XXXV. The Second Showdown - A Difficult Breakup
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Actually, I want to get together with L. β¦β¦β¦β¦ It's just that since L's plan has been disrupted, this wish has to come to naught.
It was a cloudy day, and I vaguely remember the street crowd rushing and we sitting in the car. The background music was a low blues saxophone, and I didn't remember much of the melody, but I remember that it was very appropriate for the weather that day.
He was wearing the watch I gave him.
At first, he tried to lighten the mood, but he saw my seriousness. So he just touched my hair and called my name. In private, he only called my full name twice, once when he confessed in my ear after four months of losing contact, and the other time at this moment.
"What's wrong with you?" He smiled a little cautiously.
I looked up into his eyes, "L, let's break up." I'm serious. I'm going to have my own life. β
"Why do you have to break up?" He turned his head to look ahead. Outside the windshield is the windswept weeds around the seaside open-air parking lot. The weather was bad and few people came.
"Because I don't like you anymore."
As soon as this sentence came out, I clearly felt a twitch in my heart. I also know that L will have a similar reaction in his heart.
He turned his head to glare at me with sharp reproach in his eyes. I looked down at my instep to cheer myself up, then looked up and looked him straight in the eye.
"I'm already in love with someone else." I said in a flat tone, "I'm sorry. β
Such a conceited and possessive man could never bear such an impure relationship&mdah; at most he could tolerate me loving two people at the same time, but he could not accept that I did not love him and was with him. I think it's ridiculous logic, but I think it works best for him.
l sneered and turned his face away to look in the rearview mirror. He wondered if I was lying to him. However, he knew that I did have a boyfriend this time, so he suddenly turned around and grabbed me on the head and kissed me. I struggled to push him away, and saw the resentment on his face and the helplessness of a wounded child.
I tried to keep my face blank.
He looked a little panicked for a moment, as if he didn't know what to do to save me. But soon he calmed down and began to sneer at me: "You can empathize so quickly? β
I got a haircut, not to be outdone: "yes, I just realize now that I was so stupid that I would like someone like you for so long." β
l suppressed his anger, squinted at me and said, "Am I not good enough for you?" β
I replied, "I don't want to discuss these issues with you." Anyway, I'm annoyed when I see you now, so you'd better stop harassing me. β
I think I'm really ruthless.
"Annoyed when you see me?" l's contemptuous tone trembled a little with anger.
"Yes! I don't like you anymore. My boyfriend is excellent," I raised my voice, "and I feel dirty and disgusting when I see you now." β
This last sentence I learned from his dismissive tone.
L stared at me deadly, his eyes gradually reddening, and then he immediately turned his head to look ahead.
"Okay." He held his head high.
But I heard choked and trembling voices.
He looked like he was going to cry! l I'm going to cry!
I suddenly felt like a dumpling that had been unpacked, and I was dumbfounded for a moment, and I didn't know why. At this time, I only have one rational choice that I have preset in advance: open the door, get out of the car, and leave.
One last glance, I saw the green tendons on the back of his right hand gripping the steering wheel revealed, then relaxed, and the fingertips left the steering wheel and placed under the wings of his nose, pressed against his trembling upper lip.
It was the last shot I saw before I got out of the car, and it was one of the deepest impressions I had about L.
I did it.
Within 200 meters of walking out of the parking lot, I immediately crouched on the edge of a bush where no one was around, and cried loudly, like an abandoned child.
l There are actually a lot of such people in real life.
Growing up, he was missing the ability to express real emotions. Whether it's to family, friends, or loved ones, they believe that actions and attitudes speak for themselves, without the need for words and explanations. However, his character is willful and stubborn, like a child who is always spoiled in the family. Unlike those who are quiet and silent and do not be good at words, only those who understand him, tolerate him and accommodate him can finally enjoy his trust and dedication. The safety distance and test time required by him are longer than ordinary people, and he is actually quite weak inside.
I have to give birth to a respect for L's wife, she must be a gentle woman full of motherhood, who can give L a strong sense of security&mdah;It is impossible to be stupid enough to find a naΓ―ve fool to be his life partner, even if that love loses its passion sooner or later, it must be as soft on the outside as Tai Chi and as rigid on the inside, and inviolable.
I said that since you like someone, no matter what the result is, you must try to see through him first, otherwise you will be sorry for the feelings you have paid. Now I do. Even if I want to break up, I am still glad to see the truth of L, and his image is not unbearable. I'm even more glad I didn't wait for another ending: in that cookie-cutter ending, time becomes cruel. I began to wait for a message that had not been answered for a long time, and my frenzied thoughts were ruthlessly cut off by the coldness and impatience on his phone, and finally I was forced to drift away in pain and despair.
Perhaps choosing to end up in such a way is a testament to my selfishness and cowardice&mdah;I was afraid of being hurt by others, so I had to raise my bayonet in advance.
I turned my attention to getting along with Y normally.
I was finally able to date a real boyfriend without distraction, but I didn't feel the comfort and ease that I imagined at the beginning&mdah;this is life. It's the same in the workplace, you have struggled for a certain position for a long time, disappointed again and again and moved forward again and again, and by the day you can really sit on it, the cost you have paid has far exceeded the value of this position, so you feel calm and even bored, so that it is not uncommon. However, in the eyes of outsiders, you are still an enviable lucky one.
The giver does not know the heart of the recipient.
Life without L is no different from when there is L. I'm a 9-to-5 job, and the imprint on my life trajectory is too shallow, because he doesn't really have the experience of living with me, we're just occasional "zero dating" partners&mdah, and if it weren't for my liking him, we'd be much closer to real friends.
I still don't believe how much L likes me. Not to mention love. His anger and sadness when I left him proved at most that I was his beloved toy at this stage.
Even I know that this is not love for l.
Obsessed and fanatical, it was just to satisfy his extravagant hopes and longings for the lover of his dreams.
But I really liked him once, very deeply, purely liked, blindly willing to accept everything about him. It's not just because he's handsome&mdah;I thought I wouldn't like him if S had an L face. I like L because of his temperament and his inexplicable contradictory heart.
Falling in love with someone unconditionally, if I were a teenage girl, I would think that this is love. But now that I'm older, I know that love is more than that, it's a responsibility.
L's point of view is different from mine, he thinks that I think too much&mdah;the feeling of love does not need to be screened, and only intuitively, even the most stupid person can know very clearly whether he loves someone or not. Love without any strings, rationality, or burdens is the true and pure love of human beings.
But now thinking about whether or not to love with L is nonsense. I'm finally back on track.