"February 15, 2010 - Weather - Sunny, Mood - Rain

Yesterday just passed Valentine's Day, and this morning after packing up Jincheng, I still went to work with a good mood to continue, but when I got home, my mood was cloudy.

I shouldn't have gone to the study on the third floor, although I often have people clean and restore the original state, but I have always adhered to the concept of 'quality people can't look through other people's belongings' in Pei's house.

Curiosity can sometimes help or kill people, and my curiosity is not so glamorous and has bad results, but my curiosity has made me jealous, unfair, dark, and unhappy.

Before I got married, I met Bai Shan, and I also saw it at the wedding, I knew that it was Bai Shan in the mouth of my grandfather and family, and I also knew that Bai Shan was Jincheng's ex-fiancée.

In my concept, fiancée fiancée fiancé is just a code name, with no real meaning, and this code name is not even as powerful as a person's name.

Grandpa said that the end is the end, and the future is nothing.

Being unmarried inherently represents a marital status, so what about adding the word "wife"?

Does a fiancée necessarily mean that she is a wife who has not passed through the door? Since she is a wife who has not passed through the door, she is not considered a wife.

Otherwise, so many men and women who fall in love with the purpose of marriage are not also the same concept as unmarried couples?

When Qiyang and I were very young, the two families got engaged, he was my ex-fiancé, I was his ex-fiancée, that's all, this code name didn't make sense to me and Qiyang at all.

I thought the same was true of Bai Shan's existence.

But my curiosity finally shattered my confidence.

Jin Cheng will always wake up.

But I saw the photo in the study, Bai Shan's little bird and gentle and lovely people are all because of the man who hugged her, and the photo will have a date and a place taken somewhere.

Like all couples, they will hug, kiss, and will overflow with a face of brilliant happiness.

As a result, they were all shattered because of me.

That's why Bai Shan fainted in such pain at my wedding.

Everything has an answer.

Am I supposed to convince myself to accept who I am? Should I advise Bai Shan, if it is useful to fall in love, why do you need a marriage certificate?

Am I more qualified than Bai Shan?

I think, I have.

Although I think I have, but seeing all kinds of intimate photos of Jin Cheng and Bai Shan in the past today, my mood can't get better. ”

"August 13, 2010 - Weather - Sunny (Hot)

After half a year, after giving Jincheng a complete body massage today, I called Haicheng's home.

I used to know that I would cry if I didn't fight, so I told me not to look for me. At the end of the day, I'm still too selfish, pampered to be selfish and inconsiderate of other people's feelings.

It didn't go as expected, the phone just dialed out and didn't ring, I hung up the phone, obviously there were a lot of things to say, and suddenly I didn't know what to say, after hanging up the phone, I found that I couldn't say anything except crying.

I thought about it three times, and they all missed me, and I should happily call them and say I'm okay.

Every time I thought about it, I couldn't control my tears, and I couldn't put the energy I had on this matter.

I sat on the stairs on the third floor, which was empty except for my echo of low sobs.

I think like when I was a child, if a classmate pushed me, I would exaggerate and go to my brother, magnify my pain tenfold to complain, and watch my brothers go to avenge me without mercy, I snickered in my heart, thinking to myself, you guys, don't mess with me next time, you look good.

When I go home, I will exaggerate and tell my grandfather that I am still uncomfortable, I am still in pain, and my grandfather will pamper me even more, what I want, what is there, grandpa will pull me for two or three days in a row to ask, does the place where I fell still hurt.

At that time, I felt that shijie was all under my feet, and shijie was all mine.

But now, I feel so small that I can't control anything. I knew that my family loved me, but I didn't dare to magnify my pain, I didn't dare to say my pain, I wanted to reduce my pain and tell them, but when I wanted to make a call, I knew that I could only say nothing about my pain.

Later, I took my mobile phone, pinched the guardrail of the corridor, and called home.

I just said the word "hey", and grandpa's old and trembling voice came, and he cried out sadly and excitedly, "Xiao Wu, grandpa misses you, how are you, are you thin, do you want grandpa, grandpa dreamed of you last night, you called grandpa, Xiao Wu, grandpa...... Grandpa has been dreaming of you for half a year, and you only called grandpa today. ”

When I was sad for Jin Cheng, I would close the door, take his hand, and lie on the back of his hand, even if it was a low voice, I would cry quite freely. At least I don't have to worry about being heard.

But today, when my grandfather cried on the phone and said that he missed me, I didn't even dare to get angry, suffocated, it turned out to be like this, I no longer dared to say to my grandfather, "I hurt, I am wronged, what do I want." ”

The patience of digging my nails into the flesh was depressing and difficult, I used a fast speed, and simply said, "I miss my grandfather, I miss my brother, I will call back when I have time, don't call me, I'm so busy, I'm fine, it's okay to look at the website of Jincheng Holdings, now I'm managing the company, and your granddaughter is amazing now." Hung up. ”

After a long speech, I didn't even breathe, and hung up the phone without waiting for my grandfather to speak.

I know I'm sorry for him, he really loves me, but I'm afraid he'll be even more upset when he hears me crying.

So I can only write down what I want to say in my diary, as if I was calling my grandfather.

In fact, these days, I don't have a happy life every day, I only be happy when I hear the sound of Jincheng's healthy heartbeat. ”

"November 7, 2010 - Weather - cloudy

After checking the performance of Jincheng Holdings, real estate accounts for a large part, but after nearly ten months of hard work, I still decided to give up the real estate industry.

It's not difficult to be a woman, but it's hard to be a strong woman, I really can't please and smile at the kind of man who is obsessed with lust but has low quality, and I can't lower my bottom line in order to get a standard.

I will try to find a way to make up for the losses caused by the exit from real estate as soon as possible, although it is difficult.

If Jin Cheng wakes up, he will definitely understand what I am doing. ”

Pei Jincheng's eyelashes were still damp, and he smiled bitterly at this time, raised his wrist to look at his watch, closed the diary, put it in the box, and picked up a copy of zuihou.

Directly turned the page of zuihou, the back is blank, the paper runs under the fingertips, and a lot of new paper has no handwriting.

So he casually flipped forward to the middle and opened—

"April 4, 2012 - Weather - Sunny - Time: End of Morning Meeting

This was the first time I had written in a diary during the day, because there was no place for me at home, and I greeted him with joy in my heart, and for more than a thousand days and nights, I took care of him like a child, but he could not accept me.

I thought that when he opened his eyes for the first time, he would gently bend his eyebrows and call out to me, "Ah Xuan." ”

When he woke up yesterday, he didn't smile at me gently, he was even more fierce than he was three years ago, yelling at me more coldly, asking me who I was, telling me to get out.

I think I should be nicer to him, I think, the wrong person is me, he doesn't smile at me, I should laugh at him.

I'm a little scared to get off work today, should I buy him a gift? But what does he like?

Bai Shan must know that I am really not a qualified wife, I have taken care of him for so long, and I have not asked him what he likes.

But today is April Fool's Day, if I give him a gift, will he misunderstand me? ”

On a diary of zuihou, there is no date, there is no beginning, and there is no date at the end.

"He finally doesn't need me, he doesn't need me at all, I used to think that I should be happy when he didn't need me, but now, he doesn't need me, I'm naturally happy, but it has nothing to do with happiness.

Bai Shan's intrusion broke all my fairy tale shijie built in a soap bubble.

Doesn't it mean that husband and wife don't have an overnight feud? Didn't you say that the head of the bed fights and the end of the bed closes? I thought we would be together one day.

I also know that I am not qualified to object, but I am just unwilling.

When he plunged the key into my flesh, I was thinking that after he vented, there would be less resentment in my heart, and life could still go on.

He was always my brainchild, and I always thought his awakening was mine, even though he fell into a deep coma because of me.

He is the sapling I maintain, and I dare not slack off every day, and sometimes I even find that I am not watering my sapling with water and sunlight, but I have dug a hole in my heart, and I feed him every day with my heart's blood.

Now that I think about it, I have worked so hard, not without a little selfishness, I am selfish and worried about him waking up quickly, growing into a big tree quickly, and when he becomes a big tree, I can be lazy, let his roots absorb nutrients by themselves, I no longer have to carry water for him, catch worms for him. I can still laze in the shade of his tree, enjoying the shade.

But I was wrong, now the sapling has become a tree, but it has to provide shelter for others.

I really became the superfluous one.

I wanted to go over and ask them, why, why wasn't I the one who came to the shade of the zuihou tree?

But I didn't, because I was the initiator.

I'll never keep a journal again......

It turns out that the feeling of not being needed is like this, it seems to be more lonely, is it a kind of hopeless loneliness......"

Pei Jincheng took a deep breath several times before closing the diary, neatly packing it, covering the box, tying the ribbon, locking the locked cabinet, and picking up the drawers and documents that had fallen on the ground and putting them on.

When he left, he took the divorce agreement left by Shen Xuan last year......

There are more monthly tickets, and today is obviously not as early as yesterday, come on to vote, dear ones. The second update will be a little late.