A slowly burning fire rose somewhere in her head, and anger began to sweep away everything else.

Wu Jue thought of Shirou, and suddenly saw her quiet black eyes that seemed to be in a trance, her gentle little hands and that elegant and quiet demeanor. And so her anger exploded.

"You coward! You're afraid to marry me! Would you rather live with that stupid little fool who keeps her mouth shut 'yes' and 'yes' and raised a bunch of obedient little cubs like her! Why-"

"You can't say Shirou like this!"

"What 'you can't', you! How old are you, and you want to teach me that you can't do this, you can't do that? You're a coward, you bastard. You make me believe that you're ready to marry me-"

"Wu Jue, you must have misunderstood, I never said I wanted to marry you—" He said in a pleading tone.

It was true that he had never crossed the boundaries of his friendship with her, but the thought of it made her even more angry, because it hurt her self-esteem and the vanity of women. She had been pursuing him, but he was not at all tempted. He would rather have a pale, mediocre little fool like Shirou than her. Ah, it would have been much better if she had followed her mother's teachings and never revealed to him even a hint of affection—much better than facing such a shameful scene!

With both hands clenched into fists, "I'm going to hate you for the rest of my life, you bastard—you nasty—nasty—" She tried to use the most vicious word, but she couldn't think of anything.

"Wu Jue—please—"

He held out his hand to her, but then she slapped him with all her might, and the crackling sound was like a whip in the quiet park. Then her anger suddenly disappeared, and only a burst of desolation remained in her heart.

Her red palm prints were visibly left on his fair, tired face.

He didn't say a word, silently turned and left.

As soon as her anger passed, her knees became sore. He was gone, but the impression of his beaten face would remain in her memory for the rest of her life.

She heard his slow, low footsteps fade away at the end of the park, and then she realized that she had borne all the consequences of her actions. She had lost him forever. From then on, he would hate her, and every time he saw her, he would remember that she had committed herself to him without his encouragement at all.

Wu Jue's world collapsed. Suddenly there was silence in the heavens and the earth, deathly silent, and all sounds seemed to have disappeared. It was so quiet, so quiet that she could hear the sound of her heart sinking, and she didn't feel pain, but it felt getting darker and darker, and the deep and secluded hole was sinking little by little, and she didn't know when it would hit the cold ground. She felt cold, cold to the heart.

There was a click, and before I felt pain, there was already a crack in my heart, and after a while, the pain spread into my whole body along the vertical and horizontal cracks, and my body trembled slightly.

"I'm like a prostitute. Women are as cheap as they are! She suddenly thought like this, which stung her more and more, so she was very angry, angry with herself, angry with Lan Chunfeng, angry with the world. Because she hated herself, hated it all, out of a kind of resentment because of the frustration and humiliation of her 17-year-old love. There was only a little real tenderness mixed in her love, mostly vanity mixed with superstition about her own charm. Now she has failed, and even more than the sense of failure is her fear, the fear that she has become the laughing stock of the public. Will everyone laugh at her? She shuddered at the thought of this.

……

After her sweetheart Lan Chunfeng and Shirou got married, Wu Jue, who was deeply shocked, married Wei Yanyuan, the son of a wealthy businessman who had been pursuing her, Wei Yanyuan was one year older than her, and he was handsome and handsome, although he was not as beautiful as Lan Chunfeng, but he was not bad. And the family is well-off, richer than Lan Chunfeng's family. Wei Yanyuan treats her very well and loves her very much, but Wu Jue has always pretended to be Lan Chunfeng in her heart, so her love for her husband is basically numb and insensitive.

The decision to be angry is generally stupid, and because there is no foundation for love, Wu Jue is not happy at all after marriage.

Such a loveless marriage lasted for more than a year, and Wei Yanyuan, who loved horse racing, unfortunately fell to his death in an accident during a race, so Wu Yu, who was only 18 years old, became a young widow.

Because she doesn't love her husband Wei Yanyuan, she doesn't feel sad about his death, and she still can't forget her sweetheart Lan Chunfeng.

It seems that Wu Jue's infatuation touched the heavens, when Wu Jue was 19 years old, Lan Chunfeng's wife Shirou gave birth to her first child, because her body was too thin and her pelvis was too small, she died of dystocia, and the child was not saved.

This time, Wu Chunfeng's opportunity came, she was ecstatic, and ran to Lan Chunfeng's house all day long, to comfort the grieving Lan Chunfeng, to help with many things, and finally, two months later, Lan Chunfeng, who was moved, accepted Wu Chunfeng's love for him, and the two lived together.

When she heard that Lan Chunfeng agreed to live with her, Wu Jue was so happy that she fainted, she felt that she was the happiest and luckiest woman in the world. Although Lan Chunfeng said that his wife had just passed away for two months, and he couldn't officially marry her, she didn't care, as long as she could live with her beloved and live together, she didn't have any status.

Wu Jue thought that her happy life was about to begin. But the reality is always cruel, the so-called: "the ideal is very plump, the reality is very skinny".

When Wu Jue and Lan Chunfeng finally lived together, Wu Jue was disappointed.

She found that he was not as perfect as she imagined, he had bad breath, he had moss on his body, he slept and grinded his teeth and farted, he had athlete's foot, his feet were very smelly, he was immersed in illusory poetry all day long, he only liked to drink and chant poetry all day long with a group of equally illusory poets, he didn't care about her, he couldn't make money, he couldn't support his family, he couldn't do housework, he couldn't solve all kinds of difficulties in life, and all the family burdens fell on the shoulders of a weak woman.

Although he is tall and handsome, he is just a "silver-like pewter spearhead", and he can't satisfy her with strong desires at all! Every time, there was no caressing before and after the event, and she fell asleep after venting, and her mouth full of wine and bad breath made her nauseous and vomiting, and none of them made her feel happy. Treat her purely as a catharsis. The toilet bowl of desire, not a woman who needs love.

Wu Jue was very disappointed, the love she had been desperately pursuing turned out to be such a disappointing result, Lan Chunfeng was simply a waste except for having a good skin.

It's like: a lover finds his lover sleeping on a mossy riverbank, and he wants to catch a glimpse of her pretty face without waking her up. He stepped quietly on the grass, taking care not to make a sound, and he stopped—imagining her roll over. He stepped back, doing everything he could to keep her from seeing. There was silence all around. He stepped forward again, bowing his head to her. Her face was covered with a light veil. He lifted his veil and bent even lower. Now his eyes were expecting to see this beauty—warm, youthful, and lovely in her sleep. How impatient he was at first sight! But his eyes were in a daze: how surprised he was! How suddenly, so fiercely, he clung to this body, which he had not even dared to touch not so long ago, and touched it with his fingers! He shouted a name, lowered his hugging body, and stared at it in frenzy. He clung to it, cried out, and stared, for he no longer feared that any sound he made or any action he made would wake her up. He thought his lover slept soundly. —but found out that she was already dead!!

Wu Jue's dream of love burst like a soap bubble!

She fell into an ice cellar, disappointed, desperate!

She woke up from a sweet dream to find that it was all empty baskets.

The two quarreled all day.

……

On this day, it was raining coldly outside, Wu Jue came because of her period, her lower abdomen hurt like a knife, her face was pale, and she was covered in cold sweat, but her beautiful lover Lan Chunfeng disappeared all day long, and it was not until the evening that she came back drunk from outside, and she didn't take off her clothes, and she saw that she was in cold sweat and her face was distorted with pain, but she didn't even have a word of concern. I just went straight to bed and fell asleep.

She looked at Lan Chunfeng, who was sleeping like a dead pig, and everything in her eyes went out and died silently.

Wu Jue's heart clicked and shattered, and she even heard the sound of her own heart breaking, like a glass that fell to the hard floor, turning into countless shards.

Wu Jue couldn't stand it anymore, she finally broke out, she slammed the door and left, running all the way, running, running, like crazy!

She was bitter in her heart, biting her lip tightly, and a trace of fishy sweetness slowly spread in her mouth.

His eyes widened and he stared ahead, but he didn't see anything.

Outside, a cold, damp evening breeze whipped her face.

The light rain had stopped, except for the occasional sound of dripping water from the eaves, and there was silence all around, and the world was surrounded by a dense fog that filled the sky with icy cold.

She ran back to her tailor's shop panting, when her skirt was wet and coldly curled up on her calves, her lungs seemed to explode, her breasts were tightly tied to her ribs, and her heart was almost flattened, and her lower abdomen hurt as if they were stirring together.

The pain of the past almost rushed up at this moment, she didn't have the energy to analyze it, she just felt boring, too boring...... "What have I done in the past few years?" The so-called most dazzling youth years are all thrown into a mud pile called "love"! ”

And at this moment, when I think of those moments that I thought were romantic a long time ago, I only feel tired and mocking,...... What realm and what beauty, her romantic past with him is just her own self-righteous imagination.

Wu Jue suddenly felt very tired, as if he had never been so tired in his life. After closing the door, she collapsed on the bed, and the tension that gave her the strength to fight all this time suddenly relaxed. She felt exhausted, her feelings dried up, no more sorrow and remorse, no more fear and amazement. She was tired, she was aching, her heart was beating sluggishly and mechanically, like a clock on the wall.

She examined her love, and shuddered in her heart, like a sick child in a cold cradle, already riddled with pain.

Like a wounded wolf, she lay quietly in a corner, licking her wounds alone.

Suddenly, an electric current seemed to pass through her whole body, and something hit her heart unexpectedly, and she was in great pain, as if she felt like something was being ripped off of her, and her heart was dying, her heart was bleeding.

From that dull, almost numb state, a thought slowly became clear. "Love is illusory!" But she doesn't feel pain in realizing this. It was supposed to be painful. She should have felt desolate, sad, and screamed in despair. Because she has always relied on his love to live. It has supported her through so many hardships. Facts are facts, though. She doesn't love him anymore. She doesn't love him, so whatever he does or says won't make her sad.

Her head rested wearily on the pillow. It is useless to try to dispel this thought; Say to yourself, "But I do love him." How many years have I loved him. Love can't be cold in an instant, "that's useless."

But it can change, and it has changed.

"He never really existed except in my imagination," she thought wearily. "I love something of my own fiction, and that thing is dead like Shirou. I sewed a beautiful outfit and fell in love with it. Later, Lan Chunfeng came from a distance, and he looked so beautiful and different, so I put that suit on him, regardless of whether he wore it properly or not. I don't want to see what he's doing. I've always loved that beautiful outfit – not him at all. Now she can recall many years ago, when she saw herself standing in the sun of Chang'an wearing a white muslin dress on a green background, and was attracted by the handsome and dignified young man who came over. Now it became clear to her that he was nothing more than a naïve phantom of herself. No more important than the pair of aquamarine drop earrings she coaxed from her mother. She had longed for the earrings with great enthusiasm, but once she had them, they were of little value, like anything but money, and they lost their value as soon as they reached her. Lan Chunfeng was the same, if she had satisfied her vanity by refusing to marry him in those distant days at the beginning, he would have been of little value a long time ago. If she had ever dominated him, and seen him grow from fervent and anxious to jealousy, anger, and begging, as other boys had, then, when she met a new man, her once feverish infatuation would have vanished, just as a fog would soon drift away when the sun appeared and the breeze blew.

"How stupid I used to be!" She thought to chagrin. "Now it's going to come at a big cost. What I used to look forward to has now happened. I hope that Shirou will die early so that I can have a chance to have him. Now that Shirou is really dead, I can get him, but I don't want him anymore. Even if I put him on a gold plate, I won't ask for it! I just- even if I never see him again, I don't care. ”

Her head hurt so much that it seemed like it was going to explode, and she wanted to cry, but there were no tears.

This catastrophe is too deep for tears to express. Her body was shaking. The sound of the collapse of the impregnable fortress of her life still echoed in her heart, as if it had collapsed with a thud in her ears. She knew that the thought of it would be just as painful as it would be tomorrow or any tomorrow in her life.

Tears were blocking his chest, but they couldn't flow.

"The so-called beautiful love that I have been striving for is nothing but a lie, a fantasy, and the man she has always loved and pursued desperately is so useless, donkey egg. The light outside the child, except for the beauty of being too long, is simply a wreck! Wu Jue took a sip fiercely.