When I was 16 years old, my brothers suddenly came into my life and started to play a very important role. Of course, they existed in my life until I was 16, but this "existence" was limited to the occasional reunion at home and the various gifts they sent or sent me. They love to chat with their parents, whether on the phone or face-to-face, about their situation, their future plans, and the ups and downs of their love life...... As for me, my teenage sister, their communication is basically limited to "listen to my parents", "eat well", and "what do you want for your birthday?" "I'll take you when you're older...... Play"......

When we were 16 years old, our parents passed away unexpectedly.

After the funeral, my brothers came to the hospital to see me in a coma and decided that from now on, my sister would be the most important responsibility in their lives.

When my brothers introduced me to their friends, I read surprise and confusion in their eyes. He has gray-blue eyes, dark brown hair, and a sculptural Roman nose and is tall. Eric, on the other hand, has dark blue eyes and blonde hair, plus a tough facial line, and a slender figure. And my appearance largely follows my mother's, with black hair and black eyes, soft ups and downs of facial features, and a slightly thin figure. How can an older brother with a purely Western face have a younger sister with oriental characteristics? The answer to this question has to start with my father.

Before I met my mother, my father was a "principled prodigal son", and the problem of "prodigal" does not need to be explained, and "principle" refers to the rule he set for himself to "love only one person at a time", which seems to be a very dedicated but actually very cunning rule, because "one time" can be a year, a month, a day or an hour. Dad had the absolute capital to become a "prodigal son", he became a well-known expert in history and antiquities at a young age, and his handsome, well-dressed, and elegant conversation was infinitely lethal to all women, especially those girls who were just beginning to fall in love.

Dad's first marriage took place when he was a visiting professor in Italy, when he was 25 and she was 19, and they looked at each other in the classroom, and before the semester was over, they rushed hand in hand into a chapel on the edge of the Amalfi coast. In the second year after marriage, Damai was born. It is worth mentioning that my brothers and I were born strictly following the "Law of the Field Family". Field is his father's surname, and his family has a very miraculous phenomenon that cannot be explained by known science, that is, the first child of a couple is bound to be born in the second year of marriage. Therefore, even though Damai's mother did not want to have children and did not want to take care of them, Damai was born. His mother began to feel anxious and angry that she had been reduced to an ordinary housewife, especially as his father's wife, she could not get the life of her dreams, although his father's income was not low, but it was not enough to build a rich and gorgeous world. While accompanying her father to a charity gala, she met a real rich man, and it happened that this rich man also developed feelings for her. So she resolutely left her father, and happily gave up the custody of Damai. In her opinion, Damai is just like the marriage between her and her father who made a wrong decision on the spur of the moment, it is a burden of the past that must be thrown off cleanly and completely. So, since then, Damai has never seen his new mother again.

Dad calmly faced the departure of his mother, and in his opinion, his child was the most precious gift and not a burden. He gave Damai the most sincere love, and with the help of his grandparents, N girlfriends and nurseries that were still built at that time, he successfully raised Damai to grow up.

Four years later, my father went on a business trip to Germany, fell ill there, and fell into the hands of a German female doctor who was "extremely beautiful but extremely cold" (my father's exact words). She treated him with all kinds of management and treatment, asking him to "quit smoking, drinking, and staying up late", and he asked her very seriously, "Do you need to quit women", and then admired her so angry that she couldn't speak. The father in his thirties is experienced and knowledgeable, and because he is raising his young children independently, he also exudes the warmth of a family man. For intellectual women like her, who have been working hard in the workplace for many years, the attraction is self-evident. Soon they walked hand in hand into the chapel of Heidelberg, and the following year, Eric was born. The marriage lasted only until Eric was 1 year old, and perhaps Eric's mother's strong attitude towards his father had provoked a "little masochistic pleasure" in his heart, but this little pleasure had been completely exhausted in three years, especially her strong desire to control her husband and children, which made Dad feel almost suffocated. Eventually, they broke up peacefully, and according to the agreement, Eric was still raised by them together, with his father for half the year and his mother for half the year. Unfortunately, within a few years of the divorce, Eric's mother fell ill and died, and his father gave her one last ride like an old friend, and then took Eric to his side and gave him complete fatherly love.

After two short, failed marriages, my father completely lost confidence in the matter of "marriage", and even lost interest in feelings, and devoted himself to his own research and promotion of the scientific cause of cultural relics identification, until one day, he sent a tender message to the global precision instrument companies, asking them to produce an optical equipment specially used in the identification of cultural relics, and put forward almost impossible parameter requirements. Among the many proposals received, the one from an obscure offshore company caught my father's eye with its bold, groundbreaking design. He asked to meet with the designer, so he received a plane ticket to faraway China, and he met my mother, a talented student at Tsinghua University and a school flower, known as the "Queen of Labs".

Two years later, the manufacture of optical equipment was completed, and so was my father's pursuit of my mother, and they walked hand in hand into the Xuanwumen Church, and the next year, I was born as scheduled.

Mom's charm conquered not only my father, but also my two older brothers.

Damai's comment was straightforward: "She is the wisest woman I have ever met. ”

Eric's comment is more complex and precise: "She magically combines Eastern mystical philosophy with Western quantitative thinking!" ”

In short, although they have not called her "mother", they have long regarded her as their blood relative. And my mother is the most sincere and selfless attitude to guard the growth of my brothers.

Actually, I don't think that the loss of my parents hurt me more than my brothers, they made such an inference, probably because I was young, I have never left my parents, and I have personally experienced the tragedy...... However, they forget that this is the second time they have lost their loved ones (they both lost their biological mothers when they were young, whether they left or died), and I can't imagine what kind of helplessness and sorrow such an impermanent world and such a fragile life can bring to them who seem to be extremely strong. Years later, I accidentally came across the theory of "men's grief transfer" in a magazine, which said that when men encounter a serious injury, they urgently need to find an important and great, difficult and unattainable thing in a short period of time, as a goal, in order to resolve the grief, and this goal should be related to the cause of the grief, so that they can further "turn grief into strength". As a result, how to raise and take care of my underage sister has become this important and great thing, which is difficult and cannot be achieved in a short time.

He was 30 years old and had just earned his first pot of gold. Eric is 25 years old and is studying for his PhD at a prestigious university. They left everything behind and returned to their home on the outskirts of Kalmar, where my parents and I lived. To this day, I can't describe how I felt when I opened my eyes from a coma and saw them. I once had a conversation with my mom about life and death, and I told her that I was terrified when I thought that one day she and my dad would be leaving me. She calmly took my hand and smiled and said, "Remember, you are not alone, you still have brothers......

No one is born to be an older brother, just as no one is born to be a parent. In the eyes of my brothers, 16-year-old me was quite tricky:

First of all, I am 16 years old, and everyone knows the complexity and incomprehension of being a teenager in adolescence. Secondly, I didn't go to school, yes, I didn't go to school, and my parents, after going through the world, decided that the outside world was full of cruelty, error, temptation and deception, and that I was a smart, simple, sensitive and fragile child, very vulnerable, very vulnerable, misguided, and even destroyed. It's not like my two elder brothers, like two hard stones, who have nothing to do in a wonton society. Besides, how many teachers in the school could be more knowledgeable than the two of them. So, my parents happily started a family class that belonged to me alone. They passed on to me the essence of what they had learned all their lives, and in the field of related knowledge, my starting point was quite high, as if I was standing on the shoulders of giants. However, as a human being, my social attributes have been weakened, I like to be alone, and I am even a little afraid of socializing. Thirdly, my parents and I are very close, although we often travel, but no matter where we go, we are immersed in the small world of the three of us, talking about our own topics and conveying our own feelings, just like sitting in a transparent and closed bubble, we can see the outside but don't want to go out, and the outside can see the inside but can't walk in. And now, with them gone, the bubble has burst and vanished, and where am I going to hide? Fourth, I haven't been in a relationship, not even a crush, which is so abnormal, especially in Damai's opinion, it is already terrible to the point of abnormality. Fifth, I don't cry, after my parents died, there was once a day when my brothers got drunk in their parents' bedrooms, not only hugged their heads and cried, but also cursed the heavens and the earth, cursing all the people and things that took their parents' lives. I am very happy, even a little envious, that they can vent their emotions so happily, and for me, no matter how great the sadness comes, I will only silently shrink in the corner and look for a spiritual escape.

The brothers were in good spirits and quickly went into battle in their own way.

Damai made a doctor's girlfriend who specializes in adolescent psychological problems with lightning speed, and after those touching love words, he often followed by various questions about me. After a long time, his girlfriend suddenly woke up and yelled at him: "If you want to consult your sister, call my clinic to make an appointment, why do you need to sleep with me!" Damai unfolded his penetrating and innocent smile and said, "Don't you think it's much better to consult in a comfortable bed than in a cold clinic?" ”

Eric, on the other hand, continues to look for solutions in the almighty books, with his book lists including: "Teach you to read the inner world of an adolescent girl", "Should you send a lonely lamb back to the flock", "What does her silence represent", "Good brother and bad brother", ...... "Don't let the wrong first love ruin your child's life"

The love of the brothers is selfless, complete, and lovely. One morning, when I went downstairs, I saw them discussing how to get me to eat a nutritious meal on time. The scene was eerie like a gay couple who had just adopted a baby.

I'm not good at expressing myself and I can't give anything in return, all I can do is be submissive and obedient to all their requests, even if I want to tell them: I am 16 instead of 6, and in the days when they are not at home, Mom and Dad have taught me how to take care of myself, how to think, how to judge, how to choose, how to cope......

My obedience sometimes ran into obstacles, mainly because my brothers were not in agreement on certain issues, the most disagreeable of which was the question of whether I should go to school or not. Damai was adamantly opposed to me going to school, citing his own glorious experience of dropping out of college and going to the sky. Eric insisted that I go to school, believing that I would not be able to enter society without going through the "preparatory school" of the university campus, and that I would not be allowed to live in isolation forever.

Fortunately, at this time, my parents' long-time best friend, a couple of professors at Stanford University, appeared like a savior, they said that my parents had discussed with them before their deaths, and asked me to study with them for a period of time, on the one hand, to enrich my knowledge, on the other hand, I can also understand college life from the perspective of a bystander, and then choose my own studies or career. My brothers immediately agreed, and soon moved with me to San Francisco.

Years later, Damai told me that I was "scary" during that time, and that he and Eric were expecting me to "have an outburst" with them every day, whether it was angry complaining or disagreeing, even if it was vexatious. It seems that at that time I wanted to show my love for them through obedience, which was completely wishful thinking.

In the second month of moving to San Francisco, the "outburst" that my brothers had been waiting for finally arrived. However, the so-called "eruption" can hardly be called an "eruption", there is no scene of storm at all, just a slow and quiet conversation.

The "outbreak" started when I found out that my brothers had started looking for jobs in San Francisco!? They even had to give up their careers or studies in New York or Boston, or maybe their feelings, for me, and everything to zero and start from scratch.

After a sleepless night, I gathered my thoughts, gathered the sentences that best expressed my thoughts, and began a conversation with my brothers, opening with the words: "Perhaps, what you think I am is not who I really ......"

In Eric's words, the conversation was "very shocking." I told them that I loved them, that I didn't want them to completely change the course of their lives for me, and that I didn't need them to do that. According to my parents' will, I can receive a good living allowance from the fund they set up every month until I am 18 years old, my injuries have completely healed, the professors and his wife at Stanford have cared for me, and my life is very fulfilling to learn knowledge and understand the campus, and the loss of my parents is indeed painful, but I believe that I can live with the pain and let time slowly heal the wounds in my soul. In short, now that I am alone, I can live a good life, and I promise that when I need help, I will not hesitate to ask my brothers for help as soon as possible......

Looking at the brothers with a "Daigo empowered" face, I couldn't help but sigh: Are they growing up with me, or am I growing up with them?

In short, I have two lovely older brothers: Damai and Eric.