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Department activities, in the old place karaoke, I walked in the corridor upstairs, thinking of the side face of L in a purple shirt, glowing with a faint light, as if it was yesterday. He stood behind me and clamped my shoulders tightly, and I never looked back.

I've been with L many times before, but I haven't been so sad once. Maybe it's because I always knew that he didn't give up on me, and this time he really hurt his pride&mdah;yes, I know very well that it's not because he's tired of me, it's entirely because I'm doing&mdah;but if I don't do it, I can't stop, I really don't know what else I can do.

I took a leave of absence to go back to my hometown because my mom broke her arm on a motorbike and ended up in the hospital. Originally, my parents didn't plan to tell me, but my second aunt's son told me. I was so angry that I choked on it: these two old stubborns are not going to tell me when they are dying in the future!

The summer night breeze in my hometown is full of warmth.

"Have you moved?"

"Hmm."

Under the pale fluorescent lamp in the hospital room, I peeled oranges for my mother.

"I will be discharged from the hospital in two days, what are you doing here!" My mom had a reproachful tone in her tone.

I interrupted: "I heard that my dad's blood sugar is over again?" Tested again this morning. ”

"Alas, when people get old, they get sick." My mom sighed.

Parents are old. They've been worrying about me in another city as a whole, and then they're getting old and not knowing it&mdah;or not letting me know. The city is also old, dilapidated and old, and the memories of my childhood are cracked and crumbled, which makes me feel the chill of time.

I didn't let Y come with me this time. My mom asked, "Are you doing well with him?" ”

"It's good."

My mother saw that I kept my head down, sighed and said: "The two of you live together, bumps and bumps are inevitable, you are stubborn, and you will never bow your head and apologize first." In fact, thinking about a lot of things after thinking about it is not a matter, I just breathe that breath. ”

My mom said that I was with Y, but I was thinking of someone else.

"I don't think I did anything wrong." I unconsciously spoke my mind.

"Daughter, sometimes it doesn't matter if it's right or wrong." My mom looked at me and said, "It's hard and annoying that you always want to judge a person's opinions and practices." You are lovers, relatives, in the face of your lover, you can't just talk about right and wrong, you live life together, you must pay attention to feeling what the other person really wants in his heart. ”

I smiled quietly and peeled a petal of orange and placed it on the lid of the upside-down lunch box.

"You know, a wife who looks like his ex-wife, and he has the final say on everything." I pouted, "A strong woman like your daughter is not popular with him." ”

Is that what he really thinks? Did he say it himself? ”

"Do you need to ask? Just pouting your ass and you'll know what shit he's going to pull. ”

My mother shook her head and said, "What do you think yourself, have you told him?" ”

"Mom," I said, "if I hadn't told him, we wouldn't have quarreled." ”

"I'm not talking about your point of view, have you ever told him, I mean your feelings&mdah;does he know you're so sad in your heart?" My mom said.

My heart felt like something had touched me.

"Sometimes, what this person wants is very simple, that is, to be understood by the other person. Even if you can't, it's good to understand him. Don't think about everything, the more you think about it, the more complicated it becomes! My father and I used to quarrel all my life, but then I didn't have to think about it to know what your father wanted to hear, and I didn't have to quarrel when I said it. My mom smiled and said, "Even if it's sometimes, just say it." That's what people do. ”

I talked to my mom for a long time that night, and she said that I listened, and I realized for the first time that my mom was so wise.

"Don't hold back when you have emotions, you can't suffocate yourself, and the problem will not be solved. But you should not be straightforward and quick to talk about anything, and you must pay attention to ways and means to solve problems. On the one hand, you have to learn to listen to other people's feelings, and on the other hand, you have to learn to express yourself appropriately. The contradiction cannot be put aside, it will ferment more and more, in fact, many knots are dissolved, and there is nothing to do. It's the same with friends and colleagues. There are no people who are not born to deal with you, only some interpersonal relationships that you don't know how to deal with. ”

My mother's right hand was in a cast and bandage, and she was half-lying on the bed and talking as if she were talking to herself, with most of her life's life knowledge, flowing around the room at will. I have never experienced this kind of teaching of life experience, since I was a child, my mother either cared about me being fed and clothed or asked me if I had found a partner, and my mother-in-law always annoyed me. My eyes were wet, as if I had just been able to understand the preciousness of "a mother's child is like a treasure" in another sense.

"You haven't heard people say: Apologize sometimes, not because you did something wrong, but because you are right about your attitude&mdah;It doesn't matter what the end result is, because it will soon be forgotten. Only your attitude at that time may be remembered for a lifetime. Yanyan, take everything seriously, not to ask you to be more serious, but to let you have a correct attitude and start and finish. ”

I just had to nod my head. My mom looked at me with concern, "When are you going to have a baby?" ”

"We'll see in the second half of the year......" I said.

My mom thought for a while before saying, "Don't be in a hurry, having a baby is a big deal." I thought she was going to start nagging about laundry, cooking, changing diapers, and paying off the mortgage, but in the end she said: "It is said that children are the glue of the relationship between husband and wife, but if they are not ready, it will be the fuse of more contradictions." I think you and Y are in a hurry, but we really aren't very prepared. ”

"Yanyan, it's not early, let your mother sleep, and you can go home early to rest." My dad cautiously pushed the door in, his eyes bloodshot. I suddenly felt that their love was very good, and it made me feel like an outsider. I was so moved that I almost cried.

Time flies so fast, and I feel like I still haven't had time to say anything to my mom, which is a pity. I walked out of the hospital room with the sound of a pigeon's whistle in my ears &mdah, the familiar background music that had surrounded me throughout my childhood, which had given me the warm strength of home and the courage to venture far away.

On the way back, I tried to dial L's number, but I still couldn't get through. Slowed heartbeat: It seems that now is not the time.

Looking out the window at the dark clouds rolling over the mountains, I gradually regained my composure. The feelings of unwillingness, resentment, depression, grievance, and remorse that I once had in my heart slowly disappeared. It was as if I had suddenly become enlightened. This feeling is like a smile and hatred in the rivers and lakes, I feel that my palm is full of energy, and I can seal the knife and put it in the sheath, not happy or sad, and sit and watch the clouds rise. My mother's words inspired me a lot: I could have ended my relationship with L in a different way. It's obviously a win-win situation, so why make it a lose-lose. No matter how hesitant and obscure the relationship is, it can be handled in a fair and bright way, the key depends on what you think in your heart.

There are some things I haven't taken care of yet. I want to build my heart first, let it really be strong and warm, and then build a bridge to feel a soft heart.

Now my heart is filled with a sense of rebirth of indifference, peace, and joy&mdah, although I have not yet spoken to L. Phoenix Nirvana, is this how it feels?