The blade dissolved the blood vessels, and I hung my arms out of the tub, closing my eyes and hearing the sound of blood dripping on the ground, slowly as if the whole world was still, and the only sound that echoed in my ears was this sound.

I don't know if my heart hurts too much and numbs the other senses, or if I'm already crazy and I don't feel any pain during the whole process of the blood flowing out of my body little by little.

I think after I died, probably others would think that I was forced by Jiang Qian, and I finally chose to compromise with her and fate, but in fact this is not my way of acting.

Growing up, I was lonely and arrogant.

Of course, no matter from family background, talent, temperament, IQ...... I have this capital in every way, I put in more effort than others, I make myself good enough, one in a hundred, and because of this, I will not easily compromise with anyone, anything, and fate.

I am a person who would rather be broken than broken, and would rather lose both, you die and I die, than admit defeat, so even if Jiang Qian and the others put a knife on my neck, what I don't want to do, killing me will not help.

So why did I fulfill Jiang Qian and choose to commit suicide?

I don't deny that since I came back to T City, I have been trying to implement my revenge plan, and half of what I said to Duan Xuchu that day was true.

The encounter in the underground parking lot six years later was not in my design, but it was precisely because of that night that I was able to get closer to Duan Xuchu's side more quickly.

I guessed that Duan Xuchu was able to control everything about me because his subordinates must be spying on me secretly, so I did one scene after another to show him, so that he mistakenly thought that I was really desperate, and I was forced to choose to be his underground lover.

Every time I resist and escape, it is just to make this scene look more realistic, including in the chip incident, I deliberately did not bring the chip to Pei Yanqiao, I was kidnapped by Rong, just to gain his trust and reveal his true feelings.

He fell again and again, step by step into my trap, I could feel his confusion and deeper attachment, and I entered the play, using my life to interpret.

I thought I was good at acting, and I deceived Duan Xuchu, and even more so myself.

It wasn't until the moment he jumped into the sea that I saw my heart clearly, and I realized how stupid I was, and I was still deceiving myself when I couldn't extricate myself from him.

It turns out that I love him, and it has long been in my bone marrow and melted into my blood.

That night, he left Nannan at home alone, and after the third watch came to the seaside house in the middle of the night, he went to bed and hugged me, telling me not to be angry with Nannan, and not to be angry with myself; He picked me up and cooked me a bowl of noodles in the middle of the night, and the moment I held back my tears and ate the noodles, even though I still didn't know the truth about my daughter's tragic death, I decided to let go of all my hatred and love him with all my heart from now on.

So after that night, I removed the pinhole camera in my room, put it in my bag, and went to the hospital the next day to see Wei Mohua.

So when I saw that video on the video wall, the only thing I could think of was Ink Birch, and I made the following inferences.

In fact, he had already woken up, as for the specific time of waking up, I have no way of knowing, that day I went to the hospital, alone in the ward with him, during the period of my short absence, he rummaged through my bag, changed the pinhole camera in my bag, and where did he get the other camera, I can only speculate that there are people in the medical staff who are compatible with him, that is, the so-called spies.

I was right.

When I heard the conversation between Duan Xuchu and Wei Mohua outside the door of the ward, I was really sure that I had really misunderstood Duan Xuchu, but it was already too late.

After the video was exposed, Duan Xuchu scolded me for being a bitch in the car, I have no reason and I don't want to refute it, the video was indeed taken by me, and the whole thing really has nothing to do with me.

After all, when I approached him at first, I did have a sense of revenge - to let him really fall in love with me, and I will abandon him again, so that he can also taste the taste of heartache.

However, when I knew his experience, he also loved me, and the girl he loved to the extreme turned out to be me and his daughter, and when he asked me with red eyes and hoarse eyes that day why I trampled on his feelings, I realized that the person who hurt more was me, and at that moment I was worse than dead.

I took all the faults alone, except because I had to protect Wei Mohua, the biggest reason was actually that I was ashamed of Duan Xuchu, I framed him like this, I no longer deserved his sincerity, I didn't deserve his tenderness and love, I would rather him strangle me.

But he didn't do it, he cared more about whether I loved him or not, he said that as long as I loved him, no matter what I did, what I suffered, as long as I said a word, he could forgive everything, when nothing happened.

At that moment, tears flashed in his red eyes, deeply engraved in my mind, and I remembered every second, my heart felt like it was torn, just like when he picked up the knife and stabbed me in his heart, in fact, at that moment I wanted to kill myself even more.

I believe that if I had told him everything, he would have loved me as much as he always did, regardless of his past suspicions.

"But at the beginning of the paragraph, you can forgive me, but I can't forgive myself.

I hate myself, and I want to die to repay the damage I did to you.

When I went on hunger strike, I didn't force you to let me go, but I really didn't want to live anymore.

While you tortured me, I willingly died under you; When you dragged me into the sea, I would rather you let me drown in the water.

But you didn't, you pulled me out of my suffocating death, you said you let me go, you said we started in this sea, and it all ended here. ”

At that moment, my heart was cut by a sharp blade, and blood was dripping little by little.

"Duan Xuchu, do you know?

If I can't be with you, how can I have the courage to live?

I'd rather die. ”

***

Six years ago, when I returned to China with the baby in my belly and decided to give birth to the child, my mother asked me, "Do you still want to lose face?" Have you ever wondered how many people will talk about you as a single mother? Or if outsiders know that the child in your belly is the son-in-law of the Jiang family, and know that you once sold yourself to Duan Xuchu, how else would you behave? ”

My mother knew it with reason, moved with affection, and tried to make me break all the bonds between me and Duan Xuchu, erase my unbearable past, and let me start again.

And I didn't convince my mother with the high-sounding reason that "the child is innocent", I told my mother firmly and bravely, "I love Duan Xuchu, I am willing to give birth to this child for him, whether he wants it as a father or not, and no matter what others say about me behind my back, I still insist on keeping this child." ”

"Mother, if you think that my daughter is too embarrassed by your face and too insulting to the Wei family, then I will only be unfilial, cut off the mother-daughter relationship with you, and never mention that I am the eldest daughter of the Wei family from now on."

At that time, I loved Duan Xuchu, and I was willing to bear all the hardships and give birth to a child for him, I didn't want face and dignity, I didn't want my dearest relatives, and I didn't want to give up loving Duan Xuchu.

I know I'm selfish, I'm too unfilial, I'm just relying on my mother's love for me.

Six years later, when Duan Xuchu jumped into the sea, the love that had been buried by the so-called hatred instantly broke through the ground and resurfaced, and I realized that my feelings for him had never changed.

I hugged him, crying and begging him not to leave me, not to let me get out again, at that moment I was extremely low, I even thought in my heart that as long as you are still willing to want me, whether you love my body, or want to torture me, whether you want me to be your tool for venting your desires, or an underground lover, I am willing, as long as you let me stay by your side, you can let me do anything.

I know I'm cheap, but I'd rather be cheap, and I don't want to lose him.

It is said that there is no junior who doesn't want to counterattack, but I never think of myself as a junior, Duan Xuchu and I are just wrong in the way we started, and I was with him again after many years, and I never thought of letting him give up anything for me.

It is precisely because I know how shameful it is to entangle a married man, and it is against morality and ethics, that I have never expected Duan Xuchu's promise, nor have I ever thought of letting him divorce Jiang Qian and give me a name and a real future, I just want to stay by his side, no matter what the name.

When I decided to love this married man without hesitation, I was prepared for the worst, I was not afraid of being ruined, I could accept the spurning and abuse of the world, and I did not care about gossip and public opinion.

But I can ruin my reputation and ruin my reputation, but I don't allow Duan Xuchu to make such a sacrifice.

It's not worth it.

It's an unfair trade.

If it takes him too much to pay to be with me, then I would rather give everything I have, including my life, to send him to the top.

I can share the wealth and glory with him, but I will not allow him to share the hardships with me.

It's like which one the rose and the bread will choose, if the two of us can only solve the problem of food and clothing together, then I would rather give up this kind of love and let him and other women be rich and wealthy, and have no worries about food and clothing.

There is no other reason than because I love him and I want him to do well.

And I also believe that if he loses his life one day, and becomes nothing, and he doesn't even have the ability to protect me, he will not let me suffer with him anymore.

He will push me away with all his heart, entrust me to a man who can give me happiness, and he would rather die in pain after losing me, and he will make a wedding dress for me with his own hands, and it is enough to watch me happy.

and because he loved me as much as I loved him.

In this case, we would make the same choice.

When I die, everything will be fine.

He will no longer be threatened by the Jiang family, he will no longer be abused, and his subordinates will not accuse him or be disappointed in him, and he will not be depressed to the point of vomiting blood...... As long as I die, he will have no pressure or burden.

He is still the son-in-law of the Jiang family who appears on the screen with his wife in his arms, and everyone envies him; He is still the king who calmly directs the country; He is still the leader of the cold-blooded and ruthless side; He is still a gentleman who wears a gentle mask and talks with extraordinary manners; He's still ...... Anyway, as long as I'm dead, everything will go back to its place.

At that time, Duan Xuchu would not lose control, would not collapse, would not encounter unsolvable things, and could not control the situation, without me, Duan Xuchu would be the real Duan Xuchu.

I hurt him so much that after I die, there is no one to hurt him, to make him hurt and to shed tears.

I could clearly feel the blood flowing out of my body, dripping on the snow-white bathtub, and I struggled to open my eyes, and I felt that there was a thrilling beauty in this scene.

I wanted to laugh, at least I wanted to leave Duan Xuchu with one last smile, but I pulled my lips, but two lines of tears slipped out of my eyes, and I tasted the salty taste.

I suddenly felt surprisingly cold, my whole body was shaking uncontrollably, and at the moment when death came, I suddenly wanted Duan Xuchu to hug me one last time.

His chest was so warm, and he hugged me tightly every night when he was asleep, as if he wanted to rub me into his body, giving me endless security.

My gaze slowly shifted to the bathroom door.

Tightly closed.

At this moment, he is probably talking and laughing with a few people, right?

That's good.

"Ah Chu, please be happy.

I have long been disqualified and have no chance to have you again, and for me, if the man who accompanies me for life is not you, I would rather be alone until I am old.

Now that my death can be exchanged for your happiness, why should I not do it?

Ah Chu, I said that your happiness is my greatest pursuit in this life.

For you, I die without regrets.

You don't have to be sad, or blame yourself, this is my own choice, you just have to think that you will fall into this field now, it is all my fault, then you will not feel heartache for me.

You also said that you won't spend energy and time hating someone, then forget me Duan Xuchu, no matter whether you divorce Jiang Qian in the future, and who is the woman who will accompany you for life in the future, I hope you can be happy.

Ah Chu, I am not a competent mother, please never tell Nan Nan who her biological mother is, please love Nan Nan like life, and give her the love I have never given her, and give it to her for me.

Ah Chu, I promised you last night, I did not leave your side, I will always accompany you, if I can go to heaven after death, if you think of me occasionally, then you just look up at the sky, you will definitely find me.

If love has an afterlife, please let me live in a simple and ordinary environment, and in my best years, I will meet you who are as warm as jade.

You are not married, I am not married, please allow me to make a vow and never give up. ”

In the next life, I wish there was one person to stay with, and I would share my head with deep affection.

"Ah Chu...... I love you...... I love you......"