I draw circles on the calendar: this is the fifth time with L. Every time they were separated for only two days, he wanted to see each other every other day, and he wanted to see each other almost every week.

It is said that after fifteen times a man and a woman have made love, the passion will gradually wane, and if that is the end of the day—I thought in circles, if once a month, L and I would have ten months before we got tired of each other. But now our frequency is so high that it won't last for 10 months: if we don't travel, we want to see each other twice a week, and there are still a few unsuccessful ones in between.

Once it was in L's office.

I was going on a business trip on a late plane, and before leaving, I passed by L's company and he said he was waiting for me on it. The front desk of the company has been off work, and L quietly came out to help me open the curfew. There were still quite a few departments with the lights on, and we avoided the people working overtime, and then he locked the door to his office.

This was my first visit to L's office, which stands alone at the end of the porch, is large and has a balcony with a view of the city at night from the floor-to-ceiling windows.

He jerked me against the windowpane.

"Didn't you just ...... yesterday," I asked, surprised.

"But I still think," L kissed the back of my neck, "I won't see you for half a month." ”

His hand rubbed against my back, and suddenly there was a knock on the door.

We both held our breath.

"Are you still there?" It's a male voice.

L whispered in my ear, "The department manager is here to deliver the report." ”

"Then what should I do!" I asked eagerly and in a low voice.

He pulled me out onto the balcony and closed the floor-to-ceiling curtains.

I hid behind the crimson flannel and heard the door open and they talked, and my heart was about to jump out.

Of course, L quickly sent him away.

The moment the curtain was pulled open, L looked at me with a wicked smile, and I raised my middle finger at him and fled.

I thought that lovers only need to be warm when they meet. So I never complained or complained to L when I was sick or unlucky. The plane was a lot late that day, and I received a call from L at one o'clock in the morning: "I found out that your plane was delayed, what is it now, it hasn't taken off yet?" I lowered my voice in surprise and asked, "Haven't you gone back yet?" Where are you now? He said, "Just came out of the house to buy something." "What are you buying at such a late hour?" "Buy the gear I'll use with you next time." "Die! Not serious. ”

"Wear more clothes, don't catch a cold."

"Oh."

After a pause, I don't know what to say.

"Okay, so be it." L hung up the phone a little puffy.

L would never talk sweetly to please a girl, I really don't know how he managed to catch up with his wife.

I'm also a chronic person, and I just remembered to secretly kiss him on my phone.

Maybe it's because of this little touch.

Before I talk about D and S, I will insert a little more about how I felt about L during this period.

L is the main thread of this story, and I don't know which mysterious garden I went to, but sometimes I feel disgusted with him.

Yes, one minute I thought about it to death, and the next minute I suddenly felt sick and bored.

If L were a marriageable man, I don't think I would have chosen him as my husband. For his temperament and other weaknesses, I only tolerated him because of my lover relationship. Just like if you rent a house, you don't want the community to be quiet if you ask for a good location, and don't think the rent is a little expensive if you ask for furniture—this is different from buying a house, you have to be careful about buying a house, and strive for perfection in all aspects.

Women can be very sensible sometimes.

I think I'll get tired of L someday, like the wife on the other end of the phone who is angry with him. The more you understand, the more positive and negative information you get, but as a lover who can't get along day and night, the positive information that can be transformed into family affection is inevitably not as much as the negative information that prompts estrangement and breakup, so the lover and the wife will never be comparable, and it is the general trend to be willing to gamble and lose. I gladly accepted this, so I never became jealous of Mrs. L. But if L has another woman outside, I will cut him off, and it involves a matter of self-esteem.

I am inexplicably bored with L, sometimes because of his erratic temper and unpredictable habits, but more often because of my hatred of our shameful relationship—when I am physically calm, I feel that such an animal relationship is not interesting, and all the love and thoughtfulness are for the sake of the greedy pleasure in bed.

I think there may be times when L finds me annoying.

But at this stage, animal instinct dominates everything, and both parties can't stop it. So after a while, I started to want to see L's heat again, and I missed the way he became gentle in order to sleep with me. Why don't I pretend to be virtuous and virtuous in order to spend the night with them? At this stage, we know that we have to please each other, and we are each other. I guess L is a love saint, and this kind of experience is naturally very sophisticated; And I am...... Uh, famous teachers make high apprentices?

Compared with L, the diamond king Lao Wu S in the single period is a genuine love saint, and he has no fear. We all know that his girlfriend changed like a marquee, but we never knew much about the one who got married in the end.

S, in terms of appearance alone, is as good as L. But in terms of temperament, the two are very different, I like L's vexatious stinky fart, and more mm think I'm in the water of my brain - they are more obsessed with S's finger-twisting tenderness. S is another style of beautiful man.,If L is sullen, then he's the kind of talent who can give you poetry casually.。

S is very good at pondering women's minds, and treats different people with different styles, which will always make you feel natural and comfortable. S is the kind of man who is very good at coaxing women to be happy, this talent seems to be innate, with a casual word or a look, from the front desk to the boss lady, everyone smiles. But no one has ever seen what his true heart looks like.

Maybe except for me.

Actually, I didn't dare to say that, because I never gave him a chance.

Since he became a competent director, I have rarely seen him on business, and I have had a few dinners, but he has always invited him on his own initiative, and it ends in a decent manner. In terms of the relationship between men and women, the newlywed S seems to have become much more low-key, and we have never heard lace news again.

So when I met him on a business trip and was invited to dinner together, I didn't think much of it.

He chatted excitedly with me, and seemed to be leaning closer than he did during a ceremonial meal.

"It's been a long time since I've seen you, and I'm getting more and more beautiful." S smiled politely.

I thought to myself, L can't say such a thing even if he is killed.

He prepared vegetables for me, poured me tea, and took the initiative to put a chopstick meat into my bowl halfway through eating: "Do you have a problem with gastrointestinal absorption, how can you eat without getting fat." ”

I politely bowed and said, "Thank you, thank you, come by yourself, come by yourself." ”

Thinking about it, S's actions are quite ambiguous in the eyes of outsiders, not to mention that his current level is much higher than mine. Except for eating with L, such "preferential treatment" always makes me feel awkward.

It is undeniable that S has also become more handsome.

Money and power have always been the best cosmetics for men.

If in the past, when he held my hand, maybe I would have pretended to be innocent. But today, my face turned white, I withdrew my hand like an electric shock, and the funny thought of "I can't do anything to be sorry for L" suddenly awakened in my heart.

S looked at me with deep meaning.

"Little girl has grown up," he sighed and laughed, "I really envy your boyfriend." ”

At this time, apart from a smirk on the corner of my mouth, I really didn't know how to react. I never told him if I had a boyfriend.

"What does your boyfriend do?"

"Hmm...... It's peers. ”

"Which company's? Maybe you still recognize it. ”

"Yes...... Provincial. ”

"Oh," S continued, "how did you meet?" ”

I smiled angrily: "Hey, you checked the water meter?" ”

S leaned back on the sofa with his head in his hands, his body relaxed, but his eyes were still fixed on me.

"When will your wedding wine be served?" I quickly diverted the subject, "Can we eat it?" ”

"It's not easy for others to say, but you must not be able to."

"What?" I thought I misheard.

S stood up and called the waiter to pay.

I got up with it. I wasn't stupid enough to ask a stupid question like "Why can't I just eat your wine?", and S knew I wouldn't ask that, so I didn't plan to answer it. This is also a tacit understanding, just like his rare slightly nervous and shy confession at the beginning.

He drove me back to the hotel after dinner and then booked the room next door to me at the front desk.

When we took the elevator up the stairs together, I still couldn't figure out what he was trying to do.

Are married men more daring than they were before marriage? Probably not.

After S sent me to the door, he asked me about my itinerary for tomorrow, and by the way, I made an appointment for breakfast tomorrow, and then went back to my room.

In the evening, I was watching entertainment with a mask on, and S called and said that he had just bought yogurt and brought me a box. I put on my clothes and opened the door, he saw my face hahale, I took the yogurt and was about to say thank you, S tore off my mask and kissed it directly, I was so frightened that I took a few steps back, my center of gravity was unstable, and I sat on the ground with my buttocks.

S kept sticking to me to meet me and pressed me directly on the carpet to kiss me.

The door isn't closed yet.

I spent a minute pushing him away with all my might, then turned away and sat on the floor gasping for air, letting my brain cool down quickly.

"Give it to me." He whispered almost pleadingly.

I slowly stood up, straightened the corners of my clothes, and raised my head to look him in the eye: "You go." ”

In front of S, I am always dignified and calm, unmoved, never afraid, and never angry, because I don't love him. So I can't guess his psychology and intentions, whether he is a beauty hunter or true love, it has nothing to do with me. He couldn't get it anyway.

S sat and looked up at me for a while, and laughed dryly twice, maybe he himself felt a little embarrassed to look like this. When he got up, I caught a glimpse of the Hermès belt buckle around his waist and the shirt with a corner ripped out, and thought it was a little ridiculous: a little out of identity? S could read my thoughts, so he stood up and wrapped his long arms around me, and said with a wicked smile, "Do you know that you are very charming?" "He's not going to be as clumsy as L in any case, and that's not cute enough.

Although my face was pale, I smiled and sent him out of the room: "I know. ”

After closing the door, I really wanted to call L, but then I thought about it and couldn't say it, and I smiled bitterly.

I lay in bed staring at the ceiling and came to two conclusions:

1. I look more coquettish and attractive to married men.

2. The time I was forced by L, I actually did it voluntarily.

From the perspective of a woman looking at a male friend, I suddenly felt that it was pitiful for S to hide her vulnerability behind the dogs and horses. I don't know if he found the girl who could take off his mask.

After experiencing the incident of L and S, I reflected on myself for a while, whether there was any frivolous or misleading behavior that caused a married man to have a dispute with me. But then it came to the conclusion that there was no. L is my own heart-to-heart, and S was not married when he first confessed to me. Aside from these two people, there are no other inexplicable rotten peach blossoms.

Since it's not my problem, I can't help but think of the mentality of married men: Is it true that when men are married, they especially like to provoke women like me? Older single young women, without the greasy and willful nature of little girls, have an independent and free view of sex, be a lover is simple and direct, understand the reason, and do not need to be entangled with burdens and responsibilities. It's no different from the Vara clan.

So I seemed to figure out the reason why S did it to me: before marriage, he was a lonely man and a widow, and he was afraid that I would rely on him; Now if you can come to you and me, you will be willing to fight and suffer. It's a pity that a slap doesn't make a sound.

I thought I would sneer, but it turned out to be sympathy for S - I really wouldn't be angry with S, because even if he is dirty, it has nothing to do with me, and he can't take advantage of me.

What makes men like this.

S has only been married for a few days.

I do believe that L and his wife are in a stable relationship, that he is very protective of her, and that he has made it clear that he does not want our relationship to affect his family. But whether the relationship between the two is deep, I can't say this - they have only been married for three or five years, and the nature of L's work makes them get together less and leave more, I remember where I saw an article that said that in many cases, it is not the couple's indifference that leads to cheating, but because of the indifference of the couple's feelings, thus a vicious circle.

The first time I cheated, maybe it was out of temptation. Accustomed to cheating, his attitude towards his lover at home will change unconsciously. Even if the person concerned pays careful attention, a woman's sixth sense must not be underestimated. As a wife, she learns to turn a blind eye for the sake of family stability, but it does not mean that she is really stupid, her heart will not hurt, and she will not be cold. Any insinuating cold war and quarrel will make both parties more discouraged, and some marriages disintegrate in this way, but more forbearance can continue.

Based on my speculation about L's past, I don't believe his wife didn't find out anything. Maybe she's too lazy to care, maybe L is learning smarter. But once there is suspicion between the two, it will not be the original seamless relationship.

To be honest, I'm scared of such a marriage. The mentality of preferring to be a broken jade rather than a complete piece of tiles was especially evident in me who was not in the city. However, the torrent of life pushed me to unexpected places, the script was absurd, and I became a participant in a tragedy, although only one of the supporting roles.

Once the embankment is opened, the torrent will change the course of your heart, and you can never predict what life will teach you. Sometimes the phrase "fate is in your own hands" is so weak and powerless – fate is actually only in the hands of your own desires.

How many people praise the state of "no desire is rigid", but they surrender to temptation again and again.