I think Zhang Minglang must have regretted it.

Because when I pressed him with my shirtless body, he sat there completely, dumbfounded, and unable to speak.

And I, maybe I'm really completely crazy, so I lost my mind.

I didn't take anything to cover my body, I sneered and continued to say to Zhang Minglang: "Do you still want such a body?" Do you now regret that you made a loss-making business! Because the body in front of you is a remnant of willows, and it is full of holes, not to mention that it is worth 100,000 yuan, it is not even worth 10 yuan! ”

Zhang Minglang was completely frightened, sitting there motionless, not even making any sound, just looking at me in a daze.

Of course he was frightened.

Because there are seven or eight scars on my body, large and small, deep and shallow, stretching from my abdomen to the bottom of my collarbone.

These reddish scars were left by the scum on that nightmarish night when I resisted so badly.

They used knives, cigarette butts, to vent their frustrations on my body, and after those wounds had scabbed, these indelible marks remained.

Zhang Minglang's reaction, I actually imagined it as early as three years ago.

After the accident, I didn't think about confessing to him, I didn't think about talking to him. At that time, I was just a helpless person, I wanted to rely on him for the rest of my life, and I also regarded him as the only man I would love in my life.

But the more desperate I became, the more I used my little courage and rich imagination to successfully and sadly push myself into the corner of fighting alone.

I think of the time when I summoned up the courage to talk to him about something he was ashamed to talk about, he would be entangled, he would be painful, and he would be mindful, and then the rest of our days would be in his entanglement and pain, and those so-called love would be consumed.

Or maybe I decided to run away in the first place, not selflessly for his good, but because it was difficult to accept that he would show the reaction of a normal man after knowing these things, that is, to be frightened, to be so frightened that he couldn't speak.

I also know that it's normal for him to react like this, he's just a normal man, he's just a mortal, just like me.

It's just that, even after three years, when I really saw his reaction, my broken heart still wanted to be thrown into the frozen layer of the refrigerator, ruthlessly covered by the cold air that kept coming out, and before I had time to cry out in pain, it had already been frozen like a stone on the snow in winter.

Pulling the quilt to cover myself, my hand was loosened, and I changed from the hedgehog just now to a little sheep with low eyebrows and pleasing eyes.

In the end, it was me who broke the uncomfortable stalemate.

I said, "You go." ”

Zhang Minglang seemed to be nailed there, sitting there stubbornly, not speaking or moving.

I lowered my head, and after half a ring, my eyes were blurred like crazy, and I pointed at the door hoarsely and yelled at Zhang Minglang: "Let's go!" There you go! Let's go! I don't want to show you how embarrassed I am, I don't want to embarrass me so much, you go! ”

As soon as the words fell, Zhang Minglang suddenly jumped up and hugged me fiercely.

He said: "Chen Sansan, don't get excited, I'm Zhang Minglang, don't be afraid." ”

But I broke away from him on guard.

In desperation, I said, "You'd better not touch me, I'm so dirty!" ”

Wrapping the quilt again, I stared at the miserable white ceiling and said to myself: "Zhang Minglang, you are probably curious about how my scars came from, right?" I'm also curious how they got ingrained in my body overnight. I've been thinking about what I am now if I hadn't met you. Maybe live an ordinary life, like all ordinary girls who struggle in Shenzhen, work weekdays, go to the East Gate to buy clothes and shoes on weekends, and go out on dates and movies with their favorite boys at night. ”

Glancing at him, I continued: "Maybe I may live a more boring life, maybe I will consider going to Foxconn as a general worker, working overtime every night to earn overtime pay, spending some money on weekends to go out to eat something delicious, and sending the rest of the money back." Don't think about what love is. One day, when a boy chases me in the factory, I can agree for a long time, I will go to meet my parents, I will discuss marriage, I will have children soon, and then I will live according to the most ordinary life settings. ”

Zhang Minglang looked complicated, but he didn't interrupt me, but bent down to pick up the clothes I threw on the ground, and held them in his hands a little helplessly.

It's like a flood, as long as such a valve is opened, nothing can stop it.

I couldn't stop at all and continued, "But, because I met you, I didn't have the opportunity to live such an ordinary life. The first time I came to Shenzhen that day, you smiled very well at me, and I thought to myself that you are so handsome. Then one day you told me that you liked me, I promised to be with you, and I also imagined that if I could marry you in the future, I would go and study for a good night, so that at least I could be closer to you and have less generation gap with you. But then, I woke up from a sweet dream. ”

I pulled back my hair, a little mockingly, and said, "When I wake up from a sweet dream, all that's left is a nightmare." You probably remember the night you graduated. In the middle of the night, it was really not a movie, I received two text messages, a man said that he wanted you to go to hell, and asked me to go to the intersection of Guimiao Road to talk to him. Inexplicably, I was very stupid and deceived at that time, and went out with me. And guess what? That night was a nightmare, and the two men I met were nothing short of scum. I was scared, I ran towards a tall building that had only been built, but I couldn't run away, I begged for mercy, I said I had a boyfriend, he would come and save me. But, Zhang Minglang, do you know? When they completely undressed me, when they pressed me hard, when they were rampage through my body, all I got was despair, despair. I used to live a miserable life, and I didn't have dignity under the fence, but I never thought that I could get worse. The saddest thing is that I am so miserable, I can't blame anyone but myself, regretting again and again why I am so stupid, and fantasizing again and again about what we would be like now if I hadn't gone. ”

Just as I was babbling and talking, Zhang Minglang suddenly leaned up cautiously and hurriedly put his clothes on me.

He had his head down, and I didn't see his face.

He was as silent as a lifeless sculpture.

He was indeed so flustered that his fingers accidentally touched my collarbone in the midst of his scrambling, which was cool and not warm at all.

I laughed.

With an ugly smile, I continued: "Zhang Minglang, do you think I'm dirty and don't want it?" You've spent all your money, I'm really sorry to let you do a loss-making business. I never thought I could make so much money with my body, because I thought it was worthless, it was so dirty, I couldn't wash it clean, and even if I took a knife and pulled all the scars off, it would still be dirty. I also hate me, how can I be so cowardly and cowardly, just live like this, and dare not die directly. ”

Suddenly, Zhang Minglang stretched out his hand to cover my mouth and said in a low voice, he said, "Chen Sansan, don't say it, I beg you, don't say it." ”

Then I heard a whimper that looked like I had been holding back for a long time.

Before he could react, he suddenly raised his head, and a heart-rending and desperate cry rang out suddenly.

This is the first time I have seen Zhang Minglang cry.

In my impression, he has always been the kind of boy who is very sunny and introverted.

And now, he's crying like he's been at the end of the world.

I don't know if it was because of anger or what, he clenched his fists and slammed them the bed.

The bed was covered with a thick quilt, and his hand was flicked back lightly.

Suddenly, he let go of me, got up with a loud noise, jumped out of bed, picked up the glass of water on the top of the cabinet and smashed it on the ground, and then took the kettle after smashing, and in a short time everything in the room was smashed to the ground by him, and the ground was in a mess.

And he, surrounded by these messes, hugged his shoulders, squatted down, stalking, like a wounded wolf.

Probably tired of crying, he stood up and flicked the messy pieces with his foot, but he didn't say a word.

I pulled the quilt and twisted around to put on my shirt, and finally turned my face away and gritted my teeth, pretending to break the deadlock calmly and saying, "You can go." I want to be quiet by myself. I will pay you back the money for the hotel booking. ”

I didn't dare to turn my face away, I was afraid to see his expression, I was afraid that he would look disgusted, I was afraid that he would be entangled, and I was even more afraid that he would see the tears on my face again.

Many people say goodbye to say chic, don't let a man see your crying, he will miss it when he thinks about it in the future.

I still have greed, and I'm still afraid that he will forget me more than he will stop loving me.

However, all of a sudden, I was hugged by him from behind.

I've had his hugs, the reunions I've had more or less these days, but they've been given by him with malicious speculation and a little teasing.

And this one is different.

I could still feel his arm trembling a little intermittently.

He rested his head on top of my neck, his tears slid down my neck and into my clothes, and I was a little cold and couldn't help but pull the quilt again.

Then, I heard Zhang Minglang say, "Chen Sansan, why are you so stupid, why are you so stupid!" Why didn't you tell me! Why didn't you tell me! ”

I froze, bit my lip, and my voice got weaker and weaker, and I said, "Because I'm not sure if you'd want me if I told you." It's better for me to leave you than to let me leave me, and in doing so, I'm not so uncomfortable, I'm selfish, I've been thinking about myself. ”

Zhang Minglang suddenly turned my face, his eyes were still as red as rabbits, he stared at me with such red eyes and said, "Chen Sansan, let me tell you directly, in this life, don't try to leave me in vain!" You don't have to say anything about it, only I have the final say! ”

There was uncertainty and hesitation in his tone.

And I'm the kind of Xiaoqiang who was trampled on and still cared about crawling away.

I was tired and I was desperate, but I was able to hold back my sadness and uncover a very cruel truth.

When I quieted down, I frowned and said lightly: "Zhang Minglang, on the night you graduated, I always remember what you told me. You told me very seriously that I can only have this with you in this life, and if I do the same with someone else one day, even if you love me again, you can't want me. ”

Zhang Minglang hesitated again, hugged me again vigorously, and kept muttering: "Chen Sansan, it's so stupid, do you have no confidence in yourself, or do you have no confidence in me." I was going to marry you, I really wanted to marry you! I'm not kidding you, I was serious. ”

It's this hesitation that makes me know that even if he still has feelings for me, he may not be able to have a future. I'm too greedy and too selfish, and I have to push the two of them into a corner again.

That's right, I'm too ignorant, too strong, and too shameless.

What I'm saying is, "So, do you still want to marry me now?" ”