Chapter 8 Entering Beijing to "Catch the Exam"

A. Postgraduate studies at the highest art academy in the whole army

Founded in January 1960, the People's Liberation Army Academy of Arts is the only art college in the whole army. This is a special group in the people's army, and its cradle is accompanied by the smoke of artillery fire and the footsteps of the times, from the "red Soviet area" and the caves in northern Shaanxi to Beijing, the capital of the republic.

In the historical course of the Chinese revolution, the people's army defeated the Kuomintang aircraft and artillery with millet and rifles, and this was by no means just a contest of weapons. Among them, there is a huge energy generated by the poetry and moving melody like fire. In the long period of peaceful construction of the people's army, it is all the more necessary for this melody of love and the poetry of art to stimulate morale, boost morale, and soothe the soul.

In accordance with the actual needs of the troops, the military art school has trained a large number of outstanding artistic talents for the whole army in the fields of music, drama, dance, literature, and fine arts over the past several decades.

I applied for the literature department, the cradle of military writers, which was founded relatively late, but she had a great reputation. In the golden autumn of 1984, 35 young writers from the army, navy and air force gathered in military art and became the first batch of students of the Department of Literature, jokingly called "Huangpu Phase I". Among them are Li Cunbao, who is famous in the literary world for "Garland Under the Mountain"; There is Mo Yan, who won the Golden Bear Award and the Nobel Prize; There is Wang Haijun, who was later called the "first person" of marriage ethics dramas because of the TV series "Holding Hands", "Chinese-style Divorce", "The Colonel's Daughter", etc.

1989 was the year when I was desperately reviewing my cultural classes and preparing for the entrance exams for military arts. Every day, in addition to watching the news broadcasts, I try to calm myself down and study hard.

Military art, as the highest palace of art in the whole army, is of great attraction to any comrade who wants to engage in military art work.

The entrance examination for military arts is divided into two parts: one is the business test. As a student of the Department of Literature, it is to examine published works; The second is the cultural test. That is, politics, language, history and place. No matter how good the work is, it will not be admitted if the cultural results are not qualified. I won awards in the whole army and the whole country for the TV series "Return to Yimeng Mountain", so I passed the business exam smoothly, and the key to the next step is cultural achievements. This entrance examination was selected from among the "elites" who had published their works throughout the army, and the difficulty can be imagined.

After more than two months of hard work at the turn of spring and summer, I went to Beijing on July 6 to "catch up with the exam". But to be honest, I don't have any bottom in my heart. Because, the face of competitors is too strong. I remember that after the exam, I accidentally saw two names among the comrades who took the exam: one was "Shi Zhongshan" and the other was "Wang Qiuyan". Later, I finally remembered that it was not long after I joined the army, and I read their novels in "People's Liberation Army Literature and Art". Sincerely, the gold and stone are open. In an anxious wait, I finally waited for the acceptance letter of the military arts. The autumn of 1989 was a little earlier than usual. After the first frost, the temperature drops, and the red leaves of Beijing's Xiangshan become more colorful, and the forests are in full swing.

In this beautiful season, I came to the People's Liberation Army Art Academy in Weigong Village, a western suburb of Beijing. Since our group of students is the third batch after the establishment of the Department of Literature, we jokingly call it "Whampoa Phase III".

At the opening ceremony of the new students of the Department of Literature, Wang Yuanjian, the head of the department and a famous writer, said very emotionally: "Among your students, there is a classmate named Liang Guoguo, who created the TV series "Return to Yimeng Mountain" and I watched it with tears. Director Wang's words made me feel very embarrassed to face many students who were more accomplished than me. I secretly determined that I would cherish this opportunity to study hard and repay Director Wang's love with excellent results.

I regret that before our group of students graduated, Wang Yuanjian, our highly respected department head and famous writer in the literary world with his novella "Seven Matches", died of illness soon after.

The people have passed away, and the living think for a long time.

Among the more than 40 trainees recruited this time, our Jinan Military Region has a total of 5 people, including Yan Lianke (TV series "Mother is a River"), Xu Guixiang (TV series "The Sky of History" and "Off the Ground"), poets Ma Zhengjian, and Wang Yiyuan. Shandong Armed Police has Guo Wenzhong, Yue Nan (documentary literature "Wind and Snow Dingling", "South Crossing and North Return"), Wang Changmin and other 4 people. According to the place of origin, the whole Shandong people account for a quarter. Senior Colonel Guo Wenzhong, a classmate of mine who now works at the headquarters of the Armed Police Headquarters, once wrote an article entitled "Shandong buddies in the Department of Military Art and Literature" to introduce these students from Shandong.

Here's what the article says:

Shandong buddies in the Department of Military Art and Literature

Author: Guo Wenzhong

When I woke up from the fragrance of summer, autumn in Beijing had quietly arrived. So someone told me that autumn in Beijing came earlier than in Jinan, and that it came in a hurry, so if you don't believe it, you should go to Xiangshan in the western suburbs to have a look, where the red leaves have begun to turn red, and the flames are about to burn.

Fortunately, there are many Shandong people among the students in the Literature Department of the People's Liberation Army Academy of Arts, and fortunately, they are all young writers. Therefore, the loneliness of belonging to a foreign land has faded a lot. People who grew up in the land of Qilu are easy to communicate with each other.

That day, the young poet Cao Yuxiang and I talked about the way the Chinese live in his "poetry workshop". Although he is already a poet who is not a small reputation, his works have won the "1984-1988 Youth Literature Creation Award", the first prize of the "Star Poetry Magazine" Grand Prix and other awards, and he is also the honorary president of the Northern Branch of the Chinese Prose Poetry Research Association, and the executive director of the China Native Poets Association, but he said that he lives a very poor life. I often see him alone in a daze on many joyous occasions, with an innate melancholy in his eyes.

Born in Qiansheng Village, Yanzhou, Shandong Province, he is 32 years old this year and has experienced many hardships. What else could be in the world that would make him ecstatic or bitter? Now he is increasingly moved by the wisdom of ancient and modern masters, both at home and abroad, and deeply concerned by the indifference of human beings to the loss of good things under the siege of material. He has published a series of poems "The Hometown of Confucius and Mencius", "The River of Years" and "Fireworks in the World" in "Poetry Magazine", "Stars", "Youth Literature" and other publications. Recently, he is engaged in the writing of a series of poems "Home and Country", and has published one group with the title of "Stars", and another group will be published in "Poetry Magazine". In recent days, he has written more than a dozen poems "Home and Country". In the poem, he calls on human beings who are plagued by pollution, noise, and copper odor to return to their homes and return to nature.

Yuxiang is too straight. There are dozens of male and female students in the cadet team of the Department of Literature, and he is the deputy captain and member of the party branch, and he has "offended" many people, which shows that he is not the material to be an "official". I sincerely wish him a successful career in his life, otherwise we will lose a good poet.

I met Ma Zhengjian on the day the new students registered. On that day, we were all going through the admission procedures in the small hall of Building 2 of the Military Arts, and I saw a big man sitting next to me, thinking that this person must be from Shandong, and I knew that he was from Jinan when I looked at the place of origin in the form. It turned out that he was Ma Zhengjian, who had been squatting on the front line of Laoshan for a year and a half and was known as the poet of the three major military brigades in Shandong.

Later, after eating in a cafeteria, they nodded to each other and started chatting, from the red mud of the Lao Son front line to the red dance hall of the city in the rear, from the treachery of Vietnamese women to the vanity of mainland women. He said that war can purify a person's mind, but it can also make you cynical, although it is a minority, but its existence is undeniable. Then we turned the conversation to his book of poems. is so beautiful and tasteful "Olive Leaf", no wonder Li Ying, former director of the Cultural Department of the General Political Department of the People's Liberation Army, called it a poem that really belongs to the soldiers in the preface.

Ma Zhengjian is an honest and serious poet, but I think he is like an iron-clad soldier on the battlefield, his attitude towards life and people and things is undoubtedly serious and sincere. Talking to you will make you feel peaceful rather than murderous. His poetry fits his character just right, with the integrity of a soldier, singing about our great army and soldiers. It is said that after the publication of his poetry collection, it caused quite a stir in the troops, and some troops even claimed that they would have a copy as a souvenir of the battle in Laoshan.

This major poet is undoubtedly a big brother worthy of my respect, I respect his personality and poetic style, and the old horse knows the way.

On September 4, 1989, the famous writer Liu Baiyu came to the class of our students in the Department of Military Arts, and he said, "The cultivation of sentiment is to make each of our writers a qualified soul engineer, and to use the pen to build the noble soul of our contemporaries and the next generation, rather than the cringing soul of the small degree." ”

After class, Liang Guoguo, who had set up a pair of myopia glasses, came to me and told me excitedly: "Lao Guo, you say it's strange, when I had dinner at Admiral Chi Haotian's house a few days ago, Chief Chi also said that he wanted us to build the noble souls of the same generation and the next generation, why do you say it's so coincidental?" "I say that they are all revolutionary veterans, so the ideas are the same.

Anyone who has watched the TV series "Return to Yimeng Mountain" will guess: the author must be an old revolutionary who has been baptized by war, but in fact, the playwright Liang Guoguo is only 27 years old and a lieutenant officer of the Shandong Provincial Military Region Command. As soon as this TV series of Liang Motherland was broadcast, it immediately aroused repercussions throughout the country.

Chi Haotian, chief of the General Staff, told him: I thank you as a veteran. Wang Yuanjian, a famous contemporary writer and director of the Department of Military Art and Literature, once said excitedly during lectures again and again: "Tell you, I watched the TV series "Return to Yimeng Mountain" with tears in my eyes. Ruan Ruoshan, former vice president of the Central Academy of Drama and author of "Yimeng Mountain Minor", Wang Shuyuan, screenwriter of "The Last Emperor", and Ruan Ruolin, director of the National Television Art Committee, all held Liang Guoguo's hand tightly and happily congratulated him. Liang's TV series and his beautiful name were familiar to people for a while. The play won the only continuous award for the second military-themed TV series of the whole army. Liang's motherland really became popular.

A few days ago, Liang Guoguo and I went to the library and saw two more news in the newspaper: the TV series "Return to Yimeng Mountain" won the first Shandong Provincial Literary and Artistic Creation Award and the first prize of TV dramas in six provinces and one city in East China. It seems that people with AB blood type are often lucky.

In fact, it is absurd for young people to believe too much in fate, because the god of fate sometimes plays with human beings as monkeys, and it is better to go with the flow.

Who said that? It was said by a young man named Pu Wei. Puwei Zhucheng, 27 years old, is said to be a disciple of Taoist Quanzhen. I used to be a press officer of a certain department of the Beijing Military Region, but now we eat in one cafeteria and attend classes in another.

On the evening of this year's Mid-Autumn Festival, the Department of Literature organized a literary evening called "Kan Moon". When Liu Yiran, the screenwriter of the movie "Rock and Roll Youth", fluently recited a poem he wrote in the 70s called "Mao Xuan's Five Rolls Down", Pu Wei asked eight people to form a circle and make a gesture, adding mystery to the party. I don't dare to say whether his skills can reach the point of calling for wind and rain, but I want to take the time to compare and learn some kung fu when he writes a novella about Taoist culture. He said that he integrated Taoist culture into his literary creation, aiming to open an eye and make some explorations on the road of literature. He said that he had learned Taoist skills at the age of fourteen with a Taoist master who carried a wine jug, and also said some mysterious spells similar to "Jing Man does not think about lewdness, God is full of sleep, and Qi is full of food and does not think about food", which is dazzling, I almost want to walk into that Arab story a long, long time ago, I really want to shout: Sesame open the door-

However, I should solemnly declare: any young friend who loves qigong or Taoist gong, don't be too superstitious about his set of spells, and don't have the idea of seeking a teacher, otherwise, I dare not guarantee that you will not be disappointed, it is better to be a lay disciple, there are no immortals in the world.

Writing here, some people may say that people in Zhucheng are good at qigong, right? In fact, it is also true that the land of Zhucheng is full of outstanding people, from Wang Yuanjian, the head of the Department of Literature, to the old poet Zang Kejia, to Pu Wei and Yue Nan in today's Department of Literature, they all came out of this land overgrown with sorghum. Of course, Yue Nan doesn't know any spells, and his reportage is as bluffing as his set of grappling fists, and in recent years, the fists and embroidered legs he has played have indeed caused a wave of repercussions in the literary world, and only one "Riot Under the Green" documentary literature has dazzled readers for a while. However, he has recently published several works reflecting the life of the armed police, and I feel that he is gradually becoming serious, and not long ago there was news that his reportage "The Strong Man and His Woman" won an award. If he had written like this, I think he would have a good chance of becoming a good reportage writer.

That evening, I was walking with Yue Nan and Wang Hongxi, and met the famous singer Jiang Dawei, who lived in a small building across the road, and he was also walking, so I introduced that both of them were writing reportage. Jiang Dawei looked at them for a while and smiled, and said: Your students in the Department of Military Art and Literature are really good at finding themes, and even I wrote "The Star Walks the Hole".

Everyone laughed. Later, Yue Nan said that to write reportage, you have to be sharp and courageous. There is a small forest in the People's Liberation Army Academy of Arts, and this secluded grove introduced me to autumn in Beijing. I think the autumn leaves are undoubtedly paving a golden path for winter, while winter is white. So, what about the white back? Still worried about the spring with green grass? Worried about the summer of safflower and birdsong? Still worried...... In fact, it is nothing, and there is nothing to worry about.

So some people predicted: In today's Chinese literary circle, the rise of the Lu army is just around the corner.

(Originally published in Shandong Youth Magazine, Issue 1, 1990)

Soon after entering the school, we ushered in the last Mid-Autumn Festival in the 80s. As the saying goes, "I miss my relatives every festive season". In order to free us young people who gather military arts from all units of the army from the pain of homesickness and homesickness, the department specially arranged a theatrical evening called "Kan Moon".

I, who have never been in the habit of keeping a diary, excitedly wrote down the scene of that party after that party:

"Kan Moon"

September 14, 1989 (Mid-Autumn Festival)

I am deeply sorry to write this topic. Because I was far away from my homeland and studying alone in the capital, I didn't see the moon that night.

"Kan Moon" is the title of the Gala of the College Class of our Eighth and Ninth Grade Literature Department. In the opulently decorated conference room, neon lights flicker and colorful flags fly. The students, who had not yet woken up from the intoxication of their advanced studies in military arts, gathered together with department leaders, teachers and department staff, and all of them had expressions of joy, excitement and curiosity on their faces. Although in our country, the Mid-Autumn Festival has the habit of eating moon cakes and admiring the moon, but because of the wonderful program, everyone forgot about it.

The party was presided over by Li Mingsheng, a young writer from the Commission of Science, Technology and Industry for National Defense, and a female nurse (poet) from the 268 Hospital of the Beijing Military Region. In a warm applause, the teacher and the students crossed the sea, each showing their magical powers, and "Kan" the moon (tell a story related to the moon, as long as it makes everyone laugh). The teachers in turn were Huang Xianguo, Zhu Xiangqian, Liu Yiran, Liu Hengzhi, Zhang Zhizhong, some students performed solo singing and ventriloquism, and the daughter of Officer Lin also presented an accordion solo for everyone. The most hilarious are Gao Jin, editor of the Armed Police Agency, and Ruan Xiaoxing, a nurse (poet) at the General Hospital of Nanjing Military Region; Du Hong, a nurse (poet) of the Navy General Hospital, and Xiao Sike, a writer from the Lanzhou Military Region, performed "Husband and Wife Return Home". In the evening, there were also some small programs, such as: each person made a brief introduction to himself in the microphone. Time passed quickly, and before I knew it, it was the stipulated lights-out time, and the party had to compress many programs. Finally, Pu Wei, information officer of the 65 th Army of the Beijing Military Region, took the stage to perform qigong.

After the show, everyone danced a waltz to the cheerful music......

Due to the late opening of the Department of Military Arts and Literature, except for public subjects such as English and Marxism-Leninism, there are no fixed textbooks for other subjects, such as literary creation (novels and poems). That is, professors from various universities, famous writers, and poets are invited to give lectures at the school. Film and television creation is mainly to watch classic Chinese and foreign films, such as: "Lady Chatterley's Lover", "The Mountains Are Tortured" and other films that have not been shown to the public and have a little "color" and have high artistic value.

This form of teaching, due to the lack of continuity and systematization, is feasible for those students who have mastered the basic knowledge of creation, but for me, it is like a castle in the air, and it is very unsuitable.

I remember a singer I know said, "In the singing world, I host the best; In the world of hosting, I write the best poetry; In poetry, I sing best." This sentence illustrates a truth, that is, to give full play to and make use of one's own advantages.

In this case, I pay attention to giving full play to my own advantages in film and television creation, and create while learning. During my school years, I successively wrote the film literary script "The Swinging Red Paper Boat" (in collaboration with Guo Wenzhong), adapted the TV series "Female Soldiers on Kunlun Mountain", and created the TV series "Green Ranks" and "Red Face Robbery" (with the theme of Lin Liguo's beauty pageant) and other film and television works.

While I insist on creating mainly film and television, I also try to create other art forms. After the reportage "Mountains and Rivers" with the theme of the old area of Yimeng was published in "March Wind", it was also included in the book "Selected Works of the Department of Military Art and Literature".

B. Tie the knot in your hometown

December 26, 1989 in the lunar calendar, this is an unforgettable day in my life. On this day, I took advantage of the college's winter vacation to take Yanping, who is in the provincial military region and works in the Industrial and Commercial Bank of China, to "return to my hometown" and hold a grand and simple wedding in my hometown.

Sun Yujia, deputy director of the Propaganda Department of the county party committee, attended our wedding on behalf of the Propaganda Department and presented a Chinese painting of "national color and heavenly fragrance" as a gift. The third brother Zu Gang and the second sister Qianqian, who had already been dressed up, rushed back from the army, and hundreds of people, including our relatives, my comrades-in-arms and friends, witnessed the moment of joy and happiness for both of us.

The parents were even more happy and happy. Although I got married later than my eldest sister Zu Rong and second brother Zu Ping, I can be called a model of late marriage, but I did not disappoint my parents, let alone let outsiders see jokes. When I was 27 years old, in the anxious hope of the two elders, I finally brought back a daughter-in-law from a big city.

Yanping is not pretty, but she is simple and generous, and she is beautiful. Although I grew up in a big city, I never underestimated my peasant background. In particular, her family is in the provincial military region, and she has been a soldier in the air force for 5 years, she is very familiar with the military, has a sense of the overall situation, and is knowledgeable and courteous, which is very pleasing to my parents and siblings.

Practice has proved that in my future work and life, no matter how many difficulties and setbacks I encounter, she will breathe with me, share hardships and hardships, and connect with my heart, becoming a strong backing for me in work and life.

C. Self-funded filming of the TV series "Green Ranks"

The spring of 1991 was an unusual one for me.

According to the arrangement of the college, from the time after the Spring Festival in 1991 to the graduation in June, we were the time for our internship. After knowing that I had been interning for a long time, I had a bold idea: to self-fund the filming of my TV series "Green Ranks" and dedicate it to my alma mater as my graduation project.

Cherries are delicious and difficult to plant. It's easy to make a decision, but it's not easy to implement. The biggest headache for me is funding. I mobilized all my connections to raise funds, kowtowed everywhere, and said good things. With the help of many friends, I finally raised some funds in Jinan, Changle, Yucheng, Zibo and other units.

After the funds were basically in place, on April 10, when the spring flowers were blooming, I led the crew of more than 30 people to the communication battalion of the Jinan Military Region Communication Station in the Yimeng Mountains for on-the-spot shooting.

The play was inscribed by General Yang Chengwu and produced by the TV Department of the Chinese Academy of Arts. Directed by Lin Lan, Wang Xiangming (the second male lead in the TV series "Triumph in the Midnight"), Wang Chaoge is the assistant director (the only female choreographer and director of the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games), Zhao Hengxuan (the male protagonist in the TV series "Never Give Up" and "Thirteen Provinces") plays the male protagonist Shi Yan, and Qingdao Repertory Theatre actor Wang Qing plays the female protagonist Yang Li. The play reflects the ideals, pursuits, life and love of a group of female signal soldiers living in remote ravines in the nineties of the last century after the reform and opening up, and praises their noble qualities of fearless hardship, courage to endure hardships and selfless dedication in a difficult living environment.

In the filming of this TV series, due to the lack of funds, we adopted the creative policy of "military exercises", except for the main actors, all the soldiers in the play are played by the soldiers of the communication battalion.

In this TV series, in addition to being a screenwriter, I also serve as an art director, producer, and drama director, in short, everything in the crew is decided by me.

The crew is a "machine" that spends money. In order to make up for the lack of funds, I led the cast and crew to work overtime day and night, and the actors were often so tired that they cried their fathers and called their mothers, and some people called me "Zhou Papi" behind my back.

During the filming of the whole play, because I wore many hats, I was exhausted, and after the filming of the play, when the leaders of the Linyi Military Division invited the crew to dinner, I fainted under the table, causing the whole crew to have a false alarm.

With the help of everyone's concerted efforts, I was able to finish the film before I graduated. Many teachers and classmates praised the film after watching it. Guo Wenzhong also wrote a review for the play and published it in the "People's Liberation Army Daily":

The charm of "Green Ranks".

Author: Guo Wenzhong

The use of artistic penetration to make the work have a strong appeal is the success of the TV series "Green Ranks". The plot of this TV series is not complicated: a young male company commander came to a communications company with a mix of male and female soldiers, who rectified military discipline and dared to be a "real person who protects the law", and performed many common and intriguing tragicomedies.

Here, the choreographer dares to narrate the joys and hardships of life with a sincere heart, and summarizes the extraordinary and superficial social insights and life insights from the ordinary surface of life, giving people spiritual enlightenment and spiritual revelation while aesthetically pleasing.

In the play, the handling of the emotional relationship between men and women is just right, making it beautiful and good. This reminds me of another TV series by Liang Guoguo, "The Female Soldier on Kunlun Mountain". The play also grasps a scale in the lives of male and female soldiers, which not only shows the tragic beauty of female soldiers in Kunlun Mountain, but also shows their rich emotional world.

There is such a plot in the play. When the battalion commander forcibly ordered the company commander Shi Yan's daughter Yang Li to join the party, Shi Yan was furious. But he was angry but not crazy, and said very rationally: "Please show me the party constitution ......." The qualities of an excellent soldier are fully manifested here. There is no shortage of plots in the play that shine with the light of the spirit of outstanding soldiers, all of which deeply touched the hearts of the audience. Liang Guoguo is a young playwright who is gradually maturing, and since his TV series "Return to Yimeng Mountain" won the award two years ago, he was admitted to the literature department of the People's Liberation Army Academy of Arts. During this period, he launched three TV series in a row, all of which were based on life in the military camp. It can be seen that the success of "Green Ranks" is not accidental.

(Originally published in Jiefangjun Daily, November 9, 1991)

D. The brilliance of "Whampoa Phase III".

Many years later, practice has proved that the Department of Military Arts and Literature, which adheres to the principle of "opening the door to run schools and embracing the wind from all directions," has made unremitting explorations in creating and developing an education system of war literature and military literature with military characteristics, and has cultivated batches of literary backbones for the troops, and a large number of military writers have grown up and taken off from here, becoming an admirable "writers" of military art who are active in the Chinese literary circle. In particular, our "Whampoa Phase III" has become the most shining, dazzling and brilliant film and television drama "writer group" in film and television creation.

The representative works of our "Whampoa Phase III" are: the movie "The Wind" won four awards including "Golden Rooster" and "Hundred Flowers" (Mai Jia); "Second Sister-in-law" won the China Film Huabiao Award, "Five One Project" and other awards (Xu Baoqi); "Ballistic Without a Trace (Xu Guixiang)" won the China Film Huabiao Award; "August 1st" won the Hundred Flowers Award for Films (Zhao Qi); "Born Out of the Sky" (Chen Huaiguo) won the Golden Rooster Award for Films; TV series: "The Years of Burning Passion", "Happiness Like Flowers", "How Far is Happiness", "Heroes Everywhere", "Above and Below", "Children in the Courtyard", "The Perfection of Happiness", etc. (Shi Zhongshan); "Secret Calculation", "Walking on the Tip of the Knife", "Wind Whisper", etc. (Mai Jia); "The Sky of History", "The Process of History", "The Heights", "The Angle of Elevation" (Xu Guixiang); "The Age of Peace" (Zhao Qi); "Red Collar Badge", "Our Company" (Chen Huaiguo); "Tropical Storm", "All the Way to Gesang Flowers" (Dai Hong); "Mother is a River" (Yan Lianke); "Mou's Manor" (Yi Xiangdong) and so on.

When the students of the "Whampoa Phase III" launched a "charge" to the literary world, film and television dramas again and again, causing waves and even sensations, as the first to get involved in TV dramas and won national and military awards, I walked into the headquarters and lived a "8-to-5" calm and comfortable life as a cadre of the organs.

I don't know if it's luck or misfortune for my life.