This night, I lost sleep all night. People sometimes have a long time to understand life and life, but often at a certain moment, they will suddenly understand and understand the true meaning of some truths.

I remember when we were children, we always imagined growing up as a beautiful thing. When I was a child, I always felt that when I grew up, I could do whatever I wanted, I could get rid of my parents and become what I wanted to be, I would be able to earn enough money to meet my desire to buy whatever I wanted, and I could fly as high as I wanted without fear of the majesty of my parents and teachers, but I didn't understand until I grew up that the world was so dark, the arms of my parents were the safest place in the world, and the human heart was so sinister and the society was so complicated. It turns out that our ability is so limited that there is nothing we can do in the face of suffering...... Growing up, it turned out that it was not as beautiful as I imagined when I was a child.

I got up just after dawn and spent an hour stewing her favorite lily and lotus seed porridge for Xiaohua. After the porridge was ready, I cautiously carried it into her room, and I called to her softly, and she lazily raised her eyelids, said "no appetite", and turned to the side to the wall, as if she didn't want to pay attention to me. I called again, and she said impatiently, "Don't bother."

I knew she was in a bad mood, so I retreated and poured the porridge back into the rice cooker to keep it warm. Not wanting to think about it half an hour later, Xu Song came to the door with breakfast.

I told him that Xiaohua was not in a very good mood, and that if he lost his temper, I hoped he wouldn't mind. He smiled generously and followed me into the room. The little painting that was angry with me just now had already sat up at this time, and her hair was much neater with her hands, and when she saw Xu Song coming in, she smiled sweetly, completely without the impatient appearance just now.

I was a little stunned, but more relieved. In any case, it is enough to have someone to make her happy.

Xu Song put breakfast on the bedside table and opened it one by one, holding a bowl of warm millet porridge and said to Xiao Hua, "Xiao Hua, can you have some breakfast?" I brought you millet porridge, it's fragrant. ”

"Okay." The little painting answered sweetly.

Seeing this, I quietly exited the room, leaving them with plenty of space. Sitting on the couch alone, his head is messed up, and his mind is full of too many things.

My father had just called in the morning to ask where Xiao Hua was, saying that Xiao Hua hadn't called him for two days. I didn't know how to answer, and my father was so angry that he reprimanded me on the other end of the phone and dropped the phone.

The door was not closed, and I heard the coquettish sound of the small painting to Xu Song coming from the room. She didn't seem to tell Xu Song what happened to her last night, I only heard her say how hard her life was with me, how good her parents were to her, and said that the purpose of what she did was to work and study.

Xu Song is a kind man, after listening to Xiaohua say so much, he kept repenting and promised, and later, they talked about love. Xu Song said that he would not dislike Xiaohua, and he would do his best to help me and not let Xiaohua live so hard.

What happened to Xiaohua and what she said made me feel congested, so I simply stopped listening and walked downstairs to take a breath.

Shortly after I went downstairs, Zhang Yu texted me and asked me to go to their library to read. It was cold outside and I had nowhere to go, so I said yes.

After arriving at the library, I went directly to the bookshelf and took out the classics that I hadn't finished reading last time and read them for most of the day, during this time, Zhang Yu changed books back and forth, and he didn't bother to turn again after reading a few pages of each book. Later, he didn't bother to read, so he sat down next to me, his breathing became heavy, and at the same time his hand was on my shoulder.

I quickly pushed it away, moved it to the side, and said, "Hurry up and read the book, I haven't finished reading it yet." ”

He glanced at me in disappointment, sighed deeply, and said, "It's not early, let's come back another day, let's go get something to eat." ”

"Okay, what do you want to eat at night? I'm in for a treat. I saw that he was a little unhappy, so I quickly closed the book and said to him.

"I'll please, please eat Malatang, okay? The Malatang at the east gate of the school is particularly delicious. Zhang Yu said.

In this way, Zhang Yu and I walked from the library to the east gate of their school. There was a slight light rain in the sky, Zhang Yu diligently took off his clothes and insisted on putting them on for me, I still put them on after repeatedly refusing, he proudly wanted to come over and hold my hand, I hurriedly avoided it.

He walked in front a little angrily, I silently followed behind, I looked at the ordinary boy in front of me, he didn't have too much sparkle on him, he was an ordinary person like me. Although a trace of unwillingness flashed in my heart, I deeply understood that my destiny in the future would only be such an ordinary man. A man like Jin Yan may be just a flash in the pan in my life.

Most of our lives are just trivial, but they are repeated day after day, without the swords and swords of the rivers and lakes in the book, let alone the thrilling in the TV series, and we will not love to die and live painfully, we can only accept the ordinary and live this life in mediocrity.

However, there is such a stubbornness and rebellion in my heart, I think I am only 19 years old, my life has just begun, and there are still too many unknowns waiting for me to explore in the future.

I don't want to live such a life where I can see the end at a glance, I still yearn for the day when I can escape from my current circle, I can fly higher and farther into the sky, and meet better and more awesome people.

But what can I do to get out of the present and become who I want to be? …… I was so confused that I didn't know.