He knew that he had to do something, or he would lose control sooner or later.

No one knows how afraid he is of his loss of control, how afraid of his reason being completely swallowed up by that dark thought, doing things that make him regret and hurt her!

He is restraining himself every day and fighting against the darkness, every day he is very tired, every night he needs a lot of sleeping pills and wine to fall asleep, every night in a dream, he will dream that he killed Su Yan, she is very sad and sad, looking at him with eyes that hate him very much, that kind of look every time he wakes up from his dream, and he never dares to sleep again.

He went to see a psychiatrist, and he said that he had to relax his mind, otherwise the consequences would be terrible.

He chose to get married, firstly, it would reassure Xue, and secondly, with the shackles of responsibility, he thought it would be better.

He chose a woman he had met three times in a row, and that woman was a good woman at first glance, and most importantly, he could tell that she was infatuated with him, and that she was a woman with a tenacious personality like grass.

Why he chose a woman who was infatuated with him was very simple, because there had to be a person between them who wanted to work hard for this family, and he knew that he was selfish in doing so.

But he was originally a selfish person, except for Bai Xue, he can be sorry for anyone!

In fact, she did play a restraining role, but it also made him more troubled and painful, because it was very painful to be intimate with a woman he didn't love, and he endured and suppressed it until he drank too much and said something like that during the New Year.

He hurt Wang Shishi and made Xue even more worried about him.

It made him want to die, feeling that he was useless and couldn't do anything.

He likes children very much, he really wants to be a good father, and he thinks that if he has children, he must be able to find a balance!

So he decided to have a child, and Wang Shishi also promised him.

For Wang Shishi, he has an indescribable sense of guilt, and he can also feel that her infatuation with him has turned into love, and her unconditional tolerance for him makes him want to let her go several times, and he can't bear her to embark on a path as dark as him.

But in the end, his selfishness is greater than his conscience.

Soon she got pregnant, he was very happy, he really wanted a child, wanted to be a good father who loved the child, because there were expectations, there were pursuits, his spirit was much better, he felt that he had found a balance.

But God just doesn't like him so much, and always gives him unhappiness when his life is a little comfortable, and he went to City A to deal with things and encountered a mudslide!

Although he sighed for his bad luck, he was also glad that he was not snow, he was trapped in a small village, he knew that if no one came, he would die here, he was not afraid, and even felt relieved, but there was still a trace of regret, regret that he could not see his children, and could not be a good father as he said.

There are also some regrets, regrets that he created a life so hastily, the environment in which he grew up made him swear in his heart that if he couldn't give the child a sound and stable family, he would never let the child be born, he thought that this was something he could absolutely control in his life, but in the end, this was not something he could control!

He hopes that after he leaves, Wang Shishi can start a new life and find a husband who will be good to his children, Dad.

He never thought that Xue would take the risk to save him, let alone that Su Yan would also come, and he didn't expect that Su Yan would be pressed in order to save him and almost die.

At that moment, he felt very guilty and wanted to kill Su Yan.

He always felt that Su Yan was a scum who didn't deserve the snow, and thought that he was not good, but seeing that he was pressed underneath and worried about the snow, he realized that Su Yan's love for snow was no less than him, and Su Yan loved and tolerated snow more than him.

Su Yan is such a monopolistic person, but he can let Xue run around for him, and even sacrifice himself to save him at a critical juncture.

He knew that at that moment, Su Yan could have escaped with Xuexue, but he chose to save him and Bai Xue, for the first time he felt that he was not as good as this man, and it was not completely without reason that Xue would love him so much.

He gave no less to the snow than he did.

reminded him of the mining disaster in Hotan, at that time he was willing to give his life for snow before he and her had a heart-to-heart connection, and his love for snow was really deeper than he thought, and it was even more ......

For the first time, he felt that he was convinced of his defeat.

On the way back they encountered a rushing river and an imminent flood, and the snow seemed to be frightened, and he almost fell, and his heart was almost frightened to death, and he held her and pushed her ashore, but just as he was about to go ashore, the flood came and he was swept away, and she caught him in time.

Hold on to him like that and won't let go.

He knew how much she didn't want him to die, but he also knew that God was really going to take him this time, because he really didn't have any strength at all.

He had long been ready to die, so he was not flustered or afraid, some were just reluctant to feel distressed, he knew that his death would make her very painful, and he was reluctant.

But he had to go after all, because if he didn't let go, he would take her with him.

He admitted that there was a moment, really only a moment, he had the idea of taking her away, but it was only a flash, how could he be willing to let her go with him, he wanted her to live well and live happily!

He didn't want her to be sad, so he told her that death was a relief for him, in fact, death was really a relief for him, and when he was about to die, he could finally face his heart, and he thought that the balance he had found was actually self-deception, he just suppressed those dark thoughts with all his might, and as the saying goes, the more he suppressed, the more he wanted to resist, so he was tired, really tired.

He felt that God had let him come to this point because he wanted him to die and to free him.

He used to complain about fate and give him such a life, but now he has to be grateful for it, grateful for it for allowing snow to appear in his life, for letting light appear in his dark life, and for letting him come to the end of his life, and for her to send.

She begged him, let him persevere, let him live, he wanted to promise her, he wanted to hold on for her again, but he really couldn't hold on, the arms of death were too warm and attractive, he wanted to go with it.

He let go of her hand, he heard her cry of pain, he was so distressed, so distressed, really distressed......

His life is over like this, he really hopes that there will be an afterlife, there will be reincarnation of cause and effect, there are gods and Buddhas, let him suffer whatever he wants, let him do anything, just want to have a lifetime of love with her, let him fall in love with her!

There is all about Miyazawa Yu.