This is the first time I have brought Shen Man to this rooftop, this seemingly barren rooftop, but it has accompanied me one sad night after another, where I release my pain and find joy.

My body swayed, but I climbed to the roof without fear, closed my eyes, opened my arms, and enjoyed a kind of freedom without restrictions against the wind.

"Senior sister, you come up, the wind above is really cool!" I turned back to Shen Man and said.

Shen Man handed me his hand, I took her hand and dragged her up, we faced the wind together, swaying on the foot-wide guardrail, I clenched Shen Man's hand, looking at the blurred lights in the distance.

I put one hand to my mouth and shouted to Shen Man beside me: "Senior sister, I have so much wealth, but why can't I get rid of the people of the world? ”

"Fool, who would know the wealth you have without this vast world?"

I pulled my wallet out of my pocket, pulled out all the money inside, and threw it into the sky, hoarse, but I didn't even know what I was yelling at....... I need to vent so much, I hate my powerlessness, I want to marry Angel, but my family has tried every means to obstruct me, I can only choose to marry secretly, I want to take on the responsibility of being a father, but ironically: I don't even have a chance to find out if Pipsqueak is my son.

Shen Man pulled me off the guardrail in hysteria, pulled a cigarette out of my pocket and handed it to me.

I lit the cigarette and sat down against the guardrail, and Shen Man sat down next to me, and also took a cigarette from the cigarette case and lit it.

"Tell me, did you encounter something again?" Shen Man slowly exhaled the cigarette in his mouth and turned his head to look at me.

"Nope."

"I'm afraid to see you hysterical."

"The strength of the wine hasn't passed, it's my gaffe!"

Shen Man nodded, and did not speak again until he finished smoking a cigarette.

........

"Senior sister, will you marry the prince?"

Shen Man hugged his knees with both hands and turned his head to look at me: "I think he is very good with that car model." ”

"Are you still unwilling to forgive him?"

Shen Man shook his head: "I have forgiven him, otherwise I would not have stayed by his side to help him take care of his career." ”

"It's not really forgiving."

Shen Man smiled and said, "It's more like a sympathy, right?" ”

I have no words......

After a long time, Shen Man said to me again: "Maybe we are the kind of people who always stubbornly stick to the last bit of thought in our hearts, even if we know that it is wrong, we are not willing to make a little compromise....... I'll be 30 years old after this year, and I know exactly what 30 means to a woman...... In the eyes of others, I am a strong woman, and I can do without anything but my career, in fact, ......"

Shen Man shook his head and smiled self-deprecatingly: "Actually, I also long for a family, a baby, a man who loves me and loves me....... Every time in the dead of night, I would admonish myself: Shen Man, Shen Man, why do you have to prop yourself up so embarrassed? ...... I cry when I think of my helplessness and loneliness for so many years...... In the end, I gritted my teeth and swallowed the tears in my stomach, I know...... No one cares about my exhaustion, because I am to blame for all this, and I don't deserve mercy...... Gradually, I became numb, and in the numbness I hated marriage and love......"

Shen Man finished this passage in a calm tone, she looked at me and nodded, there was no tear, and my nose was sour, I felt sorry for her, but I understood that she was right, our pain stems from the stubbornness in our hearts, we want to get what we want too much, but we always ignore those who care about us.

I threw my head back and suppressed the tears that were about to fall...... but lit a cigarette to cover it up.

"You saw Zuo Lan again in Jinan, didn't you?" Shen Man asked me.

"Sister Guan Ying told you everything?"

Shen Man nodded, and said in a self-reproachful tone: "Zuo Lan's departure back then had a lot to do with me......

I interrupted: "Senior sister, don't say it, I know it, but I don't hate you at all, some things are destined...... It's good for me and Zuo Lan to be like this now. ”

"But I didn't fulfill my promise to Zuo Lan....... Yixi, how do you really feel about me after all these years? ”

I was silent for a long time, and finally said to Shen Man: "I never dared to think about how I felt about you...... But I can't do without you so much, I always hope that you can find your own happiness, but when you are about to leave, you will force a smile....... It's a complicated feeling, and I hate it so much that I'm willing not to touch it...... Because I'm also numb to love.

"And what about you to Angie?"

My hands swept heavily across my face before I said to Shen Man: "Giving her a marriage is an instinct for me, as if the woman I am destined to marry is her." ”

Shen Man smiled: "I believe this is your truest thought, in addition to wealth, men may not always know what they should want...... If you and Angel can really grow old together simply and happily, why can't I generously send my blessings! ”

"Thank you for your blessings."

.......

Back at the hotel, I reminisced about the conversation with Shen Man, as if this was the most peaceful conversation we had in recent years, and it was also the most sincere conversation, while Shen Man blessed me and Anqi, I also blessed her to find the other half with whom she was willing to stay for the rest of her life as soon as possible, just like Zuo Lan met Qi Dong!

It was a strange move for me to lie in the spacious bathtub of the hotel with my clothes on, but I needed this strangeness to release some unpleasant emotions in my heart, and I knew that I still had a tortuous road ahead of me.

I lit a cigarette and looked at my own reflection on the wall in a daze..... The phone rings in my daze.

I answered the phone a little lazily: "Hey......"

"It's such an emotionless greeting again......." Angel complained on the other end of the phone.

"I didn't know it was you!" I said and climbed out of the tub.

"Don't look at the number to answer the phone! But it's quite personal...... By the way, where are you now? ”

"Nantong, I've been here for two days..... Look at your tone, you can't have already returned to China, right? With this thought, anticipation burned in my heart.

"No, but ......." Angel deliberately hung my appetite.

"But what?"

"But all the formalities have been completed...... Are we getting married? Are you happy? ”

"I feel like my spring is coming." I laughed.

"Don't be such a scoundrel!" Angel teased me.

"It's because you're a little obscene in your thinking, I said that spring is coming, but it doesn't mean that I want to sow seeds in spring." I quietly "teased" Angel.

"And who are you trying to sow with?" Angel's tone was displeased.

"I can't tell anyone about this, unless I owe it!"

"With your body, someone is willing to broadcast it for you, and you have to make it hard!"

"Hey...... Why don't you come back and try it, and see how I took you from you!" I said angrily.

Angel laughed "haha", I don't know if this happiness stems from my "flirting" before marriage or my longing for life after marriage!