In the winter of 2017, Li Siwei has been living in this small town in northeastern Sichuan for three years.

The night of the winter solstice came very early, Li Siwei sat alone in front of the window, looking at the vast night sky, smoking silently, one after another...... Today is his thirtieth birthday, there is no feast, no cake, no friends, no relatives, only the vast gray night and the cool wind.

There is no light on in the room, and "Militia Ge Erdan" is playing on the computer on the desk, just in the past few days, Li Siwei has watched this drama three times......

Li Siwei has no proper occupation now, he is just an Internet writer, the little-known kind. Once upon a time, he also fantasized about becoming famous in one fell swoop, and he also fantasized about being able to hold a beauty like Chen Shisan...... However, three years have passed, and he still can't come up with a decent work, he is still the poor sour man who has eaten the last meal and the next meal, and he is still an otaku who lives in this room!

In the book, there is no golden house! In the book, there is no thousand cups of corn! In the book, there is no Yan Ruyu!

"I used to ask endlessly, when will you go with me, but you always laugh at me, nothing......" Cui Jian's desolate voice rang out, Li Siwei took a cigarette, slowly walked to the bed, picked up his mobile phone and looked at it, it was Yang Wei without surprise...... He may be the only person in the world who will take the initiative to call Li Siwei.

"Boss," the familiar Shaanxi accent came from the other end of the phone, "Happy birthday!" ”

"Thank you," a smile appeared on Li Siwei's slightly pale face, "Third, where is it?" ”

"I was in Qinghai two days ago, and I just arrived at CD in the afternoon," Yang Wei's voice showed a hint of exhaustion, he is an engineer at Huawei, and he has been running around the country all year round, engaged in equipment maintenance, "I wanted to rush over to see your ......"

"Forget it, let's have a good rest," Li Siwei felt warm in his heart, and a smile appeared on his pale and thin face.

"Hmm......" Yang Wei hesitated for a moment and asked mysteriously, "Boss, guess who I met?" ”

"This ...... Where can I guess," Li Siwei was stunned for a moment, and scolded with a smile, "You kid is romantic, shouldn't you meet a certain ex again?" ”

Yang Wei didn't smile, and said softly: "Yes...... Qin Mengyao ......"

"Oh," Li Siwei shook his hand, the smile on his face froze, and he asked sneeringly, "She...... Are you okay? ”

"Well," Yang Wei pondered, "she...... I asked about you......"

Li Siwei didn't speak, but his left hand holding the phone was trembling slightly.

Yang Wei paused and continued: "She...... She said...... She's getting married and I hope you can attend her wedding......"

"Oh......" Li Siwei forcibly suppressed the surging tide, but his voice was still a little shaky, "What...... What time is in ...... Where ......"

"Boss, are you alright?" Yang Wei was a little worried.

"It's okay, I'm fine," Li Siwei's voice became brisk, and his mouth was strong, "This ...... Endure...... It's good, our class flowers finally have a home......" The tears in the corners of her eyes slipped silently.

"Alas, creation makes people," Yang Wei sighed leisurely, was silent for a while, and said softly: "Christmas, Shanghai...... I'm waiting for you at the airport. ”

"Good...... Ah," Li Siwei's voice was still shaking, "to ...... Time...... See. With that, he pressed the "hang up" button and fell straight down on the humble little bed, his eyes staring at the empty ceiling, tears sliding down his face and dripping onto the dirty sheets.

Can time heal the pain? But the heart ...... Why does it still hurt so much? The bits and pieces with her are still so clear...... Love hurts, I cry in pain, I cry tired...... Li Siwei fell asleep in a daze.

Li Siwei is really tired! In the past few days, he has been watching "Militia Ge Erdan", he wants to participate in the military essay competition at the starting point, but he is just an indecent writer who writes urban online articles, so he can only think of this stupid way - learn from it!

Tsai watched it carefully three times, Ge Erdan's wit and wittiness made him admire, Meng Xizi's beauty and frankness made him love, and what happened to Xiuling and Liangzi made him sigh...... However, he still can't put pen to paper, he knows that the vivid images are beyond his own! Until, when the news of Qin Mengyao's marriage came, he completely collapsed, he was really tired!

I don't know how long it took, the ending song of "Militia Ge Erdan" sounded on the computer, "Raise your head and look at it, the sky and the earth are vast, there will be a kind of longing in my heart called hometown, with injuries all over my body, I am alone in the wind and rain......"

The familiar singing woke up Li Siwei, he opened his eyes leisurely, slowly got up, staggered to the back of the door, turned on the light, turned on the faucet, stretched out his thin palms, picked up the cold tap water and applied it to his face...... The tap water was cold on his face, and there was a slight tingling sensation, but it gave him some strength.

The tap water is still flowing, flowing into the rudimentary sink and into the sewer, just like Li Siwei's ever-passing feelings...... He looked up and smiled wryly at the broken mirror on the wall, where the man was thin, pale, emaciated, decadent......

Li Siwei closed his eyes with difficulty and muttered, "The separation back then was correct, and beautiful things should only belong to the beautiful person who has the ability to protect her!" ”

The light was dim, and after Li Siwei said this, he let out a long breath and opened his eyes...... I can't put it down, just because I can't figure it out, and if I figure it out, I put it down!

In front of the mirror, he tried to squeeze out a smile and gently told himself, "Li Siwei, you are a complete failure...... Good things should only belong to people who have the ability to protect her beauty, you are not that kind of person! ”

Li Siwei's life is very simple, with a room, a convenience store, and occasionally a trip to a vegetable market and a bank...... He spends most of his time in his room reading books, watching movies, and coding words; I often go to the convenience store downstairs to buy cigarettes and alcohol; Occasionally, if I want to improve my food, I will go to the vegetable market for a visit; When the money on his body is spent, he will go to the bank, sometimes to get the manuscript fee, sometimes to take the money that Yang Wei called him......

Li Siwei put on a shabby coat, went out with a cigarette in his mouth, and walked straight downstairs...... On the way, the residents of the building occasionally met would only secretly look at this decadent young man, in their eyes, Li Siwei was a strange guy, a complete failure, and everyone stayed away.

Walking to the door of the convenience store, the proprietress who still had charm smiled at him, "Little brother, buy cigarettes again?" Or Hardgate, one? ”

"Well," Li Siwei looked up at her and smiled slightly, took out a stack of messy coins and looked at it, they were all change, only about eighty or ninety yuan, and smiled awkwardly, "Sister Li...... Let's take two packs first, and come back when you're done. ”

The proprietress nodded, handed over two packs of Hardmen, and said as usual, "Little brother, don't smoke too much." ”

Li Siwei still nodded, this scene has been repeated for three years...... However, Li Siwei's addiction to smoking is still very big, and if he stays up late, these two packs of cigarettes are only enough for him to smoke one night! However, the words of the proprietress still made him feel good, he was just a bachelor who lacked people's attention!

Next to the convenience store is a shop that sells liquor, and the home-brewed sorghum liquor is not expensive, very fragrant, and has a mellow taste.

The boss Uncle Pang is an old man who is over the age of six, Li Siwei is his regular customer, and Li Siwei has bought no less than 500 catties of sorghum wine from him in the past three years.

Uncle Pang was still very enthusiastic, "Xiao Li, haven't you eaten yet?" ”

"No," Li Siwei nodded, "No, buy some food and drink and go back to make do with it...... One person is too lazy to cook. ”

"I've finished drinking the wine I bought the day before yesterday?" Uncle Pang asked with a smile.

"No," Li Siwei shook his head, "Today is a good day, I want to get some good wine to try." ”

"Oh?" Uncle Pang was stunned, "What a good day?" ...... who doesn't celebrate the New Year."

Li Siwei smiled awkwardly, "Well, that...... Today is my birthday. ”

"Oh," Uncle Pang suddenly realized, and nodded again and again, "This has to be done all right, you wait for me." ”

Uncle Pang hurriedly entered the back room, and after a while, he came out with a bronze gourd, and looked at Li Siwei with a smile, "Xiao Li, you are really blessed...... I made this wine 10 years ago, and I just had this pot left, and the taste is guaranteed to be ......."

Li Siwei smiled awkwardly, "I can't afford to drink such a good wine......"

"Hehe," Uncle Pang shoved the wine jug into his arms and said with a smile: "The one for yours will be a birthday gift." ”

"This ......" Li Siwei hurriedly waved his hand, "How embarrassing is this......"

"What's so embarrassing, you're my big customer," the old man waved his hand, "take it, a jug of wine...... I often come to take care of business in the future. ”

Li Siwei was a little moved in his heart, took the wine jug, and smiled, "Uncle Pang, what ......is that?" You're welcome, thank you. ”

Li Siwei rarely went to the pickled vegetable shop, so he bought some pig's head meat and peanuts and went back to his residence.

turned on the lights, turned off the TV series, changed to music, spread out the braised vegetables at the small dining table, took the dishes and chopsticks and prepared to eat.

The bronze gourd is very simple, the surface is scattered with a little patina, and the three small characters of "fairy drunk" carved on the seal have been a little blurred. The flask is not big, and it has a capacity of one or two catties. Unscrew the lid of the pot and the wine is fragrant...... There is only half a pot of wine, but what has settled down is the essence.

The wine is slightly yellow, and when poured into a porcelain bowl, a uniform layer of hops floats...... Li Siwei was an old drunkard, squinted his eyes slightly and sniffed deeply, nodded intoxicatedly, and then picked up the wine bowl and took a sip fiercely.

The wine flows through the mouth, activating the taste buds; The wine ran through the throat with a burning heat; The liquor flowed through the esophagus, and a flame ignited in the chest.

"Good wine," Li Siwei couldn't help but praise, and took another big sip, then picked up a piece of pig's head meat and chewed it carefully.

The small room, the dim light, the depressed young man drinking himself at the small table...... Wine is good wine, good wine is intoxicating!

Gradually, a bowl of wine bottomed out, the intoxicated look on Li Siwei's face had long since disappeared, two lines of tears slipped down his thin face, and his voice was hoarse and low, "Mengyao...... I bless you...... But...... I can't go to your wedding, really...... I don't have that courage, I don't! ”

Li Siwei said as he grabbed the bronze gourd and poured it into the bowl, "Goo Gu Gu ......" The bronze gourd was poured, and there was only half a bowl......

He is just a loser, he can only hide alone in a small room in the dead of night to get drunk, drunk, crying, he is still the down-and-out young man who trudged on the road of literature...... The wine is gone, the dishes are exhausted, Li Siwei shook his drowsy head and lit a cigarette, Hademen, cheap, but tasteful!

It was very late at night, Li Siwei took a cigarette in his mouth, sat down at the computer forcefully, and turned on the "Code Word Elf......

"Da ......" His slender fingers stirred on the keyboard, and a few big words jumped out - the blue blood pill heart of the Anti-Japanese War!

Immediately, he shook his head with a wry smile and pressed the delete button, he knew that he was not a hot-blooded young man, and he couldn't write such a hot-blooded subject at all......

The title of "Da Da Da ......" was changed to "Li Ergou's Anti-Japanese War Years", he hesitated for a while, but still shook his head with a wry smile, how can an otaku with no life experience create a low-level character with a distinctive personality...... He gently deleted the title.

The smoke had burned out, and the ash fell, shattered, and scattered...... He ignored it, his head was already a little numb, and the strength of the wine was raging in his body.

Li Siwei clumsily took out a cigarette and put it in his mouth, picked up the lighter with a trembling thread, and lit it.

Cigarettes and spirits were fighting, and the battlefield was his thin body, and he put his fingers on the keyboard with trembling and slowly tapping...... Beacon - fire - love - fate......

His arm shook more and more, his consciousness became more and more blurred, and a wry smile appeared on his face...... Finally, I still chose such a vulgar topic......

"Bang......" His body slid limply off the seat and collapsed to the ground, the glass on the table was brought down and shattered!

Li Siwei felt his soul float gently, swaying in the void, floating into the thick darkness, falling rapidly, falling...... Falling towards the bottomless abyss of darkness, his soul was finally dyed black.

"Finally, am I dead...... was his last thought.

In the cramped and dimly lit rental house, Li Siwei slumped softly on the cold floor, his eyes were closed, and a smile of relief appeared on his pale and thin face......