, Westerners naturally have a distance from each other, while Chinese people are often intimate. Westerners value privacy and are wary of each other, so they can be very distant. Chinese people have a strong desire to know each other, once born, twice acquainted, and three times to meet as friends, so that they slowly go from not knowing each other to understanding each other, and then to intimacy.

People need to build trust before they can work together, and if you don't trust someone, you can't work with them. The establishment of trust between Westerners is guaranteed by the law, and the two parties will sign a contract before cooperating, and if there is the slightest misconduct, they will be punished by the law. The establishment of trust between Chinese people depends on the transmission of their hearts and minds, and relies on mutual understanding. Therefore, as soon as Chinese people meet, they will "get close" and ask questions about the east and west, which is absolutely not allowed in the West.

Eighth, there is a stake between Westerners, and a snobbish relationship between Chinese. Many people think that Chinese people value interests, but they are wrong, and only Westerners value interests. In the West, there is no morality at stake between nations and between organizations, and the same is true between individuals. And the Chinese are very snobbish. There is a big difference between snobbery and snobbery, for example, there is an employee in the company who performs very badly, and the company immediately fires him, which is the stake. Although the employee's performance is not good, he has a backstage, and firing him will cause trouble, so he can only be retained, which is snobbery. Snobbery can be said to be complex interests.

All in all, the interpersonal relationship in the West is relatively simple, while the interpersonal relationship in China is quite complicated, and if you are not careful, you will lose everything. Westerners distinguish things by a "dichotomy", where right is right and wrong is wrong; The Chinese have long since gotten rid of the trap of the "dichotomy", and the doctors know that "wrong, absolutely not; Yes, it often doesn't work." In addition to right and wrong, there is also the question of whether it is compatible. The doctors dislike people who do not distinguish between right and wrong, and they do not welcome people who distinguish between right and wrong but are not round, "when the water is clear, there are no fish, and when people are observant, there are no disciples". Chinese people pay attention to "distinguishing right from wrong in Yuantong", and divide right and wrong so that everyone has face, and they must not offend people, but they also do not please people, so that interpersonal relations can be good.

Chinese people like to pull relationships and rely on relationships. This sentence can easily cause people to misunderstand and think about the bad, illegitimate and illegal places. Some people think that some people's success is the result of pleasing others, and their own success is obtained by ability, and even openly declared: "That doctor never engaged in relationships, and everything that doctor is doing now is completely based on real ability." "In fact, if a person is incompetent, he cannot succeed solely on interpersonal relationships. However, even with great ability, it is impossible to succeed without good interpersonal relationships. Relying on parents at home and friends when going out is the importance of interpersonal relationships.

Of course, the doctors also saw that some people deliberately created abnormal and improper relationships, and then used them for personal gain, bringing disaster to the country and the people. The drawbacks of this kind of interpersonal relationship are indeed chilling for many people. As a result, they think that interpersonal relationships are only harmful and not beneficial, so they do not attach importance to or study interpersonal relationships. And some others. Because you are not good at building relationships, you see others profit from relationships. Out of jealousy or dissatisfaction, there is a strong aversion to interpersonal relationships.

As a result, many people regard "engaging in relationships" as a negative thing, and it seems that good people never engage in relationships, and only people with bad intentions engage in relationships. Looking at interpersonal relationships in this way naturally leads to an extreme attitude. Interpersonal relationships are neutral in themselves, and when used properly, they are good interpersonal relationships; If you use it wrong, of course, it will have a bad effect. People who behave properly pull relationships and set relationships. There's really no need to be overly sensitive. On the bright side, it's easy to get good results, so why not?

Relationships require ethical norms

The ethical concept of the Chinese people developed earlier than that of other ethnic groups, and it is the most perfect. Mencius said: "Make the deed a situ, and teach a human being: father and son have relatives, kings and ministers have righteousness, husband and wife are different, the elder and the young are orderly, and friends have faith." "That is. There is a flesh-and-blood relationship between father and son, there is courtesy and righteousness between monarchs and ministers, there is love between husband and wife but there is a difference between inside and outside, and there is an order of respect and humility between the old and the young. There is the virtue of honesty between friends, which is the code of conduct for dealing with interpersonal relationships.

Since ancient times, the wise men have developed all sorts of guidelines. It is nothing more than to strengthen the restraint of the individual, to remind that the doctors except themselves. There are also all kinds of people who are related, so they have to be extra cautious in everything they say and do. Thereinto. Monarchs and ministers, fathers and sons, husbands and wives, brothers, and friends are indispensable in life and have an important impact on the words and deeds of Chinese people.

Since ethics is the criterion for dealing with interpersonal relationships, then the interpersonal relationships of the doctors are bound to be branded with ethics. Since ancient times, what the doctors have established is a rare kind of human relationship, and the Chinese people have no interpersonal relationship at all. And the Ph.D. has been mistakenly trying to transplant Western human relations, which has made everyone's relations more and more strained and corrupted.

The main difference between human relations and interpersonal relationships is that the former values "reasonable inequality" rather than "equality" as the latter claims. Westerners believe that "all men are created equal", so they have developed a set of equal interpersonal relationships. Chinese people believe that "once people are born, they are not equal", even if the children born to the same family and the same parents are not the same in terms of qualifications, and the family environment at birth, the age and social status of the parents are not necessarily the same, how can the children be equal? Inherently unequal, acquired inequality is also impossible, and reasonable adjustments should be made to achieve reasonable inequality.

Ethics is reasonable inequality, and the father, the father, and the son should each have their own part; Monarchs, ministers, in modern parlance, superiors and subordinates each play different roles. We must maintain a sense of "reasonable inequality" rather than an "unreasonable equality" of "equality". The differences between the two must be carefully grasped so that mistakes do not occur and that we do not suffer the scourge of "equality" in an unexplained manner. As long as the concept of "reasonable inequality" is corrected, many problems will be solved. The Ph.D. is now full of equality, which makes everyone very unhappy. People are fat and thin, two people sit together, the fat person will naturally occupy a larger position, and the thin person will be a little more wronged. When two people eat the same thing, those who like to eat eat eat more, and those who don't like to eat eat eat less, why do you have to eat half of one person? The whole world is relatively equal, there is no absolute equality, but the way of expression is different, there is no right or wrong, there is no good or bad.

Chinese people attach great importance to the principle of being a person and doing things, and how interpersonal relationships reflect the effect of being a person. will only do things but not be a person, and engage in interpersonal relationships

It's not good, if you offend many people, how can you do things well? It is usually more effective to do things well by being a good person.

Interpersonal relationships are not only the principle of being a person, but also the skill of being a person. Being a man requires skill, and it is inevitable that there will be some scheming, tactful, and treacherous flavors, which will arouse the disgust of many people. At this time, the injection of ethics and morality can make the conspiracy become expedient, adapt to the situation, be smooth and round, and treacherous become a kind of alertness.

If you only learn the skills of being a human being and ignore the principles of being a human being, not only will it not be effective, but you will also be ridiculed by others. Many people mistakenly regard Yuantong and contingency as strategy, but in fact, it should be a strategy. You can have a strategy in life and do things, not a strategy. In other words, all demands should be justified and reasonable, and there should be no improper thoughts.

The Ph.D. had three deep-seated beliefs that were not easy to change:

First, the Fa is dead, and man is alive. The law of death needs to be used rationally by the living, rather than by rigidly abiding by the law and regulations without using their brains.

Second, there seems to be nothing in the world that cannot be changed, and if it can't be worked, it is mostly because of finding the wrong person. As long as you find the right person, there should be no problem with flexibility.

Third, the law is made by a small number of people and amended by a single person. This phenomenon has been the consistent spirit of Chinese society since ancient times. Some people who can control others will intimidate, threaten, or even make an example of others when they encounter the slightest objection.

For the Chinese people, the law is not enough. Because, Chinese people don't like to break the law and don't do things that violate the regulations. But Chinese people generally like to use their brains and do things that are not stipulated by law. This situation must be compensated by ethics in order to achieve the desired effect. It is only if everyone does something in good conscience that it is possible to change it. Staying at night is not achieved by law, but by morality.

In general, the focus of human relations is "justice" and "inequality". Be polite to the superior, but not flattering or flattering; It should not be too strict with the subordinates, nor should it be too lenient or indulgent; Parallel colleagues don't have to be too restrained, and they can't be overly familiar and informal. The importance of this must be properly grasped according to the person, time, place, and event, so that it can be called just. Only by experiencing with heart and constantly improving can we achieve a good human relationship.

"The Art of War" says, know yourself and know your opponent, and you will not be defeated in a hundred battles. Both of us are Chinese, and when we build interpersonal relationships, we need to know exactly what the other person is saying and thinking.

As the saying goes, words are the voice of the heart. The heart of the Chinese people is elusive, so the words of the Chinese people are often ambiguous. The doctors advocated "only three points of words when meeting people", and also advocated "knowing everything, saying everything". "Only three points of words when meeting people" is for people who do not have deep friendships and insufficient relationships, because people's hearts are separated from their stomachs, and they know people and faces, but they do not know their hearts, so of course they should be careful about temptation. "Knowing everything, saying everything" is for people who have deep friendships and close relationships, and since everyone is like a family, there is no need to hide from each other.

In fact, when the Chinese people say that "people only speak three points", they already have the meaning of "knowing everything and saying everything". Moreover, the "three points" mentioned by the Chinese people can be the "three points" of "three points of flowing water and seven points of dust", or the "three points" of "there are only three points of moonlight in the world". When they are not familiar with each other, of course, "they can't throw away all their hearts", and when they trust each other, they can know everything and say everything.

In the same way, when Chinese people say "endless words", they should not forget to "only say three points when they meet people", because although they have a close relationship with each other, some words may hurt the other party's self-esteem or cause his jealousy, so there must be appropriate reservations, saying that three points leave seven points, and the seven points will be tacitly understood.

It's better to be obedient than to "see" the words

People who don't know the Chinese people think that the doctors are elusive: "That doctor obviously understood what he said, why is he still unhappy?" Because the words spoken by Chinese people usually contain many meanings, they often understand the superficial meaning but often do not understand the meaning beyond the words. Sometimes, Chinese people don't speak, just a look, a movement contains a lot of meaning, which of course requires mutual understanding. If there is no tacit understanding, it is really difficult to figure out what the Chinese people are talking about. (To be continued......)