Night, quiet, quiet. I love the night and love the time sitting. I don't know when it started, I don't know. All I know is that I am sitting quietly at the moment, sitting cross-legged, so quiet that I can clearly hear the melody of my heartbeat. Listen, it's popping, popping, and there are memories that you can't forget.

Perhaps, I'll sit here for an hour, two hours, until midnight. I'm always asking myself, if I could turn back time, would I still be able to catch what I didn't grasp before? But often the conclusion is that no. I'm constantly searching, but I'm constantly losing. It was once a thing of the past, and everything is a foregone conclusion. And the future is out of reach, and all I can do is try to seize the present.

When the editor said that it would be put on the shelves after the storm, I didn't have much of a feeling. Grades, subscriptions, that's just relative. My life is already a mess, I can't care about these things anymore, I just want to write a good story, not hope that this article will bring me much benefit. Not everything can be cured of the lack of heart.

I found I laughing. Looking in the mirror, I am indeed more handsome than before, does this mean that my heart is sunnier than before? I don't know the Dao, I just know that I have almost nothing now, and apart from the worldly things, I am even empty in the spiritual world. In addition to eating, sleeping, and commuting to work every day, there is not much to miss.

I'm not a pessimist, but I'm naturally depressed, so my words and actions are tinged with a touch of depression. I always say to my sisters: I can be bland or crazy.

Off topic......

Actually, I'm not a newcomer anymore, I started writing my own stories in 09, but the past is unbearable, it's not something to be proud of, and it's not something to laugh at. - I used to be a fast gunner.

I remember a few years ago, I was still in a few square meters of toilet coding, staying in an unbearable environment, and I was desperately typing the keyboard with a sad mood, just to earn that little manuscript fee. It's just that what I admire is that I've been living like that for more than a year. I'm spelling words almost every day, and I still use my two-finger magic skills, I can type more than 1,000 words in fifteen minutes, and I can hand in 20,000 manuscripts a day, but it's all waste manuscripts, and I only need to numb and type waste manuscripts.

"Did you eat today?" "Eat!" "What did you eat?" "I've eaten a lot!" "I ate Kung Pao Chicken!" In this way, after more than a year of writing, my whole person was written useless.

Until, until another turning point in my life, even if it wasn't a turning point I want to recall. After that, I officially ended my career as a "fast gunner".

I was once a wreck, wandering in depravity every day. Later, I worked as hard as I could, and I had to work 12 hours or even 15 hours a day. I felt that I had to be a positive person, and I wanted to get rid of my depraved mind. But I was wrong, for half a year, I haven't changed anything, I just have some more money on hand than before, that's all. And in this materialistic era, most people have forgotten the world of the soul. The numb life dominates, in fact, it is just to live a better life.

Later, I came back. But I no longer appear as a gunman, it took me half a year to set up the outline of this article, and another three months to write the opening of this article. It was only after the last that it was able to appear here. It may take a while to go from a Gunslinger to a quality one, so the update is unstable as a chapter can take two or three hours to complete. Excuse me.

I didn't think about putting it on the shelves when I posted it, it's not that I don't want to make money. To tell the truth, I was so poor, I was poor with only two clothes to change day and night. But what's going on? Poorer than now, more than ten times poorer, I have come back to life, what am I afraid of.

Everything that has to do with profit creates a different sense of separation, which is not what I want to see. It's on the shelves, it doesn't affect me, and I believe it won't affect you who like this book. In this "obscene" Internet age, if you really like this story, I believe you have a way to see it, and it's very simple, in fact, that's enough. To be able to see, to be able to like, that's what I think.

All I can do is write the story well, even if the editor tells me to finish it as soon as possible, otherwise I will lose the protection given by the website. I think I would say that in ancient times, Tao Yuanming was unwilling to bend his waist for five buckets of rice, and I am the same now! I'll still follow the pre-set outline. What else I can do is divide each chapter into two thousand and a half words, so that readers who pay for the text can spend eight cents a day to read the text. The money is not much, but the heart. I hope the website won't "river crab" me, a disobedient scumbag......

Originally, I didn't plan to give a speech today, but I wrote it when I thought of it, and now I have explained. There's a lot of nonsense, it may be an occupational disease of fast gunners, give me some time to correct it! Well, one to come? ……

It's late at night......

If you don't feel sleepy anymore, it's time to sleep.

2014/6/18Fish Notes