There are things he wants to explain, but he doesn't know how to explain them, his mouth is stupid, and he doesn't know what words to use to express his feelings and true thoughts.

When he wanted to say but couldn't say it, he would feel that something was blocked in his throat and he couldn't make a sound, and he had to feel a big stone pressing on his chest, and he couldn't breathe.

Especially when he heard that what she said was a misinterpretation of his meaning, he was even angry and wanted to take out his heart directly to show her.

To be honest, he is a little afraid of Yanran, especially when she is angry, or when the two of them have an argument, he is always a little at a loss, what he thinks in his heart is never the same as what he says, he doesn't know why this is happening, the more he explains, the more wrong he is, and accidentally makes things worse.

He can't stand being misinterpreted, misunderstood, and wronged by others, but he doesn't know how to prove himself, and many times he instinctively turns these directly into anger.

If he hurts her, why shouldn't he get hurt!

After all, if two people quarrel, how can it be that the injured person is just one person?

He didn't have a good time throughout the winter vacation, he was nervous all day long, and he began to have insomnia.

He misses her very much, and when he dreams at night, he dreams that she smiles at him, and the little bird snuggles up in his arms, just like ever, in the dream, he can even really feel the warmth of her body, her breath, her unique taste.

But when he woke up from the dream and returned to reality, he suddenly realized.

Oh! They have broken up.

Parted...... Parted...... They don't have anything to do with each other anymore.

He said that love should be together, and he said that he should protect her well and never give up.

But he didn't.

Before. He didn't doubt that he loved Yanran deeply, thinking that he loved her even more than he loved himself, but now he had some doubts about how much he loved her.

He agreed to break up with her so easily, and confidently said to himself at the time that he could live as well as Gu Yanran.

But it didn't take long for the breakup to regret it.

Without Yanran, he didn't have a good life at all. It's like losing my soul all day. The heart is like a hole leaking, and things keep falling, and the hole is getting bigger and bigger. I can't fill it with anything.

Only then did he understand that without Gu Yanran, he really couldn't live a good life, what an afterthought!

He would always think of the time he spent with her. At that time, he cherished her and looked forward to seeing her every day. As long as you are with her, every day is happy, happy, and happy.

She's the kind of girl who is light. Even if you don't say anything with her, you will feel like a spring breeze, feel comfortable, and make people feel very comfortable. It's calm.

I don't know when he started, but he was occasionally a little nervous. I don't know why she's angry, I don't know why she's crying, the reaction of her quiet and beautiful is that she doesn't want to say many things directly, she would rather endure it herself than rely on him.

So many times when she gets angry, he can't help but get angry together, he knows that it's wrong for him to do this, and he should comfort her, but he complains a little that she doesn't want to tell him about anything, maybe she doesn't trust him at all, and feels that he can't solve problems for her, which makes him feel very frustrated.

Before they knew it, they quarreled more and more often, saying a lot of things that made each other sad.

When two people have an argument, they often say a lot of angry words, but some angry words can't be said.

Like, break up!

When she mentioned breaking up, he only felt his head rumbling, feeling that his heart was torn apart by her little bit, very painful, very sad, very angry.

It's like a crystal ball guarded by the two of them, carefully held in the hands of the two, and they will be moved, joyful, and hopeful for a little color change, but she will ruthlessly break it because of a little thing.

Completely ignoring all his dedication and loyalty and faith in this feeling, it was a frustration that had never been felt before, and all his reason was eroded in an instant, and only anger burned by the raging fire remained.

So he fought back, stimulated her with the most vicious language in the world, and took revenge on her, he thought that only then would his heart be more comfortable, at least in the face of her provocation at that time, he won!

Yes! Win! But I also lost!

He lost the girl he loved the most and shattered all his good vows.

When he calmed down, he only felt that there was darkness in front of him, and it was unprecedented despair.

He wanted to redeem it, but he was afraid to face her, and suddenly found that there was nothing in the world that made him more desperate than her indifferent expression.

It was as if he had embraced her into his arms, but she resolutely said to him, "Please respect yourself, don't make an example!" ”

She completely regarded him as a stranger, and he had no reason to hug her again.

He stood there and watched her drift away, not having the courage to chase her.

He clearly felt her disgust, she didn't like him anymore!

Suddenly remembering the most vicious sentence he said that day, he said, remember! It's me who doesn't want you anymore!

He clearly knew that she had been abandoned since she was a child, but he still attacked her with such vicious language and hurt her, and she scolded him for being a bastard, and he really didn't scold wrong!

So, she doesn't want him either!

*******

The new semester has started, and Yanran is very much looking forward to this day during the previous holidays, looking forward to meeting the school's classmates, looking forward to seeing Xia Mo and Yunhai...... And Xuanmu.

But this time at the beginning of the school year, she was suddenly a little scared and unwilling to face it.

For some reason, she always had a sense of foreboding, she felt that from the moment she stepped into Nanhua, what awaited her would be purgatory.

But even so, she can only go forward, because she has no way to retreat.

She told herself that from now on, she should not think about anything, listen to anything, or watch anything except study.

She had indulged herself for too long, she had become too sensitive and vulnerable, and she herself had begun to grow tired of herself.

Gu Yanran, don't care about anyone anymore, Xia Mo, Xuanmu...... All right! Let them go~ From now on, it has nothing to do with her.

From now on, she wants to get back her original Gu Yanran, and live only for her grandmother and Yanyu.

So, from the first day of school, Yanran began to study hard, the whole person seemed to be nailed to the stool, and she didn't even let go of the ten-minute break after class, rubbing the paper back and forth with the tip of the pen, focusing and learning.

She decided that from this semester onwards, she would no longer hide her strength, go all out, and go all out to prepare for the upcoming senior year of high school.

To do this, she has to work harder and harder than anyone else.

She was getting busier and busier, so busy that he couldn't get close to her.

In the evening self-study, she was a little stuck, and the last one came out of the classroom, alone.

Every night, he would quietly follow her, the long asphalt road, she was in front, he was behind, watching her long shadow pulled by the street lamp, lonely and lonely.

Sometimes he wanted to run over and take her into his arms, to tell her what he had thought a thousand times, to get her forgiveness, to walk side by side with her under the streetlamp as he had always done.

But there was some fear that she would push him away like last time, that she would look at him with the eyes of strangers, that she would dislike him even more.

He is like a child who has made a mistake, he wants to beg for forgiveness, but he can't do it, and the only thing he can do may be to follow her silently and protect her like he is now.

The atmosphere in the dormitory wasn't much better, and if she could, she would rather sleep in the library than see Xia Mo.

She didn't have that ability, she really couldn't act like Xia Mo as if nothing had happened.

Sometimes she really admires Xia Mo, who can call her sister so affectionately as before.

Heh~ Sister? Xia Mo screamed, but she only felt sick to her stomach when she listened to it.

Xia Mo always tries his best to find various topics to be close to Yan Ran, Yan Ran is very indifferent from beginning to end, and never takes the initiative to reply, whenever this time Yan Ran really wishes that she was deaf and couldn't hear her voice, and even hoped that she was blind, at least she could not look at the people she didn't want to see.

She didn't expect that this sister, who was once her best sister, would one day become the person she hated the most, and even hearing her voice would make her disgusted scalp tingle, and the thought of having to face Xia Mo every day made her feel very painful and desperate.

How much she liked Xia Mo before, then how much she hates her now.

As long as she thought of Xuanmu feeding her porridge carefully and gently, and the two of them shopping intimately, she felt that her heart was dripping blood, and tears fell from pain.

She also wants to be cool, learn to let go, and learn to bless.

I also want to be like Xia Mo as if nothing has happened, and I look like I'm actually very good, but she just can't do it, she's stupid, and she can't pretend to be able to pretend.

At night, she often studied until the early hours of the morning, thinking that this would be a good night's sleep, but as soon as she closed her eyes, she could see Xuanmu.

I saw him smile at her, I saw him gently caress her hair, I saw him kiss her lips...... And then in the same way, he would smile at Xia Mo like that, touch her hair like that, would he have kissed her on the lips too?

She felt like she was going crazy, she knew that they had broken up, that she had no right to interfere with him anymore, but she would still be jealous and angry.

She often has dreams, nightmares!

I dreamed that I was abandoned, thrown in the vast snowfield, wearing only pajamas, * feet were so stepped on the thick snow, the university was not above her knees, the cold wind was howling, mixed with small particles of snowflakes were blowing on her face, and her body was bitterly cold, she hugged herself tightly with her arms, but she couldn't resist the howling cold wind.

Constantly remembering what he said, he said: Remember! It's me who doesn't want you anymore!

She squatted in the snow and cried heartbreakingly, shivering in the cold wind, and repeating in her mouth: "Hmm...... Don't want me...... Xuanmu, don't want me! ”

In real life she couldn't say the words of forgiveness, but in dreams she did.

It turned out that for him, she could do without her own self-esteem. (To be continued) R466