It was late at night. Bai Peiwen drove the car and galloped towards the mountain road in Wulai. The mountain breeze blew in his face, carrying the coolness of mid-autumn and pouring into his collar. There was not a single pedestrian or car on the winding mountain road, the night was silent, the night was deserted, the night was deep, only the sound of the wheels rolling when the car was moving, crushing the mountain night. Coming out of Hanyan's house, Bai Peiwen has been driving the car like this, aimlessly circling in and out of the city. He didn't eat dinner, he didn't feel hungry, his mind was always in a painful despair. His mind was dizzy, his mind was confused, and his heart was twitching and aching, squeezing every nerve in him. Now, he let the car drive towards the top of Wulai Mountain, he didn't know exactly what he was going to do on the top of Wulai Mountain, he only felt that the pain in his heart and the hot mind had to go to a quiet place to calm down. As the car approached the top of the hill, he stopped and turned off the fire. He got out of the car and stood in the grass on the side of the mountain road, looking out at the valley that was faintly undulating in the moonlight. The mountain wind swept up from the valley, and the sound was faint and quiet, with a sad and lonely taste, echoing and shaking in the mountains. A bend of the first quarter moon flickered under the cover of floating clouds, and the mountains in the valley also changed with the shadow of the moon, sometimes clear, sometimes vague, sometimes bright, sometimes hazy. He leaned against a eucalyptus tree and lit a cigarette. Puffing smoke, he silently stared at the valley. What he was thinking about was still a smoky face, and a pair of smoky eyes that were like dreams, resentment, and crying. He couldn't recover from the blow that Smoke's true confession had given him. Since he was twenty years old, he has been in contact with many girls, including many famous ladies, Hou Fu Jiaowa, but he has always regarded love as both cautious and sacred, so he can let the marriage be delayed day by day, but he refuses to marry casually. His parents have been angry for his stubbornness, I don't know how many times, especially after his father's death, his mother was more active in his marriage, the old man still attaches great importance to the traditional concept of inheritance, and Bai Peiwen is an only son, so his mother asked sternly more than a hundred times: "You!" Thousands of picks, what kind of satisfaction should you choose? ”

"One of the purest, the most refined, the most perfect." He said fascinatedly, and what he sketched in his mind was a fairy that could not be found in the world. So, in order to find this fairy, he refused to get married, but how could this idol in his mind belong to the world? He was almost disappointed. Mrs. Bai arranged a long list of dates for him, introduced countless celebrities, and all he found in them was fat and pretentious, and he sighed and said to Mrs. Bai:

"Reiki! Mother! I want one with aura! ”

"What is Reiki?" Mrs. Bai said angrily, "I think you just want to find someone with a fox smell!" Bai Peiwen is the most filial piety from the little things, and she refuses to disobey her mother's will in anything, only this matter, but the mother and son don't know how much they vomit. Bai Peiwen stubbornly waited, waiting for the opportunity that could be met but not sought, and then, he finally met Zhang Hanyan. What kind of ecstasy did he have? How many days of restlessness and longing have he had? All day and all night, his mind haunted her shadow, her smile, her soft words, her delicate gentleness, and her weak clothes, Chu Chu touching charm. He couldn't help himself chasing after her. Desperate and eager to get her, that eagerness of longing, like a fire, burned him, making him suffer all the time. Smoky, smoky, smoky...... He chewed on the name all day long, which had become the embodiment of a kind of idol, the most perfect, the purest, the most spiritual, the most otherworldly representation of everything! That Cinderella, that Cinderina! He was anxious to put the crown on her head, but the conversation here had shattered his illusion of her perfection, like a stain on a diamond that he doubted would ever be removed. Smoke! He looked at the sky in pain, why did you tell me this? Why should you? You have destroyed everything that is good, you have broken everything, smoking! The night is getting deeper and deeper, the wind in the mountains is cool and cold, and the low song of the pine waves and bamboo is so sad and desolate. In the distant woods, there is an unknown bird crying incessantly, presumably a lonely bird that has lost its mate! He stood like this, one for the mountain wind to blow, one for the night dew to stain his clothes, and for the other time for the moon and the stars to fall...... Until he finished smoking a pack of cigarettes, his legs were sore and stiff. Throwing away the last cigarette butt in his hand, he got into the car, he had to go back, although he was thirty years old, the old lady Bai still could not break the house rules, he did not want to make his mother anxious. Starting the car, he said to himself, "That's it, make this a nightmare!" Originally, she went from a dancer to a female worker, such an identity, the original non-marriage object, think about it, what would her mother say? Forget it! Don't think about it anymore! Just as if it was a nightmare, an episode in life, it was all over. ”

Driving the car, he began to drive home. The decision sent a tearing sting pain in his heart, and he knew that the sting would continue for a long time, and he would not be able to shake off the shadow of the smoke in a moment. The car quickly slid through the night, drove past the wooden "Songzhu Bridge", and the door was in sight.

It was a newly built house, built in the middle of a tea plantation, designed by Bai Peiwen himself, who originally studied architecture at university. He had always wanted to give the house an elegant name, but he couldn't come up with it. The car stopped at the door, and he was afraid of waking up the old lady, so he didn't dare to honk the horn and call the gardener Lao Zhang to open the door, so he had to open the door with the key himself and drive in.

The light was still on in the living room, and he was stunned, Gao Lide must have not slept yet! He thought, parked the car, he pushed open the door of the living room, but saw Mrs. Bai sitting upright in the sofa, looking at him for a moment.

"Oh, Mom, haven't slept yet?" He paused for a moment and said.

"Do you know what time it is?" Mrs. Bai asked.

"Yes, I'm coming back late." He said with some trepidation, and went to the cabinet and poured a glass of water. "What's going on?" Old Lady Bai's eyes stared at him sharply.

"Not much, there's a party." He said vaguely.

"Socializing?" She looked at him closely. "Tell me straight, you've never been able to hide anything from me! What's going on with you lately? All day long, the soul is not left. Romanized, huh? Bai Peiwen was stunned again. Looking at Mrs. Bai, he knew that he had no way to keep any secrets in front of his mother, and Mrs. Bai was a smart, capable, and daring model. When she was young, she was a beauty, born in a wang family, and Bai Peiwen's father's life's career was supported by Mrs. Bai. Therefore, in the family, Mrs. Bai has always been an authoritative figure, and Bai Peiwen's father and son are respectful, aweful, loving and obedient to her. Bai Peiwen has been an only child since he was a child, and he has naturally been by his mother's side for a longer time, and he has a psychology of almost admiration for his mother, because Mrs. Bai is noble, serious, and courageous and majestic.

"In love?" He twirled the teacup in his hand. "It's not that serious!"

"What kind of girl is that?"

"Don't mention it, it's already in the past." He said in a low voice, looking at the cup in his hand, and felt the tearing pain in his heart expand.

"Oh." The old lady stared at him, and she did not ignore the pain in his brow and eyes. "What? Are you out of love? ”

"No," he said quickly. "Well, that girl must not be good enough!"

"No!" He was quicker to speak, and the speed with which he reacted surprised himself. "She's so nice! She's the best girl I've ever met! ”

"Oh?" Old Lady Bai looked at the face in front of her with a deep groaning and deep thought. "Did you meet her at a social setting?" She asked cautiously. "It's not." "What does she do at home? Doing business? ”

"No, it's not." He said again, and put the cup down, and he didn't even drink a sip of the water. "Don't ask, Mom, I said that this matter is in the past, it's over. I am tired. He looked at the stairs. Haven't you slept yet? "Go to sleep!" Mrs. Bai said, looking at his back, watching his heavy, tired, and weak steps, step by step upstairs. Standing up, she walked to the window, looked at the flowers outside the window, she nodded, and muttered to herself, "Passed? It's over? No, this matter has not passed, nor is it over, he is really in love. "Yes, it has not passed, nor has it ended. The next day, when Bai Peiwen went to the factory office, he kept thinking about what he should say after seeing Hanyan. How to say it so that it doesn't break her heart and makes her understand that it's all over. Of course, she could no longer stay in the factory, he could give her a sum of money and then write a letter of introduction to introduce her to work elsewhere. With his social status, it was easy for him to get her a proper job. In any case, she herself was not at fault, and even if the matter between them was over, he could not bear to let her become a dancer or a female worker again, and he must arrange everything for her. Driving in the car, he thought about this problem all the way, and he felt that he had calmed down. However, as the car got closer and closer to the factory, his heart beat more and more violently, and his blood flowed faster and faster. And, in his subconscious, he began to look forward to the moment he saw her, and her face moved before his eyes again, and he seemed to see her sad eyes staring at him in a daze. He took a breath and unconsciously sped up the car.

Walking into the factory, he kept rushing into his office, he was late today, and Hanyan must have arrived early. However, as soon as he entered the door, he was stunned, the seat with smoke was empty, and he was greeted by the cold silence of the room, and the smoke did not come at all. He stood in the doorway, for several seconds, but he didn't move. Then, a strong, wave of disappointment swept over him, quickly overwhelming him. It took him a long time before he walked behind his desk, sat down in his chair, put his head on his hands, closed his eyes, and fell into a deep sense of loneliness and frustration.

There was a knock on the door, he looked up, and for a moment, blood rushed to his head, she was coming! He thought, staring at the door, almost nervously. The door opened, but it was the foreman Cai Jinhua who came in. He let out a long breath, and the feeling of weakness and weakness enveloped him again. He asked sullenly:

"What's the matter?" "Yan Lili handed me this letter and asked me to hand it over to you. It was Miss Zhang who asked her to bring it. "Miss Zhang?" He was stunned for a moment, then he realized that it was a cigarette, and when he took the letter, he couldn't suppress the violent heartbeat. Cai Jinhua exited the room, staring at him curiously. He closed the door, sat on the sofa, and immediately opened the envelope, pulled out the letterhead, and the handwriting of the cigarette was revealed in front of his eyes:

"Mr. Kashiwa......"

This title stung him, and he couldn't help biting his lip fiercely, and then he read it again, and the letter was written very briefly:

"Mr. Kashiwa:

I'm sorry for the trouble I have caused you, and I appreciate the care you have taken of me over the past few months. I thought, in the current situation, I can't come back to your factory to work, so I quit. I believe it won't be long before you can find someone to take my place.

Don't worry about me, I'm just going to play with fate one more time. Life is good, time is also lucky, and I have no complaints. From now on, the sea of people is vast, just floating and sinking with the waves. Bless you! Deeply. May you find your happiness and joy!

Smoke under the lamp"

Putting down the letterhead, his heart was filled with bitterness and sourness. She withdrew before he could open her mouth. This solved one of his problems, but instead he had an indescribable melancholy and discomfort. Picking up the letterhead, he read it several more times. Smoke, you're wrong, he thought. You don't have to go with the flow, I'll always give you a good arrangement. Standing up, he paced back and forth in the room, from one end of the room to the other, at least a few hundred times, and then he sat down at the table, took an envelope, sealed it for five thousand dollars, and wrote a short note:

"Smoke:

$5,000 please stay, there will be other arrangements for you in a few days, please wait, and please do not refuse my kindness. In short, you are the best girl I have ever met, and I will never, and will never forget, you, so please don't turn down my friendship. Best wishes

Pei Wen"

After sealing the letterhead and money, he called Cai Jinhua and asked her to send the money and the letter to Hanyan's house immediately. Cai Jinhua looked at him with a look of surprise, but she obeyed. Two hours later, Cai Jinhua returned to Bai Peiwen and put the 5,000 yuan on Bai Peiwen's desk intact. Bai Peiwen glared at the money, frowned tightly and said, "Won't she accept it?" "Yes." "What did she say?" "She didn't say anything, just told me to bring it back to you."

"Don't have a reply?" "No, nothing." Cai Jinhua looked at Bai Peiwen, hesitated for a while, seemed to want to say something and swallowed again, just looked at him blankly.

"How?" "What do you want to say?" ”

"Did you fire Miss Zhang? Mr. Kashiwa? She finally asked.

"Hmm," he said. "It's that she doesn't want to do it."

"Oh," Cai Jinhua hung her head. "I think she's willing to do it, or she wouldn't shed tears over your letter."

Bai Peiwen shook for a moment. "You mean, did she cry?" He asked uneasily.

"I'm crying so much! Mr. ”

Bai Peiwen clenched his teeth, and his heart seemed to shrink into a ball. Cai Jinhua exited the room, and he sat there motionless, staring at the stack of banknotes on the desk. For a while, he had an impulse to take the money and drive to Hanyan's house. But what were the consequences of him restraining himself? Unless he's still ready to accept smoke...... No, no, he can't! After knowing her history, everything can only end, and he can't ignore it! He covered his face with his hands and shook his head in pain in his palms. He couldn't ignore that! He can't!

He didn't go to look for Hanyan, the next day, he didn't go either, and on the third day, he still didn't go. But he became irritable and irritable, restless and emaciated. He turned down business, he lost too much temper with his employees, he couldn't settle down to work, he didn't want to go into his office for fear of seeing the empty seats left by the smoke...... On the fourth day, he arrived at the factory early in the morning and sat behind his desk, he was surprisingly silent. Throughout the day, he didn't say a word, didn't take care of any business, didn't even go out to lunch, just meditated there, facing the smoking seat. Then, when dusk came, he suddenly jumped up and walked out of the factory, he strode towards the car, opened the door, he quickly got in, and couldn't wait to start the car. After a day of contemplation, he figured it out, and he finally figured it out! Breaking free from the traditional view of "virgins", all his heart, all his will, all his emotions, are calling out the name of Hanyan. Smoke! How stupid I am! He cried out in his heart. How does this ruin your perfection? You are so true, you are so pure, you are so kind, you are so elegant, you are so high, like a white cloud...... What can ruin your perfection? And I have laid the sins of society on you! I'm so stupid, smoky, I'm the stupidest fool in the world! The stupidest, the most unforgivable, the most ruthless, the most vulgar! I attach so much importance to "virgins" as I do in winter! Oh, smoky! I delayed for three days in vain, plunging each other into the abyss of pain, I am a fool! The biggest fool in the world! The car sped through the streets and alleys, driving all the way to the place where the smoke lived. His heart was beating louder than the engine of a car, he was anxious to see Hanyan, he was in a hurry! The car stopped at the door of the alley, he jumped out of the car, rushed into the alley so fast, he couldn't stop praying in his heart: don't go out, smoke, you must be at home! I have a thousand things to say to you, you must be at home! But...... He turned back and thought, "It doesn't matter if you're not at home, I'll stand at the door of your room until you come back, and I'll see you today!" Certain!

Stopping at the door of the smoking room, as soon as he raised his hand, a big red note on the door, "Yoshiya for Rent", was shockingly presented in front of his eyes, he was taken aback, and his heart quickly prayed; No, no, smoking, you can't leave, you can't! There was a knock on the door, and there was silence inside. A sense of foreboding chilled his heart, and he knocked on the door again, and this time, there was an echo, and the sound of slippers came to the door. Then the door opened, and it wasn't a cigarette, it was an old woman with her hair in a bun. "Sir, are you going to rent a house?" The old woman asked.

"No, I'm looking for a young lady, a Miss Zhang." He said eagerly.

"Miss Zhang has moved." "Moved?" His head was dripping and his limbs were cold. "When did you move?"

"Last night." The old woman turned around and tried to close the door, but he took a step forward and hurried in front of the door. "Excuse me, do you know where she moved to?"

"I don't know." "Do you know where her adoptive parents' home is?" He asked again, and there was a feeling of almost despair in his heart. "I don't know, I don't know." The old woman said impatiently, wanting to close the door again.

He took a hundred dollars out of his pocket, shoved them into the old woman's hand, and said, almost as if pleading, "Please let me see in this room, will you?" "There was still a glimmer of hope in his heart, since she had only moved out yesterday, there would be something left in this house, an address, the name of a relative or friend, or some other clue, he had to find something, he had to find her!

The old woman was pleasantly surprised and held those bills, a hundred yuan, half a month's rent! This must be a rich lunatic! She hurriedly stepped back, opened the door wide, and said in a loud voice, "Look! Look at it however you want! Watch as long as you want! ”

He went in and looked around the room, an empty room, very tidy, the bed and the table were the landlord's belongings, and they were still there. There was still a faint fragrance of the clothes on Hanyan's body in the room, and he also saw the shadow of Hanyan in a trance, sitting on the edge of the bed, his eyebrows were light, and his eyes were pulsing. He shook his head heavily, walked over to the desk, he opened the drawer, and there were a few blank unused envelopes in it, a small desk calendar, which he flipped through in the hope of leaving some handwriting on it, but there was nothing on it. Several of the other drawers were simply empty. He looked around again, but there was no sign of it in the room. Lowering his head, he found that there was a paper basket under the table, bent down, he pulled out the paper basket, there was indeed a lot of waste paper in it, he flipped through it one by one, some bills, some newspaper clippings of literary and artistic works, some wrapping paper...... Then, he saw a crumpled ball of paper, and when he opened it, it was the short note he had written to her, on which were marked with countless "×" numbers with a red pencil, and the person who drew it so hard that the paper was torn, and in the blank space behind the letter, he saw a smoky handwriting, and some sentences were written messily:

"Bai Peiwen, how cruel you are! How realistic you are! You don't have to send me away with 5,000 yuan, I'll leave well, and I won't pester you. But, I hate you!

Oh, no, no, Peiwen, I don't hate you, as long as you are willing to come, I beg you to come, come and save me! I don't want to be lonely anymore, I don't want to wander anymore, I love you, Peiwen, if you are willing to come, if you don't pursue my past, I will prostrate at your feet and be your slave girl for life! Don't you know? You don't know how earnestly I look forward to you, I love your madness, Bai Peiwen! Bai Peiwen! Bai Peiwen! Bai Peiwen! …… Help me! Pei Wen! Help me! Otherwise I'll be sent to eighteen floors of hell! Otherwise I will sink! Help me! Pei Wen! But why don't you come? It's been two days, and you're really not coming!

You have rejected me, despised me, despised me, despised me, you are a noble gentleman, and you are a filthy scumbag!

What else could I expect? I don't dream anymore, how stupid am I! I thought you'd change your mind. I don't dream anymore, I never dream again, destroy it! Sink it! Fall! Marry that idiot! What else does it matter? Smoke, smoke, you're just a piece of sludge under someone else's feet! Pei Wen, I hate you! Hate you! Hate you! Hate you! Hate you! ……”

After countless "hate you", the paper has been written, Bai Peiwen held the paper tremblingly, cold sweat poured out of his forehead, until this moment, he understood what he had done to Hanyan, he knew how he insulted and hurt that fragile heart, he also knew how the girl loved him infatuatedly, she told him everything, because she didn't want to deceive him, she thought he could understand this matter, can know her innocent heart and spirit, and he? He gave a "breakup fee" of 5,000 yuan! He staggered down in the chair in front of his desk, took his groggy head in his hands, and looked at the handwriting on the letterhead again, his heart was constricted and aching, his throat was dry, his eyes were blurred, his heart trembled, and he saw the path shown in the note—that she was going back to hell. She's in despair, and God knows which path she'll choose! How he hated himself, hated why he hadn't figured out a day earlier, why hadn't he come last night! Now, where is she? Where is she?

"I want to find you! Smoke, I want to find you! He gritted his teeth and muttered, "Even if you are in hell, I will get you back!" ”