After listening to Lin Ke's words that were almost pleading, I gradually realized that this was not his sudden hypocrisy, it was probably a nightmare that completely broke his psychological defense, so I didn't even have that strong sleepiness, so I quickly got dressed, called a car through the mobile phone software, and went to the bar!

The sky is not yet bright, the night is very cold, I am more and more sober, worried about why Lin Ke, who has always been tough, has become so fragile, he is my only friend in this scenic spot except for Song Niange, when we encounter troubles, we will sit together and smoke, drink cheap beer, but never feel how bitter this day is, sometimes the most tormented thing is not the burden on the body, but the melancholy that is close to the heart.

Passing by a 24-hour supermarket, I thought of Lin Ke's reluctance to even buy a pack of cigarettes, and always squatting at the door to roll cigarettes, I felt sad for a while, and hurriedly asked the driver to stop, got out of the car and bought him a red Nanjing.

In these years, people in their thirties probably can't find a few people as poor as him. He insisted on being penniless, insisting on contradictions with his family, and what did he get in exchange for persevering in the end?

As I lowered the window, the cold wind poured into the car, and the wind interpreted the dark night before dawn with a cruel smell, and I was only wearing a thin professional attire, and hurriedly raised the window, but the wind that poured into my heart lingered for a long time......

After a long journey, the car finally stopped at the mouth of the alley, and after paying the money, I quickly got out of the car and walked briskly again into a trot, and from a trot to a run......

Arriving at the door of the "Road Ballad" bar, I looked at the courtyard with all the lights turned on in a violent breath, Lin Ke sat alone on the roof, he buried his head deeply, like a bird that has been plucked out of its feathers, not only to endure the loneliness of not being able to fly, but also to face the mockery of everyone.

I stood under the eaves, threw the cigarette aside, bent over my knees with my hands to calm my breathing, and then looked up at Lin Ke, who looked up at me, he looked at me, smiled, his lips trembled but he couldn't say a word, my heart was filled with an indescribable taste, because I could understand Lin Ke too well, but there were also things in his words that made me puzzled, this single word, which could not be effectively connected at all, made me want to understand the reason.

Afraid of provoking Lin Ke's scar, I didn't dare to ask him what he had dreamed of, but asked, "Do you want me to move a stool for you to come down?" ”

"No, you don't."

As he spoke, he jumped off the wall in a very free and easy position.

After coming down, Lin Ke did not go back to the house, but sat on the steps in front of the door, he smiled apologetically and bitterly, and said: "I have to work during the day, and I make you uncomfortable at night." ”

I also sat down on the steps, tore open a cigarette, took out a pack from it, took out two, lit one for each person, took a puff and said, "It's all hypocrisy, and if you are still saying polite things here, if you are really grateful, it will be fine." ”

Lin Ke nodded, and after smoking a cigarette in silence throughout the whole time, he stood up and said, "I'll go get my Fanta that I never take out, and sing you a song." ”

I gritted my teeth and hated, but I didn't hate Lin Ke, but this cruel life, because the man in front of me was too paranoid, and his ideals were even more ridiculous.

……

Under the bright light, Lin Ke sat quietly holding the guitar, he closed his eyes and gently stroked the guitar, and played the prelude for a long time, which is a song I have never heard, he seemed to tell a story, and sang softly in a trembling voice: "There are wild flowers on the grassland that witnessed the death of the gods, the wind in the distance is farther away than the distance, my piano whimper, my tears are gone, I return the far away to the grassland, one is called wood, the other is called horsetail...... My piano whimpered, my tears were gone, and I returned the far and far back to the grassland, one called wood, one called horsetail, one called wood, one called horsetail......

I listened quietly, this cold night before dawn, as if it was forged into a sharp hook by Lin Ke's rough, intense, almost roaring voice, tearing open the skin of life, so those sadness and helplessness were used in one go, in this song, how much helplessness is hidden, but what can it be, in the end, I can only come to a sentence freely: Fight a horse across the grassland alone......

This is the most emotional song I have performed since I met Lin Ke, and it was only then that I realized that I had always thought it was my own, carrying it all the way, on a full moon night, I suddenly found that it belonged to the empty grassland, belonged to the wind, belonged to a certain life-related dream, and vaguely remembered the edge of the dream...... Ma Touqin whimpered for thousands of years, I am just a passerby passing by a horse, I can't go far, only death can enter the territory of the soul in my dreams. Standing on the battlefield of the death of the gods, wailing and flowers all over the ground......

After singing a song, Lin Ke put the guitar aside, stopped singing, continued to pick up the cigarette case placed on the steps, took out a cigarette and lit it, and took a puff before asking, "What do you think?" ”

"I can't put into words this feeling, I just feel too sad."

This song does not have a specific score, it is more like a folk song passed down by word of mouth, from the simple ideal and deep-rooted land, Haizi went with the rumbling train, the night when Zhang Huisheng hanged himself, the night sky of Beijing fell a grand Leonid meteor shower! Every time I listen to this song, I always think: we don't have to be too arrogant to live, we should live as Zhou Yunpeng, who can't see the world but can see the most, life is poetry, but life is not, life is the "read aloud and recite the full text" behind the poem! This song is Haizi's poem, a song composed by Zhang Huisheng, and later written by Lao Zhou and sung! Haizi and Zhang Huisheng both committed suicide, Zhou Yunpeng is still alive and well, and someone said something that fits very well: Because Haizi and Zhang Huisheng can't see it, Zhou Yunpeng can't see it. ”

"Idealism is destined to fail to blend with reality, and it is necessary to overcome obstacles if it wants to achieve it. Zhang Huisheng, like Haizi, was an idealistic martyr. ”

Lin Ke's Adam's apple kept squirming, his eyes fixed on the shadow in front of him, and he sighed: "In the third year after writing "September", Haizi lay on the railroad tracks in spring, and his soul was finally able to dance with his ideals; Zhou Yunpeng, who has been blind since childhood, saw the truth clearly with a pair of eyes immersed in the darkness, and even more endured the truth. Over the years, he has repeatedly mentioned Zhang Huisheng in interviews and essays, and probably like many people, he does not want to forget this name. Because of Zhang Huisheng, "September" completed a deafening symphony of poems and songs, words and songs, life and death. ”

"Choosing this way as the final outcome, who can judge whether it is right or wrong?"

"Zhang Huisheng is a pioneer of folk songs, and his existence is a high-level industry benchmark. His songs have endured in the folk music circle for a long time, and have provided a steady stream of creative inspiration for subsequent folk singers. ”

I really wanted to understand what Lin Ke said, but I couldn't figure it out, and I soon gave up, because I didn't understand, even if I figured it out, where was the meaning, and the rights and wrongs of the past had long been stripped from my current life.

Lin Ke seemed to see those fart-like lives, and the whole person was so lost and depressed, and then lost all the ability to express, and sat stupidly.

Finally, he extinguished his cigarette and returned to the bar, and I was still immersed in my own world, and the mouth of Lin Ke in the room was still humming, and I was no longer very indifferent to what had just happened, but I could only be a spectator, indifferent.

……

Thinking alone, I sat down until it was dark, but Lin Ke in the room leaned against the bar and fell asleep. I was afraid that he would wake up again at some point, so I called Qu Sen and asked him to ask me for a morning off, and then sat from the cold until sweat broke out from my forehead.

At breakfast time, I walked to the nearby supermarket to buy some rice, boiled some porridge, just woke up Lin Ke, and ate less than a bowl, Li Shi suddenly brought a team of people in, everyone was very orderly, I was surprised, roughly counted, there were about forty people, aged about twenty-five to thirty-five, and this sudden huge team frightened Lin Ke almost knocked over the porridge bowl.

He tried to keep his composure, put the bowl on the table, and then patted me on the shoulder, but his eyes stared straight at the crowd and said, "Yu Hang, tell me quickly." ”

"No flowers, don't go out to pick up customers yet."

Lin Ke hurriedly greeted him and asked Li Shidao: "Oh, where did you bring so many distinguished guests!" ”

I consciously put on the waiter's clothes and walked into the courtyard, but Li Shi ignored me directly, ignored me at all, and did not forget to remind Lin Ke: "Let's not talk to him, let him be embarrassed alone." ”

Lin Ke looked overwhelmed, and I shrugged my shoulders indifferently, and I didn't care about her at this moment, after all, she brought so many guests.

Li Shi stared at me triumphantly for a moment, and continued to explain to Lin Ke: "These are all customers in my store, after asking everyone's permission, come to your bar to play, remember to prepare your album, I played your song last night, many people want to take one back." ”

My eyes were about to pop out, all of these customers were from hostels?

Lin Ke looked at me with an embarrassed face, and then sighed: "No, I was thrown into the garbage pool last time, and the outer packaging was dirty, an album should be a whole, I can't sell this thing to tourists, especially the people you brought." ”

Li Shi nodded, beckoning the guests into the store, Lin Ke first bartended to the guests, and then sang for the guests, but he never sang the sad song of the morning, he smiled hard, hoping to bring comfort to every tourist, and everyone enjoyed it very happily, but they didn't know how difficult the story happened on this step before dawn......

……

I was busy inside and out, a while to the warehouse to move wine, a while to clean up the table, after a busy while, found that Li Shi suddenly disappeared, because the scene was very busy, I also couldn't take care of her, about ten minutes later, she took a black plastic bag from a woman's hand, and then ran in with a notebook, for this book, I am very familiar, it is her sketchbook.

A moment later, she crouched in the corner of the wall and faced the pile of CDs with some stains on the outside, and with a painful face, she opened the wooden boxes one by one, and then walked alone to the courtyard with the CDs.

During the service break, I stretched out my head to look, wondering what Li Shi was doing in the courtyard for a long time, so I couldn't help but step forward, I didn't know if I didn't know, I was startled when I saw it, she under the shade of the tree, she didn't pay attention to me, after pulling the scattered hair, I tore off a picture from the sketchbook, and then wrapped it on the album, and then cut it again, and glued it with scotch tape, and made a sketch with a very literary album packaging.

Looking at the stack of album packaging at hand, I was not calm in an instant, this is a sketch of Li Shi's life, why is it so easily torn off by her to make wrapping paper now?