I have never whitewashed the immorality of this love, and I admit that it was wrong from the beginning. However, it has come to this point, and to say that I did something wrong in one link that led to today's consequences is an afterthought. In addition, this is different from physiological drug rehabilitation, leaving L has nothing to do with people's willpower, and has something to do with the constraints of social norms, but more factors: personal self-interest. This is what I want to analyze in depth, not to simply record the sinful love of men and women. Like He Shen's corrupt psychology, we all have a fluke mentality: secretly enjoy more personal pleasure without a third person discovering it. This is not a contest between selfishness and morality, because at this time morality is no longer in sight, it is a contest between selfishness and selflessness - because the relationship will change from selfishness to selflessness at the depths of the relationship, and at this time you are very easy to get hurt, and it is very easy to be discouraged and withdraw and end the relationship.

Therefore, in the end, if you can spontaneously break up, most of them are not because the mistress or the cheating man suddenly burst with morality, but because the tolerance for the other party has exceeded the tolerable limit. To put it bluntly, it is self-interest that determines everything.

This was the case with L's breakup after our seventh meeting.

Within my tolerance, I will not interfere and ask L to compromise on the time he has with me, and everything will be respected. I was spared by him, but when I knew why, I would choose to be considerate. But once he agreed to my appointment, he canceled it for no reason — neither because of his busy schedule, nor because of his family, but maybe he didn't want to come. He didn't even want to make a decent excuse, and I found out that I was about to spoil him.

As I said, I'm also selfish, and although I don't ask you to love me, if you don't care if I'm unhappy, or if you don't value me as much as I do to you, then it's better that we break up. I deleted his WeChat, got up the next day and adjusted my mentality, thinking that it would really be over like this. It stands to reason that L would be impatient to use his clumsy methods to please me after a while, but this time I suddenly felt a little tired of it.

Who said that liking the new and hating the old is exclusive to men?

When I eat with D, I feel relaxed and calm, and he will revolve around my thoughts. I don't want to coax a man like a child, it's too tiring.

Yes, I was really tired. Maybe it's the high frequency of meeting people who are aesthetically tired, and L is not a considerate lover. After about three weeks of inactivity, L began to text me again tentatively, and I politely declined any possibility of meeting. He must have been angry again, wondering how he would "punish" me the next time he saw me, but this time I wasn't so good at talking. Even if he invited me to eat delicacies from the mountains and seas, I would give him a smile at most.

Four months after the last time I lost contact, to be honest, I really wanted to see him in my heart, so the resurgence went well. And this time I didn't really want to. Although I occasionally remember L's passion when I am empty, lonely and bored for a long time, I feel that the price is a bit too big for me to run for.

I think L may have a similar idea to me, no one can stand to roll the sheets when we meet at two ends in three days. At this point, he was more impatient than me, perhaps because he was a little unwilling, and his physical needs were indeed stronger than mine. L and I didn't have much love for each other at the time, but we were physically attached to each other, and we were somewhat psychologically addicted to the underground lover relationship. We don't have a lot of deep emotional accumulation, in the past, L wanted to be a simple bed partner and I was angry, and now I don't even bother to choose him - I don't have to be a bed partner.

It's true that I wouldn't choose anyone else. Since the last time S Overlord failed to make a hard bow, I feel inexplicably disgusted when I think of his body. At this stage, I seemed to have entered a period of abstinence, my mind automatically shifted gears, and I had other new pursuits - I signed up for a vulgar MBA.

Manager position (I forgot to explain that I was promoted before, although I think I have no problem with my ability, but I have to admit that S has won me a lot), I am about 30 years old to study MBA, everyone knows that it is to change jobs or start a business to expand contacts. Of course, if a girl is young and beautiful, she can also make a lot of money - but if it is not Cheung Kong Graduate School of Business, the "classmates" you see are not high-ranking bosses, and the tuition fee of tens of thousands of yuan is not enough for people to sell themselves for glory, or it is more reliable to find a noble person or a bridge to know a noble person, and there are many ways to have multiple friends.

My classmates thought I was married.

Those oily-headed middle-aged male classmates all looked cowardly, and they kept making jokes, and I was disgusted by eating together, and I knew that I had become the target of their backs again. There are three or five serious colleagues in this class, two women and three men.

One of these male classmates later introduced me to Y, my future boyfriend.

I feel like I've grown up, not because of promotions and relationships, but because I've learned to control the input and output of emotions. At a certain age, reason should prevail. Feverish love, those seem to be in the past tense. I've loved it very devotedly, and now that I see the male god, it's just a piece of chicken feathers, and I don't think I'll love others more than myself for the time being.

Since he blocked L's WeChat, he can't see my dynamics, he's really busy, and it took almost a month and a half to find out, and then he sulked for a while, but he didn't quarrel with me. I arrange my life comfortably, without the L to disturb my life.

During this time, I had dinner with D twice when I was not in a good mood.

The first time was on a rainy day, with soft background music in the western restaurant, and the two of us sat in the narrow and humid doorway, just bowing our heads to eat, and not saying anything. At the beginning of the lanterns, the scene is like a food stall shot in a literary Hong Kong film. D knew that I was in a bad mood, and although he didn't say anything, he could emotionally feel the care for me. After eating, he sent me back and took the initiative to tell me jokes, I felt a lot more relaxed, and for a moment I was very moved, and I thought we had a show.

As a result, the second time I ate, I returned to the state of gags, and it seems that fate is really ...... I can't force it. I kept thinking about my inner thoughts, but I didn't pay much attention to the change in D's feelings about me, until one day when he unnaturally confessed that he liked me, I suddenly felt that I was more ashamed of him than L.

Sometimes the world is very big, very slim, cold and warm self-knowing, I stand alone in the sea of people, busy and running for a better life, trying to find happiness. I have a lot of good friendships, which are very valuable, but love is hard to find, it is like the only diamond, hidden in the depths of the unknown.

The first time I met Y, I felt even more guilty about D, because he was no match for D in any way. But I immediately said to myself: you can marry this person. As for the reason, that's another story.

Before confessing, D knew that I didn't like him enough, and he accepted it silently and cared for me in his own way; Later, he had his own partner, and we had less contact with each other, but we were still friends.

One day he suddenly asked, "Last time you said, when did you ask me to pretend to be your boyfriend?" ”

I laughed at him: "How about you pretend to be my child's godfather next time?" ”

D said: "I'm obviously the child's godfather, why do I have to pretend?" ”

This is the end of D's story.

One morning, L finally couldn't bear it, and I pressed both calls, and then after a while he called from a landline, I answered, and was blamed for splitting my head and covering my face: "Why don't you answer my phone?" Why don't you contact me? Forgot about me so soon? I calmly asked him, "You called specifically to scold me?" L was a little speechless, but he was still unconvinced, and said strongly: "Then do you want me?" "I don't want to." I replied.

He didn't expect me to say that, and immediately asked, "Why not?" I smiled angrily: "I don't want to just don't want to, what's the reason." Anything else? L's tone was a little panicked, and he forced out a sentence: "Then what if I miss you!" I said, "Then you can go on thinking." "Okay." He hung up.

It's annoying that my good mood has been ruined! A few minutes later, L called again: "The supplier's money from last time is still with me, you can do it." He hung up after dropping this sentence, his voice was choked, and he was angry and anxious and didn't know what to do, trying to pull me back in such a bad way.

It's harder to get him to apologize or coax someone than to ascend to heaven. It was the first time I had seen me uncooperative in a tough tone, and he was a little at a loss.

I was so angry that I didn't want to pay attention to him, thinking that this was too much to look down on, but in the end I sympathized with him, this kid! "I want to see you" can't he say the three words well.

I called L again in the afternoon and asked him if he could come out on Saturday night. He lost his temper at all, but he was entangled: "But I never came out on a Saturday......" "It's inconvenient." "I said." I'll take a look at the situation, you wait for my call. L's eager and flattering tone let me know that he would definitely come this time, as long as he wanted to do something, nothing could not be done. Now the question is, will he do what I want.

I thought I was a good lover, almost never demanded, and followed all the established rules. L's personality does not necessarily take the initiative to discover and meet women's needs like other men, such as buying snacks to charge phone bills or something. I am an advocate of independence and do not care about that, but I am ready to train him to know how to do what he says and keep his promises, for I am not a shrew or a fool: if I make a request, it is usually reasonable; And if he tries to deceive and perfunctory, I will bring shame on myself.

We all fancy each other's cleverness, so why deceive ourselves as lovers. "If you don't want to do anything, just tell me the real reason, anyway, I have no right to interfere, and I won't make trouble unreasonably. I'm not your wife, I don't need to make excuses for me, there is no cruelty and unfairness between us, I will accept everything, only your deliberate coaxing is harmful, because of unnecessary expectations. For example, you say you love me. Why bother, it's fun if you don't love us. "That's how I approach the relationship between me and L. Regarding the basic principles of getting along, sometimes I feel like I'm educating children. I am also being educated, for example, to suppress my unnecessary curiosity.

At the door of room 450, I smiled and looked at L, who I hadn't seen for a long time: "Are you sure you can spend the night?" "I want to make sure he didn't secretly take leave to pick up a gun, or I'll leave immediately.

"It's been over, it's been over!" He dragged me in impatiently.