"I love you, Mom; I love you, Mom......"

Matthew's voice was trembling, he buried his head deep in his hands, tears completely burst, but he held back his sadness and remorse, trying to comfort his mother who was crying on the other end of the phone, but he couldn't control his voice, he was like a plane tree leaf floating in the autumn rain, trying his best to grab the trunk, but he couldn't help it, he would break away from the tree at any moment, flutter in the wind, and then become a dead leaf on the earth.

There are so many things I want to say, but I can't seem to remember a single one.

The phone finally hung up, and Matthew curled up together, biting his lip tightly to keep the cry from overflowing, and then tried to start breathing, the cold air mixed with the depression of the night, little by little into his lungs. Only then did Matthew feel his breath of life again, breathing heavily.

But soon Matthew realized that he didn't have much time to enjoy that breathing, and he leaned against the iron window and looked at the wall clock in the corridor outside. Twenty-two minutes, the last twenty-two minutes of his life, what is it like when a person knows exactly how long he has left in his life?

Matthew's temperature was fading little by little, even his blood began to become cold, he tried to breathe hard, but found that oxygen always seemed to be insufficient, and then his body began to get tired, all the qiē slowed down, and the picture that he once thought was vague in his mind gradually became clear, fragmented and disorganized, but extremely clear.

"I'll just let the clock go by." Matthew sat still, looking down at the cold handcuffs in his hands, his eyes still had tears that had not been wiped clean, and his face was full of tiredness, "Tell my mother that I love her, talk to each brother for a while......" Matthew tried to recall the content of the call, but found that he didn't seem to say anything, and the phone hung up.

Matthew looked up and looked at Sister Helen with a frown and a somewhat empty look, "I hate to say goodbye." But then his gaze was retracted, as if he was just talking to himself, "I told them that if I could, I would rather talk to them at that moment......" Matthew didn't change his breath, his face full of loneliness and struggle entangled at the corners of his mouth.

Although Sister Helen could only see Matthew's side face, or even Matthew's eyes, Matthew's whole body was full of confusion and confusion at this time, as if the dim lights in the prison were dimmed again.

"What's wrong, Matt? What's wrong? Sister Helen said earnestly, with a light voice but with infinite urgency and sincerity, for she knew that time was running out for Matthew. If Matthew is still unwilling to repent, there is no way for him to be saved.

Matthew didn't look up, just whispered, "My mom kept saying, 'It's all Viltlow's." She kept complaining that I hitched a ride on that guy. This was originally the theory advocated by Matthew, and it was also the statement he had always insisted on, but at this moment, Matthew's words were full of weakness, he shook his head gently, the arc was not big, but it revealed incomparable firmness, "I don't want her to have this kind of thought." ”

Matthew raised his head and looked at Sister Helen's sincere eyes guiltily and timidly, those eyes were full of sincerity and enthusiasm, but Matthew was a little afraid to look directly, his eyes were moving in a panic, "As you said, I could have left at that time." Matthew paused and said firmly, "But I didn't." ”

After saying this, it seemed to consume all of Matthew's energy. All the lies were exposed at this moment, he tried to deceive the whole world, but in the end he was just deceiving himself. He has been trying to escape the truth, he has been trying to exonerate himself, but the voice deep down is laughing at himself: You are a liar.

At this moment, Matthew ruthlessly tore open his scars and let the truth be laid out in front of him without any concealment, which made Matthew at a loss, he felt as if he was standing on the judgment bench with all his fruits, but there were no onlookers in the audience, only himself. His own gaze remained motionless at the fruit's self, a burning gaze that seemed to mock his wolf bèi and hastiness, and sympathize with his belated confession.

"I'm asking for my own suffering." Matthew whispered to himself, then looked up at Sister Helen, her amber eyes filled with pain and self-loathing, "I'm a coward. He took the dagger, peeled open the wound he had never shown before, and showed it bloodially before Sister Helen, and even more directly and cruelly before himself.

It turns out that his life was a joke from beginning to end, no one forced him, it was all his own choice, just because of his cowardice, he pushed all the mistakes on others. This tragedy was brewed by himself.

This fact filled Matthew's eyes with pain and struggle, but a mocking smile appeared at the corner of his mouth, and the fierce conflict made Sister Helen look at it all, and hot tears filled her eyes.

Sister Helen knew that she should not sympathize with Matthew, because Matthew was a murderer, but she couldn't control herself, and when she saw the weak soul trembling in Matthew's eyes, she knew that Matthew also needed to be saved, and Matthew also needed to be redeemed, if ...... If someone had been willing to listen to Matthew, wouldn't the tragedy have happened?

"He's more savage than me, I'm just ...... I drank too much and tried to be imposing, but I still couldn't...... I didn't have the guts to resist him. Matthew whispered, as if stating a simple fact, but the struggle in his eyes revealed that the wound in his heart was constantly tugging at the moment, "I sue my mother, I'm a coward." ”

Recalling his mother's cowardice and loneliness, Matthew's voice couldn't help but choke up a little, "She kept saying 'It's not your fault, Matt, it's not your fault, Matt, it's not your fault......" Matthew's voice slowly lowered like this, like the sweet voice of a mother softly coaxing the child to sleep.

"Your mom loves you very much, Matt." Sister Helen spoke almost in an angry voice, afraid of breaking the silence of the moment, and afraid of breaking the last line of defense in Matthew's heart, her eyes were full of tears, but she could not bear to slide down.

Matthew, however, heard Sister Helen's words, and he was silent for a while, and then he seemed to calm down, and then said slowly, "The boy ...... Walter ......"

Matthew looked up at Sister Helen, the struggle and pain in her eyes unmistakable, "Huh? Sister Helen raised her voice slightly, "What's the matter?" ”

Matthew looked at Sister Helen calmly, her amber eyes clearer than ever, without the previous violence, cunning, struggle, and cover-up, showing all the emotions without omission: sorrow and remorse set off a storm in the depths of his heart, "I killed him." ”

Matthew admitted the truth in this way, and for the first time he confessed the facts. The tears that kept rolling in Sister Helen's eyes slipped down like this, "And Hope? ”

"No, I don't, ma'am." Matthew shook his head slightly.

"Then you're strong. Raped her? Sister Helen's eyes showed an unprecedented divine light, guiding Matthew step by step to the end of his self-redemption.

The boulder in Matthew's heart slid down like this, and the feeling of relief and exhilaration, he was so clearly aware of what he had done, he had ruined the lives of two families, and he had ruined the lives of his own family with his own hands, tears suddenly welled up, which made his voice choke, "Yes, ma'am." ”

Matthew had to work hard to purse his lips to keep himself from crying like a coward, but his reddened eyes had already leaked the fear and trepidation in his heart, as well as remorse.

"Are you willing to take responsibility for their deaths?" Sister Helen did not wipe the tears from her cheeks, but looked at Matthew motionlessly, looking at all the emotions in Matthew's eyes, and slowly guided Matthew.

That affectionate and focused look completely broke all of Matthew's defenses, "Yes, ma'am. Then he began to weep, tears slowly running down his eyes, and he whimpered, "I knelt down to pray for them after the lights were turned off last night...... and said the words in one gulp, squeezing all the air out of his lungs, because only then would he not be interrupted by his own crying, "I have never done this." ”

Matthew sat there and let the tears slip down, sobbing incessantly. Seeing Matthew like this, Sister Helen's tears could no longer be held back, one by one, "Oh, Matt......" She had to close her eyes and take a deep breath before she could continue, "Some hurts can only be healed by God, you have done a terrible thing, Matt, a terrible thing......" Sister Helen tried not to let her tears disrupt the rhythm, and said with the pain in her heart, "But now that you have regained your dignity, no one can take it away." Sister Helen looked at Matthew's face full of remorse like this, and before she could finish her words, tears slipped down again, "Matthew Ponsley, you are a child of God. ”

Sitting in place, Matthew clenched his teeth tightly, his facial muscles tightened because his teeth were too hard, but he still couldn't hold back after all, and the cry spilled out between his teeth little by little, and even if he tried harder, the tears still fell unobeyedly, "No one has ever said that I am a child of God," Matthew said in a choked voice, but the corners of his mouth were filled with a bright smile, and that smile bloomed proudly in the tears, "There are countless people who say that I am a bastard." Matthew didn't forget to tease himself, but the laughter only lasted for a moment, and then he was drowned out by self-blame, "I just ...... Just hope my death will bring some comfort to their parents......"

Matthew sat still, weeping like a child, his body trembling with fear, the sobs that overflowed like a wounded beast mixed with pain, struggle, remorse and despair, but as he gritted his teeth and pursed his lips, it echoed trivially in the cold prison.