Striding up to the attic where he lived alone, Zhao Yan's footsteps suddenly slowed down, lowered his eyes, pursed his lips and walked to the side of the bed step by step, and sat on his low wooden bed with his hands covering his face.

After a while, he took his hands away from his face, leaned back, and Zhao Yan fell weakly on the bed.

In the past 17 years of his life, he has never been so confused as he is today.

The confusion about the future made him feel powerless.

His heart is indeed very high, eager for attention, eager to be rich all over the world, and even more eager to be with Xiao Mengyue in this life, if he can be with Xiao Mengyue, he will feel that he has no regrets in this life.

But......

Zhao Yan's confused eyes looked at the wooden roof of the attic in a daze, and his heart was mixed, what his aunt said at the dinner table just now seemed to be still echoing in his ears, what else could he do besides going to a technical school, being a soldier, or going to a cook?

With his Baji Fist to work as a security guard? Bodyguard?

Zhao Yan asked himself if he couldn't nod like a person, and he couldn't obey anyone.

……

In the confusion, Zhao Yan recalled a past incident three years ago, which was related to Xiao Mengyue and his dream.

It was a winter afternoon, and after lunch, Zhao Yan excitedly pedaled his bicycle and took a finished novel to the rented bookstore near the school, Xingxing Bookstore.

"Boss! Return! ”

Zhao Yan happily put the martial arts book that he had finished reading on the cash register of the shopkeeper, Zhao Yan still remembered that the book was Long Yin's "Disciple of the Sky".

At that time, the shopkeeper asked him as usual: "Do you still rent it?" ”

Zhao Yan blurted out: "Rent!" Of course, rent! ”

Turning around, he was about to go to the bookshelf of "Disciple of the Sky", and when he turned his head, he happened to see Xiao Mengyue's smiling face, Xiao Mengyue was looking at him with a smile, she was next to the English bookshelf.

Zhao Yan, who was completely unprepared to see her, scratched his head slightly embarrassed, nodded to Xiao Mengyue, and greeted: "You, you are also there!" ”

At that time, they already knew each other.

"Well, you're here to rent a book?"

Xiao Mengyue responded with a smile, but Zhao Yan was even more embarrassed, because he could see that Xiao Mengyue was buying English tutoring books, and he came here to rent martial arts novels.

"Then you rent! When you're done, I'll treat you to coffee! Thank you for helping me! ”

Xiao Mengyue was still smiling, and the help she said to her was naturally that Lu Yang had already helped her get rid of the two stalker suitors before that day.

Zhao Yan wanted to refuse, the boy's self-esteem made him subconsciously reluctant to be invited by Xiao Mengyue, but he didn't have enough money to invite her.

It's just that he is reluctant to have this opportunity to get in touch with Xiao Mengyue at close range.

When he was young, he had a favorite girl for the first time, so he naturally cherished every opportunity to get close to each other.

So although Zhao Yan had a slight fever that day, after taking another copy of "Disciple of the Sky", he still went to the coffee house next to him with Xiao Mengyue.

Wind Chime Coffee, Zhao Yan always remembered the name of that coffee house, and every time he passed by there, his heart was warm.

That day, Xiao Mengyue ordered a cappuccino by herself, smiled and asked him if he wanted a cappuccino or a latte?

Where did Zhao Yan, who was not yet 15 years old at the time, drink coffee? Although there is a small breakfast shop in his family, his sister and sister at home and his three children are not having a good time.

Zhao Yan, who didn't understand coffee at all, was of course unwilling to expose this in front of his favorite Xiao Mengyue, and thought: The name latte is relatively tough, and it should be suitable for men to drink, so he said latte.

When the coffee was brought up and he took the first sip, Zhao Yan almost spit it out, it turned out that the latte was so bitter.

None of the above is the point!

Zhao Yan, who was dating Xiao Mengyue for the first time, was embarrassed, although he was trying to pretend to be sophisticated.

On that date, Xiao Mengyue glanced at Zhao Yan's "Disciple of the Sky" with a smile, and asked him a question like a friend chatting.

Zhao Yan still remembers every word of her sentence, the tone of voice at that time, and the way she smiled at that time.

Xiao Mengyue asked at the time: "Zhao Yan! What are your plans for the future? What do you want to do in the future? ”

Zhao Yan was in Xiao Mengyue's eyes at that time, and all he saw was some curiosity.

Xiao Mengyue's eyes were so clear, so clear that any trace of emotion in her eyes could be clearly displayed, and after a long time, Zhao Yan saw a description of the eyes of the heroine of that book in a fairy tale book, and only then did he know that Xiao Mengyue's eyes were the kind of eyes that seemed to be able to speak.

"Later? What do you want to do? ”

Zhao Yan was a little confused at the time.

Before that, many people had asked him similar questions, such as when he was in elementary school, when his teacher asked him what his ideals were for all of them. What kind of person do you want to be when you grow up?

For example, his mother once asked him with a smile if he wanted to be a scientist or a general in the future?

Zhao Yan told the elementary school teacher that he wanted to be a scientist when he grew up, and let go of his mother's bold words - he would be a general in the future!

However, he knew in his heart that it was all nonsense he was talking casually.

Facing Xiao Mengyue's clear eyes, Zhao Yan, who had always been full of trains, suddenly found that he couldn't say those lies that should be told casually.

He didn't want to and didn't want to lie to Xiao Mengyue.

However, he really has no ideals.

What to do?

Zhao Yan's gaze inadvertently swept over the "Disciple of the Sky" at hand, and suddenly his eyes lit up, and he happily told Xiao Mengyue that he would become a writer in the future and write novels like Long Yin.

Xiao Mengyue seemed to believe it, but she didn't seem to believe it, her smile was still sweet, and she encouraged Zhao Yan a few words, telling him never to forget his original dream and persevere.

……

At this time, Zhao Yan was lying alone on the low bed in the attic, recalling the past of that winter, recalling Xiao Mengyue's smile that day, and the ideals she said to her, Zhao Yan suddenly felt sour in his heart and felt like crying.

A voice in his heart told him, "What if you become a writer?" What if you achieve that ideal? You'll never be able to afford a Black Panther Phantom! You will never be worthy of Xiao Mengyue! ”

The Buddhist scriptures say: There are six sufferings in life. One of them is "can't ask for it".

Zhao Yan suddenly realized that he would never be able to get together with Xiao Mengyue, which was exactly what the Buddhist scriptures said "can't beg". It made him feel very sad in his heart.

"Ah Yan! You eat so much, you can't eat only a few bites for lunch! Eat some more! ”

Zhao Yan's sadness was suddenly interrupted by the eldest sister's voice, and when he turned his face, it turned out that the eldest sister came to his attic with a big bowl of food.

"Sister! I'm not hungry! ”

Zhao Yan said subconsciously.

Zhao Ru sighed lightly, came to Zhao Yan's side with the food, sat down on the edge of Zhao Yan's bed, touched Zhao Yan's short hair with pity, and comforted: "Ah Yan! Don't think about it! Manly man, don't be afraid of anything! No matter what you want to do, Sister has your back! Come! Obedient! Eat this bowl of rice! Sister watched you eat. ”

(Thanks to Shen Yuanzhi, "Zheng" in the update ......, Xingyao, Dao Feng, Changzhou Shunheng snack food wholesale distribution, Traceless Pavilion, and Evil Shao for rewarding 10 coins, thanks to Red Mansion Wangyue, Who Jiu Killing, Li Jiabai Ding, and the handsome Wen Hao for rewarding 100 coins, tianxiawumin for rewarding 110 coins, and Tianyi* for rewarding 10168 coins again, becoming the first protector of this book!) Thank you for your support! ）