I don't know what the meaning of my breath is.

I lay on the hospital bed every day, letting the nurses clean the wounds on my arms, change the dressings, let them prick me on a drip, open my mouth to eat a bite of food that tastes like chewing wax, and my empty eyes are enough to stare holes in the walls of the ward.

I didn't speak because I had nothing to say. I'm alive because I don't know what to do.

Finally, one day, I figured it out.

After swallowing the 30 sleeping pills I had secretly hidden, I calmly and unobtrusively borrowed Jacob's back to rely on, and chattered with him about my secret feelings for Chu Houyi since I was seven years old. I didn't expect that when I was about to win, fate played a big joke on me.

This reversal is so complete that I really can't bear it. I wish I could sleep peacefully and never wake up again.

Jacob is a good Team Player, not only as a good partner for me at the C01 base, but also as a friend who really cares about me and my father. In this difficult time, he chose to accompany us and never leave us. He was also a brilliant genius, and he actually heard my will to die in my slower and slower babbling, and once again pulled me back from the brink of death.

Sometimes it's really not possible to trust and rely on your own pig teammates.

Why do you want to bring me back? I could have broken free from the shackles of this body and freely followed in the footsteps of Chu Houyi's soul, but I couldn't.

"Far away, how can you do this? How can you hurt yourself like this? Do you know how much pain Dad feels in his heart? "My father's gray hair seemed to have turned white overnight, and he, who had never shed tears in front of me, couldn't help but choke up in the face of willfulness this time.

"I'm sorry, Dad." My heart was also stung by my father's appearance, but I still said such unfilial words: "Houyi is dead, all my efforts and thoughts are meaningless, Dad." I don't have the strength to live. ”

Yes, all my efforts, all my thoughts, seem to dissipate with Chu Houyi's passing.

Since I was seven years old, I knew that the age gap was a hard wound between me and Chu Houyi. All because I was too young, he never took my affection and ambiguity seriously; It's all because I'm too young that he can be arrogant and tolerant of my insolence without discovering my true purpose.

And I, all the time chasing after him, using all my wisdom and all my might. Just to shorten the distance between us a little faster, so that he can see my heart.

I know that I have a superior IQ, but the reason why I am willing to study hard is actually just so that I can skip a grade, hoping to go to the same school as him, become his classmate, and have a relationship in the name of it. What I never expected was that due to my excessive force, although I caught up with Chu Houyi's footsteps and entered the same university as him, I was mistakenly taken in by the genius youth class, which was obviously young and not understood by the world, which made people feel uncomfortable.

Every time I complained to my father, he always smiled and said, far away, you haven't grown up yet, and when you grow up, everything will be there.

Such an emotion seems to have become the motivation and goal of my previous life, and I have been driving on this trajectory without distraction, and I have never imagined other possibilities. And now the sudden disaster shattered all my faith.