Looking at Li Zijin in the rearview mirror, Zhou Li was silent for a long time, and finally said in a low voice:

"Actually, I've always wanted to comfort you, but I don't know how to say it...... In fact, you can also get those words, and there are only a few words that have come and gone after so many years, and I guess you will be annoyed when you hear it. ”

Li Zijin pillowed his chin on his knees, looked at Zhou Li's serious eyes in the rearview mirror, and couldn't help but smile complicatedly: "Fool, if you don't do anything, you won't please girls." ”

Zhou Li lowered his head and started the car, and replied, "It's okay if you don't like you, at least you won't be hated." ”

Li Zijin was silent for a while, and after a long time, he laughed in a low voice: "What you care about, is it just this thing?" ”

"For me, it's hard to get something like that, and I don't want to throw it away so easily. Even a little bit is fine. ”

Li Zijin raised his head, looked at Zhou Li's back, saw his lowered eyes in the rearview mirror, and couldn't help but hook a complicated smile at the corner of his mouth: "Sure enough, you guy sometimes unconsciously says very handsome things, which is also one of your advantages?" ”

Zhou Li smiled and did not speak.

Li Zijin was also silent, turning his head to look at the scenery that kept flashing outside the black car window, focused and obsessed. The cold season was reflected in her unfocused pupils, spreading out, as if soaking through the silence of the car.

After a long time, Zhou Li suddenly heard a voice from behind him, as if he was muttering, and like a question.

"Zhou Li, do you know why Second Uncle is so good to me?"

Zhou Li was stunned for a moment, turned his head to look back, but heard Li Zijin's serious voice: "Don't look back, and don't look in the rearview mirror, otherwise I will fire you." ”

He paused, casting his gaze ahead of the window. He understood that Li Zijin was trying very hard to hide his sad appearance, even if he didn't turn his head, he could see her weak eyes in the reflection through the car window.

Even when he was weak, Li Zijin was as arrogant as a child, stubbornly unwilling to let others touch his wounds.

So, don't look, don't ask, just listen to me...... If you want to do something for me, that's all it takes.

So Zhou Li looked at the front in silence and shook his head slightly: "I don't know." ”

Li Zijin laughed in a low voice: "Because he knows that he owes me." ”

has nothing to do with family affection or pity, from the beginning Li Zijin and Li Xingsheng understood that it was something he owed himself, and he couldn't pay it off from the beginning.

Li Zijin looked down at his palm and smiled complicatedly: "My father died when I was five or six years old. He knew that if it weren't for my father, the dead would have been his. ”

"Since my dad died, my mom has changed like a different person. I locked myself in my room all day and night, as if my father wasn't dead, and I babbled to the air every day, and then I ......"

"Then she really went crazy and saw me as a devil and a monster who took away her husband, and ...... every day"

At this point, her voice stopped abruptly, as if she had once again fallen into the shadow of the past, and her eyes were full of fear. After a long time, he pulled up his cuffs with self-deprecation.

Under the sunlight outside the car window, you can still see the scars left by the past on the white arm, as well as the traces left by the surgery after the bone was broken.

"Every time I see it, I feel very ugly, I don't dare to wear short-sleeved clothes, and I don't dare to let others see it."

Li Zijin stroked his arm with a complicated expression, and whispered: "At that time, she didn't recognize me anymore, sometimes when I fell asleep, she would rush into my room like crazy, drag me out, and then scream and beat at the same time." Benches, sticks, drinking glasses...... When she couldn't find anything, she picked it with her hands and bit it with her teeth. ”

Counting the scars one by one, Li Zijin lowered his head and smiled complicatedly: "Now that I think about it, was I also crazy at that time?" ”

"Stupid, stupid, I don't know the pain when I am beaten, every time she wakes up and hugs me and cries, I don't feel aggrieved at all."

Later, she committed suicide...... In her own room, she was unkempt, but before she died, she was clean, as if she wanted to see my father in the best possible way.

I woke up in the morning and got up to make breakfast, but I couldn't wait for her to come out to eat, and I saw her hanging there in her room, and her face didn't look painful at all. ”

Recalling the memories engraved in his soul, Li Zijin once again returned to the old days, and they did not blur and disappear with the passage of time, but became clearer.

That relieved smiling face seemed to be close at hand.

Leaning back in the car, she whispered, "The last time I saw her smile, she smiled so beautifully...... At that time, I realized: she had thrown me away, like a burden, and walked silently. ”

"I was like a fool, sitting there and staring at her, watching her slowly become blurred, and her body fell from the beams and rotted......

A few days later, when my second uncle found me, the whole room was already smelling unbearable, and he said that I was hiding in the corner, with empty eyes, as if I had died with my mother.

Actually, I don't need to say that I know, I watched it for days, and to this day, sometimes I can still see her smiling at me in my dreams. ”

"You'll find out later."

Li Zijin raised his head and looked at Zhou Li's back: "The second uncle adopted me, and the eldest brother and the second brother were very good to me at the beginning." ”

"But I'm still afraid, afraid that I will be thrown away like a burden, so once I have something, I desperately grab it, and I don't want to let go."

Laughing self-deprecatingly, Li Zijin murmured in a low voice: "For so many years, I have worked hard to play the niece that the second uncle likes, the smart, sensible and diligent little girl...... Actually, I'm not, not at all. ”

"I'm just scared, I don't want to be thrown away anymore, I don't want to be anymore. That's why I desperately want to become a person who won't be abandoned. ”

She looked up at the roof of the car, mocking her past, but her voice couldn't suppress the choked and mournful screams that spread in her chest, and even the whispering voice trembled.

"You know what? The second uncle died, in addition to being sad, I was a little glad that I didn't need to pretend anymore......"

She looked at the strange self in the rearview mirror, tried to suppress the fear in her eyes, and her complicated smile was full of sadness:

"Because I'm about to forget which one is who I really am.

When he died, I couldn't tell whether I was sad at that time, was it the Li Zijin who was pretending to be Li Zijin, or ...... What about the real me? ”

Zhou Li finally couldn't bear the lonely murmur and wanted to turn around, but he was pressed on his shoulder by the trembling palm, and the thin and weak strength made Zhou Li's body stiff and unable to move.

He stared blankly ahead, but it was as if he could hear the mournful voice in her heart: Don't turn around, please, don't look at me so ugly......

His body stiffened, but he didn't push away the barrier of the palm of his hand after all, and listened silently to the cry from behind.

"Guess how many faces I have, Zhou Li?"

She choked and quivered, tears running down her eyes and across her delicate cheeks, exaggerating sadness.

Ever since he saw her, Zhou Li has been lost in her changeability and cunning, this woman, she cries, she laughs, she talks to you in a soft or firm voice, angry or angry.

Each of them was beautiful enough to make her heart ache, but each one tried to hide her crying face.

From beginning to end, she never let people really understand herself, and no one took off her mask and wiped away her painful tears.

Zhou Li couldn't do anything, even if she liked it, everyone stopped before the chasm she drew with pain and sorrow, and couldn't cross it.

stubbornly guarding his last line of defense, but no one is allowed to cross it.

Li Zijin seemed to press Zhou Li's shoulder with all his strength, "But I don't know......"

Like a young beast trembling in the cold wind, she wept and let out a mournful hoarse voice: "Because, the woman sitting behind you can't even find herself!" ”

The fragile line of defense, which had been maintained for fifteen years, was completely shattered at this point, and she choked up and cried, no longer caring about anything else.

It was as if she had gone back to her childhood fifteen years ago, watching her mother's withered smile, crying in the dark, and screaming in despair.

The same prayers and calls seem to be resounding rhythms over a long period of time, one after another, resonating with sadness.

Do not leave me, or, do not forsake me.

There was only so much she wanted, and so much she prayed for. Even if you say 'goodbye', don't leave so silently.

It was the loneliness and pain that had haunted her for twenty years, ubiquitously clinging to her memory, robbing her of all warmth and light, leaving behind a dark and cold color.

With all kinds of disguises, she walked alone until now, but after losing the last restraints, she also lost the last strength to support herself.

The speeding car came to an abrupt halt with the sound of brakes, and Zhou Li finally couldn't suppress the impulse in his heart, turned around, and clenched the cold palm on his shoulder.

Finding the feeling of hugging again, Li Zijin heard the voice in his ear.

It was as if she had crossed the ice and snow of the night, and she had crossed the abyss of despair with all her might, and someone pushed open the door in the darkness, and the light shone on her tearful face.

Someone clenched her palm and told her seriously, "Don't be afraid, I'm here." ”

It was like grabbing a palm stretched out from above again in a desperate fall, feeling the warmth and strength from the palm of his hand, Li Zijin raised his tearful eyes and looked at Zhou Li's face blankly.

Hugging her hard, Zhou Li looked at her tearful eyes and murmured seriously: "I'm here, I'll always be there." ”

That day, Zhou Li saw Li Zijin's true appearance for the first time, and her tearful eyes, fragile and beautiful, which made him feel that he could never forget it.

(To be continued)