I pursed my lips and looked down at the scarlet wine in the glass, and at this moment I suddenly felt that Li Jiayao was right.

I don't like Pei Shuyi, or rather, I may only be interested in Pei Shuyi.

I am not willing to be plain in my bones, just as I do not allow myself to be idle and mediocre in this life, I demand that my love must also be vigorous to death, and boiling a frog in warm water is not suitable for me.

I'm actually an extreme and complex person.

For as long as I can remember, Pei Zongyou, a father, has never given me much warmth, and I can only see that his time is at the dinner table every day, and every time he evaluates me like a routine, if I can't satisfy him, he won't scold me, but blame all the sins on my mother, and he won't get angry at my mother in front of me.

Many nights before I turned ten, I could always hear unusual noises outside my parents' doors, and my mother's suppressed crying, and once Pei Zongyou slammed the door and left, I came out of my room to their bedroom, and when I entered, I saw my mother sitting on the carpet next to the bed, with scars on her bare arms and legs.

Only then did I know that Pei Zongyou, a humble son who was gentle on the surface, actually beat my mother behind his back, but my mother hid it very well during the day, and I was young at that time, and I couldn't imagine that my mother, who was gentle and virtuous, even treated the servants very well, suffered such pain every night.

When my mother saw me coming in, she panicked and tried her best to cover it up, looking for all kinds of excuses to explain where the injuries on her body came from, and seeing that I didn't believe it at all, she finally hugged me tightly and broke down crying, "I'm sorry Tingqing.......... Don't be afraid, Mom won't let you get hurt in the slightest. ”

Compared with my mother, who was emotionally out of control, I was so calm that I was weird, I didn't cry, I asked her, "Am I your biological son?" ”

My mother was stunned for a moment, then hugged me harder, "Yes." ”

So I understood.

Since then, I have grown up as if overnight, before the age of 10 I was not much different from children of the same age, but after the age of 10 I became more and more silent, I spent all my time improving my own ability, let Huo Huiyuan invite me all kinds of teachers, I can learn everything I can.

Huo Huiyuan has never forced me, every time she sees me working so hard, her persuasion is useless, and she often sheds tears behind my back.

I am getting better and better, and after I reach Pei Zongyou's standards, my mother has been beaten less and less.

When I was 14 years old, I found out the woman Pei Zongyou was raising outside, so I found the gangsters through my connections, bought some of them, and let them defile the woman who happened to be pregnant, and finally the woman died of complete blood loss.

My purpose in doing this is not only to avenge my mother, on the other hand, I also consider that any of Pei Zongyou's illegitimate children will threaten my status after the Pei family's chaebol, and I clearly told my mother that I did this, and let her take this charge for me in Pei Zongyou, not that I am afraid of Pei Zongyou, on the contrary, I am asking my mother to give Pei Zongyou a deterrent.

It turns out that since that time, Pei Zongyou has become jealous of Huo Huiyuan, not only does he dare to abuse Huo Huiyuan easily, but he has also restrained himself outside, and he will no longer easily divorce Huo Huiyuan or bring back the idea of having an illegitimate child.

Huo Huiyuan's status has risen invisibly, and it was also since that time that I joined the underworld through Wei Chengshu, and when I asked to see Li Jiayao, I said lightly, "I will be the next leader." ”

It was such a sentence that gave me the opportunity to become Li Jiayao's most powerful assistant.

I was only 15 years old at the time, and it wasn't until two years later that I was second only to Li Jiayao in the underworld.

The influence of the growth environment, so that my personality is very indifferent, I pursue what I want, but I will never be controlled by power and desire, a real strong person is to play power tricks, not lose their own nature.

I have always been sober, so sober that I feel that there is no one and nothing in this world that is worthy of my devotion and obsession, until I met Pei Shuyi.

That day, when I saw Pei Shuyi wearing a white dress and a beautiful and white face, my eyes fell on the white rose outside the glass window, and I compared Pei Shuyi to a white rose——— fresh, natural, beautiful and tough.

At first, I was good to Pei Shuyi, completely because of Huo Huiyuan, and later in the bits and pieces of getting along with her day and night, what I liked was her dependence on me and complete trust, without any defense; I like to hold her little hand, and no matter where I take her, she will not ask much, but feel comfortable to hand her over to me; I like her to call me big brother, bury her head when she does something wrong and listen to my teachings, whether I am right or wrong, domineering or arrogant, she will obey me; I love her leaning on my shoulders and I love her adoring me.......... In short, what I need is such a girl who is pure but not stupid for me.

Like someone, but she can bring you feelings that others can't give you, Pei Shuyi is probably the most special thing about me because we are brother and sister, if she and I don't have this blood relationship, I may not like her, right?

So at the end of the day, it's still my emotional tendencies that have a problem.

When I first noticed that I shouldn't have feelings for Pei Shuyi, I tried to date other girls, and every time I interacted, I was out of a very serious mentality, but there were always too many things about them that I didn't like, such as too many words, not knowing how to read words and feelings, too squeamish, and too much money worship.......... And so on, in comparison, Pei Shuyi is too much in line with my standards.

Maybe it's because I haven't met many people, there are still many good girls in the world, and I should continue to look for them, but there is one around me who can catch my eye, so why should I look for others? Especially that day in the peach blossom forest, when Pei Shuyi desperately blocked the knife for me, I was really in love with her at that moment.

But I also know clearly that I can't want this feeling, just like the first time I noticed my feelings for her, I still chose to restrain and withdraw in time, I tried to have a relationship with other girls, I thought maybe after I experienced the fun of male and female love, I would no longer have any thoughts about Pei Shuyi.

So during that time, I put myself into another relationship, trying to hold other girls' hands, hug other girls, kiss other girls, and even do AI with girls, but the fact is that every time I think of Pei Shuyi, I think of the beginning I took her hand as a matter of course in the name of my brother, I carefully kissed her forehead, I hugged her gently and domineeringly, I also bathed her, and helped her change her tampon.......... I can't do it a second time on a girl other than her.

However, no matter how much I like Pei Shuyi, how much I desire to have her, it is just my wishful thinking, before I forcibly kissed her, I thought I would continue to be in unrequited love, alone in pain, alone in this sin, but when she said that I wanted to do that kind of thing with her, how disgusting it was to her, and she didn't want to see me again, I suddenly felt that I was relieved, and she found me a perfect reason for me to give up.

I don't think I have any regrets, after all, I have worked hard to pursue her, and if kissing her is my most direct way of expression, then her lack of wanting to see me again is the reason for me to let go completely.

I've been restrained since I found out that I was in love with Pei Shuyi, and until now I don't expect her to give me the same love in return, but at least I don't want her to hate me.

She adores me, she looks up to me, I am like her father in her mind, like a god, and I don't want to end up in her perception that I am a psychopath, so let this end of this moment, before it makes a big mistake, at least then I will still be her big brother, and there will only be brother and sister between us.

That's all.

She didn't know the flower language of pink roses, in fact, pink roses represent first love, and I used this to confess to her, whether she understood it or not, it turned out that my first love had not yet begun, and it was over.

I believe what Li Jiayao said, because of my growth environment, which has created my extreme temperament, my psychology will be different from normal people, and falling in love with Pei Shuyi, I am too young, I have met and experienced too few feelings, this world is so big, maybe I will find another good girl in the future, and I will forget Pei Shuyi.

Sometimes a person can't come out, it's because I don't want to come out, and now I'm going to try to forget Pei Shuyi and try to stop liking her.

I'm only 19 years old, and I still have a lot of opportunities in the future.

***

I stayed in a hotel outside that night, and when I went back the next morning, Pei Shuyi had already gone to school, and I told Huo Huiyuan that I was going abroad as an exchange student, and the formalities at the school were almost done.

Huo Huiyuan suddenly cried after hearing this, except for the night I saw her cry when I was ten years old, it was the first time in these years that she cried in front of me.

She really loves my son too much, and poured all her energy and effort into me, and now I want to go abroad, of course she is reluctant, but she clearly knows that she can't change my decision, and she doesn't want me to be pressured, and finally Huo Huiyuan agreed, and the moment she sent her back to the room, I found that she suddenly aged a lot, which made me feel guilty.

I am the only support for her to live, in the Pei family, and even in this world, the only person she can rely on is my son, but I still left her so cruelly, but what will be the consequences if I stay, will I ruin my whole life?

I can't imagine.

Later, in the half month when I went through various procedures, I hardly went back to Pei's house, and it was undeniable that I was afraid to see Pei Shuyi, afraid of seeing the disgust in her eyes and the rejection and disgust of me.

In the middle of a rainy night, because I wanted to go back to get a document, after everyone in the Pei family had slept, I opened the door of my room, the room was dark, I was just about to turn on the light, "click" The bedside light suddenly turned on, Pei Shuyi's hoarse voice came from the side of the bed, "Big brother." ”

I looked over and saw that she was wearing pajamas, before I entered the door, she should have slept in my bed, after a short period of surprise, I walked over as usual, "Today is not a weekend, why are you back?" ”

"I got sick, so I took a leave of absence and came back." Pei Shuyi's eyes were staring at me tightly, moving with my figure, as if I would disappear out of thin air, and her words made my heart throb, after all, I couldn't ignore it, I sat at the head of the bed and asked her, "Have you taken medicine?" ”

"Hmm." She nodded as usual and habitually bit her lip, speaking of which she always likes to bite her lip in front of me, making people want to kiss it when they see it.

Pei Shuyi looked up and asked me as if she had mustered up a lot of courage: "I heard my aunt say that you want to go abroad, is it true?" ”

"Hmm." I answered the next word faintly, not staring at her as I always did, or reaching out to caress her face.

She suddenly grabbed my hand and asked me with red eyes, "Why do you want to go abroad?" If it's because of what I said before, then I apologize, can I take it back? It was just my angry words........"

Before Pei Shuyi's words were finished, I interrupted her, "Do you think I will worry about my sister?" ”

I was thinking about myself, I shouldn't have fallen in love with her, I shouldn't have kissed her, I shouldn't have vented my desires in her lap that night, and I shouldn't have ruined the simple and beautiful brother-sister love in her heart.

She was so innocent, and I was full of guilt.

Staying away is the best ending, until one day I don't like her anymore.

Pei Shuyi didn't react for a long time, so I looked at her and explained lightly, "I went abroad for my studies, not because of the unpleasantness that happened between us." ”

"Then big brother, what are you going to take me with?" Pei Shuyi looked at me expectantly with those eyes, "You wait for me for a few more months, will I go to a foreign university with you after the college entrance examination?" She cried when she said it, and I don't know if it was because she was sick, I found out for the first time that she also loved to cry, and she was not so strong, "Big brother, do you know why I skipped a grade?" Because I want to catch up with you, will you wait for me this time? In just a few months, you took me abroad with you. ”

I was a little shocked by what she said, but I knew I couldn't hesitate any longer, I had been defeated by her many times, and I didn't want to go on like this indefinitely.

I held Pei Shuyi's trembling shoulders and said to her seriously and seriously: "Shuyi, I told you that day, you don't need to follow in my footsteps, you just need to be yourself." You have your own path to follow, so why force yourself to choose a life that isn't yours? ”

Pei Shuyi held my wrist and locked her eyes on me, "I didn't force myself, I just wanted to be with my eldest brother." ”

I shook my head, a bitter taste on my lips, "I'm your big brother, not your partner, I can't be with you for the rest of my life." ”

Pei Shuyi stared at me in a daze, as if my words finally made her sober up, she buried her head, and tears fell down in big drops.

This time I didn't wipe her tears again, I stood up and took her things, told her to rest early, and I closed the door and left.

Since then, until I went abroad, I haven't seen Pei Shuyi again, only Huo Huiyuan came to see me off on the day I left, Huo Huiyuan hugged me, probably wanted to endure it, but she couldn't hold back, she still cried uncontrollably.

And every night I stay abroad, I still miss Pei Shuyi, and when I can't sleep, I learned to smoke that year, and many sleepless nights, only cigarettes and alcohol accompany me.

Huo Huiyuan would call me from time to time, but Pei Shuyi never contacted me again, and Huo Huiyuan would always mention Pei Shuyi, she said that Pei Shuyi began to learn piano, dance, karate, cooking.......... And so on, in short, she is getting better and better, but she is also becoming more and more reticent, except for Wei Chengshu, she has no second friend, Huo Huiyuan is worried that if this continues, what will happen to Pei Shuyi.

I just listened, and I never interfered or interfered again, in the year I was abroad, my feelings for Pei Shuyi gradually faded, I don't like her for long, right?

On the night of February 14, I was injured in a transaction, a person in a foreign country suddenly did not want to go to the hospital again, I returned to my residence alone, and when I bandaged myself under the bedside light, I noticed the crystal ball on the bedside table, and then I remembered that today was Valentine's Day in China.

I also suddenly remembered that night a year ago, Pei Shuyi and I were watching fireworks by the river, her smile was bright under the fireworks, she turned her head and asked me: "Big brother, this is what you specially prepared for me, right?" ”

The gauze in my hand suddenly fell to the ground, I clenched my fist against my lips, and closed my eyes suddenly, and after a while, I felt a hot and humid liquid trickle down, sliding to my lips and being bitter.

It turns out that I still can't forget her, even if a year has passed, I have experienced too much in this year, and I have hovered on the edge of life and death, I have seen a psychiatrist, and my mind is not known how many times more mature than a year ago, but no matter what kind of person I become, I still haven't quit Pei Shuyi, and I still haven't let go of this relationship.

I still clearly remember that these few days are the time of Pei Shuyi's menstrual affairs.

Later, I turned off the light and sat on the bed, holding the crystal ball in one hand, the colorful light flickered, and the bits and pieces of being with Pei Shuyi in the past few years kept emerging in front of me, and the night we finally met, she buried her head and tears fell down in large numbers.

Before 12 o'clock, I took out my phone and called the number I had tried to call countless times, but I never got out.

After a while, Pei Shuyi's voice came from the other side, "Hello." ”

Polite and detached, just like when she went to my house when she was 14 years old and saw me for the first time, "Hello, cousin. ”