After drinking a few beers, I lay down in bed dizzy, and then fell asleep very deadly, but I dreamed of Li Shi again, in the dream she again turned away from me in a way that did not say goodbye, and I began to look for her all over the world, asking her to give me an explanation, but the dream gave me all disappointment, so that I woke up in disappointment.

I turned on the bedside lamp, lit a cigarette, calmed my emotions, and my heart as always unwilling to equate dreams with reality, I only felt that I had not seen Li Shicai for too long, and in recent days, because of the long journey too tired and depressed, it led to this dream full of despair, occupying my mind, sometimes, I really don't mind that my love is too humble, as long as she is by my side, one day in the future, say that I like me Yu Hang, I feel a kind of happiness.

Thinking about it, I was a little tired again, but at the moment I closed my eyes, I saw a familiar figure walking towards me, it was Li Shi who appeared in my sight, this time she did not escape, with the cleanest smile, standing in the distance and looking at me quietly, looking at her smile, I finally fell asleep peacefully......

……

The next morning, while Dai Le was not here, I planned to take a good look at the hostel, it was an old enough building, it was an old house on the outside, with large windows, I guess in the summer its façade should be full of plants, the windows were full of flowers, on a secluded but easily accessible roadside, there was a clearing with a garden or green trees at the door.

There are plenty of communal spaces in this house, and there are a lot of personality ornaments, each of which may have its own story.

Old Britain seems to prefer to enjoy the slow life, the elegance is engraved in the bones, I stand in the wind, the air is filled with lazy music and the smell of coffee, * friends nestled in the comfortable sofa, unbridled to enjoy the joy of freedom.

Even though I don't speak English very well, I'm still willing to communicate, and there are plenty of books, magazines, and movies around, and it's a comfortable place to stay in a free but uninhibited environment, and I don't even need to be surrounded by sights.

The manager of the hostel where I am located is a middle-aged couple, and they take care of everything, and I fantasize about one day being like them, with a white-headed wife and a pair of lovely children.

These days, I've been thinking about what has changed the hostel has changed me. Did you meet someone who walked south and north with a guitar on your back, or did you encounter all kinds of strange ...... It wasn't until later that I realized that everyone has a different way of life, and there is a reason behind everyone's life, someone said goodbye, and then turned right with a backpack on his back, and disappeared at the mouth of the alley, I never saw their backs again, someone I quietly watched them enter the security check of the train station, and then watched her wave goodbye to me, or I stood in front of the door, watched them carry their suitcases into the car, watched the car go away, and more people packed their bags and set foot on the next stop while I was still asleep.

Later, when I thought about it, many times I felt a little sorry for not having a good hug and saying goodbye seriously. So much so that when I left by myself, I secretly moved my things. I heard that most of the homeless people are unkind, and I don't remember how many times I cried stupidly because of parting in the six months I was there......

……

From morning to noon, and from noon to evening, I never waited for Dale to come, and I couldn't afford to spend a lot of money every day when I came to England, and I could even be deported, so I decided to walk around on my own.

The streets of London at night were quiet and glitzy, and less than half an hour after I had walked, I suddenly heard a siren, and then I saw two foreigners who had died in a traffic.

The car is like a meat grinding machine, taking away two fresh lives in an instant, even if I am far away in a foreign country, in the incomprehensible words and crying, I still understand the sadness of the impermanence of the world.

In the great loss, life and death seemed to have been left behind me, I tasted loneliness again, and then continued to persistently search for it in the crowd.

……

In the past, in China, I would catch up with people who looked similar, but in the UK, this method seems to be more efficient, because Li Shi's height and figure are so different here.

This idea of self-soothing did not last long, suddenly, not far away, there was a person with a fairly familiar walking posture, she walked towards me with her hair scattered, I didn't believe it at all, the woman approaching me at this time was Li Shi, but she really wasn't my fantasy, because her long hair fluttering in the cold wind was so real, but because of the distance and the crowd of people walking one after another, I couldn't see her face clearly......

Her walking posture and perfect posture are too similar to Li Shi, although I don't really believe that she is Li Shi, knowing that fate is not so wonderful, but I still ran with anticipation, wanting to see her real, but she turned her back, reached out to stop a taxi, and soon disappeared into the lights.

In the midst of gains and losses, she has long been gone, I am still watching, and then the unstoppable sense of loss, once again hit me hard, a long time before I suddenly woke up, hurriedly took out the mobile phone from my pocket, wanted to call her, to confirm whether it was her, but after a long time I realized that I had no contact information for her.

Thinking of Li Shi's expectations for me before leaving, she hoped that I could do a good job in the hostel, including her, when I was in the process of operation, many people gave me a lot of encouragement, and many people asked me, why do I do such a difficult thing, why do I live such an ideal life?

I have also figured out a lot of things in these external questions and in my own inner questioning, I am not an idealist in the pure sense, I am a person who is loyal to reality and lives out of ideals.

Why do you want to do a job you don't like at the best of 20-40 years old, and then use the money to buy your ideal life after the age of 40? Why not face the sea from now on, spring blossoms, probably this is the biggest meaning of our sailing.

Living up to life is a very false sentence, I want to step on this sentence, doing a hostel is just to survive, and there is not much life, and I found that everyone has a misunderstanding about some things, raising the difficulty, they feel that it is difficult to do these things, in fact, it is not difficult to do what you like, the difficult thing is to do what you don't like, the waste of time is the torture of life, and now, I spend my time on the people I like, even if I trek through mountains and rivers, it doesn't seem too much......

So comforting myself, the sense of loss was finally lightened, but the cruel reality was once again in front of me, I seemed to have lost my direction, and I couldn't find my way back, and I didn't realize that I would go far, and I didn't bring any cash when I came out.

I tried to call Dai Le, but this person was really as Amy said, the phone was always busy or turned off, which was quite weird, and it seemed that he was the only one who contacted me, and I couldn't do anything about him.

……

Where do I go to find a place for myself to live this night? Or just spend the night on the streets?

In the cold, I wandered the noisy streets, the streets of England where the smell of Christmas was getting stronger, and I only hated that I didn't have a guitar now, otherwise an impromptu roadshow would definitely bring me some income, and if I was lucky, I would have paid for the trip back to the hostel.

In this completely unfamiliar city, the people who can ask for help are not around, at the end of the block, the lights are no longer so dazzling, and in the hurry, a wandering singer standing on the street is also eye-catching, I stand opposite and watch, he seems to be very good at lyrical style songs, music has no boundaries, I stepped on the cigarette butt that I had smoked, and then approached him......

I even exchanged gestures, and he quickly understood my thoughts, and handed me the guitar in a friendly way, and my arrival quickly attracted tourists in a fresh direction, and they stopped to look at me.

Without too many pleasantries and politeness, I played with my guitar and sang the most emotional song again: "Borrow a midnight street, dim light, illuminate the shadows on the bumpy road...... With the flickering candle flame, drifting into the distance, borrowing a melody of the past, tactful and melodious, singing this can not be said softly, the person who is blown away by this wind says that he does not love deeply, and the person who is wet by this rain says that he will not be cold, how many people will be covered by the boundless night...... With an unforgettable sentence, the future is long, if you have to go to different sides...... There is always the seriousness that the wind blows, there are always tears that cannot be erased by heavy rain, one day the sun will rise in the early morning, a rainbow Two people, borrow a paradise for him to stay, borrow his ordinary life......"

Although I have an agreement with Li Shi, the loss caused by her departure is like an incurable wound spreading in my body, I closed my eyes and sang the heartbreaking, in the light without temperature, in this street without a sense of familiarity, I completely integrated myself into this song, sad.

After singing a song, I opened my eyes with anticipation, how I hoped that Li Shi could stand in the crowd and listen to my song, all the applause was thunderous, and she couldn't get her to smile gently.

I didn't expect that in foreign countries, even if I didn't understand the language, I would still be able to gain a group of fans, and they would give me enthusiastic applause and selflessly.

I didn't ask for the tip, I just quietly left to the applause of the crowd, and when I was back walking aimlessly, Dai Le called me at the right time and asked where I had gone, and after I told him the address, I got into a taxi according to his instructions, and then he described it to the driver over the phone, and finally I was able to return to the hostel safely.

And this night of searching has become a part of my love life for the rest of my life, and I will never forget what kind of effort I made for this relationship......