Dressed in a white shirt. Reflecting her curves like a dream.

A waterfall black silk. Reflecting her foxy cheeks that seemed to be glowing with white jade.

A bowl of sake. Hold in the palm of your hand. Pour into mouth. Soak her scarlet lips.

The woman is lying on her side at the head of the bed like this, like a pan ** page in late autumn, which makes people feel a little pity and pathos.

That's right. Lin Ze believes that his feelings at this moment are not groundless. Xue Baiyan, who was so strong that even men had to bend over, actually made people feel a little pitiful and pathetic.

She was drinking, drinking alone, half-tilting her head, bowl after bowl, the wine was not drunk, everyone was drunk, Lin Ze didn't know if she was drunk. Or maybe she wished she could get drunk?

Lin Ze didn't understand her heart. The only thing he could do was to stand in the doorway in amazement, and stare silently at the woman on the bed who was dressed in a tulle and showed a remarkable demeanor, but it was difficult for people to give birth to the slightest greed.

"Hmm-"

Perhaps it was the successive pouring of wine that made her weak throat unable to withstand the burning stimulation, and after a bowl of wine, she couldn't help frowning slightly, and her face changed slightly.

The beautiful eyes that were so hazy that they were almost dyed with water color gently fell on Lin Ze, sat up slightly, and said in an extremely soft voice: "Xue Gui asked you to come?" ”

"Hmm." Lin Ze retracted his gaze and nodded slightly.

"Make your own decisions." Xue Baiyan said lukewarmly.

“――”

Lin Ze understood.

Where is this Xue Baiyan's request. It's Xue Gui who framed himself at all!

When he realized that he had been cheated and that it was still a big misunderstanding, Lin Ze retracted one foot and said helplessly: "Why don't I go back first?" ”

"Forget it."

Xue Baiyan stepped out of bed, lifted the bronze wine jug on the cabinet and said, "Since you're here, accompany me for a drink." ”

Lin Ze didn't know what she was thinking, and he didn't know what she was thinking. But since she proposed to drink, Lin Ze naturally couldn't refuse. Smiled: "One cup is not enough." ”

"Drink until you've had enough." Xue Baiyan threw the wine jug to Lin Ze, who deftly caught it, lifted the jug, and let the spicy and choking liquor pour into his esophagus. It wasn't until a pot of wine was drunk that he let out a long breath and said, "Cool." ”

"Bring the wine!" Xue Baiya's volume increased, and soon, the coffee table in the small living room was full of drinks. Without exception, it is all home-brewed liquor, no beer, no red wine, and no foreign wine. As she herself said, except for liquor, she doesn't like other wines, and rarely drinks them.

When Lin Ze saw this battle, how could he have any reason to retreat. Haha laughed and lifted a pot of wine again, and said to Xue Baiya, who also lifted the jug, "Do you believe that I can drink you?" ”

"I don't know until I've drunk it." Xue Baiyan said, tilting his head and pouring a pot of wine into his stomach.

"Good amount of alcohol!" Lin Ze smiled proudly. He also raised the flask and drank it all.

The two of them poured two or three catties of liquor in a row, and then sat on the bar sofa shoulder to shoulder, even though they were still a little apart, Lin Ze could still smell the tempting fragrance emanating from Xue Baiyan's body. Pure body fragrance, without any chemical perfume smell. Lin Ze, who has rich experience in women, still has this way. It is easy to distinguish the nature of a woman's smell.

Obviously, Xue Baiyan belongs to a relatively heterogeneous woman, and she can exude a strong body fragrance.

The brain was a little muddy because of the rapid drinking, but he still sensibly rejected some things that he shouldn't fantasize. Lifting a jug of wine again, he grinned, "Continue?" ”

"Go on." Xue Baiyan also grabbed a pot of wine and poured it again.

"Haha!"

Lin Ze laughed nervously, and then a pot of liquor went down.

Smack.

Lin Ze lit a cigarette, and as the green smoke curled around his face, he didn't react, took a deep breath, and muttered, "It's been a long time since I've drunk so much with a woman." ”

"Before?"

I don't know if it's because of the brain because of too much drinking, or other reasons, she seems to be reluctant to use the brain that is so smart that countless men have been convinced, and some women asked.

"There's one." Lin Ze let out a puff of smoke and said lightly. "You can drink, you can drink very well, you can drink more than I could have imagined. Just like she was back then. When he drank wine, he was even more fierce than a man. ”

"Is there anything in this world that can drink more than me?" Xue Baiyan asked rhetorically.

She had the confidence to say this, not because of who she was, but because of how much she had drunk. How can a woman who can drink liquor as water not have this self-confidence?

"She might be able to fight with you." Lin Ze grinned nervously. "At least I can't drink her."

"Who is she?" Xue Baiyan asked with some vagueness.

"I-" Lin Ze paused, as if thinking about how to introduce this woman who was always hidden in his heart, a cigarette burned out, he lit another cigarette again, until he finished smoking three, and then said in a hoarse voice: "A woman I like, I don't know if she likes me." Maybe I like it, maybe I don't like it. But in my life, I may think that many people will die, but I am only willing to live a good life for her. Because she said to me. If you live, I have the motivation to live. So I'm willing to live a good life for her. But—"

Lin Ze's eyes suddenly turned red, his eyes were full of tears, and they almost dripped down: "But, I'm alive, what about you?" Where are you? Dead? Didn't you say that only when I live can you have the motivation to live? Where are you? Are you really alive? ”

Tears flowed down his rough skin, and Lin Ze's emotions that had been suppressed for several years suddenly exploded at this moment. It seems that the grievances of this life, the tragic experiences of this life, and the bitter water of this life are sprayed out from those eyes that are not big, but they are enough to be godly.

He's so tired. Really tired.

Who can not get tired after going through so much about him?

Who can wake up every night when he sleeps with bloody nightmares and not get tired?

Who can carefully hide the woman who made a pair of leather shoes for him in his heart for several years, and he is even more tired without seeing people alive and dead without seeing corpses?

He is powerful. Many people think so.

He is also vulnerable. Because of her.

Countless times, he has lost his reason to live. So he keeps looking for all kinds of reasons to live, whether it's good or bad, good for himself, and the most negative for himself. Ignore it, the reason for living is what he wants.

He even builds a defense system for himself again and again to survive, so as not to explode the negative emotions that are suppressed in the deepest part of his heart, thus prompting him to act irrationally or even self-harming.

He wants to live, because she said, if you don't live, can I still live?

At that time, I was still confused, I only thought that the meaning behind her words was that he was her comrade-in-arms and partner, and if he died, her chances of survival would also drop sharply.

But—I'm still alive, but what about you?

Is it - are you really telling me to keep a promise for the rest of my life and you don't show up again?

Salty tears rolled into the corners of his mouth, Lin Ze stretched out his tongue and tasted it, and said uncontrollably: "Salty, just like you said, where is there sweetness in this life." Are you really so tired, so bitter? Why don't you tell me, you hide everything in your heart, do you know, when I was on Changbai Mountain, I peeked at you sleeping? Do you know that when I saw you curled up in the corner of the tent, like a helpless kitten, I really wanted to put my arms around you and say don't be afraid of me? I didn't dare, and I didn't. Because I don't know if I'm supposed to do it, and I don't know if you're going to curl up even more, to shrink into a corner. Why. Why do you have to stand in front of me whenever there is danger? Why do you let me eat something delicious every time? You can't even eat even the last piece of beef jerky left, hoping that I can continue to maintain my strength? ”

"I used to think that as long as I was there, even if I was asked to carry out a lifetime of dangerous tasks, even if I was left without food and clothing every day, and lived a life of fear. Actually, it's all fun. Because you always stand in front of me coldly, and then when I am unhappy, you tell me that if you are unhappy, you will die, and if you die, you will be a hundred gone. I always ask you, can you still live if I die? Every time this happens, you tell me that I said that if you die, I will die. ”

"If you die, I'll die. That's what you always tell me. But are you dead? If I'm dead, why am I? Is it really only you who care about me and I don't care about you? Why--why are you going to let me live well, why aren't you by my side, why aren't you with me, don't let me be with you? ”

Tears seemed to be absolutely mentioned, surging and flowing unscrupulously. Lin Ze has lived to be more than twenty years old, and he has never really cried. Even when he knew about her death, that she had been burned by a fire, he didn't really cry.

But at this moment, when he suddenly couldn't control it, he cried out all of a sudden, crying dazed and helpless, crying gloomily.

"Where are you? In heaven? Underground? Or - looking at me from some corner I don't know? Lin Ze curled up on the sofa, his eyes glazed, and he said blankly. Do you really have the heart to leave me behind, to abandon me? ”

Xue Baiyan was stunned.

The wine is also half sober.

She's in a bad mood tonight, she's very unstable. She didn't know if her emotions had pulled her, but she couldn't believe that this domineering man who was so upright in her heart could cry so embarrassed and heartbreaking. How much pain can it be to torture this hardened and unyielding man like this? How heavy is the past to make him curl up in the corner of the sofa, more dazed and weaker than a wounded wolf?

She is a woman, a woman who is cold at heart, but does not lack sensitivity. As a woman, she will always exude strong maternal love when a man is dazed and sad and feels hopeless. She gently moved to Lin Ze's side, stretched out her arms, and took him into her arms, without his consent, and said softly: "I am twenty-nine this year, and I will have my thirtieth birthday in two months." I've been learning since I was sensible, and I don't know what else I can do other than study. Because I have a goal to make my family, all my family members live a comfortable and comfortable life. Although there are many things in my family that I don't like. When I was a child, whenever my grandfather got angry and blamed my parents, I would secretly swear that I would work hard to support the whole family so that they could live comfortably for the rest of their lives. I've been doing this, so I'm tired. To this day, I haven't really laughed. Actually, I envy others, because everyone has times when they are sad, and they all have times when they laugh. I won't be sad and I'm not going to laugh. Even though I knew it wasn't healthy for me to do this, I just couldn't laugh. Why? I don't know, maybe I'm forcing myself not to laugh, or maybe I really can't laugh. Who cares? What the family cares about is that I can protect them, and what people on the outside care about is what I can win for them. Who cares if I'm going to cry and laugh? ”

"I never thought I would give up, I never thought I could let go of everything I was holding. It's a thought in the back of my mind, and even when I'm so tired that I almost break down, I never think of giving up. And in fact, my body has told me more than once, Xue Baiyan, you can let go. If you continue like this, you'll really be exhausted. But I can't, it's not that I don't want to, but my brain tells me, Xue Baiyan, how can you give up, how can you give up? So I started to carry it all again, working day and night, not knowing if I was alive or dead. Xue Gui once drank too much and pointed at my nose and scolded me, you are a robot. It's still the kind with zero IQ. I think that's a fitting description and it fits me perfectly. You see, all of my robots that would have died with a stab are still alive. I'm a robot who doesn't know if he's alive or dead. Why can't you live? At the very least, you have a lot of reasons to stay alive. Isn't it? ”

Lin Ze's mind was on the verge of extremely fragile collapse at this moment, and when he heard Queen Xue say these words in an extremely soft and warm tone, his mood not only did not cause ripples, but tightened his body and clinged to her even tighter.

"Good." Queen Xue subconsciously patted him lightly on the back, her face full of gentleness.

Lin Ze felt the warmth and warmth coming from Xue Baiyan's body, raised his head slightly, and stared at the woman who was close at hand without any desire in his eyes, and after a long time, he opened his mouth and asked, "Can I kiss you?" ”

Xue Baiyan didn't even think about it, nodded and said, "Yes." ”

Lin Ze kissed her moist lips, simple lips touched, Xue Baiyan gently closed her eyes, but Lin Ze's eyes widened. Staring at her long curly eyelashes.

After a moment, he let go of his soft lips, which were like rose petals, and said, "I'm tired." ”

"Then rest."

Lin Ze lay on the soft big bed, motionless. Xue Baiyan stopped his head with one hand, lying on his side to judge him, like a big sister, and like a little woman who loved this man deeply. I can't tell which is real and which is unreal. But she enjoyed the feeling, clean, pure and warm. There is not the slightest distraction, not even the slightest love between men and women. Just hugging each other like this.

Who says only partners can kiss?

Who says there's no impurity-free, not a ceremonial kiss?

When a man kisses a woman and a woman kisses a man, does it have to be a reason, an excuse?

No, you don't. At least this kiss is not needed.

Before Xue Baiyan fell asleep, a sentence suddenly echoed in her mind that she couldn't remember where she saw it, but she was inexplicably happy: That's it, never went far.

~~ Sorry for the late update.